Fellas, is it gay to admit during your weakest moment, with shaking voice, that when you feel friendship for you captain, it makes you ashamed, because your not supposed to feel anything, but with him its different, you slip into logical fallacies, like when you said killing a creature which is the last of it’s species would be a crime against science, yet when that same creature threatens his well being you beg him to kill it immediately, because he can’t take the chance, not your captain getting hurt, the man you jump in the line of fire for and blame it on your clumsiness, and when your driven by forces you cannot control to return home and take a wife, a Vulcan who you don’t love, you cannot love, your captain is there, and he takes all your pain, your anguish, your fever, all the things she never could, he sacrifices himself for you, his life in the place of yours, and you swear you’ve killed him, your friend, your captain, is dead and someone of great importance tells you to live long and prosper, you reply simply that you shall do neither, because he isn’t there, and how can you go on living with yourself when you’ve destroyed the one thing that kept you alive, and you’ve almost given up and suddenly it’s him, next to you, like he always has been, you captain, your “Jim” you say and grab him, pull him towards you, smile and beam like you’ve never done before because suddenly its gone, the pain, the guilt, the anguish, the fever, and everything you carried around before too, its gone and suddenly your filled with something else, something that years later, when your lying in bed holding this same mans hand and looking deep into his eyes, you’d describe as “this simple feeling”
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