In my ideal dream future life i do trailwork full time working as a project partner for youth crews and i drive a hot pink nissan juke . Not this color i want more of a planned parenthood eye-searing pink. This is too cool toned.
Except its 4WD and lifted like this to be a beast little off-roading machine
And i have pink heart rims (those who know me know they used to be gold and do the spinny thing which i’m still tempted by- maybe half and half? For extra nauseation? (Gif isnt gold but you get the jist)
And i would have neon green seat covers and furry pink steering wheel covers. Will these get fucking disgusting? Of course! I do trailwork! Do i give a fuck? No! I’ll just throw them out and get new ones when they start to smell like total shit!
My license plate will either be MANLET or DOHRT or perhaps EMPLYD. And i’ll have a papillon riding around in the front seat, and my chainsaw in the back
My goals here are threefold: 1) have a car nobody can steal because who the fuck would want this thing other than me 2) make everyones day either better or worse (because if you see this car your day is changed. For good or for bad is up to you but it is changed. I want photos of my car on shittycarmods and idiotsincars) 3) make everyone i work with think that they might be hallucinating me. In order to accomplish goal number three i will:
1) continue to look exactly how i look, which is like if a witch transmogrified a 2005 subaru outback into a human dude. Maybe I’ll even buy multiple sets of the same outfit to wear every day. Picture cargo pants that zip off into cargo shorts. Hiking boots. Baseball caps and camo shirts. A real “i buy clothes at tractor supply and your republican dad’s garage sale” vibe. Not the sort of maniac to own a hot pink nissan juke, which looks like somebody made a croc (the shoe) into a car.
2) pull up to work playing the exact same song at the exact same time and getting out of my car and greeting people the exact same manner every single day, giving the impression that i’m caught in some kind of time loop. I want you to imagine with me for a moment working for a conservation corps. You’re hungry, youre tired, it’s like 7 in the morning and you slept on the ground last night. You are either a teenager or you are in charge of teenagers and either way youre probably borderline manic from either being a teenager or from looking after them and you’re about to do hard physical labor for the next 8 hours barring your OSHA mandated two 15’s and a 30. You’re on the side of a horrible dirt road leading to a trail passing out pulaskis and grubbers and some fucking maniac in a hot pink car comes rocketing up BLARING mama’s broken heart by miranda lambert. They pop out of the car like cork from a champagne bottle and go howdy folks!! Beautiful morning! Let’s hop to it, ah? That’s your new boss. Every day it’s the exact same verse of mama’s broken heart. Every day, rain or shine, howdy folks!! Beautiful morning! Let’s hop to it, ah? What do you do? What CAN you do when faced with a cartoon of a man clearly happily living a groundhogs day life? Nothing. You can’t do anything.
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