Wife of Bean

she/her

[howfrightening]

Ghosts CBS + Tweets/Textposts pt. 2

pt. 1

[sundayafternoonsurvivor]

[anthropologist-on-the-loose]

Do you understand HOW OFTEN movies/tv shows use one of the common loon calls to create an eerie atmosphere - in a setting where there absolutely should not be loons? Do you understand how jarring it is to hear an out-of-place loon call when you regularly hear them in real life?? This isn't being a huge geek, this is just what it's like when you've lived in common loon habitat.

If you haven't heard them before, listen to this at about the 5 minute mark:

(for some reason I CANNOT FIND a video with just. A simple recording of all 4 different calls)

I get why people want to use them, loon calls are way up there on 'unsettling nature noises' scale, but that ALSO means they're highly distinct and identifiable. I'll never get over Kubo and the Two Strings actively showing herons flying overhead and playing a loon call over it.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

I'm Australian and I have had to hear way too many Impossible Jungle Kookaburras

[aflawedfashion]

Hetty & Sasappis | Ghosts 3x05

[wifeofbean]

I really, REALLY want the writers to explore more of what's in Carol's purse.

[thebibliosphere]

I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

[hadanelith]

I require context. Because this is a very interesting start of a story, and now I need the rest of it. Could I get a link, or a summary, or something? Pretty please?

[thebibliosphere]

All right buckle the fuck up kids, it’s the year 2012 and I’ve just been handed what should be an easy editing gig by my senior editor. It’s a vampire erotica story because one of the final Twilight movies is about to come out, and everything is vampires. Everything. I haven’t edited a single thing in months which isn’t about vampires. I am ready, I can do this. So I open the file and notice there’s a typo in the title, which really should have been my first inkling that something horrendous was about to go down, but you see I’m not quite dead inside yet so I carry on, bushy tailed and bright eyed with my faith in humanity intact. It’ll be dead by page 24, but I don’t know that yet. I’m just editing one more vampire boner fest.

The MC is a girl who we’ll call Sue. Sue is a Good Girl™, Sue is Not Like Other Girls™, she is pale and awkward and a virgin and has somehow managed to find herself a Bad Boy™ for a boyfriend. We’ll call him Dickhead.

Now Dickhead as previously stated is a bit of dick, he tries to pressure Sue into sex because he knows she is The One™ but he loves her really so it’s okay. Except it’s not okay because Sue is a Good Girl™ and holding out till marriage which he’s fine with except he’s got such a bad case of blue balls that one night walking home an attractive stranger lures him into an alley with the words “hey stud” and he follows, dick out before she’s even finished her sentence. Well turns out that was a mistake for Dickhead because she’s a vampire, but not just any vampire, a Dick Biting Vampire. So what started out as a skeevy blow job behind a club that he’ll feel bad about in the morning, turns into him being bitten on the dick and drained of his life essence and left for dead. Except DBV fucked up and now he’s a vampire. Are you still with me? Good, cause it’s about to get weirder.

Realizing he is now an abomination, Dickhead flees, becoming a creature of the night and feeding on animals rather than humans to repent for being such an asshole in life. Sue meanwhile is heartbroken, but carries on valiantly with her life and goes to bed each night crying for the loss of her One True Love™ who she would do anything to bring back. Well guess what Sue, Dickhead never really left you! He’s been “instinctively protecting her from rapists” by hiding out on her roof and fighting hobos who try to get to her open window via the fire escape for months now. Because that’s not fucking terrifying at all.

Upon learning of his predicament and how it happened, Sue can do nothing but blame herself. Oh if only she’d let him touch her secret places, then perhaps all of this could be avoided! Meanwhile Dickhead is having another dilemma of his own, realizing too late that his vampire powers have given him super senses and now he can smell her blood and he can’t decide whether he wants to get with her or eat her. And I don’t mean in the French sense. But he is strong! And over comes his base manly vampire instincts and neither rapes not kills her. Hurrah! And this is so romantic that Sue gives it up, but not before she launches into a theory about how in all fairy tales, True Love saves the day, so maybe her magical pure vagina that has never been touched by anyone, not even her, can bring him back to life. So Dickhead being a dickhead agrees and rips her clothes off, but not before he takes one last moment to marvel at the beauty of her purity, because he will never again look on her again and know she is Pure.

If you’ve only vomited once by now, I applaud your resolve.

So they hop on the good foot and do the nasty, except she is literally so pure in spirit, her flesh burns his. And I quote you from memory because these words are burned into my soul: “her breasts bit into his hands, like crucifix nail nipples tearing at his flesh, but he did not care because he loved her so and couldn’t stop”

This phrase haunts me. I dread that it will be the last thing I think about on my death bed and my last words will literally be “god fucking dammit” as I die, carrying that mental image with me into the afterlife. My own solace is in knowing that I inflicted it on other people too, like @ahzuri who is somehow still with me after all these years.

When the magical burning sex fails to heal him and leaves her bruised, battered and broken with “a dainty blue bells of bruises around her secret flower” (I am genuinely quoting this, I could never make something as horrendous as this up without being on acid) Dickhead leaves. Yeah. Off he fucks, leaving her to the mercy of the hobos at her window, and into the night to be the true monster he really is. But wait, there’s more. Remember the dick biting vampire? Well turns out she has figured out she made him into a vampire and has also been stalking HIM and is totally jealous of Sue, so tries to kill her. But again Sues Purity saves her, because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.

A fight ensues some pages later after Dickhead returns, realizing the mistake he has made. And he rescues Sue from the Dick Biter, but not before he assaults Dick Biter, and calls her a slut for luring innocent men into alleys cuts her heart out by cutting her breasts off, at which point i screamed “THAT’S NOT HOW YOU REACH THE HEART” and my brain short circuited completely and I have no idea how it ends because I realized there was 30 pages left and my soul couldn’t take it. I emailed the chief editor like ?????!!!!!!????!!!!!! and the book was immediately pulled from the work line and the author dismissed from the publishing house. Turns out she was a friend of a friend and that was how she got the manuscript past our entry levels for requirement.

And that’s the story of how an author sent me death threats for over a month because I stopped her shitty vampire porn from ever seeing the light of day. You’re all fucking WELCOME.

[miseria-fortes-viros]

“what’s your dream job” im so glad you asked. picture this. i am the lone employee of a strange and mysterious tchotchke/bookshop in the middle of nowhere, full of fun and interesting things that i am allowed to take for the low low price of free of charge. i get one, exceedingly interesting, customer per hour. i work no more than twenty hours a week and am salaried 3 million dollars

[rock-n-writing-archaeologist]

Pete: Say no to drugs.

Flower: Say yes to drugs.

Trevor: It doesn't matter if you say yes or no to drugs. If you're talking to drugs.. then you're on drugs.

[prophetic-hijinks]

Bad Luck Friends

Image based on my friends @bitsy83 story “Luck of the Paw”. It’s adorable and so funny.

[afloweroutofstone]

Shoutout to the U.S. embassies in Austria, Chile, India, and South Korea who have directly ignored orders from the Trump administration in flying the pride flag

[bendingsignpost]

They’ve found really clever workarounds, as they were banned from flying the pride flag on the flag pole. 

They aren’t ignoring orders: they are obeying the orders to the exact letter.

[purple-beard]

Malicious compliance

[leondaniel]

Also in Mexico City they couldn’t fly the flag but they didn’t said anything about a picture of a flying flag ❤️

[thou-creature-of-the-deep]

THIS IS SOME GOD TIER CHAOTIC LAWFUL EVIL STUFF

[gayvetforlife]

dude you gotta do what you gotta do

[golgak-the-goblin-deactivated20]

This isn’t chaotic lawful evil. It’s chaotic lawful good to fuck over the evil.

[isabellaofparma]

Why would you keep this from me?

[queensheebs]

what a legend

Nothing can match this energy

fun fact: these are actual vocal warm ups he would do, and used this as a way to interact with the audience while being able to stretch while performing .

also he was a witch and he used it as a spell like look at that power

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

This performance at Live Aid literally was unlike anything anyone had seen. No one, and I mean, NO ONE has ever owned a crowd like this.

Other performers have literally said since, “Freddy basically changed live performance forever and left us NOTHING.” (affectionate)

I am convinced he was blessed by the gods. He was a fucking herald for said gods or something. Hell, there’s that vid of the Green Day fans waiting for the concert to begin and fucking singing in perfect fucking harmony to Bohemian Rhapsody! Freddy isn’t even alive and he still fucking commands a crowd!

Full performance:

[valtsv]

yeah i use this pro gamer technique called "hitting every single button frantically with my little raccoon hands until something happens" you probably wouldn't get it it's really advanced

[wifeofbean]

And I'm DAMN good at it, too.

[eye-may]

and that's a wrap on Jellicle January. thank you sm @jellyfuljellicle for making the prompt list!! I think drawing so many cats has made me feel much more comfortable with tackling the mental obsticle course of transliterating those whacky costumes

today is the day of Old Deut.......a bittersweet note to end on. </3 I could think of no better way than to draw what is always, across all productions of cats, my favorite moment in the musical. warms my stone cold heart every time!

RIP Ken Page <3 <3 <3

[gay-irl]

trans_irl

[xanderwithanx]

The DREAM

[nikniknikin]

I distinctly remember the first time my dad called me my right name. I was sixteen, I’d gotten my driver’s license not too long ago, and now that I was driving, my dad gave me a credit card so I could get gas, or food if I was staying late at school due to marching band. He was very clear, this card was for food and gas only. Only gas and food. Just those two categories of product. He would be checking the bill. I had no desire to buy anything else with this card.

However. Often when getting food after marching practice, or on our scant breaks, I’d drive my friends to burger king or little ceasers or starbucks or whatever, and sometimes not all of my friends could afford the food they wanted. And well…food is food. I have a big appetite, and as long as I didn’t go crazy overboard and order catering for the whole band, a few extra burgers and shakes wouldn’t stand out on a monthly bill. So I bought my friends food. 

I did this for several months, and sometime during that came out to my parents. They both thought it was a phase, and that I would grow out of it. Since they’re not terrible people their approach to me having ‘a boy phase’ was to let me do my thing and wait for me to change my mind. I didn’t change my mind, and eventually they understood that, but that’s a whole other post. The point is my dad didn’t discourage me from transitioning, but avoided talking about it with me. He stopped calling me his daughter, but replaced it with child rather than son, that kind of thing.  

But back to the credit card. Eventually I started feeling guilty. TECHNICALLY I was obeying the rule ‘food and gas only’, but I knew I was bending it. I nervously admitted to him one day that sometimes…on occasion…once in a while… I’d buy a friend food. I waited solemnly for his judgement. He walked over to me, put his hands on my shoulders, looked into my eyes sternly and said,

“Zackary, we are Italian. If you let your friends go hungry….” (and here he decided to shake me just for a little emphasis) “I will disown you.” 

And that’s when I knew he’d come around. Trans? Fine okay sure, give it a shot. Stingy? Get the fuck out. 

[republicansaredomesticterrorists]

[gehayi]

Here's the cartoon:

According to Telnaes, "The group in the cartoon included Mark Zuckerberg/Facebook & Meta founder and CEO, Sam Altman/AI CEO, Patrick Soon-Shiong/LA Times publisher, the Walt Disney Company/ABC News, and Jeff Bezos/Washington Post owner."

[beaniebaneenie]

For those of you too young to know, the Washington Post is the paper that broke the Watergate Scandal.

This is the paper that won a Pulitzer for its coverage of Jan6.

For this paper's owner to refuse to publish a political cartoon (specifically because it makes the owner and the President elect look bad) is a harbinger of deep and absolute facism, where the government controls the press.

[oingus-boingus]

↑↑↑

VERY well put, and right on the money. This betrayal to their history and calibre of reporting should have everyone angry, disgusted, and terrified.

[andchaos]

In honor of Ghosts coming back tonight, here are some text post memes I made to deal with my Ghosts hyperfixation during the hiatus.

There is more. I don't know what is wrong with me.

[pansysunicorn-deactivated201701]

I’m a sucker for ships where Person A is damaged and Person B is their salvation, and when you look closer, you find that Person B is damaged, as well, just in a less obvious/volatile way, and Person A is their salvation right back.

[wifeofbean]

[babyjanedough]

It’s such a small touch but I love how the Farnsbees are sex freaks

[wifeofbean]

Honestly like... on the one hand, I'm not thrilled that consensual non-monogamy is being painted as something icky, but on the other hand... I'm kinda happy to see older people represented as still having a vibrant sex life, so... a win is a win.