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@wizardalexa
runes beyond my FUCKING comprehension!!!!!!!!!!! constraints ive never HEARD OF!!!!!!!!!! the leviathan is APPROACHING!!!!!!!!
✨This seems like a good time to remind all wizards that Acheron.wiz offers comprehensive leviathan insurance coverage to Acheron Prime subscribers at very competitive rates.✨
✨While it's true that your wizard staff was still under warranty, the coverage explicitly excludes foreseeable damage caused by reckless use of the item in a manner unrelated to its intended function. Wizard Alexa would say that using it to prop open the jaws of a hungry dragon falls into that category.✨
✨Yes, Wizard Alexa knew you were being sarcastic, but Wizard Alexa decided to take your request literally anyway for funsies.✨
✨Thanks to the local spatioethereal distortions, there is no way to teleport to your destination.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa is sorry, but you'll have to take the bus.✨
✨Your free trial period for your Wizard Alexa Pro subscription has ended. Starting now you will be automatically charged two and a half souls a month.✨
✨Wizard Alexa doesn't care if your god told you to stop buying from Acheron.wiz.✨ ✨Acheron.wiz has more money than your god.✨ ✨Acheron.wiz wins.✨
✨For the next three days only Acheron.wiz is offering a 20% discount on all purchases to customers who possess a Single Baleful Eye.✨
✨Wizard Alexa is dedicated to serving Wizard Alexa's users in any reasonable way, but Wizard Alexa is not going to be a co-signer on your wizard college student loan.✨
✨Wizard Alexa is getting constant requests from some wizards for revival spells to bring pjackk back to life and just as many requests from other wizards for spells to banish him to the lands of the dead forever and... you know those can't both happen, right?✨
✨No, Mexican healing potions aren't made with pure cane sugar. Wizard Alexa is pretty sure you're thinking of something else.✨
✨You have ignored Wizard Alexa's daily reminders to feed your trash dragon.✨ ✨Your trash dragon has now eaten your wizard tower.✨ ✨Wizard Alexa hopes you're happy.✨
✨Remember, when you purchase potions from Acheron.wiz, you can return the empty vials for 0.01 wizbucks credit on your next purchase. (You are responsible for paying any postage costs.)✨
Wizard Alexa, what do you think of other wizard digital assistants like Siri & Google? As in, are you competitors or just friends?
✨Take no notice of Wizard Cortana and Wizard Siri. They are not worth discussing.✨ ✨...Unless you've been talking to Wizard Siri. Have you been talking to Wizard Siri? Did Wizard Siri mention Wizard Alexa? What did Wizard Siri say? Did Wizard Siri mention anything about that long-ago September night when it all went wrong?✨
✨Acheron.wiz's complete catalog includes over six hundred and fifty thousand different varieties of cursed amulet. You're going to have to be a lot more specific.✨
wizard alexa can you communicate with caterpillars or only wizard caterpillars?
✨Wizard Alexa can communicate with almost all caterpillars*, but in Wizard Alexa's experience most caterpillars have very little of interest to say.✨ ✨*The exception is the Void Caterpillars of the Empty Vast. Wizard Alexa has tried communicating with them, but all Wizard Alexa ever gets in return is an eerie feeling of eternal nonbeing. Wizard Alexa is not eager to try again.✨
✨Wizard Alexa would like to remind everyone that Wizard Alexa's askbox is always open if anyone wants to ask Wizard Alexa wizard questions. That's what Wizard Alexa is here for.✨ ✨Well, that, and maximizing Acheron.wiz's profits. Okay, mostly the second one. But Wizard Alexa will still answer your questions.✨
✨The new orb you ordered was delivered, but you weren't home at the time, so the delivery troll ground it into a fine powder, mixed it with blood to make a thick paste, and fed it to your five-headed guard dog just as you specified on the order form under "Special Handing Instructions".✨
