m.c. louwallein

Subtly sublime poetry and thoughts. Please don't steal content. Give some credit, at least. ♡ (most of my socials are meticulousmclou)

[wordswrittenbymclou]

as the sun sets on a yellow day

flashes of the future peek through

there's blue and black in the white i pray

it will look like nothing we had planned it to

and yet in spite of thorns at our side

the drumming in my ears and heartbeat

what we thought would break when we collide

simply fell into place, like legos stacked neat

get on my knees for more Thursdays with you

and several weekends and weekdays too

no matter the change of hue that we face

as each other's constants, we shall stay

[wordswrittenbymclou]

what I'd miss most is your silhoutte

I can tell that you'd just be near

gentle hands since the day we met

patience present even through fear

we'd form hearts as if we're just kids

under the stars projected, underneath

our own planetarium with music that heeds

to the mood we had in our bedsheets

like infinities, we'd have small forevers

let's count on fate and us getting more

but darling, even without red tethers

my heart would seek you evermore

[wordswrittenbymclou]

while everyone was afraid of thunder lightning was what i feared the most the anticipation within those seconds before the sound would strike

shivers went under my skin's surface played my ribs like a budding pianist the lurch my soul goes in impatience much discomfort comes through then

sometimes the noise would cut through and there are moments where it's still in all my years, i could never tell her which surprise i would still prefer

[wordswrittenbymclou]

She saw how sadly I looked at the moon

Despite the beauty and light that loomed

To me, it was tainted and more bloody red

Betrayal dripping from everything that was said

You wished that those things could be reclaimed

The crescent in the sky, the sound of my name

Pieces of me, thrown all around the night sky

Forcibly made to say, to whisper goodbye

But remember you said hello just a year ago?

Blossoms bloom from then, tides ebb and flow

The chance at color in the palm of my hands

Closed my fist, face bright again mid-stance

Do know that I have slowly begun to heal from the farce

With your words, we've already taken back the moon, even stars

And the sun and the clouds, all of it is ours

Let's look at them for a second, for minutes, for hours

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Applaud those with courage, even if meek

To have survived yet another week

I jump from days to hours to minutes

Pinch my own skin to see if I'm in it

The cup is overflown and empty all at once

Illusion of poured water, droplets then tons

So are the weights on both of my shoulders

My baggage posing as heavy boulders

Tired of the smiles, showing teeth and wide

Faces falling off, quickly swept to the side

And silence is all I can stand to hear

Do not come close, nor whisper in my ear

Allow me to stew in my bouts of sadness

Start anew in the future, forget the madness

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Kissed the cig with the familiarity it evoked

My throat simply welcomed the choke

Perhaps all the people were quite right

About sadness helping poets to write

If it was a good day, they'd be on a couch

Watching a movie and just lazing about

But instead they stayed in separate beds

And I was on my own, lost in my small head

And though I'd be whimsy on another day

Instead I broke after three months today

And maybe that's all I'm really good for

Clocks had been ticking all the time before

How many times have I come undone?

Will I truly even be here to see the sun?

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Hello my love

How are you my love

Did you know I never used to say my love

Adamantly advising never to say my love

Resisting and running away from my love

Because how sure are we of your and my love

Would I somehow lead you on that you had my love

When I couldn't even give myself my love

But things changed when I realized my love

Clear epiphanies of the bloom in my love

No one should ever weaponize my love

And slowly you crept and grew into my love

And now the comfort settles in my love

So tell me, how was your day my love?

[wordswrittenbymclou]

wednesdays are endings and beginnings tis the latter more so than the former an authentic you begun existing my cheeks had started to grow much warmer what i expected was a complete stop everything was instead set in motion it was long before i had felt the drop good heavens, did you slip in a potion? my feelings slipped out and through the curtain apologies for taking all too long but now the colors seem truly certain i have never been more glad to be wrong let’s look forward to many wednesdays perhaps my and our honesty truly pays

[wordswrittenbymclou]

emotional tourists didn't expect the turmoil the half-baked sayings smothered in oil my skin feeling like it was left to broil my heart of black, my mind in toil are you one of them? the ones stopping by unready for the horrors the unexpected high it is all quite a shame withhold your sad sigh thank you for your stay now go leave my sight

[wordswrittenbymclou]

I take too long to fall Looking left and right Knuckles just turn white Gripping all too tight Love is out of reach Forearm starts to hurt Hands are on my shirt Leads me to her skirt They all seem to float And I drop underwater The surface going farther My joints trying to barter Love is what I want Starting to kick my feet Halfway she comes to me With the sun easier to see

[wordswrittenbymclou]

No one must dare to kiss me All they will taste is ash There is nothing more to see But the mess to be rehashed We're still a long way from that Run from bridges before crossing My feet hurt, sore from the path Voices push me to keep moving Back and forth on the track My thirst is slowly building up Swallow your pity and hold back No one wants an overflowing cup

[wordswrittenbymclou]

There are flowers only you can pick Images only you can complete Vignettes of outstretched arms Reaching for the sun's warmth And because of all this, I implore you to stay Preserved rose petals in your hands Blow the dandelion seeds to dance Mouth a wish of a night's sleep Floral spice bringing relief And because of all this, I implore you to stay And if it isn't enough, hear me out No chain nor rule controls how to live When you tire of all things sweet Keep your breath out of spite Break my heart before you go Cause chaos on every corner Because blossoms can hold poison Pointed thorns exist for a reason

[wordswrittenbymclou]

they say that happiness is a choice but how do i decide when i don't have the time i go do my job from 9-5 mental jogs, gymnastics distracted breaks, not fine i take my lunch with a calculator went to dinner acting straighter say i'll search for therapy later think what to do after then it's 7 pm then it's 8 pm then it's 9 pm spent every hour in the corner i cower try and talk to friends but i never send the text then it's 11 pm i go consume content to drown out the thoughts my actions have intent avoiding to get lost soon it's one in the morning i light a cigarette in my room often wished it was explosive waiting for the ticking boom in an hour i sleep and it's russian roulette nightmares make me weep bargaining silence then bets and it's 9 am again

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Dear map,

I've never felt more lost. I know where I am not but not where I am. I feel the pull of the blue on your paper and the highlighted highlands. It is neither comforting nor admirable to have such a blatant need for direction.

Would you point to the places where people have fallen in love? Point to places where connection and meaning had bloomed. Point to the places where purpose could be found. Point to where to go.

My hope has been placed in so many people in so many locations that I've lost track of how it shriveled up. My plans have all fallen apart.

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Dear book,

My escape from the outside world. I can pretend to be side-by-side with the protagonist. Maybe walking down the aisles of a Hollywood movie premiere. Or in the ancient house where Picasso used to lurk and paint.

There was no wish for reality to become fiction or vice versa. But there is a feeling of comfort in believing that I wouldn't have to experience being in my own skin if I was another character.

It takes so much energy to love or to hate or to even just be okay with yourself. How much easier would it be to flip from page to page without a care in the world.

[wordswrittenbymclou]

Dear lamp, You’re the only thing providing light in a room full of darkness. I wish I only meant that literally but it is also metaphorically; I do not feel heat or warmth or shine anywhere else. The soft orange glow emanating from you brings me comfort but sadness. You’ve beared witness to my frowns. You’ve beared witness to my tears. Both of which would have been inevitably invisible. The frills and floral patterns adorning you let me pretend I live in a dollhouse. Yet I do not feel like I live in a dream. I feel like I’m alone. Painted to smile.

[wordswrittenbymclou]

time is slipping not in grains but liquid my hand is lightly coated milliseconds of moments and minutes of memories time is slipping there's no time for sleeping my alarm bells just start ringing i overthink the hours my hand is without power my knees buckle and cower the display in disguise hiding the day's demise along with the silent cries