Gǣð ā Wyrd swā hīo scel!

𝐅𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐞𝐬 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫 𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐭 𝐦𝐮𝐬𝐭. Independent Multimuse blog. Written and loved by Fate.

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pinned post

What was this blog?

It was a hub blog for all of my side-blogs.

Was this blog an RP blog before?

It used to be an RP blog for Kaisa from Hilda (prior to season 2) before becoming a multi-muse RP blog for various characters. I then decided to make side-blogs for individual characters for organizational purposes.

What were your side-blogs?

fatedwritings - poetry blog

flameleads - RP blog for Roy Mustang of FMA

hawksights - RP blog for Riza Hawkeye of FMA

Now that you're no longer active, where can I find you?

Discord.

[wyrdify]

Help Me Take Care of My Cat

I think everyone I've met over the course of my Tumblr tenure has seen my cats or at least saw me talking about them. For those of you who've followed me since I was RPing on Ienzo/Zexion back in the good ol' days, you have definitely heard about Vincent.

Vincent is my oldest cat. We adopted him in 2012 when I was flunking out of grad school, had no direction in my life, and was at one of my lowest lows. He was about a year to a year and a half old then, and two or three adoptions had fallen through for him by the time we showed up. Before that, he was found by a river, abandoned by his original owners. So, when he instantly clung to my husband and me, we knew we had to bring him home.

This cat is one of the biggest reasons I'm alive today. I am not exaggerating.

When I took this picture on May 21, it was two days after he had a seizure. It scared the ever-loving shit out of my husband and me, and we all but rushed him to the Emergency Vet. They put him on the same anti-epileptic I'm on, an antibiotic for suspected toxoplasmosis, and sent him home. We then scheduled a follow-up with his regular vet for this month, and we were hopeful he would improve.

He did not.

Three days ago, he was breathing heavily, and we think he had at least one more seizure. Neither of us saw it, but we noticed he wasn't responding to us, and he was breathing heavily. We rushed him back to the Emergency Vet, and they upped his anti-epileptic while asking us to monitor him.

On Sunday, he started declining more. I could barely get him to eat for two of his scheduled feeding times, and he refused food for feeding #3. His breathing stayed heavy, he was cold to the touch, he was barely moving, and he had a very scary vomiting incident. My husband and I both thought we were losing him. We got him back to the Emergency Vet that night, and the prognosis wasn't looking great.

These are the X-Rays taken that night. He had pleural effusion: fluid around his lungs. The vets put him in an oxygen chamber to help him breathe, and it was barely helping at that point. It only started to help after a couple of hours, and they decided to keep him there until Tuesday morning (today) while they did blood tests and further monitoring.

We did not get to sleep until after 1AM that night. The emotional rollercoaster we've been on has been intense. 0/10 do not recommend.

The picture above is from Sunday night, right before we left. After we took this photo, he perked up and immediately started asking for pets.

The Emergency Vet staff did a great job with him, and they were able to confirm congestive heart failure. Once he was breathing better, they were able to remove 60 cc of clear fluid from him, and he improved more. He started eating again, asking for attention, and earning the adoration and amusement of every person who encountered him. He's home now with a new medication schedule, and he's still doing well. He drank a lot of water, followed me around the apartment a little, and is now sleeping in the office while I work.

All of this care comes at steep costs that, quite frankly, my husband and I can't afford. We had to take out a loan to make sure he gets proper care, and he will need more as time goes on. My husband and I currently live paycheck to paycheck with very little wiggle room, which is why we've created a GoFundMe for Vincent to make sure he gets care, and we can pay off his emergency vet bills.

Now, because this GoFundMe is associated with my personal information, including my full legal name, I am extremely hesitant to share it on this post. What I am going to do instead is ask for this:

If you can help, whether that be by donating or sharing the GoFundMe with others who can help, please message me privately via here or Discord (fatedefied). I will be checking here every day, and I have Discord open 24/7.

Reblog and/or otherwise share this post. If you follow me on other Instagram, Threads, and/or X, I have also posted the GoFundMe there. My username is the same across the board.

Keep this baby boy in your thoughts and prayers.

I really wish I could come onto Tumblr with better news. I even considered posting about how I got my Master's degree last month, but I held off because I wanted to be done here. However, that want is outweighed by Vincent's needs, and his health is important to both my husband and me.

[wyrdify]

Update!

First of all, thank you to everyone who's gotten the word out about the GoFundMe. We appreciate the help. I am still hesitant to share the actual link here, but it is available on all of my other social media platforms, including Discord. If you're able to donate or share it somewhere that isn't tumblr, please let me know so I can link it to you.

That being said, onto how Vincent's doing:

This was not long after we got him home and inside. Yes, he is on top of a doormat with a black cat on it. My husband and I find it hilarious that at least two of our cats like it.

And this is him while I was working yesterday. This is one of our cat's favorite places to be.

Vincent seems to be doing better for the most part. He's still adjusting to being home again with a new schedule, and getting him to take his medication has been an adventure. Unfortunately for us, Vincent is exceptionally clever, and he can detect medication in his food, including those pill treats.

See below:

I was attempting to sneak in his medication in his food. He was not having it. He is a sassy void through and through. The pill crusher we got worked like a charm, though, and today I mixed in his meds with his favorite wet food along with some of a lil' soup (Friskies product). He ate all of that in one sitting.

This is from today, after his first morning medication. He is on his emotional support printer. Do not ask me why he's attached himself to a printer. It's been his favorite place near me for over a year.

A lot of his energy has returned, and he's been purring, which is fantastic. I am still keeping a close eye on him as declines can happen suddenly, and I want to make sure he's getting what he needs. As of right now, he's on two heart medications, an anti-epileptic, and his usual immunosuppressant.

I may change my mind about posting the GoFundMe link here directly, but I am keeping it semi-private for now. If you're able to help in any way, shape, or form, please let me know. You can also follow me on other social media accounts for more updates, particularly Threads or Instagram. The username is the same one I use for Discord.

Again, thank you for your help. My husband and I are incredibly grateful for it.

[wyrdify]

Help Me Take Care of My Cat

I think everyone I've met over the course of my Tumblr tenure has seen my cats or at least saw me talking about them. For those of you who've followed me since I was RPing on Ienzo/Zexion back in the good ol' days, you have definitely heard about Vincent.

Vincent is my oldest cat. We adopted him in 2012 when I was flunking out of grad school, had no direction in my life, and was at one of my lowest lows. He was about a year to a year and a half old then, and two or three adoptions had fallen through for him by the time we showed up. Before that, he was found by a river, abandoned by his original owners. So, when he instantly clung to my husband and me, we knew we had to bring him home.

This cat is one of the biggest reasons I'm alive today. I am not exaggerating.

When I took this picture on May 21, it was two days after he had a seizure. It scared the ever-loving shit out of my husband and me, and we all but rushed him to the Emergency Vet. They put him on the same anti-epileptic I'm on, an antibiotic for suspected toxoplasmosis, and sent him home. We then scheduled a follow-up with his regular vet for this month, and we were hopeful he would improve.

He did not.

Three days ago, he was breathing heavily, and we think he had at least one more seizure. Neither of us saw it, but we noticed he wasn't responding to us, and he was breathing heavily. We rushed him back to the Emergency Vet, and they upped his anti-epileptic while asking us to monitor him.

On Sunday, he started declining more. I could barely get him to eat for two of his scheduled feeding times, and he refused food for feeding #3. His breathing stayed heavy, he was cold to the touch, he was barely moving, and he had a very scary vomiting incident. My husband and I both thought we were losing him. We got him back to the Emergency Vet that night, and the prognosis wasn't looking great.

These are the X-Rays taken that night. He had pleural effusion: fluid around his lungs. The vets put him in an oxygen chamber to help him breathe, and it was barely helping at that point. It only started to help after a couple of hours, and they decided to keep him there until Tuesday morning (today) while they did blood tests and further monitoring.

We did not get to sleep until after 1AM that night. The emotional rollercoaster we've been on has been intense. 0/10 do not recommend.

The picture above is from Sunday night, right before we left. After we took this photo, he perked up and immediately started asking for pets.

The Emergency Vet staff did a great job with him, and they were able to confirm congestive heart failure. Once he was breathing better, they were able to remove 60 cc of clear fluid from him, and he improved more. He started eating again, asking for attention, and earning the adoration and amusement of every person who encountered him. He's home now with a new medication schedule, and he's still doing well. He drank a lot of water, followed me around the apartment a little, and is now sleeping in the office while I work.

All of this care comes at steep costs that, quite frankly, my husband and I can't afford. We had to take out a loan to make sure he gets proper care, and he will need more as time goes on. My husband and I currently live paycheck to paycheck with very little wiggle room, which is why we've created a GoFundMe for Vincent to make sure he gets care, and we can pay off his emergency vet bills.

Now, because this GoFundMe is associated with my personal information, including my full legal name, I am extremely hesitant to share it on this post. What I am going to do instead is ask for this:

If you can help, whether that be by donating or sharing the GoFundMe with others who can help, please message me privately via here or Discord (fatedefied). I will be checking here every day, and I have Discord open 24/7.

Reblog and/or otherwise share this post. If you follow me on other Instagram, Threads, and/or X, I have also posted the GoFundMe there. My username is the same across the board.

Keep this baby boy in your thoughts and prayers.

I really wish I could come onto Tumblr with better news. I even considered posting about how I got my Master's degree last month, but I held off because I wanted to be done here. However, that want is outweighed by Vincent's needs, and his health is important to both my husband and me.

[wyrdify]

A couple of quick notes:

I am not deleting any of my blogs. I like leaving things as they were for archival/accessibility purposes. None of the links will change, so you can peruse any of the blogs, go ahead. However, I will be shutting off all ask boxes.

I literally don't care if you reblog things from any of my blogs.

If you want to carry threads over to Discord, I am more than happy to do so. Just let me know.

If you don't already have my Discord, and you want it, let me know. I'll log in at least one more time next week before I pretend this website doesn't exist.

Wish I could say this was fun, but I think I stopped having fun on tumblr months ago. Bye!

[flameleads]

yeah... I think I'm done on tumblr

[wyrdify]

I used my tools, but the feelings didn't fade.

I wrote prose. I journaled. I named my feelings, and I let myself feel them. I reached out for support. I hydrated. I ate food. I showered. I forced myself to be around people instead of alone, dressed for comfort in my husband's hoodie. I listened to my body and music. I considered my options. I did what I was supposed to do.

And yet, the overwhelming feelings surrounding grievous plans remained.

Two days ago, on what should have been an average Wednesday, I all but blinded myself with the salt outpouring from my eyes. I sat at my desk and signed into work as I stifled the sobs in my throat. I debated calling out, but decided the income loss would be too selfish. The same thought came to mind when I considered asking my husband to leave work so he could hold his breaking spouse in his arms. He came home to check on me after I called him in tears, and I almost begged him to stay. I did not, and, with considerable predictability, I put on the bravest face I could muster in public.

Because how do you tell your friends you want to unalive yourself when they're already carrying umpteen burdens?

I debated making this post in the first place. I asked myself what the point would be, what results I wanted, and what the impact would be. I sat with drafted posts in my head for two days, and I strongly considered following my status quo: saying nothing and pretending all was well. No one wants the ugly of mental illness—what happens during the breakdown versus the sanitized stories that come after.

I then thought of three people: Dan, the friend I lost this year, Mychal Threets, and my therapist. The first two were and are open about their mental health while allowing their community to see the rawness of their struggles and support them. Several times over various sessions, my therapist reminded me that I can let people in. It's not a bad thing to ask for help. I'm not an inherent burden.

This is me letting my community in. This is me telling myself I'm not selfish for asking for help.

To paraphrase Mychal: I'm not okay, and that's okay.

[wyrdify]

I have a little over a month until I'm done with college for good. I'll be getting my Master's, and I don't have the energy or desire to work on a PhD. Every semester of college I've done, both undergrad and grad, has been marked by struggle. Multiple physical health issues that included several trips to ERs, mental health issues that nearly earned grippy-sock vacations, financial woes, deaths, and other personal struggles that would take multiple essays to discuss span my entire academic career. I stopped counting the number of times I broke down at my desk while I was working or trying to complete coursework a long time ago. Some things don't change. There are considerable differences this time around. Some are obvious, like age, where I live, what college is like now, et cetera, but I have specific ones to list. For one, I know what I want to do after I finish college, and it is a career I chose not to please anyone but myself. I could go on a tangent talking about why librarianship is important to me, but I'll save that for graduation. Secondly, thanks to years of therapy that thankfully includes coping skills and tools I learned through DBT, I'm able to advocate for myself better, spot patterns and cycles I go through, and have more compassion for myself. Burnout, something I've been experiencing for years, is real, and I would not be here today if I didn't have skills like urge-surfing or metacognition. Thirdly, I know how I learn better this time, and I'm able to tailor my learning experience so I get the most out of it—with a little more help from Taylor (see what I did there?). Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, I can envision a future for myself past my 30s and 40s. I've spoken about that last point multiple times. I did not think I would live past my 20s, much less make it into my 30s. When I initially planned on teaching during my undergrad years, I could envision slivers of a future one to two years away, maybe three if I was lucky. The further I tried to envision something, the more my future vignetted until only darkness remained. Now? I won't pretend I don't still ideate or have breakdowns at my desk or on the bathroom floor, but all of that coexists with visions of a future years down the line. Some of that future is also uncertain, but at least I can picture something. I'm picturing a future that involves less burnout, less ideating, and a career I'm passionate about. Instead of merely surviving, I hope to live. Before I post things on social media in general, I ask myself, "Is it worth it? What's my intent? What's the likely impact?" It's why my social media posts have dwindled in recent months. For this post, I answered my questions: yes, it is worth it. My intent is to show a glimpse into the truth of my college career—the good, the bad, and the neutral. The impact? While I would appreciate validation and acknowledgment, in the end, I hope my words, clearly written while I procrastinate working on homework, help someone feel a smidgen less alone.

[wyrdify]

It's been 10 days since I last posted, so here's an update: I called out of work because I didn't think it was a good idea to crash out on the company dime again. The last time I did that was... earlier this week. Gee, I'm really on a roll! Gotta just laugh so I don't cry

[wyrdify]

"Fate, how are you doing?" I'm currently surviving off daily caffeine and spite while surrounded by flaming garbage that is two steps away from a grippy sock vacation. So, you know, could be better.

[wyrdify]

Blasphemous Act

QuarkForge, the company my husband co-owns with a friend of ours, does a podcast on Sundays about Magic: The Gathering. This week, I'll be on it as we talk about the TMNT release and play Turtle Team-Up!

We start at 2PM ET on three different platforms. Come on down and say hi!

Twitch

X

YouTube

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I wrote a poem today. The final draft of it is on my writing blog, @fatedwritings. You can view it here: link. In case you're wondering how I'm doing lately.

[wyrdify]

"Fate, how badly do you not want to do your lectures and homework?" My brain: "I know FMA technically has a card game, but I want a UB MTG set for it. Let me have an OP Roy Mustang Commander kick ass, please." Hi. I'm still alive. School and other things continue to bury me.

[wyrdify]

Tifa Lockhart could kick my ass, and I'd thank her. That is all.

[wyrdify]

I may start posting prose I write to my poetry blog. Sometimes, I just want to write out my feelings not in a poem, but in paragraphs that are loosely connected to one another. I have been struggling a lot lately. Physically. Mentally. I have appointments I'm dreading. I don't feel as solidly on the ground as I usually do, and that is not a comforting feeling for someone who favors control. Things I will not put on Tumblr have been weighing on me, and I'm exhausted from carrying them. I'm just exhausted, y'all.

[wyrdify]

Grades are finally in for last semester.

Guess who's still got a 4.0 GPA, y'all.

[lesbianswift]

FOOD DISCOURSE: reblog with ur opinions on guacamole, olives, mango, hummus, tomatoes, and cannolis

[wyrdify]

Normally, this is the time of the year when I outline what I achieved this year and what I hope to accomplish next year. I check my goals from last year, see what I missed, and go from there.

I won't be doing that this year.

2025 had its bright moments, but it was overall one of the roughest years in recent memory for me. A candle burnt at both ends, I spent most of the year weary and weeping. For what? "Things that were, and things that are, and things that yet may be." I carried heavy, nigh invisible burdens for many months, some of which I'll be carrying into next year not because I want to, but because there is no other choice. I am the only one capable of carrying them.

This year, I did not flourish. Instead, I learned, and I survived. That is okay. Considering where I've been and the battles I've fought, surviving is a noble feat all the same. I know only a little of what next year and its daunting journey has in store for me. I'm going to do my best to make it through one step at a time with help on the way, taking as many opportunities to rest as I need to. Right now is one of them.

I survived 2025, and I aim to do the same for 2026.