Hello I wanted to send you an Anon because I was looking under the Trich tag and I saw your post about the eyebrow game etc? I'm now 15 and I have been pulling my eyelashes and eyebrows out since I was 8. I can't stop, and the amount of pressure from society to have these 'perfect' eyebrows or these 'gorgeously long' lashes is shit. I just wondered if you had any advice for me? I'm struggling to stop myself pulling right now I hate myself for doing it :( x
No worries love! I’ve been pulling my eyelashes out for 7 years since I was 12 years old and my eyebrows out off and on but more so in the past 2 years. It is really rough to hear people say “omg she has perfect eyebrows” or even watch mascara commercials and it doesn’t matter if you’ve gotten therapy or anything, it will always be tough. BUT, there are things that make it easier.
1) The first thing I did was accept the fact that I have trichotillomania and that I have, will, and probably continue to pull my hair out. If you never admit that it’s a problem you won’t be able to recover. I just told myself “yes, I have this disorder and yes I pull my hair out, but my eyebrows and eyelashes do not define me.”
2) I also accepted the fact that the road to recovery is paved with relapses and that’s okay. In the beginning I didn’t really know that, so I kept thinking “I’ll never get better.” NEVER say that. Keep a positive mindset. If you didn’t pull for a whole day say to yourself “congratulations, I did it.” And even if the very next day you pull out every single grown out hair, still recognize and applaud yourself for your success.
3) Be open and honest with your parents. I didn’t start thinking about this part till a few weeks ago. Parents, when they find their child has a compulsive hair pulling disorder, say things like “STOP” or “don’t pull” or “doesn’t that hurt” or ” you’d look so pretty with eyebrows/eyelashes.” Parents do this because they’re panicking. They don’t know what to do when their child presents this disorder. However, growing up, none of the above said things helped my trich but made me feel worse about it. I finally realized that it’s okay to tell your parents “please don’t say this or that.” Tell them what you want them to do so they can actually help you. If that means telling them to ignore it completely when they see you pull then say that. My mom and I do that, because I told her “look, this is my disorder and my battle to fight. I know you hate it when I pull but this is something I have to deal with, so let ME fight this battle.” And that’s true. The only person who can really help with Trichotillomania is yourself.
4) Realize you are not alone. While up at college for a year I met two people with Trich. While it doesn’t seem like a lot, it’s very calming to talk to a person who KNOWS what you’re going through. We can talk as much as you want, I don’t mind at all <3
5) Do your research. Find support groups. Know if you just have Trichotillomania (which is just hair pulling) or Trichophagia which is ingesting the hair that you pull. (This disorder is even harder for people to understand and I’ve just now come to accept the fact that I have this disorder too.)
6) Know and understand deep within your soul that 1. This disorder does not define you and 2. Don’t blame yourself for this disorder. In the whole scheme of things, someone where along the line you developed this pulling disorder. Do not let it rule your life.
In regards to the self- loathing that comes along with this disorder you need to understand that you don’t need eyebrows to be beautiful and you don’t need eyelashes to be happy. I used to be scared to death that I would be walking down the isle in my wedding dress without eyelashes and eyebrows, and that thought used to keep me up at night. But I’ve grown into a much stronger young woman and I’ve realized that my self-worth isn’t defined by the absence or presence of my facial features. I am who I am with or without eyelashes and eyebrows and it gets hard, and you hate yourself for it, but at the end of the day if you really try hard to convince yourself to be content with how and who you are, your journey through life will be a much smoother, happier experience.
Talk to me whenever you’d like in private or public. Anything, and I mean ANYTHING you’re confused, or scared, or worried about, just ask. I hope you have a great day!!! Sending love and positive vibes <3 <3 <3
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