WORDSBYMP

too broke for therapy

[wordsbymp]

I have felt an emptiness in my life for far too long, perhaps it’s always been this way.

[wordsbymp]

Who knows, maybe in a different life we would’ve worked out.

[wordsbymp]

You were never hard to love my darling.

[wordsbymp]

I lied when I told you I was busy. Or well, I was busy but in a different way: I was busy breathing. Too busy trying to find air to inhale and I couldn’t help it but, when I told you I was busy. I was telling the truth.

[wordsbymp]

And here I am again, letting you get under my skin. Here I am again, thinking of you more than you could ever, me. Here I am again.

[wordsbymp]

I would like to say how I feel, I would like to feel more. I would like to breathe easy. I would like to not walk on eggshells. I would like to not feel as if I'm broken, I would like to just know the answer of what do I do now.

wordsbymp

[wordsbymp]

I don't think I've felt this way in a while, I don't think I have felt this shut down in quite a long time. What's worse is that I don't even know where to go from here.

crossroads

[wordsbymp]

I’ve always wondered, what on earth did I ever do to deserve this unkindness from you?

[wordsbymp]

I do often wonder if I’ll ever regret distancing myself from you. Like, when you’re gone will I hate myself? Will I hate myself for wasting the time we have together? I suppose.

But then I remember you, and how you left. How you always leave and how I am always the one that got left behind. Suppose I should grow up - move on even. But, what if you leave again?

[wordsbymp]

Do you ever look at someone and you can instantly picture the rest of your life?

[wordsbymp]

Darling, thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved. More so, thank you for showing me what it’s like to be loved by you.

[wordsbymp]

I had to go on a trip - this is the first I would have to leave your side for more than a day in so long. I would have to wake up without you for a couple of days or so. And it’s not that long, we’ve gone through much longer but I don’t know. Something about waking up next to your sleeping body and to the stillness of our bedroom makes me not want to move. Makes me want to relish in this safe haven for a little while longer. If you knew me you would know that I’m always down to leave, always down for an adventure. But .. looks like my adventures got to be with you my love.

[wordsbymp]

Darling, you saved me. You save me every single day and you haven’t the slightest idea.

[wordsbymp]

I wonder how you’re doing, if you’re doing fine. If you miss me as much as I miss you.

[wordsbymp]

You broke my heart, fucked me up in a way that I didn’t know was possible. How young I was, foolish even.

And now that I am looking back at that point in my life, and remember the person I was when I was with you - all I can say now is: thank you.

Thank you for breaking my heart, for leaving me in bits. Because of this and because of you I was able put myself back together on my own. And now, because of you I know that the relationship I got from you is far from what I deserve.

[wordsbymp]

Fuck you for giving a shit about me in the first place - you did the worst thing imagineable.

you gave me hope.

[wordsbymp]

“Just like that?”

“Just like that.”

The years I have spent before meeting you, the pain, the hurt, the endless sea of sadness was all worth it because it got me to where I am now. It got me to you - and with you is where I want to be. Forever.