V.R.: Valexis's RealiTEA

[whoisvalexis]

Evil Within and Evil Without: A Modern Fairy Tale (EW&EW Pt 3)

To be honest, due to the butterfly effect, any one of these doughnuts have the power to bring about the Apocalypse.

Let's say Kenjamina eats the doughnut that aggressively makes her memorize the periodic table. Her brain will attempt to justify why she did that, and it will come to the conclusion that she must really love science. So she becomes a scientist. It's not rocket science.

One day, there is a mishap with a Petri dish and Kenjamina accidentally creates a mutation of the Ebola virus, 1000 times more lethal than the original. The government gets wind of this and uses it as a weapon in biological warfare.

To make a long story short:

[whoisvalexis]

Evil Within and Evil Without: A Modern Fairy Tale (EW&EW Pt 2)

THE APOCALYPTIC DOUGHNUTS

The doughnuts are vehicles for nanobots, made to attach themselves to molecular structures. They appear magical to the untrained eye, but are made with advanced nanotechnology. As Arthur C. Clarke said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

What the doughnuts are designed to do to people: 

1st kind of doughnut: aggressively love pineapple on pizza 

2nd doughnut: aggressively hate pineapple on pizza 

3rd doughnut: aggressively shop for socks 

4th doughnut: aggressively love Arctic blue 

If you’ve seen this shade of blue, here’s my advice:

5th doughnut: aggressively memorize the periodic table 

6th doughnut: aggressively worship Evil Sugar Creature 

7th doughnut: aggressively Feng shui your surroundings

8th doughnut: aggressively discuss the fall of the Roman Empire 

9th doughnut: aggressively tell random strangers to smile 

10th doughnut: ? Completely random--ESC, being the trickster that he is, left this one to chance 

[whoisvalexis]

Evil Within and Evil Without: A Modern Fairy Tale (EW&EW Pt 1)

My nemesis is the embodiment of Pure Evil. I hate you, Evil Sugar Creature.

“ESC” is short for Evil Sugar Creature, ironically so, because once the Evil Sugar enters your bloodstream, there is no ESCape.

"Is Evil Sugar Creature the Devil? Is Evil Sugar Creature edible? Does Evil Sugar Creature identify as an animal, vegetable, or mineral? Is Evil Sugar Creature real or imaginary?"

Yes and no.

To quote Sri Syadasti, “All statements are true in some sense, false in some sense, meaningless in some sense, true and false in some sense, true and meaningless in some sense, false and meaningless in some sense, and true and false and meaningless in some sense.”

What is undeniably a fact is Evil Sugar Creature made 10 kinds of doughnuts that, once consumed by humans, can usher in the apocalypse. How can 10 doughnuts do that, you ask?

I will attempt to tell this story to the best of my abilities, but keep in mind that I am not an omniscient narrator, nor a reliable one, and my story structure resembles a Jeremy Bearimy. 

[whoisvalexis]

My origin story

A violent, artistically propelled, morally ambiguous cosmic event broke my brain. What oozed out of the wreckage, aside from radioactive primordial slime, was the need to express myself through song.