Dear God Run While You Still Can

Kinkade | It/its until asked | genderfluid | forever obsessed with Tim Drake | over 21

[crow-thing]

Me when a character starts experiencing an agonizingly, Horrifically, painful transformation :

[voidsetup1]

and out of the darkness - you you you you you

[koiagain]

every picture i see of myself past 8 years old is like Wow i was so miserable back then . And its like girl i tjink you’re just miserable and age is not a factor

[cobaltspartan]

fascinated by jeff the killer tbh. everyone in that creepypasta has generic white usamerican names (jeff, keith, barbara, billy, etc.) except for jeff the killer's doe eyed little brother liu. why is he liu. is liu chinese? it's okay if he's chinese. is jeff also chinese? has jeff the killer been chinese this whole time? am I a bad person?

[koiagain]

im going to fix my entire life

[fruitcakebro]

When?

[koiagain]

Like Um. later

[generic-internet-name]

talking like point-and-click game narration to the bugs in my room

[generic-internet-name]

you can't get out that way!

[generic-internet-name]

that's not very helpful.

[generic-internet-name]

maybe the open window will help.

[generic-internet-name]

try the open window instead.

[mimicdog]

“don’t be shy” thanks u cured me

[minotauri]

sources say there are muscles in the back of my neck. and they want to kill me

[justnoodlefishthings]

DELTARUNE CHAPTER 5 ON JUNE 24

[hexoskeleton]

There are just so many characters that should've been women.

[netherworldpost]

Tumblr’s fucking insanely poor programming on the mobile app ads is doing absolute power numbers on my desire to use my phone less in spaces where I need to wait for something.

Tumblr has joined the war against advertising on the side against advertising.

Which is.

A bold choice.

[netherworldpost]

“hey atty why did you leave the tech space years ago?”

normal people reasons

[netherworldpost]

The solution is simple as meatballs on a frozen lake.

Tumblr is a Saas — software as a service, this term is important to link what is going on. Twelve seconds of research will show you how cheap it is to add a user to a Saas. It isn’t $0.00 but it’s a fraction of a cent. The big cost is the initial load.

It’s $7 a month to pay for Tumblr Premium.

That’s fucking insane.

It should be $1-2.

You will obviously need a significantly higher volume to make the same amount of cash. I have an idea. Stop introducing shit people don’t want.

I am here on this site because of the perverts and artists and people with interestingly unhinged takes on media and/or life events.

There is no feature I crave on Tumblr beyond maintenance and a “reply via email” because I hate having inboxes outside of my email.

This is a business. I get it. I do not want this site to go under. I want the crew that runs it to be compensated well.

And.

There is no content Tumblr as a business is producing that I give a shit about. I am here still because it is the most convenient meeting ground to be weird and to enjoy weird and discover weird.

Premium experiences are so goddamn overrated and over bloated.

You have lost the plot and gotten way too big for your britches.

Charge fairly, provide the core service intended, and get out of the way for the mechanism that makes your product worth it — in this case, the evolving nonsense essays, comments, hilariously specific and targeted hate mail that feels at least half loving, and comics.

This place is wires and a collection of bad decisions in a group project for a teacher that is themselves about to get fired. It’s special because of the people. Not the fucking software.

Look into my beautiful eyes, tumblr staff.

Ban the nazis.

Stop banning trans people for being trans.

Keep the lights on and the floors swept.

Understand that every feature to compete with another network misses the point that this is place is a dive bar.

You bought a dive bar. You can’t make it into a gastropub. Your attempts to bring in headlining entertainment is going to fall on deaf ears, we are here to see the local folks live their theater kid nightmare orgasm comedy fest.

This brought to you by counting how many ads I had to scroll past on my phone while stuck in traffic where the ad purposefully slowed down the scrolling mechanism.

You are not going to annoy me into supporting this business.

Any money I have / will in the future spend here is because it serves the purpose of putting my weirdos in my life and me in theirs. My tolerance to the bullshit terrible programming extends only as far as the path takes to replace this with newsletters and mailed zines.

[netherworldpost]

Because I love data (being a big ol' nerd), let's do some math.

CURRENT PRICE FOR TUMBLR PREMIUM: $7.00

ESTIMATED NET RETURN (($7 x 0.971) - $0.30): about $6.50

This accounts for basic credit card processing fees of 2.9% + $0.30. Something at Tumblr's size should be able to negotiate better, but we are being malicious in our calculations, and saying "you get the basic rate" to prove a point.

SUGGESTED PRICE FOR TUMBLR PREMIUM: $2.00

ESTIMATED NET RETURN (($2 x 0.971) - $0.30): about $1.64

So

I ungenerously estimate the current Tumblr premium gets them $6.50/revenue versus my suggested $1.64/revenue.

Seems bad?!

Let's do a bit more math.

How many users at $2/base ($1.64 profit) would it take to cover the income of 1 user at $7/base ($6.50 income)?

6.50 / 1.64... 3.96341463415

I will uh go ahead and

round up

to 4 users

So. 1 user = $6.50 (6.50 x 1) profit. 4 users = $6.56 ($1.64 x 4) profit.

we'll just let the ol' tumblr keep them there six cents and call it even an even swap

Now.

To be fair.

To make this work.

You have to attract 3 more users (1 versus 4) to pay.

This feels like a lot!

Until it doesn't!

Because personally.

I would pay $2.00/month to keep this site running. Feels like a rounding error in my books.

I flinch at $7.00/month. Feels weird to pay this much for a site that so regularly has "hm, this disasterous new feature is pissing me off."

:)

But

as always

what do i know.

To satisfy my various spoken and unspoken life/art studio ambitions I offer this as a free consultancy lesson to anyone making a patreon or paid newsletter or whatever thing -- where you have a digital product that does not require shipping, handling, etc.

You can make it expensive and aim to have a small audience.

You can make it cheap and aim to have a large audience.

I personally am really fond of cheap digital services because it feels like support when I realize I have not had time to keep up. When I do have time to keep up -- "Oh this is a great value"

And when I do not, I see the bill -- "Ah, I am glad THING exists. Happy to throw them a few coins."

In respect to my soul, please use this lesson exclusively for such things as

art

music

thinly-veiled self-insert fan fiction

non-tax evasion accounting practices

joyous pornography or other erotic silliness

history (all years available)

claymation

cartooning

books (novels or things longer or shorter)

poetry (erotic or non)

coffee

fiction

non-fiction

non-non fiction

non-fiction fiction

and, of course, real reviews of faux products that should exist, but do not, due to limitations of time, space, money, reality, magic, technology, theology, methodology, organic chemistry, biology (marine, terra), cosmology, topology and/or cartography

anything fun

thank you and good night

for at least

twelve minutes

[annabelle--cane]

you simply have to make your own post. there's no choice about it you Have to learn how to Make Your Own Post. I'm begging and screaming for you to make your own brand new original post and not say That on My Post. it's so easy. it might even be cool and mature and darkly chic and secretly leftist to make your own post. making your own post is like wearing headphones to watch tiktoks on public transit, probably, in a way. river water, socks, your own post, etc. please.

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

[yuhi-san]

Thats the context for this meme???

[titenoute]

I feel like I've been robbed the whole time. This is magical.

[kstarlitchaotics]

I'm dying

[satyriconmp3]

admire folks who reblog posts which contradict eachother. exactly! keep em guessing

[redstonedust]

i had you blocked the entire time i've been here and i don't even remember why. so hello. you gained 1 fan for reasons beyond anyone's comprehension

i hope with time and effort i can re-earn your block. god bless.

[lakevida]

does getting cursed by a witch show up in drug tests

[kurulover]

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

[kurulover]