I’m frozen by the fear in me.
Somebody make me feel alive,
“Again.” It’s always the same. The adrenaline, the excitement that rips through her like a current is something she lives for. Â
“I don’t think this is healthy,” a sigh meets her ears and she feels the high abating. “Your body needs time to heal.” Â
“Go again,” she commands this time, her hands coming up to protect her face. “That’s an order.” She hates pulling rank. Â
“Fine,” he scoffs, “just remember you asked for this.” His fist is flying before she can respond and it’s everything she can do to defend against him. He’s power when he attacks, his hits ringing against her body like wind chimes and the thud of the impact stirs something within her. He’s lithe when he dodges her counter; evading her like an expert, only to pivot and attack again. Â
She could hold her own against so many in the division. Her commander, her best friend, even her brother. But against this man, against the best that ever came out of the academy, she’s no match. Â
His fist sinks into her stomach and she doubles over before he spins to flip and slam her into the mat. Her breath leaves in a whoosh of air and she’s left staring into the ceiling as stars dance across her vision. That one fucking hurt. Â
“Is there a reason you’re so hell bent on sparring?” His face comes into view as he crouches over her. He’s left himself open. Â
She grabs his collar and gets her legs out from under him quickly, her right raising to push into his chest while her left presses against his right side. All it takes is a little force to push him over. She has their roles reversed in seconds and he doesn’t have time to react before she grabs his arm and tucks it between her legs while she topples back. Her legs are stretched out over his neck and her grip on his arm tightens as she raises her hips. She’s got his arm and the grunt that leaves his mouth makes her smirk. Â
“You shouldn’t have let your guard down Jellal,” her legs keep him held down while he tries to free his arm. “You left yourself open for a sweep.” Â
Only a little more pressure and he would break. The feel of his fingers tapping against her leg snap her from her thoughts and she letting him go and rolling to stand upright. Â
“Nice counter,” he praises. “Where did you learn that?” Â
“Natsu just got his brown belt so she’s been teaching me in his spare time.” Â
“That man has no off switch I swear…” his voice tapers off and Erza nods chuckling. Â
“He’s a good cop though,” he doesn’t argue with her. “Reckless sometimes, but he has a good head on his shoulders.”
“You think he’ll pass his directive exam next month?” Jellal looks to her questioning. Â
“I like to hope he will, but this is Natsu we’re talking about.” Erza sighs and recalls his academy entrance exam—the lowest in history—and represses a shiver. “He never was a good test taker.” Â
“Too right you are,” he offers a smile before turning on his heel. “Sorry to leave you like this but I’ve got a report to finish up before I clock out. I’ll see you tomorrow Erza.” He’s gone a moment later but not before she nods. Â
The gym is suddenly so quiet it puts her on edge. Her body aches but she doesn’t want to leave. Leaving would mean giving into the grief dwelling just beneath the surface. Grief she wasn’t ready to face yet. Â
It’s nearly midnight when she parks, her grip on the steering wheel tight enough to turn her knuckles white and she’s cursing. Why is this so hard? She could handle anything. A murder suspect, no problem. A shootout, piece of cake. Promotion to detective, walk in the fucking park. The death of her partner, not so much. Â
What was she supposed to do now? Just accept whoever else they decided to pair her up with? No one would even compare. Filling shoes like that was impossible and anyone else would only make her question herself. Was she good enough? Could she protect herself and them? Could she do the work of two people? Â
“Dammit…” she forces back tears, “what did I do wrong?” How was she supposed to come back from this? Â
“You gonna sit here all night or are you going to come inside?” The voice brings her back to reality she’s reacting out of instinct, her fist flying before her mind has a moment to process anything. Â
“Woah-“ she misses her mark and a curse reverberates through the air. “Jesus Christ Erza pay attention. It’s me, Mira.” Though aggravated, there’s a softness in those cerulean depths and Erza wants to scream. She doesn’t need pity. She doesn’t need soft. Â
She doesn’t apologize, doesn’t say anything as she kills the engine and all but drags Mira inside. Â
“Hey what’s gotten-“ Erza cuts her off with a chaste kiss and Mira melts into her automatically. Her hands come up to cup her cheeks but Erza doesn’t want that. She doesn’t want love. She doesn’t want compassion, or restraint. She wants those raw emotions raging within her to stop for a moment. She wants to feel anything but empty, hollow. Â
“Erza,” Mira breaks the kiss and looks at her worried, “are you okay?” Â
“No,” she kisses her again, her hands gripping Mira’s wrists so they didn’t touch her. “Now shut up and fuck me.” Her words are command Mira is more than happy to obey. Â
Mira can read her like a book. She knows when Erza needs compassion, love. Today was not one of those times, and when Erza feels Mira groan and back her into the wall with more force than necessary, a chill races down her spine. Â
“You could have asked nicely,” Mira purrs in her ear, a hand lingering at the drawstring on her sweatpants only a moment before pulling the knot free. She’s pushing them down a moment later, her lips trailing kisses along Erza’s throat. Â
“This was me asking nicely,” Her words come out breathy and her fingers divest Mira of Her tank top, nearly ripping the fabric so she didn’t have to lift it over her head and interrupt the wonderful way her lips were teasing. Â
There is no foreplay, no teasing, save for the lips at her throat, and when Mira roughly shoves two fingers into her she sees stars. It’s glorious and a little painful and just what she needs to feel. Her nails dig into Mira’s shoulders and a groan escapes her, her legs widening to give better access. Â
Mira starts an arduous pace and in an instant, she has Erza on the brink of ecstasy. She’s so close. Her grip on Mira tightens and her vision begins to tunnel before Mira pulls out and it’s all Erza can do not to scream. Â
“God dammit,” she casts the woman a glare but Mira simply smirks and dances away. “Why did you stop?” Â
“You said to fuck you,” Mira says matter of fact. “You didn’t say anything about making you cum.” God damn this woman and her literal sense of things. Â
She feels the pleasure she was so close to, slip away like smoke on the wind and Erza feels empty inside. Â
“If you want a proper fucking,” Mira lifts her chin and flashes her a toothy grin. “Then I suggest you lock the door and follow me to the bedroom. The way I want to fuck you, simply cannot he done against the wall, no matter how fun that may be.” What was it about Mira that drove her crazy? Her voice? Her devilish bedroom eyes? Her talent when it comes to sex? Erza doesn’t know for sure but is just as happy to leave that question unanswered as she trips over her pants to follow Mira into their bedroom. Â
There is no exchanging of words, no questioning looks when Erza stumbles into the room. There is only Mira. Kissing, grabbing; groaning as Erza kisses her back with fervor. She knows what Erza needs, she always does. Â
They’re panting when Mira pushes her onto the bed and Erza is more than willing to bare her soul. Lately she’s felt as if her life is spiraling out of control and she can’t do anything to stop it. It’s like time has stopped for her, but life keeps moving, leaving her behind to stumble around lost. Â
Yes, Erza thinks with a fuzzy mind as Mira trails her fingers over newly exposed skin. It’s a talent she’s always been envious of. How this woman can strip a person bare in seconds without breaking skin to skin contact is something Erza wished she could do. It’s glorious when lips graze her own, better still when Mira rakes her nails down her thighs. The sting sends a jolt between her legs and Erza lets a gasp escape her. Â
The pleasure Mira gives her clears the fog in he mind and for the briefest of moments, Erza escapes her demons. She doesn’t see Simon kick the door in. She doesn’t hear the echo of the gun shot. She doesn’t watch the pool of blood bloom in the center of his chest while she’s busy with the second perp. Everything vanishes and for that small window of time, Erza gets lost in Mira. In the lips at her neck, her breasts, her thighs. In the hands that rub and squeeze every inch of her skin. In the bites that cover her body like a rash. In the heat that washes over her in waves when Mira pushes two fingers into her. Â
There’s a jolt of electricity through her body and Erza arches her back when Mira hits that sweet spot deep inside, curling her fingers over again and her lips curving into a knowing smirk when Erza let’s out a low moan. Â
“Have you slept at all since the funeral?” It’s a question Erza barely hears through the rush of her pulse in her ears but it reaches her none the less, and like a rubber band snapping the ecstasy she’s so close to is gone and she’s forcing back tears. Â
“I said no talking,” she sits up and crushes her lips to Mira’s before flipping them and positioning herself on top of her hand. On one swift motion Erza sheathes Mira’s fingers inside her and the new angle has her arching her back. “Just fuck me Mira.” The words are almost a plea when she speaks and when Mira curls her fingers again, a tear falls down her cheek. Â
“I want to feel anything other than this emptiness inside me…” it comes out as a strangled cry and Erza feels her chest tighten. Everywhere she went she saw him. His goofy grin, his compassionate eyes. He knew her every move before she made it. If she went high, he would go low. If she was the good cop, he was the bad cop. He was her other half; now he’s gone and Erza is left with so many unanswered questions it leaves her dizzy. Â
What could she have done different? Should she have stopped him from breaching the door? Should they have waited for backup? Why did it have to be him? Â
A hand cups her cheek and she’s brought from her thoughts as Mira curls her fingers again, rubbing circles around her clit in the process and Erza can feel the ball begin to tighten again. Â
She rocks her hips and Mira groans from beneath her, a sound that’s like music to Erza’s ears. Â
“Deeper.” She rasps as her thighs clench and when Mira sits and flips them again, driving into her rougher, faster, it’s all it takes to push Erza over the edge. A string of moans and curses leave her lips and her body is alright with the electric charge pulsing through her. It’s bliss. Â
She comes down from the high all too soon and it’s not enough. It’s nowhere near enough to erase her pain. The emptiness comes back like a punch to the gut and Erza is clenching her jaw against the emotions swirling within her. She wants it to stop. She wants it all to stop. Â
“Again,” she looks up to Mira. “Please… I can’t take it anymore.” Make me feel something, anything aside from the gnawing ache. Â
Mira only offers a small smile and nods before she’s kissing Erza again, this time her teeth grazing Erza’s lips as her finger grip her hips with enough force to bruise and it sets the pace for the rest of the night. There is nothing gentle about what they do. It’s not making love, it’s not even casual sex. It’s raw, animalistic, primal pleasure Erza needs to feel and it’s exactly what Mira gives her. With bites, scratches, bruises, slaps. Anything that will overshadow the numbness Erza feels if only for a moment. Â
The pain is something she welcomes. Physical pain she can handle; physical pain she welcomes like an old friend come to visit. It’s the ache that crushes her heart when her mind wanders, that she wants to erase. It’s the guilt that eats away at her psyche on a near daily basis—because she doesn’t know what to do now that he’s gone—that she wants to forget. Â
It’s all of that and so much more that she wishes she could move on from. It’s all that and so much more, that Mira helps her forget with her lips and her skilled fingers, and when the med student is finally passed out sated beside her, Erza finally lets the tears come unhindered. Â
When she needed to erase the numbness, Mira was there. When she needed to feel something, Mira was there. When she needed a friend, Mira was there. If Erza was being honest with herself, she probably wouldn’t even be here if not for her best friend. Â
“Thank you, Mira.” The words fall on deaf ears but Erza doesn’t mind and she smiles as she folds a lock of white hair behind her ears. Her body aches in so many places but she welcomes it. For the first time what feels like forever, she feels more like herself. She’s not spiraling, she’s healing, and that’s a step in the right direction. Â
Dizzy, spinning endlessly.
Somebody make me feel alive,
Just something I came up with on the fly. I do hope you all enjoy it. I love Jerza but my crackship will always be Mirza, and I don’t see nearly enough of it for my liking.Â
