i don’t believe anyone is actually ever going to stay. all i’ve ever known is voicemails and unanswered texts. i learn to count the days until i’m alone again rather than anniversaries. it’s always loved and lost loved and lost. so tell me, when are you leaving?
these days i’m terrified to go outside. always so worried, so afraid of seeing people and feeling that pain all over against constantly on the look out, losing my breathe over every blonde i see. it doesn’t get easier, it isn’t getting better. i don’t know how to tell you.
you look at me and sometimes it’s like you aren’t there. it’s like you see something, someone else entirely. where do you go? what are you thinking? when will you let me in enough to ever know the answer?
i’m trying everything to prove to you that i’m worthy of being the person you let your walls down for. i would never hurt you, never let you down. it’s like every time i take a brick down you build another in its place. i don’t know what to do. i don’t know what to do… tell me what to do…
four things i can’t talk to you about// 4am
