When the story starts, the school, Hillerska is a mean the Royal Family uses to put Wilhelm back on the right track, or what they considered so anyway. He has no choice in the matter, he is forced to go. Even if there are fancy bars, it still feels like another prison.
Yet, somehow it doesn’t feel as cold. Someone here is making it feel warm, cosy even.
During movie night, that sudden moment when it got scary, Wille probably didn’t even realize it but he instinctively reached out to Simon. For one second with his hand, then putting it back on his own leg, with still one finger lingering on Simon’s, as if Wille didn’t want to cut the connection between them. The first real physical contact.
It could have just stopped there, except that Simon reached back, putting his own little finger on Wille’s hand. Maybe in a way to reassure him “you don’t have to be scared because I’m right here and I got you”, or maybe to make him know that Simon did not want to break that physical link between them, on the contrary. He liked being so close to him. He wanted Wille to feel it.
First with one finger, then Simon is holding on Wille’s whole hand. A moment frozen in time, where the rest of the room disappears and it’s just about the two of them. The flutter Wille feels in his chest, as the gentleness of the touch. There’s comfort here, Simon brings him comfort. He cannot conceal any of it.
That is, until the return to reality when Wille notices Sara, and everyone else back around them. Like all their eyes are on them, on him. Their eyes and their judgements.
The judgement his own family will have too. He is the Prince, he has a duty to fulfill. He cannot allow anything to get in the way. The school’s motto, right there hanging on the wall, feels like an even more brutal reminder of that.
The hand on his chest feel like a symbolic somehow, because yes for a few minutes, when Simon’s and his hand were connected, as he’ll confess it much later to Boris, it awakened something inside : his heart. And that felt right. But right there, as he is looking of the words, it’s like everything is locking itself up. His lungs even, as he clearly has trouble breathing.
His first reflex to find back a bit of oxygen, and a bit of calm, is to open a window. Somehow, the same night something opened inside him, Wille also felt the need to open something else, with his own hands. The start of a shift, he who would always keep it in, now letting it out.
Even if Wille physically cut short of their moment, leaving the room, Simon simply cannot let go of him. Something happened, both of them felt it. Look at his fists, so tight, he’s so nervous about it. But, there’s also certainly a bit of concern, cause this boy so genuinely cares about Wille. All he wants is for him to be/feel okay, and he’ll always make his best to make sure of it.
It’s right in the little details already. Simon noticed his smile when they were holding hands, and Wille freaking out almost immediately after. He certainly waited only one or two minutes before following and finding him. The way Simon is going so slow to reach Wille. Like, he doesn’t want to spook him even more than he was.
‘Are you okay.... with what just happened, with us getting closer ?’ That’s what I hear. Because, for one second, they were on their little cloud, smiling at each other, and the next, Wille was running away. And that’s the last thing Simon wish, for Wille to ever feel uncomfortable, especially in his presence. Silently asking for consent.
He looks so nervous, he can’t even look Wille in the eye. They are so close, you could almost hear his heart pounding. Oh boy, he cannot hide either the way Wille make him feel. That crush is real. But, it’s incredibly moving that, no matter the urge Simon feels to kiss him right now, his priority is to make sure Wille is feeling better. He genuinely cares about him.
Putting that into perspective, to what Wille is used to, as his family rarely gave him any choice, rarely put any consideration to whatever he is feeling/thinking, you realize the impact one simple question can have. It’s not to make small talk, his words, his feelings have value for Simon.
That’s one of their things from the very beginning. The way they always feel that need to make sure each other are okay. As if, Wille didn’t just have a full on panic attack right before, yet the only thing that actually matters is Simon, how HE is feeling. The way they both so deeply care about each other. Like, if there was a way to ensure that one would be happy for the rest of their life, no matter the cost, they’d sign right away. It says a lot.
“I’m not...” , I can hear the Royals voice echoing in his head, this is not who we raised you to be. Those words aren’t his. It cannot be. Cause Wille never even allowed himself to ever discover who he really is. That’s what Simon is offering him, a chance to finally find out, to finally be free, even for just a few instants.
One Wille is litteraly pulling back towards him. ‘As you are drawn to me, I am drawn to you.’ Even if it’s something he would usually run away from, not this time. He is allowed to feel whatever he feels. And right now, he needs Simon closer, much closer.
One thing that is so important here. Simon was the one making the first step, gathering all of his courage and kissing the boy. Once, and twice. But then, he was ready to back up and go away. Even as Wille is pulling him back towards him, he was shaking his head. ‘You’re not.. You don’t want this, then I will never be the one forcing you to.’ Except, that’s not at all the way Wille was really feeling. Nothing, no one forces him to pull Simon back to him, and then kiss him. That’s something he wanted, that’s his own choice.
If there was a few tremors when their hands were touching each other, then the moment Wille finally gave in, the few inches left between them, now connecting their lips to each other, THAT felt like a litteral earthquake for him.
His whole world bursting wide open (as the window right behind them ;)) “I’m not, I’m not”, maybe Wille was about to discover who he really was, who he really is. The start of his journey, of his revolution.
As Wille is walking through that same corridor, Simon appears between other students, but most importantly right next to Hillerska’s motto. The same few words that felt like such a weight on Wille’s chest. As if that was his own personal doom. Though, Simon is also here now, like the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe there is a way for Wille, maybe he could break free of all this. If he follows his own direction, instead of the one designed by his family.
Here is an interesting shift. Movie night, Simon was the one following. Here, Wille is following Simon instead. Both of them, in fact, just following their heart, in the same spot.
Remember how Simon was so carefully walking towards Wille, sitting by the window that night. Something was awakening, not just for Wille, for Simon as well. Both of them quite terrified by that new sensation. But, neither of them ran from it. They faced and conquered their fear together. To discover, as their lips were touching for the very first time, probably the most beautiful and powerful thing in the universe : love.
That’s the choice Wille is starting to take as he is following Simon. Not the one of the head, the one of the heart.
Simon is also making his choice. All through the season, he kept a distance with Wille, he just couldn’t be his secret anymore. Yet, when Wille was about to let him go, that’s probably when Simon had that epiphany. To imagine even for just one second his existence without Wille, that’s something Simon couldn’t stand. He is now ready to sacrifice absolutely everything, for them to finally be together.
Because in fact, that was his biggest fear. Not to go back in the shadows/closet for a prince, but to let himself be vulnerable, to entrust someone with the most precious thing, his heart, in the hope that someone will take good care of it. He’s been hurt so many times before. Yet, when it’s the right person, all of it is worth it. Wille is his person. Simon knows it now. It’s a certainty.
Wille’s answer being again so very them, not with words but with touch. Gentle touch. The symbolic of Simon who just offered his heart out, and Wille gently holding and caressing his hand, left hand or the heart hand.. “I promise I will take care of it, take care of you.”
Somehow, when you look for one second behind them, the impact of that intimate moment between them feels even bigger. Right by that bouquet, by that window, where they kissed for the first time, and their hearts sang in unison. It’s happening again, as they’re not anymore just a “you and me” but a “we”, united together in the same path.
“I’m not, I’m not”, that’s what Wille repeated. He discovered who he was that night, and today, holding on Simon’s hand, he feels who he could become.
Just one second... Simon saying that there shall be no more secrets between them from now on, and seconds later, whishpering those 3 words to Wille’s ear, as if that was the most precious one he had been keeping.
In that moment, everything is clicking in Wille’s mind. He knows what is left to do. Even if Simon just agreed to remain a secret, Wille simply can’t do this anymore. Simon has made so many sacrifices already, Wille is now ready to make some as well. He loves this beautiful boy so fucking much, he can’t keep that in any longer. Whatever may come, he is worth it. And Simon needs to feel it, to know it.
Fear, being the thing that once again keep Wille paralyzed. Except, this time, it felt different. He looked at Simon, and in that moment, he felt something lifting him up. The strenght of his love. “I don’t want to be the Crown Prince, I only want to be the one who is worthy of your love.”
Wille is finally breaking free of his fear, of his chains. Choosing not the path his family/the Royals traced up for him, but his own way. There was a time he was completely unaware of who he was, aside from the title they were giving him, now he is standing proud and tall, claiming to the world “This is who I am, this is who I love.”
Love, when it is as deep as Wilhelm and Simon’s, transcend all. And this is only the beginning.
