WeLove2AskFirst

Open-minded college students who want to promote consent culture. Making consent "cool" by embracing consent culture as vital and necessary to everyday life.

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An image with a white background that says “got consent?” The word “got” and question mark are in black text and the word “consent” is in red text.

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This image is a collage of four images parodying Donald Trump. The first image on the top center is an image of Trump on the phone where he is looking down and has a very worried expression on. The caption reads, “Hello Obama, El Chapo escaped… Can you call Mexico and tell them I am sorry.” The following picture is of a list that is titled, “Damn Lies Trump Tells About Mexicans!!” Then it goes on to list some examples. Number 1, “Mexicans take American’s jobs.” Number 2, “They are criminals, rapist, murders, and some may be good people.” Number 3, “They live off of Welfare and the Government.” Number 4, “They will pay for the wall he wants to build and will go to war for it.” The picture in the left corner is of Trump raising his fist with a Hitler mustache and black hair saying, “I will build a wall to keep EVERYBODY out!” Then there is a brown colored construction worker working on a wall and smiling and he replies, “Who’s gonna build that?” The last picture on the bottom right corner is of Murry and he is reading a DNA result and he says, “Donald Trump your comments on Mexicans and Women are a lie and you have a shitty personality.

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Page 1:There is an image which said if it’s not clear it’s not consent.And I put a lot of elements of consent around this image, such as equality, yes means yes, no means no, ask first, respect, silence and permission.

And also, there is another image of a heart which makes up with a lot of key word of consent.

An image of “I love Consent”.

Page 2:A picture of four word about consent.

A picture said “Keep Calm and get Consent”.

A picture of an equation that means woman equal man.

And some hyperlinks which relate with my article:

A day in the life of Chinese students: http://hechingered.org/content/a-day-in-the-life-of-chinese-students_3826/

A Girl Gets Her Period And Is Banished To The Shed: #15Girls: http://www.npr.org/sections/goatsandsoda/2015/10/17/449176709/horrible-things-happen-to-nepali-girls-when-they-menstruate-15girls

India 'most dangerous place in world to be born a girl': http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/9054429/India-most-dangerous-place-in-world-to-be-born-a-girl.html

GENDER EQUALITY IN SWEDEN: https://sweden.se/society/gender-equality-in-sweden/

The Modern Swedish Man is a Feminist: http://www.visitsweden.com/sweden/featured/sweden-beyond/society/

A Feminist Government: http://www.government.se/government-policy/gender-equality/

Snow Flower and the Secret Fan: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Snow_Flower_and_the_Secret_Fan

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http://ntrsctn.com/sex-love/2016/03/project-consent-cartoons

A graph of statistics showing reports of sexual assault at four year colleges. 

An image with a red background and white letters saying “Only Yes means Yes, The Rest is Rape”.

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Why Today's Sex Ed. Programs Should Be Left In The Past

Only 22 states require public schools to teach sex education.  Most of these states follow an absence only curriculum meaning, public schools in the U.S teach students not to have sex rather than how to have safe sex.  So what does that mean for students?  It means students turn to porn to learn about sex.  It means LGBTQ students feel left out or feel they are abnormal because they are not represented in the system.  It means students learn the consequences of sex but not how to prevent them?  It means that sexual assault and rape are more likely to happen because students are not taught how to practice consent.

The topic of sex is often considered too taboo to talk about.  When students want to talk about sex, the feeling of embarrassment often comes along with it.  Instead of discussing it with their parents, students often turn to porn to learn how sex works.  Although many students find it nice to turn to porn to gain knowledge about sex, porn's depiction of sex is problematic.  It often depicts women and men with perfect bodies, and the actual act often involves kinks, role playing and BDSM.  If a student has no prior knowledge on sex, porn can normalize the problems porn contains.  The unrealistic depiction of sex in porn will cause the student to have an deformed opinion of how sex works and how their partner may prefer it.  Teaching sex education is school will the lessen the amount of embarrassment around sex.   Students can finally be able to talk to their parents, peers, and even sex ed. teacher about sex without the fear of embarrassment or ridicule in order to completely understand how sex works.

Only 5% of LGBTQ students have reported being taught about the realities they may face when having sex.  This feeling of  isolation the public school system sex education system gives LGBTQ students makes them feel  left out or abnormal because they are not part of the conversation surrounding sex.  The feeling of illegitimacy makes it hard for those part of the LGBTQ community to come to terms with their sexuality and often causes them to carry around the feeling of embarrassment.  Looking at the effect it would have on the LGBTQ communities relationships, they may not have the education that will allow them to make informed decisions about their bodies and relationships.  Classrooms in the U.S should adopt materials that will provide information for LGBTQ students.  But before change begins, states like Arizona need to abolish laws that mandate that sex education that involves homosexuality should not be taught in schools.    

With the absence style sex education many public school systems in the U.S have adapted, students only experience one side sex.  The side involving teaching students about STD's, HIV, and how premarital sex will lead to consequences such as pregnancy but not steps which could potentially prevent these consequences.  The system often teaches students that absence is the only way to avoid the consequences.  Contraception is a option that is commonly over looked because a student they may not know it is an option.  The lack of knowledge causes a student to turn the internet or friends who may give them false information.

Today the conversation around sexual assault and rape has been at an all time high.  The word most commonly used when talking about sexual assault and rape is consent.  Consent is another area where today's public schools sex education programs lack in.  The absence only approach to sex teaches students not to have sex but does not address what happens if two people decide to have sex.  The system neglects a unsettling reality prevalent in our society: rape and sexual assault.  Even if schools decide to teach consent in their classrooms, another problem arises.  The LGBTQ community is excluded from the conversation, putting them in a situation where once again they may feel powerless when making decision about their relationships.  Because the sex education system is not teaching consent and how to practice consent, students are not likely to practice consent when having sex and this leads to an increase in rape and sexual assault. The abstinence only curriculum many public school systems in the U.S use to teach sex education needs overhauling.  Intertwining how to have sex, diversity, options when it comes to contraception and how to practice consent will lessen the embarrassing atmosphere surrounding the conversation about sex.

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Image Caption: This image has three different word combinations that are strategically written so they can be flipped upside down and be read another way. The first one says save me, and flipped says I'm fine etched into a wall. The second image has I feel fantastic and I m falling apart. The last image says life is great and reversely, I hate myself written on a wall with marker.

Save Me I am okay No longer can I say   I am not happy “everything’s great” And I am lying when I say “I care what people think” my happiness is more important than society’s happiness And My outlooks on life Define My experiences No means no Is as simple as Yes means yes And I will never know What it feels like to not be heard I have experienced Life.        I found these pictures online about people who are depressed and have been raped. After reading about what rape victims had experienced and felt, I thought it would be cool to write a poem in the mind of survivors. This poem can be read the way society would read a poem, from top to bottom, and then it can be read backwards…

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Consent is important between lovers: Respect, harmony, positive, equality.

(This cartoon image was drawn by myself in order to represent the romantic story. In this image, it is a cute couple wearing same clothes and staying happily together.)

  Have you ever thought about the important factors to sustain the relationship between lovers? Or do you think it relates to the gender norms to some extents? Do you think the unstable relationship between the teens and the high divorce rate are really prevalent now? The reason why I want to relate the consent to this theme is that there is an example happens in my real life to answer all of these questions: The most essential factor between lovers should be their consent.

  They met at the same class, she is really talkative and outgoing, and each action of her was jumped into his eyes. And then, such a romantic love story begins. They spend most of their time together every day, and they live together. It is known to all that if two people usually stay together, some problems and contradictions are unavoidable. However, I am really curious that they rarely get angry to each other, and they can use their ways to deal with the problems tactfully. So I tried to ask some questions about how they can get well along with each other. There are no magnificent and complicated answers. They used simple words to describe some important factors about their stable relationship: Harmony, comfortability, Positive attitude and understanding. I am really surprised at that time because most people can do like this way, and each couple can also think like this way. But no one can really insist until the end. Especially nowadays, the phenomenon is that people change their lovers always frequently usually because their thoughts are different, and they cannot reach their consent, and then they break up.

To love and to be loved always need consent, because it will be a process to find each other’s common points and thoughts. And the relationship between lovers also need to be adjusted by some specific ways. Men should respect women physically, mentally and sexually. And vice versa. Because each of them have absolutely equal positions at any time. The only thing is to obtain a harmonious point so that they can stay with each other for a long time or even forever.  

What I mentioned about gender norms in the first paragraph, I think according to many social issues, men and women are always a focused group that to be talked about consent in many ways such as when begin a sexual process, men should ask for women’s consent, men and women should have equal positions when making some choices and so on. There is no doubt that consent is also necessary in our life, in order obtain a stable relationship

There are some pictures (all pictures are authorized by my friends) to show these harmonious and happy moments between these two lovers who have absolute consents between each other. 

The first picture above was shoot at The Disney World in Orlando when they traveled together.

The second picture above was shoot at the center of New York when they traveled together.

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Consent in ‘We bare bears’

Consent is everywhere in our daily life which is most defined as agreement or permission and expressed by ‘yes’ or ‘no’. Elements of consent can be communication, respect, gender norms and social conventions. Common consent is illustrated in cartoon ‘We bare bears’ using humorous sarcasm. The following three episodes are related to consent in relationships and how to practice consent in community.  

Figure 1: “Charlie broke into the bears’ house without knocking at the door.”

Figure 2:“Charlie grabbed panda’s phone when panda tried to take a picture and it dropped into the soup.”

(Link for the clip: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/we-bare-bears/meet-charlie-clip.html)

In the ‘Meet Charlie’ clips, Charlie, a couch surfer, who is rude and impolite. When he came in, he ignored the greeting of the bear and interrupted them all the time, looking around, fiddling with the stuff and opening the cupboard without asking. The man was feeling right at his own home and messed up everything. In real life, it is common to see people like Charlie who like to interrupt conversations, touch others’ belongings or help themselves in others’ house without consent. When someone offends your privacy which makes you uncomfortable, it represents that the person doesn’t get consent from you. If you don’t refuse or stop someone clearly, the person may think of being acquiesced to do anything. This is the easiest consent in daily life. During hesitation of saying no, someone like Charlie is abusing your consent who feels nothing wrong. Speak out your feelings and refuse people’s annoying actions which break into your private space.

Figure 3&4: “Panda enjoyed the dancing machine and karaoke at the top above his brothers while Grizz and Ice bear were mad at him all the time.”

(Link for the chip: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/we-bare-bears/top-bear-clip.html)

In the ‘Top Bear’ clip, it displays the hierarchy among three bears which is like status in human society. The panda feels unfair when he was in the middle of the hierarchy level and hopes to stand at the top above his brothers. It is similar to us in society. People are divided into different categories and arranged by different levels by social norms. In the past, the public think that male is stronger and beyond female in most regions which makes females are lack of opportunities and advantages comparing to males. Ambitious women are always chasing the top of their career. They may feel unfair and attempt to prove themselves to others. It is the best way to break the social conventions of hierarchy between man and woman. The panda wants to stand on the top for fun and amazing views different from before. However, people who are against the social conventions such as gender norms and traditional customs need to get consent or break the rules in their own way. Hierarchy is just one of those pedantic system or notions which rank people without consent.  

Figure 5:“Chloe is lifting a large stack of paper because Bears told her to knock someone off and make friends.”

Figure 6:“Bears are holding a party for Chloe to make new friends.”

(Link for the clip: http://www.cartoonnetwork.com/video/we-bare-bears/chloes-party-clip.html)

The ‘Chloe’s Party’ clip is the story of a shy child prodigy who is afraid of making friends with others. Chloe is confused about how to get along with her classmates who are much older than her. The bears taught and helped her to make new friends which is very funny and overstated. In our life, it is more difficult to make true friends in the society. Making friends is a process of practicing consent in a community. If you met a stranger, it is important to listen to the person carefully and react to him appropriately. You may feel uncomfortable at first because you need to care about others’ feelings and always ask for consent. When you meet new friends, you may know nothing about the person. To reach an agreement, you need to share your ideas and discuss with him like ‘Are you willing to…’ or ‘What would you like to…’. There are many ways to get consent other than answers like ‘yes’ or ‘no’.    

Go check the link of the video if you are interested in these cute guys’ story!

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An image of white background and black letters that says “I Heart Consent” with a red heart. At the bottom right corner, in red letters it says “Say It With A Condom” .

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Stop promoting rape culture.

Start promoting consent culture.

I had my lovely roommate pose for me while I wrote stereotypical “reasons” people give for sexual assault all over her body, emphasizing the phrase that “yes means yes,” because there is no excuse. Consent is simple and needed. 

No more gender stereotypes. No more victim blaming. No more hiding and not talking about the issue. Let’s stop trying to promote “teaching boys not to rape,” and let’s start a movement of consent instead. A movement of “yes means yes,” rather than “no means no.”

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“Coercion, appropriate scope, hook up culture, traditional values, entitlement enthusiasm, yes means yes, conscious, permission, passivity, silence, assumption, seduction, inferiority, compromise, clam, skin color, cultural, power, force, region, law, desire, sex, ask first, assent, gender”, these words as the key elements of consent or the items related to consent are listed as the shape of the word “consent” on a baby blue background.

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Is it a sin if a rich man doesn't do philanthropy?

Nowadays, rich men are all around the world. The Rich man is not only the businessman but also celebrities in front of public. It is undecided that rich people like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Warren E. Buffett etc. They are the richest man in the world in 21st centuries now. Following the developing of Internet since the 1960s, rich men are increasing and becoming more popular in the world. Rich men are the heroes of the Market, the great power you have, with the great responsibilities.

So there are a debate talks about “Is it a sin if rich men don’t do philanthropy?” Someone think it is because they have the power, they should tolerate the responsibilities with their great power, but someone think it is not based on the equality of anyone to have the freedom. Anyway, Whether rich men do the philanthropy or not, they have their own right to do anything they want with their own decisions.

Consent is always here for you to do anything, nobody would deprive your ability to make a yes. Whoever you are, you have your own right to say yes in any situation regarding consent. For instance, there is a successful businessman Mark Zuckerberg, who is the founder of Facebook. He wrote a letter to his newborn daughter Max that he is going to give 99% of their facebook shares into a mission which is related to the fundamental necessities for next generations. Mark is a rich man and he made a decision to do the donation for future people. There is a consent that he and his wife made the decision together because the shares are belong to him and his spouse. Also, regarding consent, Mark used a special method which is writing a letter to his baby daughter that he is going to do something for best life of people. When he post the information on the public website, there is a consent that he had a yes to public to read, and the audience had a yes to read and comment his information.

Doing philanthropy is a sin for me, it is not mean crime, it means I am against my conscience. When I have surplus food, I will pour it into the trash can. This is a sin, a morality crime. What if we replace food in terms of money? I definitely won’t make it happen. Money is a tool for us to exchange the food and services by its original goal. But how do we make money? We used the equal labor to gain the paper or coin aimed to exchange food and services from others. So your money is gained by yourself, not me, not he, or she. Rich man are the same person as you and me, they make money because of their talented plus labor. They have the right to speak out and allocate where the money goes to. Thus, In my opinion, if the rich man doesn't do philanthropy, it is not a sin at all. I learnt to respect and consent in this lesson. Sometimes we want to persuasive others to do something benefit for our society is a good idea, but the most important thing is to request the agreement from them through truly a sign, a nod, a yes, etc. That is what we should do the best for our whole societies.

If you are interested in the topic, I strongly invite you watch this show: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEuCEoPN6f4

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Sex Education Throughout the World

Caption: A chalkboard that says in block letters, “Let’s talk sex”. The word “sex” is extra large and in pink rather than white. 

United States: Abstinence, 22 states require sex education programs, 35 states allow parents to take their kids out of sex education programs.

France: a mandatory core subject, respect. 

Finland: Students get sex introduction packages, teach consent.

Australia: Teach consent, sexuality, rational sex education. 

United Kingdom: Sexual education programs are taught to protect students from abuse, biological sexual education. 

United States Teenage Pregnancy Rates: 2.1%

Other Countries Listed Above Teenage Pregnancy Rates: 1.1% or less

Above are just what some countries require for sex education in schools. A lot of the countries don’t differ that much except from maybe the age of when they begin teaching it. The only country that has major differences is the United States. They are lagging very far behind and are one of very few countries that teach abstinence only programs. If other countries are teaching their students about safe sex, how to put a condom on, and what consent is, then why can’t the US do that also? Sure abstinence is effective for some, but I don’t think every student is going to remain abstinent till marriage or beyond. It is a hard task to keep up with so students should be provided with the necessary means to practice it safely if they decide they want to have sex. 

The US pregnancy rates are much higher than other countries. All of these countries provide other forms of sex education rather than abstinence and most teach consent. The consent portion is very important because it helps teenagers understand when sex is wanted and unwanted. Students who don’t know about consent may not realize some of the laws that could help or hurt them in the long run. The pregnancy rates could drop if teens knew what consent actually was. These results show how uninformed teenagers are and how sex education program changes in the United States, could lower that number. If the numbers can’t convince you then what else could. Many people in the United States culture frown upon teenage pregnancy yet no one is helping to stop it unlike these other countries. The types of courses taught in other countries make sense and will help kids further along in life, while the United States program do the opposite. Everyone the right to consent and have safe sex, so everyone should have the right to educated on it. 

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Meghan Trainor - NO

Preorder "Thank You" at iTunes and instantly get "NO": http://smarturl.it/iTunes.ThankYou Spotify: http://smarturl.it/NO_Sptfy Apple Music: http://smarturl.i...

Enjoy Meghan Trainor’s song “NO” where she powerfully takes a stance against suitors wanting more than a No. She boldly dances with other women that are sick of having to justify their reasoning.

Upon first hearing Meghan Trainor’s “NO,” I thought it was just another cliché bubble gum pop song and changed it without giving it much thought. Then, on a car ride with the only other entertainment option as commercials, I decided to give it a listen. A real listen- not just hearing but actually thinking about the lyrics. Half way through the song I thought, “Damn! I really misjudged this!” When you listen to “NO” you realize that it actually has a great meaning! In a nutshell, Trainor tells her audience that “no” is the only thing that needs to be said. You don’t need to give an excuse or reasoning. No is enough. If she says no it’s over; a suitor’s convincing will not make her change her mind. Consent is the main theme of a pop song! I could not believe it, but I love it and many can now find me bopping along to the catchy tune.  

Alexandra Sehling, 2016

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How does entitlement and consent relate?

What is entitlement?

Entitlement is “the idea that one has a right to be given something which others believe should be obtained through effort.”

Where do we form our false sense of entitlement?

Entitlement comes up because someone may feel like they are owed something for whatever reason. Every day is different so our feelings are not the same from yesterday or the day before yesterday.

Just recently, I let my friend borrow something of mine. He would ask to use it a couple times a week and he formed a type of reliance on me because I always allowed him to use it. Maybe I was just being nice because at the time he needed it more than me. The following weeks I let him use it out of common courtesy but why did he always come to me? It was something he easily could have gotten himself. Based off of previous instances he developed a habit of always being able to use my things. What if I suddenly said that he couldn’t use my things? He’d be shocked if I said no.

Think of something similar to this and think how weird it would be to receive a no.   

Entitlement can create uncomfortable situations when an individual expects another to always do something even though they might not want to. Back to the example, I finally told my friend he couldn’t use my stuff and he got mad at me. After all the times I let him use my stuff and he gets mad when I say no one time. Why does this happen?   

Entitlement easily relates to consent because we subconsciously think that things come to us automatically without recognizing change from other people.

People change, relationships change, and we need to think about our preconceived sense of entitlement in everyday life.

Just because you did it once doesn’t give you permission to do it again...

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