[knifefightscene]

THE ANIMAL NOT THE COP KHFGJFGHHHJ

[bepeu-deactivated20171202]

things to take * a nap * it easy * care

[tinsnip]

* on me

[brinnanza]

* me on

[whysocoy]

When you randomly get a new tattoo and chop off all your hair in the same week. Living my best quarter life crisis.

[whitepeopletwitter]

[ghostheather-deactivated2020051]

my absolute FAVORITE activity is pausing jenna marbles videos to look at kermit’s weird fucking face

[ghostheather-deactivated2020051]

[buzzfeed]

Not all heroes wear capes.

[vocifersaurus]

Terry is an old shapeshifter who got stuck on human.

[unicornempire]

Well now I have a retirement plan, so that’s nice. Something to look forward to.

[therustyskull]

Visions of my future self.

[badnewsbun-deactivated20170816]

[antiandrogen]

he did it

[d0gbl0g]

good job baby

[corackadile-deactivated20170207]

I’m so proud and I don’t even know who this dog is

[6i]

in your 20’s find a balance between hustle & rest. you don’t need to have a love life or a soulmate figured out. go travel the world. battle your demons. set up a business, find people who value your heart & yours will attract. don’t live in the past, you have so much more to see

[cephalotodd-deactivated20190310]

we should make fun of americans more. why dont their shops include tax in the price tag. like how much does this item cost? its a surprise :)

[moomoobooboo-deactivated2020102]

Honestly, tea. I’ve lived here my whole life and I have never once known what my total is gonna be at the register. Total fucking mystery.

[2-face]

im an ex-american living in new zealand for the past two years and it still never fails to blow my mind that i can take a $2 coin, walk up to a counter with two $1 items, and perform the expected transaction

[greekedtext]

this callout is completely deserved

[caden]

[xetl]

the cat is controlling him

[tarynel]

What’s your fantasy?

[pleasestopandrew]

I wake up, my debt is all paid off, my bank account is full, my relationships with my family are healthy, and I’m able to travel anywhere in the world.

[sophiamariabaeks]

reblog for this ultimate fantasy life to come true

[licensetomurse-deactivated20200]

Me giving report as a new grad nurse:

Mr. Jones came into this world to a loving family. He was an overachiever from an early age, learning to walk at the tender age of just 8 months old. By 10 months, he was able to verbalize his parents’ names. He spent his formative years studying our nation’s history, mathematics, languages and he was gifted by all accounts…

Me giving report now:

So this dude is like sick as shit. And of course he’s a full code. Any questions?

[licensetomurse-deactivated20200]

Me with diarrhea before I was a nurse: Well, this is unfortunate and uncomfortable, but I’ll drink lots of fluids and just rest up. Everything will be fine.

Me with diarrhea as a nurse: C-diff. It’s probably fucking c-diff.

[kwikemart]

“hey wanna come over and get drunk or someth-”

me:

[whitepeopletwitter]

[clarkewithameme]

[weavemama]

EVERYONE 👏🏾 DESERVES 👏🏾 A 👏🏾 GOOD 👏🏾 EDUCATION 👏🏾 THAT’S 👏🏾 AFFORDABLE

[queerist]

READ MAMA!

[lunishel]

As millennials, I think we have an obligation to ruin college for rich people.