[wordsbyal]

i think i will be angry at my father forever. i think i will need therapy to work through the war in my head. through the resent i hold for my mother. the bitterness i hold for them both as they drift day to day in their happy family façade becomes stronger by the day. i think i will be angry forever.

[wordsbyal]

i knew deep down it has always been you. now it’s still you, but just a little bit more.

- reciprocation

[difficult]

“Ancient Egyptians had fifty words for sand & the Eskimos had a hundred words for snow. I wish I had a thousand words for love, but all that comes to mind is the way you move against me while you sleep & there are no words for that.”

— Brian Andreas, Story People: Selected Stories & Drawings of Brian Andreas (via suspend)

[wordsbyal]

[wordsbyal]

She sat on the sidelines,

time and time again.

Silently, she watched you go from one girl to the next.

Each one ending in heartbreak or a loss of communication.

All she did was sit back,

give you advice when you needed it,

and wished she was one of the girls you chased after.

Someone will always be prettier

[wordsbyal]

i feel like i’m holding my breath for air that will never come.

fresh air

[wordsbyal]

heartbreak isn’t always portrayed accurately.

it doesn’t just consist of eating chocolate in bed with your best friend.

it isn’t just crying or going out in attempts to move on.

it’s bawling. hiccuping. night. after. night.

it’s memories flashing through your head like a year long movie.

it’s seeing every little thing & thinking of them.

or crumbling into pieces when you’re surrounded by friends.

it’s faking a smile and trying to be okay.

but honey, you aren’t okay.

it’s okay to not be okay.

[wordsbyal]

“One more chance,” she said, “I’ll give you one more chance.”

But she said that 100 chances ago.

- round & round

[wordsbyal]

“when will i stop missing him?”

you’ll stop missing him when a song that used to hurt you comes on, and you’ll sing at the top of your lungs instead of changing it. then you’ll begin to forget why it hurt you in the first place. you’ll stop missing him when you’re sitting in your car at a red light giggling with someone new beside you. it will stop hurting when you stop avoiding his neighborhood or any location affiliated with him. instead of going the long way around, you will drive right through it, head on. you’ll stop missing him when someone else’s arms are around you and you feel at home, safe, peaceful. you’re heart will cease to ache when your friday nights are spent with someone new, someone fresh, someone that isn’t him. your insides will mend when you come across someone you know will always have you at your best interest. instead of missing him, you’ll begin to compare him. he won’t be, and never will be, as caring, as compassionate, as sweet as the next guy that walks into your life. you’ll stop loving him when you start loving someone else. when someone else’s name sits on your mind at all times of the day and lingers on your tongue. he’s gonna be all you talk about. you’ll start forgetting his facial features or his voice, let it happen. you’ll stop missing him when you tell yourself how much better you could have done. let your mind dispose of the little things, and then let it dispose of the bigger things. honey, life is a book and he was just another chapter. flip to a clean and fresh page, start over. that is when you will truly stop missing him.

a letter to my best friend

[wordsbyal]

growing up, birthdays were a huge deal it was everyone gathering in a living room grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, everyone. it was trading stories about everyone’s childhoods it was begging mom to let you open presents before blowing out the candles. it was a hug and a kiss on the cheek to your family. there were smiles hiding behind cups of coffee and the whole room having a warm feel, and it didn’t just come from the fireplace. i turned 17 yesterday. there is no party planning my phone just alerted me with texts throughout the day. there’s no gifts or celebration. my parents couldn’t even find candles. i am not materialistic but boy it was a wakeup call. to finally realize that the magic ends at some age but i wasn’t expecting it to end yesterday.

growing up

[wordsbyal]

you probably don’t think anything of it but now it’s all i think about

fuck

[wordsbyal]

And I hope one day you'll look in the mirror and realize you have become everything I had always told you that you are.

honest truth

[wordsbyal]

falling out of love. it's the hardest thing one can endure. it makes falling in love look like a stroll through a park on a brisk september afternoon. one day you are floating on a cloud and the next you are plunging to your death but you don't know you're dying until you slam into cold pavement. there was no warning, no rhyme or reason, no chance for you to strap yourself in and say a prayer. the morbidity eats you inside and out while you try to convince yourself that this is a mistake. it has to be a mistake. but no, go ahead and pinch yourself sweetheart, you're awake and this is real.

falling out of the sky

[wordsbyal]

Ignorance is bliss so I block out the depression inhabiting my mind my heart my soul because it is easier to pretend it isn't there than it is to actually deal with it.

get out get out get out

[wordsbyal]

maybe we would still be as happy as ever if your actions had spoke louder than your words.

all i ever feel now is pain

[wordsbyal]

your writing is beautiful alex, i love going through your page💓

oh my gosh em THANK YOU! writing means the world to me & sometimes it's all i got. it makes me so happy that others, including you, benefit from it!! lets hang soon girl!

[wordsbyal]

I want it all to end. Not knowing when this is all going to stop may be the death of me.

the finish line is too far down the road to see