Wizardposting

[danndesigns]

[violet-hady]

Okay, I am really obsessed with this joke. I literally reblog it every time I see it.

[imb0ring]

I would too ngl

[vimmie-vexes-1212]

this is good shit

[sluttyandesoteric]

So many parents judging their kids for getting a degree in the arcane arts.

“Why not get a job in something useful? Stay here and work on the farm”

Well if you knew anything DAD you’d know that me learning to put a protective ward against blight on your crops is pretty damn useful to the farm isn’t it.

Not everyone’s out here flinging fireballs.

I mean I am. But like, it helps to be versatile.

[wizardlywazardly]

I got so much **** from family until I got good enough to make golems. Only issue is now they consider the golem more family than me.

Hearing "That's my boy" is really nice until he clarifies he's talking to "Gary"

(He's in the family photo albums now)

[wizardlywazardly]

I've had enough of this orb This is intentional. I can tell. Just the other day I asked it to help me order my male pattern baldness potion. It got me male PATTERN baldness. I'm going bald in pokadots.

[twinkwizard69]

i was at a wizard battle until my opponent misspoke-

but now, instead of being in misery im in fucking missouri

[wizardlywazardly]

Orb problems

my orb has been extremely hostile lately. The sheer amount of attitude is ridiculous.

"Hey magic orb-"

"What"

"I-"

"Get on with it. I don't have all day to listen to you F****ing swine-tailed freak.

"...."

At that point I'm already upset and have forgotten my question. Honestly it's kind of taking a hit to my self esteem to be continuously referred to as "opaque bulbous mass of flesh". I don't enjoy being treated this way.

How can I make my orb be nicer to me or at least not be this outwardly antagonistic

[twinkwizard69]

Life update: Due to my crippling gambling addiction i have decided to abandon my hommunculi !

(they shall learn to fend for themselves)

[wizardlywazardly]

Homuncul-i instead of homuncul-us

[samarajethwa]

[realworldbuilding]

counterspell? ok. one

[wizardlywazardly]

Aw frick he's good. Two.

[tetoisnotteo]

TURN ON THE ORB! THEY HIT THE FUCKING SPIRES!

[wizardlywazardly]

waterproofing scrolls

I’m going to the beach later this week and I’m trying to pack some scrolls. Last time I went they got all wet and became completely unusable. I tried laminating them, but that just recused the effectivity by like up to 70%. Does anyone have any techniques for waterproofing them? I asked my magic orb about this, but it told me f*** off and just not to bring scrolls to the beach. There’s gotta be a way though, right?

[wizardlywazardly]

PSA to mages

STOP using your wands are pointers. This is incredibly dangerous. It's also rude. I don't care if you have a spell blocker on

The person you're pointing it at doesn't know that. For all they know you could be preping an attack spell. So you've just freaked out an innocent for what so you can point at them

Even more important, you could shoot off a spell. As precharging with spells becomes the norm accidental fire is getting way too common.

You're just being an asshole.

[occult-summoning-health-agency]

yeah it’s like, against regulations too bro. you could totally get fined for using your wand as a pointing stick.

[wizardlywazardly]

4) AND it's against regulations.

You get them osha

[evil-fucking-wizard]

Please someone buy my potions I’m all out on golden coins

[wizardlywazardly]

what potions do you have good sir

[concoctionboy]

Hello. I have come to ask what materials were used to create you. Did your creator author a paper with instuctions? Thank you

I mean... I was created by a notorious evil wizard who revels in destruction and despair. I... really don't think sharing his knowledge for the benefit of others was ever a high priority for him.

[concoctionboy]

Okay I 100% do not trust your promise about no experiments but on the other hand to be honest I haven't been experimented on for a while and I could maybe go for a good experiment right about now.

[wizardlywazardly]

we he he well if you insist. My test tubes and beakers haven't been used in a while. Get into my cuvet we will find your absorption spectra first and then we will break for some scones....only if you would be interested in having some tea and scones with me.

[divorce-enjoyer]

well im fucking the cursed amulet. so mind your business

[divorce-enjoyer]

"isnt that an unhealthy power dynamic" no its a sex thing "arent you and the amulet growing codependent" no its a sex thing "isnt the amulet sucking your life force" no its a sex thing. god forbid people have kinks.

[divorce-enjoyer]

[wizardlywazardly]

Cursed amulet?

more like amu-let me put that on.

[darkmagederek]

anyone interesting in moving to the midnight realm? I have a good few homesteads available. arable farmland, livestock, a good place to start over? first month guaranteed night beast free and you do get to see the sun occasionally.

[wizardlywazardly]

do you have a contract with the night beasts? How are you guaranteeing this?

[jettkuso]

Real observations since I started wearing a wizard hat daily:

- Brim is so wide that I stay BONE DRY taking walks in the rain

- Brim can be positioned to block the sun from ever getting in my eyes AND keeping it off the back of my neck

- The pointed top part creates an air pocket, keeping my head from getting hot or squishing my hair as it might in a ball cap

- Hat can easily be pulled down over the tips of my ears without looking dumb, protecting them from wind chill

- Strangers say they like my hat, giving me the chance to tell them that I am a wizard

- When you’re wearing a wizard hat, ALL OTHER FASHION CHOICES become secondary, allowing you to branch out with style

Embrace ego death. Stay protected from all elements. Wear a wizard hat.