scorpio moon. bad bunny hips. fanfic bruises.
things i do in fandom that shouldn’t be revolutionary but apparently are, vol. 987: “if i called you a filthy baby, it was a blessing."
i write fanfic like a rosary. each paragraph is a prayer. each draft is a confession. each chapter is an altar i build out of grief, joy, and being a little bit messy on purpose
sometimes i write unhinged mess in fandom and fanfic spaces just to see if it passes the vibe check. sometimes it does. one day it might get me blocked. either way, that’s a win
i once called someone a filthy, dirty baby in the most loving, unhinged, queer-coded way possible on discord and they tone-policed me like they didn’t have gay slash fanfic bookmarked in tab four and yet don't understand gay vernacular nor the lived experience of what it costs to be gay in the real world
i write with discipline because that’s what survival taught me, but i will never shame anyone for writing when they can. that’s a blessing, not a baseline. authors who complain about how they can't write through their writer's block work my nerve sometimes but i also get it. and a lot of times it's privilege to have no urgency to create and privilege that allows you to have a voice in the first place. take 15 minutes out of your life and just stare at the blank screen and WRITE. it can be hot garbage, mamaww. but it will be addicting. i promise
i twerk to bad bunny on my writing breaks. sometimes i cry to beyoncé. sometimes i sob to whitney houston. sometimes i spiral into a rewrite with just the sound of my own chewing and the ghost of my ex yelling “you always make things too personal” and "it's not about you." o i'm sorryyyy, yes it is
i write for free. you read for free. we heal in the comments section
sometimes you ko-fi me and that doesn’t pay my rent but it does buy me a matcha, a regretful cigarette, or the ability to believe i am not screaming into the void
i pledge to ko-fi other writers, gif makers, and artists at least once a week. if i read your fic and it saved me from having a breakdown in the middle of a family dinner? yeah babe, that’s worth $3. and also, people want to say bUt WhAt aBoUt hoomans and then you've never put your money where your mouth is and never paid an artist for their labor or their time. i have and their expensive and i'm a paid artist too and i'm also expensive so shut up, don't tell me how i get to create my work when i do this for free. i give i give i give but i also bite
i was born in november. i am a scorpio. i am made of spite, tenderness, memory, and a terrifying sense of justice. i am both vengeance and bedtime
i never watched breaking bad or game of thrones. they pushed that boy out the window in ep 1 and i said no thank you. i chipped my tooth on a razor scooter in 2001. i’ve seen enough violence and i don't need meth to be a part of the equation especially as a gay. and i oop-
i think barbie was margot’s best work but let’s be honest: america ferrera carried that film on her back and that monologue was one of the best in any medium. i said what i said
i don’t get the world’s obsession with margot robbie when reese witherspoon invented crying in the rain in full business casual. she invented walking in legally blonde so actresses who look like margot robbie could crawl
i don't write smut. not because i’m prude. because i'm a dainty little daisy who believes almost is foreplay and tension is holy
i do not yuck your yum. but you better not yuck mine, especially if your fic tags include "morally complex," "dubcon," or anything with "dark" and you’re still out here calling yourself the morality police
i don’t write ocs as mains. i write canon characters like they’re possessed by my trauma and speaking directly to god
i think friends was never funny. laugh tracks are psychological warfare. i will die on that hill
i use fandom as a place of cultural reclamation. if i’m writing magic, it’s brujería. if i’m writing witches, they’re named after my ancestors. i am building altars in fiction because the real ones are always burning
i believe fandom is not your safe space just because you say it is. fandom is someone else’s safe space too. don’t be a colonizer about it
i’m a gay, bisexual man who lives with microaggressions, chronic pain, crippling anxiety like they’re potholes and still writes fanfic because it's the only place i get to live without apology
i don’t like harry potter fandom. not because you can’t hold nuance, but because you refuse to. you can hold “jk rowling is dangerous” and “remus lupin helped me survive puberty” at the same time but you can't see two sides in other arguments. you just don’t want to and you need to be okay with it. it's selective and it's okay when it's hurting trans bodies but i can't wait for all the gifs that will pop up with the new series. go off, wizards. wands are lazy, wizards should pick up a broom. (that's a reference to my fanfic) and has anyone written a fanfic where hermione is black because i want to read it. and maybe i'm also part of the problem but i know where to draw the muthatuckin' line
i believe in access, not aesthetic. if someone’s writing is “weird,” it might be because they’re neurodivergent or because english isn’t their first language or because they are WRITING THROUGH GRIEF LIKE A REVELATION
i think the world isn’t ready for the fact that streaming also as bad for the environment as server-based AI. we don’t want truth. we want convenience
i am not afraid to write religious trauma, generational magic, and queer love in the same paragraph
i write long. i write lyrical. i write for the kid i was before i knew the word queer and for the man i’m becoming who will never say sorry for crying over a line that sounds like home
i write because it’s how i remember. how i rebel. how i reach. how i love. how i give. how i care
if i called you a filthy baby, that was love
if i wrote you into a fic without asking, that was revenge
if i compliment your prose in the tags, that is a contract. we are friends now
if you gatekeep, tone-police, or silence someone else's process, you’re not the fandom sheriff. you’re actually the fandom colonizer
why are there so many sinners fanfic and not enough of the voices that matter in those spaces? and i oop- again
and if you’re still pressed about how i write or what i write or why i write, maybe it’s not about the fic
and if you made it this far, congrats. the empanada is warm, the vibe passed inspection, and the chapter is almost done. blessed be.
i can't wait or that to be in my fanfic so i can side-eye that mod for posting extensively in their no dead dove whatever as i post in their discord my chapter updates BECAUSE THAT'S THE ONLY REASON I'M ON DISCORD ANYWAY BECAUSE I'M TOO OLD
and overworked and underpaid
arts EDUCATOR as my profession
working with people from ALL BACKGROUNDS and walks of life
and i care too much about other people
and those without access and not willing to speak up because i understand that too
and sometimes if i have to be that person that tears down pillars of power to build something better
but i will never let the bastards grind me down which bring me to
yes, i think elisabeth moss is weird for her personal views but yes i also like handmaid's tale but yes it emotionally burned me out and yes i also enjoyed her in top of the lake and that other spy show and yes i think that two things can be true at once and i think fandom isn't ready for certain conversations because they don't want to be called out but that's not what i'm doing.
a little reflection never hurt someone
and the mirror is dusty and crusty with out dated beliefs and systems that were meant to push people like me out.
i'm here, i'm queer, and i won't disappear, along with my other CHARMING personality traits
AND I'M ALSO DEBATING WRITING A KENDRA BASED AU AND IT DOESN'T MEAN I LOVE CHARMED ANY LESS BUT I LOVE SMG AND I'M SORRY THAT MEANS BUFFY MIGHT HAVE TO STAY DEAD.
if any of this resonated with you, please join the Forgotten Fanfiction Collective Community. Find it here: https://www.tumblr.com/communities/forgotten-fanfic-collective. A space made for BIPOC, queer, disabled, neurodivergent, femmes, and allies who truly believe in allyship and want to get better through shared experience. We are two strong but soon, we will be legion.