My first attempt at scrying was powerful and confusing until speaking with my sister the next day.
My whole session was a very last minute decision. I got a pyramid mirror holder with an eye shape sculpted into it and a circular obsidian mirror for the pupil. I had no idea what scrying even was. I thought it was just writing stuff down or something. So I read into a bit and found that I was very wrong.
Scrying, to my understanding now, is the act of gazing into the past, present, or future; OR into the other realms like looking through a window.
So what do I do as a newer practitioner that didn't even know what the word scrying meant?
Gazed into the other realms. *Keep reading, it gets better.*
With my mirror came a little incantation to invoke the mirror's ability and only allow that - for the greater good - through. Along with that, I had sage at the ready, a black candle for protection, an incent with built in protection, my statues of Ganesh, and all of my alter stuff and tools at the ready just in case. I may be rash, but not a complete fool 😜
So I turned off the lights, lit my candles and incent, invoked Ganesh and Isis and all my other stalker-protectors, and read my incantation. Then I gazed at the mirror, and waited.
I could see my reflection, which was kinda awkward, so I tried refocusing my eyes, but that wasn't helping with shit either. So I tried moving further away, which also didn't help! I ended up deciding "oh well" and just going with the flow.
I was having a really hard time focusing on my mirror, but the smoke drawing across from my incent to candle flame was VERY eye catching! Naturally, I decided to focus on that instead for a bit.
Smoke has a magick all it's own. I love watching it dance, love watching as it flows and swirls playfully through the air, and the flame added to the dance beautifully! I was content watching the wisps make their beautiful shapes and felt that was enough from this ritual to at least give some peace and harmony to myself and surroundings.
The glowing fiery eyes looking back at me through my mirror had a different idea though. When I saw them after watching the harmonious smoke twirl through the air, I'll admit I was a bit shocked. She definitely knew that, and disappeared, but I explained to her - if she was still listening - that it was a shock to see her and I'd love to chat if she didn't have evil or negative intentions. I also reaffirmed my invocation with Isis and Ganesh just in case, cause 🤷♀️ya never know.
The eyes returned with a slight flicker of a skull (I forgot the skull part until the next day) then disappeared for the most part, but her presence stayed. She also flickered on and off the mirror throughout the session.
Never having done this, I wasn't too sure what to do so I started just asking questions.
Who are you? No answer. (I thought, but after talking to my sister the next day, a memory was triggered of a skull once more flashing in the mirror)
Are you my guardian? No answer. (That I remember)
Do you have ill intent with me? No.
How often are you with me? Always.
Are you with me now? Yes.
I could feel this being's power, and didn't quite trust her, but didn't distrust her either. To be safe though, I lit some sage and glanced at my Ganesh Idol.
What do you want? The smoke immediately did a 90° change in course from going across the mirror to the candle on the other side, to swirling and dancing to me.
So... you want me? A flash across the mirror was my answer this time.
She asked to come through, but I refused her. No one gets to come through no matter who or what they are. That's my rule.
*this next part I forgot until I talked to my sister the next day, and she triggered the memory back*
I still don't know who you are? You've flashed a skull and red eyes a few times so I'm pretty confident you have something to do with death.
Is someone going to die? Yes.
Is it grandma? [My grandmother is 92 and her health has been going bit by bit]No.
Another flash of light across my mirror followed by thickening smoke.
Is it someone I know now?
Is it someone I will know?
Flash of red-fire eyes (which I took to mean yes)
*I can't remember if there was more to that, but the rest I remembered before talking to my sister*
My flickering candle distracted me for a moment, so I looked at the flame, then back to my mirror and saw a shadowy figure standing right behind me where the eyes would flicker on and off before instead of the imprinted flame that would usually follow.
Oh. Hello! You still can't come through.
Sorry about the interrogation... I'm very new at this and wasn't really sure what I was supposed to do... *my customer services training screaming at me internally*
... So you're always with me...
Have you always, always been with me?
Yes *I could feel her gleaming smile of anticipation then the smoke caught my eye again*
... Were you with me in my fog?
Yes *here I lost it. I knew this presence felt familiar! And now I knew why! She was there through my hell! And she was there even further than Hell and it's demons dared to venture with me.
Her shadow appeared again in the reflection, I'm not sure if her eyes appeared with the shadow or after it disappeared, but I almost remember her hand on my shoulder.
Have you been protecting me?
Yes. *memories of me crying on the floor because I didn't have strength to crawl into bed, and a soothing hand glinding across my head in comfort, an invisible hug engulfing me when everything just hurt, a small glimmer of hope appearing when I was ready to give up, an invisible hand holding mine in the dark, a fog surrounding me when I was ready to end my life raced through my head*
Thank you *I said through my sobs*
I don't remember exactly how my transition went from there, she obviously didn't want me to remember everything - yet at least.
I do remember closing the session, putting out my incent, turning on the light, and blowing out my candle. I believe the Guardian of the west helped me close the session because my black candle was out and I magickally had a blue candle that was never lit during the session when reading the closing incantation.
I then turned out the light, and not a moment after getting under my covers my older sister sends me a text of a purple sunset. The message with it:
"A purple sunset 💕 gramma is waving at you from NZ"
My grandma passed away 5ish years ago.
Do I think the presence was my grandma? At first, yes. But not anymore.
The next day, I called my younger sister and told her about it. I explained the eyes that weren't red persay but made of fire and the shadow behind me. I didn't get too far in before she said:
"That sounds like a Grim Reaper"
... 🤯 THAT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE!!!*this is where the memories of talking to "Death" came back* OH MY GOD JESSE YOU'RE A GENIUS!!
Then more memories came flooding back.
My fog that I always hated because it took away ALL of my energy and splotches of time from me was her. Maybe not all her, but her presence was definitely the most potent in the fog.
She was the reason I felt trapped in thick bubble full of - you guessed it - a suffocating fog. Blocking EVERYTHING out. Sounds were muffled as if being spoken through warped glass or a closed door. The world around me was smokey and blurred, and I could never focus my eyes to get a clear picture. I couldn't feel my feet on the ground. When I walked, it felt like I was floating, but I also couldn't stay in the moment to experience the walk between destinations. I couldn't smell or taste. I didn't have the energy to do anything outside of auto pilot. To lift a knife, or look for pills I didn't flush before getting bad. To be able to drive off that cliff or jump off the edge of the mountain.
When I did have the energy?
I jumped through time. Literally. One moment I was lying in my bed wondering if I'd get sleep, the next I was at my desk halfway through the workday. One second I was cutting something for dinner and admiring the knife, the next I was in my driveway After work the next day.
In addition to that, I realized that she was my companion in the dark. When I'd cry alone in my room, she was the force that hugged me when no one else would/could.
When I held my hand over the side of my bed at night begging for the demons to drag me to Hell or anywhere but here, hers was the hand that reached to hold mine instead.
Going back further, I realized she really was always there! Even in my younger days, when I wouldn't let anyone know that I was suicidal. When I'd hide it with a smile. She was the one that gave the specks of hope. In my fog, even in the worst moments, she was the one that gave me atom-sized specks of hope that made me hold on for just a split second more. For my papers to be signed. For me to finally just say what I want. For me to finally be me.
My fog wasn't my torture...
My Grim Reaper, is my protector.
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