First off I am so so sorry you saw stuff like that re: insane lesbophobia. Those sentiments being popular is not surprising, but it is awful. I am blissfully ignorant of a lot of this since I avoid most social media. I am also very protective of bi women since we are often an easy scapegoat and people get testy about admitting they’re being biphobic for things like assuming promiscuity or that we’re all just cheaters who always go straight since they think we’re just whining for no reason, but I’ve definitely seen some (young) bi women on tumblr railing against the concept of gold stars or les4les for those same reasons you list... very much projection on their part.
I always hate to “no true bisexual” but I still do wonder sometimes, since fortunately I’ve only met a couple of bisexual women with rancid energy anywhere near this irl but it is way more common online where you can divorce your “identity” from your actual identity and people have no filter. Sexual orientation of course is not tied to morality. But, I really do wonder if some of these women you describe are actually experiencing any same-sex attraction to begin with or if the “dykebreaking” (bc TIL there are women are into this☹️ I am so sorry) is just heterosexual porn brain virus the gf is facilitating for the bf. If one truly experiences attraction to women why would they enjoy a man “breaking” one???? That’s a sickness beyond my understanding. Yes women in same-sex relationships sometimes like cruddy BDSM stuff… but that’s just insane and EVIL to get off on rape, with a male, for the purposes of conversion therapy ):
I want women to all have our own spaces to be with other women who understand our struggles: spaces for JUST women as a class all together no TIMs or hanger-ons, spaces for JUST same-sex attracted women as a class, spaces for JUST lesbians, spaces for JUST bisexuals. All of those. They are necessary and we are all worse off without them </3
to preface: my response is not at all a disagreement to what you've said. i'm just expounding on my thoughts about this topic cause your ask has opened up a great conversation that i've been dying to weigh in on, and i thank you so much for giving me your insight.
personally, i think the general disconnect comes from bi women like yourself having completely different experiences with bi women than lesbians do. it's understandable, given the solidarity that's automatically shared between people with the same sexual orientation. but i cannot count how many times over the years that i've been propositioned by a bi woman to either have a threesome with her and her bf, or to have sex with her while her bf watches: both irl and on dating apps, even knowing i'm a lesbian.
which leads me to my second point. a majority of bi women i've met will only date men, but will gladly have sex with men and women. these bi women specifically love lesbians because of 1.) the expectation that lesbians will be good at—and willing to have—sex, and 2.) lesbian fetishization.
this preference would be fine if it existed in a vacuum, but it indirectly, even if subconscious, contributes to the idea that lesbians are sex objects instead of human beings.
i've been on the receiving end of this, and i can tell you, it makes you feel like shit. like you're not worthy enough for human connection, like your only value is tied to how well you eat pussy.
in my early-to-mid twenties i was the token, passed-around lesbian; the easy dyke to experiment with; the girl you fucked in private then ignored when your guy crush was around.
i've had crazy sex, i've fallen in love, i've been fetishized, and i've had my heart broken. and any time i've discussed my experiences, i've been told that i'm biased. my feelings don't matter, even when i thought they did.
this is not an isolated incident. my views on this topic were shaped by years of the same shit happening over and over again, until i couldn't take the mistreatment anymore.
ever since i came out a lesbian, there's been this assumption that i'm down to fuck every woman who asks, with no regard for me as a person. and i'm so tired. being a lesbian means i'm not allowed to want a relationship with other women, means i'm perpetually sexually available to other women, means i'm nothing more than an overdue orgasm in a locked bathroom.
my duty as a dyke is to help other women figure out who they are, to help women discover what good sex actually is, to give women the chance at "exploring their gay side" before they find a serious (straight) relationship, to look on with pride as they move on from our silly fling and settle down with the man they'll marry in a few years.
and this specific category of loneliness Is exactly why, as you said, exclusive communities are so important—because this experience is exclusive to lesbians, just as bi women have their own exclusive experiences, and gay men, and straight women, etc.
i hope this insanely long novel gave you, and anybody else reading, more insight into the lesbian experience. i thank you for giving me the space to feel comfortable enough to share it, and for empathizing with what lesbians have to go through <33