this is where i put important things

icon by @instant-noodles-are-yommy! this was a hiveswap blog until i hated hs and it has more followers than my main so i share all the "everyone should see this / serious posts" here

[socialistexan]

I'm going to reiterate what I said in the tags on that one post so more people that need to see it:

IF YOU ARE A TRANS FEMME PERSON ON HRT AND ARE UNSATISFIED WITH YOUR GROWTH AND FAT REDISTRIBUTION, PLEASE CONSIDER TRYING EATING MORE.

I know too many rail things trans women who complain that they aren't getting what they want and are too quickly jumping to surgical remedies due to it. I'm not saying top surgery shouldn't be an option or that we need to put more barriers, but I am saying it is an incredibly costly surgery that could have impacts down the road that you should consider your options before doing so.

Your body can't redistribute fat it does not have.

Genetics has a role to play, absolutely - I'm lucky that I have the kind of genetics I do - but I promise y'all it can work. After my doctor convinced me that putting on a little weight was okay and not the end of the world and would help with my results, I went up a full cup size and then some, and I have hips and an ass.

Some of that is adding on progesterone, but one of the things progesterone does is cause you to retain more fat, but that fat goes to the places you want it!

Like, I get it, everyone woman struggles with our weight and the constant inundation of 00 models and DD breasts, but that's not reality. Those women are on hyper specifics diets that are basically a full time job to achieve that look (plus some help from post production). It's not feasible to look like that.

Don't be afraid of weight gain. It's okay. You'll be okay. I was deathly afraid of it, being skinny was honestly part of my identity, I could wear children's extra large until I was 27, but even if it's not for your own health because despite popular belief skinnier is not necessarily healthier, just consider it.

[hellyeahscarleteen]

Maybe you’ve noticed: there’s been a shift in how people and movements that are anti-trans present themselves, and it feels designed to make them more palatable to people who would otherwise recoil at arguments that position trans people as threats. They don’t hate trans people! They’re very concerned about them! Think of the risks! Think of the children!! If that language sounds familiar, it’s because the anti-abortion movement uses this same playbook. Just like a crisis pregnancy center might advertise itself as offering pre-natal care, counseling or free pregnancy tests, an anti-trans provider might offer “gender exploratory” therapy or claim to offer valuable information on the “harms” of transition. Just like reporters being too willing to parrot unsubstantiated, anti-choice claims to the greater public, anti-trans groups are using places like the New York Times—and the fact that many people within those spaces were already held anti-trans beliefs-- to spread misinformation and position their “experts” as the reliable voices on trans care. Quite contrary to articles that claim people are being rushed through transition, accessing gender affirming care remains difficult for most people, especially young people. There are a limited number of places that provide it (and, due to transphobic violence both digital and physical, some of the places that used to aren’t able to anymore), waiting lists, and a dozen other barriers to access. Not to mention that plenty of elements of transition, especially physical transition, require at least a letter from a therapist. And now, on top of that, you have healthcare providers and resources who seek only to discourage or pressure all trans and nonbinary folks into not transitioning. This is a recipe for trans folks, or the people helping them access care, to walk right into a trap, and enables ongoing, anti-trans bias more broadly. Here's a guide from Scarleteen co-director Sam Wall to help trans people, and especially, adults in the lives of trans young people, to identify legitimate — and illegitimate — sources of trans care.

[ms-demeanor]

Wait, so you said that you can learn to trust others by building friendships, but how does one go about doing that? Wouldn't someone I don't know be creeped out or annoyed if I suddenly walked up and started talking to them?

Friendships are built of repeated low-stakes interactions and returned bids for attention with slowly increasing intimacy over time.

It takes a long time to make friends as an adult. People will probably think you're weird if you just walk up and start talking to them as though you are already their friend (people think it's weird when I do this, I try not to do this) but people won't think it's weird if you're someone they've seen a few times who says "hey" and then gradually has more conversations (consisting of more words) with them.

I cheat at forming adult friendships by joining groups where people meet regularly. If you're part of a radio club that meets once a week and you just join up to talk about radios, eventually those will be your radio friends.

If there's a hiking meetup near you and you go regularly, you will eventually have hiking friends.

Deeper friendships are formed with people from those kinds of groups when you do things with them outside of the context of the original interaction; if you go camping with your radio friend, that person is probably more friend than acquaintance. If you go to the movies with a hiking friend who likes the same horror movies as you do, that is deepening the friendship.

In, like 2011 Large Bastard decided he wanted more friends to do stuff with so he started a local radio meetup. These people started as strangers who shared an interest. Now they are people who give each other rides after surgery and help each other move and have started businesses together and have gone on many radio-based camping trips and have worked on each other's cars.

Finding a meetup or starting a meetup is genuinely the cheat-code for making friends.

This is also how making friendships at schools works - you're around a group of people very regularly and eventually you get to know them better and you start figuring out who you get along with and you start spending more time with those people.

If you want to do this in the most fast and dramatic way possible, join a band.

In 2020 I wrote something of a primer on how to turn low-stakes interactions with neighbors and acquaintances into more meaningful relationships; check the notes of this post over the next couple days, I'll dig up the link and share it in a reblog.

[ms-demeanor]

Very annoyingly I can't find the post. Some of that is covered in this post about affinity networks, but step-by-step here is how you make friends:

Be where people are. This can be online or in person, but you need to be in a social space around people in the same space frequently enough that you begin to recognize and get to know people. Maybe you are in a discord server for a game and you start to get to know names and avatars; maybe you go for a walk around your neighborhood and see people at their houses; maybe you go to the library and see the people there.

Exchange greetings. You might exchange a "Hi" the first time you meet someone passing them on the street, or you may wait to see them a few times before you greet them. But the first step toward being friends is saying hello (whether that's waving to a neighbor or greeting someone when they enter the chat)

Smalltalk. Smalltalk is a social script of exchanging trivial conversation about non-personal topics in order to pass a brief period of time together. Common subjects are weather, sports, local events, holidays, etc. If you're not sure how to initiate this a simple "How's your day going" is great; if you're not sure how to respond the answer should always be some variety of "pretty good, how about you?" If the other person brings up another subject ('how about this weather' 'did you catch the game' 'holidays are crazy') you respond with a polite and somewhat upbeat response on the same topic; you can continue in that vein and wait for the other person to introduce another topic or say goodbye, or you can introduce your own low-stakes topic. These are the conversations you might have with someone you've said hello to a few times while you are both waiting on a coffee order, or to someone you've seen a couple of times at the dog park, or someone who has showed up in the comments of a fic multiple times. This sort of conversation is about figuring out whether you want to get to know each other better, so it's kind of a behavioral test. It's assessing "can I have a pleasant, brief conversation with this person?" because people usually want to know if the answer to that question is "yes" before they share more details of their lives.

Slightly more personal conversations. Once you've seen the same barista twenty times and said hi, or you've run into the same person at your gym every other day for a month, or you've played on the same team as someone in your server for a while, you can increase the intimacy of the conversation. The way that you do this without seeming creepy is that YOU share something slightly more personal than smalltalk and allow the other person to guide the conversation from there. So this could be "hey, how's it going?" "Good! I had a nice conversation with my sister today, she got a new job. How are you?" (for example) and the response could be something like "Oh hey that's great, I'm good, what kind of job" or the response could be "Great, my roses are blooming" or the response could be something like "enjoying the weather." If the person speaking responds to your sharing of personal information with a request for more information (asks about your sister) or by sharing some of their somewhat more personal information (roses are blooming) they might be interested in continuing to gradually share more information. If they respond with more smalltalk, they probably aren't interested in becoming closer friends (though you should still continue to say hi and be polite and ask them how they're doing; maybe at some point they'll share something with you and it'll be your turn to decide if you want to get to know them better).

Deepening personal conversations. Once you've seen someone several times, you will begin to know little things about them. You will find out if they have pets or a partner, learn things about their job or their parents, and they will learn things about you. If you want to become friends with them, ask them about these things and offer information in return. Start casually and don't pry for more information, and be sure to share about yourself as well. Eventually you will get to the point that you can have a comfortable conversation on topics of shared interest for at least a few minutes.

Plan a time to hang out with this person intentionally. Maybe you've been randomly crossing paths in the server with this person for a few months and like them pretty well - that's a good time to ask if they want to get together for a planned game. Maybe you've been seeing this person at the dog park on random weekends; this is a good time to say "I'm going to bring Buster to the park on Saturday at about two, are you going to be around?" If they agree to meeting up for the thing, they are interested in continuing to develop the friendship. If they don't want to meet up then continue at the same level of interaction as before and perhaps later on down they line they'll ask you if you want to plan a meetup.

Begin to meet regularly. If the initial meetup went well, do it again. Don't make it a rigid scheduled weekly thing but periodically ask if they'd be interested in meeting up specifically like you did the first time. Once you have hung out on purpose a few more times you've got two choices: set a regular meetup, or hang out elsewhere.

Setting up a regular meetup is the relatively casual option here; it keeps things in the same location and keeps the context of the friendship the same while still increasing interactions and intensifying the relationship. You can have perfectly good, if somewhat casual friends, who you see regularly in one place and rarely outside of that place.

Hanging out in a new place changes the context of the relationship; suggest a hangout in a place that makes sense for the mutual interests you've learned over the previous months of getting to know the person (perhaps you've been meeting up in the library for a weekly crafting event and you've learned you both like scifi; ask if they want to grab coffee after the event and talk about a book or movie you both like. perhaps you've been hanging out and having fun conversations in a fandom-specific server; ask if they want to hang out in a private chat and talk about a non-fandom topic).

Do this over and over forever. Eventually it stops feeling forced and scripted, and the more you do it the better you get at it.

Some tips:

Most of what people mean when they say "creepy" is "overly personal" or "social interactions happening before both parties are comfortable with it." It transgresses the normal script and it makes people uncomfortable. That's why it's worthwhile to take things slow and keep things casual as you're getting to know someone. Sometimes people are *not* going to want to get to know you better and that's okay, just don't push for more intimacy once you know the other person isn't returning that same desire for increased closeness. If they never talk to you about anything more serious than small talk or casual interests, and change the conversation when you bring up personal stuff, they don't want to get closer (maybe they will at some point, but if you keep things chill they can make that decision if they get more comfortable.)

People like to talk about themselves, and if you give them the opportunity to talk about themselves, people will largely think well of you. Pay attention to what people are saying and ask them questions based on the topics that interest them.

People don't like to *only* talk about themselves, or talk deeply about themselves with people who they feel are strangers, so there has to be some level of exchange. Share information about yourself that mirrors the level of information that people share with you; if you want to know more about someone you can *gradually* begin to share more about yourself over time but don't over-share deeply personal information if most of your conversations have been casual.

Most friendships are pretty positive for the first several months at least; bringing up negative emotions with very casual friends might cause them to turn away from you. That doesn't mean you shouldn't *have* negative emotions, or that you should never, ever talk about them, but until you know each other better it might be best to keep your negative motions at the "had a rough day at work, glad to be off, how are you" level rather than "my boss is a raging asshole who fired my coworker for something stupid" level.

It takes forever! It can be very stressful! I do seriously recommend seeing if you can become friends with people in regularly scheduled group hangouts if you can swing it because it replicates the way we form friendships as children - frequent proximity and increasing intimacy because of time shared together - instead of the "this feels like dating" feeling of trying to make friends with people you see occasionally.

Anyway sorry that's a lot good luck.

[fouroddapples]

This is incredibly helpful, holy shit.

In case it helps anyone else, I’m gonna try to add something I got from a book on social skills (it’s by Daniel Wendler, written by an autistic person who’s learned the rules for autistic people who haven’t yet, highly recommend!) on the flow of conversation.

If you’re like me, maybe you struggle with infodumping and talking too much and forgetting to ask questions. If people don’t share as enthusiastically as you without direct prompting, you’ll accidentally dominate a conversation. Don’t worry, I get it! I thought, I’ll share what I want to share and they’ll share what they want to share, easy—right?

As I’ve had to learn…nope. 95% of neurotypical people (and a lot of neurodivergent people too!) won’t feel comfortable sharing without being invited to.

So, that “natural” back-and-forth of neurotypical conversation goes something like this:

You talk for a little bit. The less you know this person, the shorter your individual “blocks” of conversation should likely be in most cases. So if you’re at small talk stage, you say maybe a sentence or two; if you know them better you can get away with more.

Then it’s on you to pass the ball back. Your job here is to communicate “hey, your turn, I’m interested”, and to give them a cue of what to talk about so they don’t feel stranded and like they have to “come up with” an answer.

Not giving any cues is where awkward silence comes from, and it’ll feel to them like you’re communicating “I want out of this conversation!” So if your conversations with people often awkwardly peter out, check if you’re giving them a cue every time you finish talking!

There are, broadly speaking, two types of cues:

Invitations: these are questions, or otherwise direct prompts for the other person to speak.

They’re very direct cues, and they’re the easiest for the other person to respond to. That means that the less you know someone, the more you’ll likely rely on invitations (but not exclusively! That makes people feel interrogated. 2-3 questions in a row are fine, after that you might want to throw in an inspiration or two to break it up and be less intimidating—more on that below!)

Try to always keep invitations at the same level of intimacy as the current conversation—don’t talk about the weather and then ask where this stranger grew up and what the weather was like there. These are such direct cues that it’s inherently awkward for the other person to dodge them, so make extra sure your invitations aren’t uncomfortable.

Inspiration: this is essentially referencing things that the other person can easily latch on to for their response.

These are more indirect cues, and a little trickier in my experience. Essentially, you want to make sure that you end your bit of the conversation with something that’s deliberately easy to respond to—avoid ending on something that’s very niche that people can’t relate to or that’s very unique to you. If you want to mention something like that, you can, but tack something more general on after as inspiration (or just end on a question). Inspirations are still cues, they’re still meant to give the other person an idea of what to respond with, otherwise the conversation will feel awkward and unwelcoming!

What the other post mentioned re: offering slightly more personal information of your own often falls under this category. For example, if you’re talking about the weather as in the first example, but you mention where you grew up and what the weather was like, that can be inspiration for the other person to also talk about where they’re from!

But, unlike with a question, if they don’t want to share that information they can usually dodge it without having to make it extremely obvious that that’s what they’re doing. They can ask you something else, or shift the topic, and it might not be super subtle but it allows plausible deniability, so they’re not forced to either a) answer a question they don’t want to, or b) expose their discomfort (which is personal in itself!)

The more you know someone, the more you’ll likely automatically rely on inspiration to keep conversation flowing. That’s because you two have context for each other, something you say might easily have a bunch of things they could use as inspiration just because of past conversations you’ve had or things you already know about each other—anything can be a cue if there’s context! But with people you don’t know well, you’re gonna want to be a bit more mindful of it.

Generally, every time you talk in a one-on-one conversation, you want to leave some kind of cue for the other person to respond to!

Don’t worry too much about it though—if they want to talk to you, they’ll deliberately look for inspiration. If you throw the ball badly, they’ll still try to run to catch it anyway! It doesn’t have to be perfect.

But the less you know someone, the less you’ll be willing to “run” (because hey, that’s a lot of mental effort for a stranger who hasn’t proven they’re worth it, for all you know they might be an asshole!) and the more intentional you want to be about giving cues and making the ball as easy as possible to catch.

I’m very much still learning to “practice what I preach” here, but thinking of it this way has helped me enormously, so perhaps it’ll help someone else too!

[ms-demeanor]

This is so fucking funny

[ms-demeanor]

The first time I remember feeling suicidally depressed because I was certain I'd never have any friends and would die alone because I didn't know how to talk to people and everyone who acted like my friend was actually doing so in order to make fun of me or get me to do things for them was when I was ten years old.

That continued on until I was eighteen and happened into a scene that was full of accepting diverse, neurodiverse, and queer people that was A) quite welcoming and B) met once a month and C) had extremely clear social rules.

Once I found that group, I got a lot better at making friends and being able to act like a normal-ish person who could do things like hold jobs and talk to my partner's relatives without immediately coming off as someone dangerously unhinged.

To this day I have problems with trusting it when people are nice to me (because it always feels like they're setting me up for a public humiliation, something that happened multiple times in my childhood and something that made me very dearly want to grow up to be Carrie) and I have problems with overwhelming new people with too much information and too-aggressive friendliness.

So this is a guide written by someone who has had to painstakingly learn from the ground up how to trust people and make friends without letting myself get too hurt too often and without scaring people away constantly by coming on too strong.

[ms-demeanor]

Thinking about when I worked at the gun store that was next to the thrift store and I'd go to the thrift store before my shift and buy a novel to read every day for the first couple weeks because I worked at the register and was isolated from the guys at the gun and fishing counters and the manager pulled me aside after work one day and told me that everyone in the shop thought that I was stuck up and ignoring them and I was *SO* confused so I stopped reading during my shift and started drawing cartoons of my coworkers on the receipt paper and handing them out whenever I got a break from the register and could wander around the shop and then my coworkers started inviting me to go out with them on shooting trips and including me when they brought baked goods and snacks to the store.

I bonded best with the fishing guy when I cut off part of my thumb closing a knife that a customer had left at the register and he taught me about using self-adhesive tape instead of bandaids to close up hand wounds (using self-adhesive tape to prevent blisters and friction burns is also great, and also something he showed me); he tried to teach me to tie flies after that and gave me some paracord to leave at the register that he used to show me rigging knots.

It is STILL weird to me that they thought I was stuck up because I was reading at the register when I was too far away from any of them to talk for most of the day, that STILL feels stupid and arbitrary, but it was a good lesson for me about the kinds of things that will absolutely tank your ability to connect with people. They wanted small talk and a visible level of attentiveness, and since it looked like I wasn't paying attention to any of them they all thought I was a huge bitch.

[daisiesonafield-blog]

“Mystery virus” getting everyone sick… …. It’s COVID

Link

[whorcerous-origin]

A fifth reason that's happened to me is people may not realize the tests they have are expired. People who've had their little stockpile sitting in the cupboard from when they were being sent out and given to you at shopping centres and train stations 2 or 3 years ago, kind of forgetting those tests have expiration dates.

Don't make my mistake! Check your dates!

[femmefitz]

The FDA may have extended the expiration date of your at-home COVID-19 test. Find out if your test has a new expiration date. 

Some tests did end up having their expiration date extended, here's a guide to determine whether that will apply to the tests you have in stock!

Would also just like to say, while it is true that taking necessary precautions will help significantly with lowering the risk of getting covid, unfortunately sometimes it really is just up to luck. It would be best to avoid putting a moral lense on contracting COVID, though ofc it's also good to be mindful of how you could be more careful in the future.

[coolxatu]

government is trying to ban tiktok meanwhile millions of poor and disabled americans are about to completely lose their internet access at the end of april because congress wont renew funding for the affordable connectivity program

hell fucking world

[coolxatu]

if you want to help us convince congress to do something that actually benefits society, please check out the link below. we only have roughly 45 days of affordable internet service remaining from the time this post has been written

Don’t Disconnect US

Dedicated to ensuring affordable and robust broadband for all.

[bundibird]

Apparently PETA is adverising on tumblr now (i just saw a very horrifying ad on my dash) so now feels like a great time to remind you that PETA are fucking awful. They're a straight up evil organisation, they have the highest kill-rate of any pet "shelter" in existence, they once stole a pet dog off a family's front porch and euthanased it almost immediately for NO valid reason whatsoever (it wasn't lost, it wasn't aggressive, it wasn't abandoned and unable to be rehomed, it wasn't sick, etc). They operate as a business and not as a charity, with barely any of their funds going to the animals and most going on advertising costs and insane wages for their staff. Most of the animals they take to their cheaters get euthanaised. Of the ones that don't, most get sent to other non-PETA shelters. That's a thing. PETA will regularly take animals from their own shelters and dump them at non-afiliated shelters. Its better than killing them, obviously, but it means that theyre not actually doing their job of rehoming animals. Of all the animals they take in, they rehome between 2% and 6% depending on the year. A grand total of 6% of animals are rehomed. Of the remaining 94% - the lucky ones are dumped at other shelters, but most are killed, even though they're healthy and friendly and adoptable.

You should never ever ever give PETA a single fucking CENT of your money.

[finefeatheredfabler]

I used to work for a publicly funded shelter and good gods I cannot tell you what a nightmare it is when PETA decides they have beef with a shelter or other organization. They are the Westboro Baptist Church of "rescue" organizations. Please do not support them, support your local municipal shelter instead!

[actjustly-deactivated20181001]

Ramadan for non-Muslims: An etiquette guide

During Ramadan, when your Muslim friends are fasting, is there anything you should be doing? You can follow these tips

Read this & be mindful of those partaking in Ramadan. 

[somaperies]

I would rather everyone read and shared this instead of “remember to tag your food/nsfw/etc!” post that’s going around every year. (None of these things actually break your fast and if you’re fasting and worried about seeing them, you shouldn’t be on tumblr).

Being considerate and kind goes a long way, so I’d appreciate if this post went around instead.

[mariacallous]

[amaditalks]

The far right justices in question are Clarence Thomas (75) and Samuel Alito (73). The likelihood that both will be able to remain on the bench until 2029, at the earliest, is small, especially with the growing ethics concerns around Thomas’ financial improprieties and his wife’s association with January 6 that may push his retirement even though he is currently (very) resistant. Thomas and Alito are the oldest members of the Court.

Re-electing Biden substantially increases the chances of the loaded 6-3 court shifting to 5-4, moving control away from the far right bloc, by 2029.

But it also has to be considered that Sonia Sotomayor, even though she is only 68, may not be able to remain on the bench through the next presidential term due to health concerns.

The first Trump presidency and Mitch McConnell’s scheming loaded the court with three right wing ideologues who barely qualify to teach law at Regent University, let alone have lifetime appointments to our highest court.

It is crucial to remember that the impact of a presidency on the courts outlasts any other presidential legacy and can change the entire course of American life for decades.

[intersex-questions]

"Can I identify as intersex if I have no intersex traits?"

"I want to be intersex but I'm not."

"Can I transition to be intersex?"

Questions and feelings like these aren't uncommon. The short answer is, well, no, you can't identify as or transition to be intersex. And, reasonably, many intersex people get frustrated and tired of perisex (non-intersex) people asking them this. But wondering these things, especially if you are experiencing distress or dysphoria over them, is completely okay. I would just like to say that I, as an individual, am okay with any questions of the sort and encourage them, but please do not go around asking any intersex person you find these sorts of questions.

Being intersex is an experience that one is born with or develops over time due to their own natural body and not by the influence of things like being on HRT for trans+ reasons. Some examples include being born with different genitalia than what's acceptable in the widely-spread understood (but false) binary model of biological sex, or experiencing different levels of hormones that are commonly associated with only one of the binary sex.

A lot of people, before realizing they're intersex and have intersex variations in their body, want to be intersex without fully understanding why. I used to be like this. I use to desperately wish that I could be intersex, as it would explain why my body was the way it was, and explain the experiences that I had had for so many years. It turned out I was intersex, and this explained why my body was different from other's!

However, if that isn't you, that's okay. Still, you can't label as intersex. Intersex is more of an experience than it is a label you can simply choose or not choose to be. Although, yes, people who fall under being intersex do not have to call themselves that if they don't wish, much of society at large will still consider them intersex. It is an important term for many to have as it allows them to find community, resources, and explanations to their lived experiences in bodies that are naturally out of what many consider "the norm".

However! The good news is there ARE labels and communities for individuals who "want" to be intersex. (Although avoiding the phrasing wanting to be intersex is important as one cannot become intersex, thus the phrase is generally accepted as offensive.)

Let me introduce you to the term altersex.

Altersex is an umbrella term that can be defined in a few different ways, although I'll be using a personal definition, as many definitions online are unreliable.

Altersex - An umbrella term to describe having or wanting primary or secondary sex traits/characteristics that do not align with the binary sex model that a significant portion of society has adopted. It is primarily used by those who are not intersex and are trans+ and wish to or transition specifically to have a body that does not fit the aforementioned sex model. It can also be applied to fictional characters whose sex is not intersex but still doesn't match the binary sex model and/or human binary sex model.

The term absolutely is open to individuals who wish to use it to explain how their body has changed due to trans+ transitioning or due to being intersex! It's simply not as common, but anyone can use it. An example of someone who might use it in that way could be a trans+ person who has been on testosterone HRT and experienced clitoromegaly because of it, and wishes to have a label/term/community that explains and expresses how they no longer fit binary sex standards.

Some common examples, feelings, or reasons as to why someone would label as or fall under the altersex umbrella includes:

Someone who was born with a vulva/vagina, but wishes to have mixed sex characteristics and wants a vulva as well as a penis

Someone who desires to remove all external genitalia of theirs (gender nullification)

Someone who wants to have genitalia that is nonhuman, such as fantasy genitalia like alien genitalia

Someone who wants to have breasts but have a penis

There is an infinite number of ways to be altersex! Again, it's an umbrella term. Some common queer identities that might align with altersex experiences though include:

Being bigender

Being genderqueer

Being cisgender but desiring to physically transition (significantly seen with femme gay men/achilleans and butch lesbians/sapphics)

Being xenogender

Being nonbinary

Being gendernull

Being genderfluid

Being multigender

Being genderfucked

Being both transmasc and transfem or FTMTF or MTFTM

Of course, that isn't exhaustive! Moving on from that, here are some labels underneath the altersex label.

Salmacian. Salmacian is a label I see most commonly and I think is most relevant to this post. Salmacian refers to one who desires to have mixed sex characteristics. People with salmacian or salmacian-adjacent experiences often do ask if they can transition to be intersex, as there is not much awareness around the label and community. Salmacian is one of the most common altersex experiences. Aphrodisian is an alternate but less commonly used term. Salmacian is also incredibly common of an experience amongst bigenders, and vice versa. Other more common alternate terms for it are bigenital, bisex, or ambisex. Here is a link to some salmacian resources!

Xenogenital. I think xenogenital is what I see most next to salmacian. Xenogenital is a broad term that refers to anyone who desires to have nonhuman sex characteristics or traits. This is very common among those who are xenic/xenogender and those who are otherkin. Some examples include:

Wanting alien genitalia

Wanting animal genitalia (often referred to as faunagenital)

Wanting plant genitalia (often referred to as floragenital)

Wanting genitalia that can change, morph, and/or retract (often referred to as morphisex)

Wanting cyber/digital genitalia or mechanical/robotic genitalia (often referred to as cyberex and machinex respectively)

In conclusion...

Although, no, if you are not intersex, you cannot become or transition to become intersex. Some people wish or desire to be intersex because it explains their intersex experience without them realizing, but for many people, this isn't case. And that's okay! Altersex is a label/term/community that embraces anyone who wishes to have or currently has genitalia and sex traits/characteristics that don't fit the commonly used binary sex model. Altersex has labels/terms underneath it, such as salmacian/bigenital and xenogenital, which are most common.

Additional notes

Some people claim being altersex is inherently intersex. This is completely wrong! Wanting to have a body that fits how you feel and makes you happy in it is not wrong. The only thing that is intersexist is if you phrase or frame being altersex as "desiring to become intersex", as intersex is a lived experience and something you cannot become. If you realize that you are altersex, and people try to give you a hard time for it, ignore it. If it's online, simply block them.

You also never owe anyone information about your body, regardless of what they try to tell you. You do not owe strangers information on if you are intersex or perisex. On if you are altersex or not. Even people you know are not owed this information. Just like how you never have to explain your queer identity to someone, even if they feel like you owe it to them, and even if you know them, you don't. You are you, and what parts of you you share with others are up to you!

I believe that the intersex and altersex community have a lot in common and many shared experiences. I think that, not only do the two communities relate to each other, but, in some cases, people will be both intersex and altersex at the same time.

If anyone has any questions, sees any errors with this post, etc., please let me know! I'm always happy to correct or edit wrong information/typos, and I'm always welcome to any questions that are in good faith. I am not open to discourse about debating the validity of any labels, identities, or experiences. I am not open to debating intersex experiences. My blog is primarily for intersex people, but it's absolutely welcome to anyone with any questions, especially to intersex-adjacent experiences.

[thebibliosphere]

Ma'am/Sir/Other

So much of your blog is "Yaya another thing in my body broke (kill me)"

I'm not judging at all, cause I'm also dealing with that somewhat but,

In the most polite manner possible;

How the fuck do you manage to function without killing everyone around you in a bodily pain induced rage.

Body hurts too much.

But in all seriousness, therapy and a whole lot of radical acceptance.

I don't approve or like what’s happening to me, but realistically, there is no way to avoid it, so I either have to accept it and make changes to my life or reject it and increase my suffering.

It might take me a while to process this change and there might be a few screaming breakdowns in the interim (”it's not fair, it's not fair, it's not fair!”) but after a long time of doing this type of therapy, I’ve gotten good at holding my own hand and holding myself through the despair.

It’s a bit like being my own gentle parent. Like “hey bud, I know this sucks and you’re feeling a lot of big emotions right now. And I’m not asking you to stop feeling them, but I do need you to eat and drink before you get sick, okay? Okay, you’ve had some water, do you want to try for a shower? No? Okay, let’s go back to bed for a bit. We’ll try later... Cry it out if you need to. I’ve got you.”

Probably sounds bonkers to some people but it's the only reason I’m still alive.

My support network is wonderful and they do so much to keep me going, but it wasn't until I allowed myself to feel my emotions and self soothe through them that things got better.

I can’t change what has been done to me. I can’t change the dynamic nature of my disabilities or the fact that parts of my body will continue to break down. But I can accept myself and say, this is the way things are: react accordingly for our continued survival.

Radical acceptance isn’t about approval or giving up. It's a stress tolerance skill that lets you look at some of the worst parts of your life and go “fuck this sucks. Okay, how do I make this suck less?” and then following through on it.

It's a skill that takes a long time to build. But it's well worth investing in.

[creator-of-calm-queer-chaos]

Hello there! I hope it's okay if I add on with my experience about radical acceptance and disability:

Radically accepting myself fucking sucked. And it's one of the best things I've done for myself.

At the beginning, It felt like I was giving up for a while, it felt like I was saying 'I'm okay with this' when I wasn't. It felt like I was condemning myself to suffering forever. I thought my therapists were telling me to accept that I was going to be miserable and have no hope forever. Lots of tears were shed. This was also really early on in my research into disability theory.

It turns out, radical acceptance is not giving up, or saying you're okay with something. It is accepting that it is there. It is acknowledging its presence and that it exists.

To radically accept your pain means to acknowledge its existence. It means to not pretend that your pain doesn't exist and act like a completely able bodied person.

The first step to dealing with a trouble is seeing what the trouble is.

The first step is getting over denial. Because that's what happened first.

After that, you say, as Joy perfectly said, "this sucks. Okay, how do I make this suck less?" The next step is to figure out how to make your life easier. The next step is to accommodate yourself.

It is important to note that radical acceptance is not a one-and-done process. It is just a good first step. Many people battle internalised ableism for the rest of their life, and many people rightly struggle to accept their disability for the rest of their life. The important thing is that we try to accommodate ourselves, ideally without guilt, but its okay if we're not there yet.

I guess what I'm trying to share is that radical acceptance will likely be hard. I know it was for me. In a way, it was like going through grief. I mourned my able body, something I know would most likely never return, I got angry at the world and my parents for giving me such shitty genetics, I tried to 'walk it off' and 'pretend it goes away,' and I resigned myself to a future of no hope.

And then I found the disabled community. I found disabled pride. I found disabled history and literature and disabled theory. I read disabled books like Exile and Pride by Eli Clare and Disability Visibility edited by Alice Wong. I watched TEDTalks like "I'm not your inspiration thank you very much" by Stella Young, and watched movies like Lives Worth Living.

I learned that being disabled can really really fucking suck. I learned that I will have days when I can barely move from pain, and days when I will be so trembly that I can't hold my books. I learned there will be days when I can barely eat because I'm so nauseous.

And, just as Joy put it, 'we react accordingly for our continued survival.'

I learned where to put my chair so I could sit as I cook. I learned which knee braces worked best for me. I learned how to use crutches. I learned which pain meds did and didn't work. I learned when I could go to school and when I would need to stay home.

I also learned that sitting in the sun is just as beautiful as standing in it. I learned that celebrating my city's first Disability Pride Parade was one of the most amazing things I could have done. I learned how to paint and read and enjoy nature just as much as I did before. I learned about some of the people who have become my closest friends because of that. I learned that my disabled life is not, by any means, hopeless.

And the first step to that was saying "I'm disabled."

[rosethornewrites]

I’m trying to do this. I get pushback from my mom, who is of the belief that if I accept that I’m disabled, I’m giving up on ever “getting better.” But I don’t know what “getting better” would look like, at this point. What percentage can I expect to recover?

My therapist and I are working on how to deal with the grief associated with that, but it hinges on not focusing on what might be and instead focusing on where I am now. I may be disabled, but my life now still matters.

I’m glad to read posts like these that assure me that I’m doing the right thing for me by engaging in radical acceptance and acknowledging that I’m disabled.

[megpie71]

Boosting signal

[virtualhell]

mental illness hasn’t been destigmatised but commercialised

[queeranarchism]

Sooo true.

You can’t have serious conversations about your mental illness and you can’t even mention having one of the more stigmatized mental illnesses.

But you can endure a long line of ads recommending medications, self-care products, gym memberships, self-help books, online seminars, crystals, plants, sunlight lamps and other overpriced shit that’s supposed to be good for your mental health but is mainly just there to take advantage of people who are at a vulnerable place in life. Disgusting.

[cultural-antifascism-deactivate]

Marta Russel called this “handicapitlaism” and identified it as one of the traps of bourgeoisie/free market disability rights activism 

[saintmarrow]

Sorry to put more of this on your dashboards but i need y'all to know. Aaron Bushnell was trying to get out of the military prior to his action on february 25th. He was sick of being complicit and was trying to get out. His contract was almost over and he was trying to leave the air force.

When you join the military you sign a contract for a fixed period of service. It is likely he opted for a 4 year contract. You cannot "just quit" like a normal job. Attempts to avoid finishing your contract can result in felony charges and jail time. appealing as a conscientious objector is possible, but extremely difficult for noncombat roles.

He was trying to utilize the skill bridge program the DoD offers, to work for a civilian company for the last 180 days of his contracted service period. That would have let him cease his complicity even sooner.

This was the last act of a desperate man trying to draw attention to the horrors he felt he was complicit in, complicity he was legally barred from stopping.

He felt complicit, he was trapped in the military, he was trying to get out, and he couldn't take it any longer.

[saintmarrow]

The reactions i've seen to this are a mix of vets and people close to the military who know how this works, being shocked that civilians don't know that "you just can't quit", and civilians who don't know much about the military being shocked that this is the way the military functions.

This is why i made this post. I have the "benefit" of being raised in a military family, being taught the way things work by my father, and knowing that civilians like you and me aren't typically aware of these facts. I saw the information about Aaron and i knew in a split second the situation he was in, and i knew I needed to share it.

People on the political left are quick to form snap judgements and call for death about anyone in the military without understanding the context of the situation those people are in. Do better, and strive to understand people before writing them off as "unsalvageable reactionaries". The revolution that brought the world the soviet union would not have been possible without the support of the russian military. Things are more complex than the surface level easy explanations you have probably been operating under.

I should have included this in the first version of the post but:

if you or someone you know feels trapped in the military, there are ways to get out early, with varying levels of difficulty and legal risk.

The military, broadly, tries to cover these up and make it as difficult as possible to get out.

This podcast episode by leftist anti-war veterans discusses the various ways you can make your way out prior to contract termination.

A Guide to Getting Out of the US Military (Now) w/ the GI Rights Hotline

It's much easier than the Pentagon wants you to think. Whether you're in the military or know someone who is, this is the definitive guide t

Another good resource is the G.I. rights hotline, which can be reached via their website or phone number.

1-877-447-4487

Are you in the military or thinking about joining? Are you unsure of where to get reliable answers? Call the GI Rights Hotline at 1-877-447-

You have options. You may feel trapped and complicit, but there are ways to get out. You are not alone. Regardless of who you are, and why you joined, if you feel sickened and shocked at the war in gaza, and want to leave the military, there are options for you.

[theconcealedweapon]

I see a lot of posts saying "teach boys about consent".

While that is true, a lot of parents will do that and fail to see how their own actions are the problem.

If you've spanked him, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to sit on Santa's lap, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've forced him to give hugs and kisses to family members, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've grabbed him in order to force him to sit still, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've labeled him as "too sensitive" for not wanting to be touched, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you've assumed he's okay with something because he technically allowed it even though he felt pressured, he's less likely to understand consent.

If you're only going to criticize his actions but not your own, it won't work.

[doberbutts]

I am a firm believer that it's not just what he experiences in his life, but what he witnesses too. Okay so you don't do any of those to him but you do those things to his sisters? His cousins? His mom? He is learning consent is for him hut not for women.

One of my sisters has young children, both of whom are some flavor of neurodivergent. She is too, and as a result she often lost patience quickly with some of their quirks. The biggest offender is that her kids are extremely wary around anyone they deem to be a stranger, making social connection very difficult for all participants.

When I first met her daughter, she was 3 or 4, and was extremely reluctant to come and meet me. My sister began to shame and push and pull her towards me and I stopped her. I said "don't force her, don't teach her that she has to let men she doesn't know touch her, she doesn't need to hug me"

My sister froze in place, processed it for a moment, and let her daughter go. She went back to hiding behind mom. We continued our conversation and her son slowly approached me, hugged me, and climbed up onto the chair I was in to sit beside me and partially in my lap. After a few minutes, her daughter joined him. She didn't hug me, but she came over to touch and talk to me.

My sister was speechless. Her kids DON'T do that. I've heard many complaints from many family members about how antisocial they are. All I did was stick up for their right to offer or withdraw consent- and really just her daughter's, as her son had met me pre-covid and had already gotten over the hurdle at 2 years old, but her daughter was born during covid and thus it made her severe distrust of strangers even worse.

Now her kids are in elementary school and making friends easily and I regularly get stories from her about how she witnesses them connect with other socially withdrawn kids and stand up for both themselves and their quieter friends. She took my advice to heart and started allowing them to voice whether they consented to something and now her little boy will approach a crying kid on the playground and say something like "do you want to play, or do you want me to just sit with you, or do you want to be alone?" and then actually listen to what the other kid tells him.

My niece has an incredibly traumatized boy in her class who escaped war with his family, and he doesn't talk to anyone. But he visibly relaxes when my niece goes to sit next to him when he's too scared and curled up in the classroom's Quiet Corner. She reads to him and shows him her toys and holds his hand on field trips and yells at anyone who is mean to him. I'm told she's the only person who can approach or touch him without causing a meltdown besides his family, and it started because the first time she sat with him she asked if it was okay if she did so and she waited several minutes for him to nod before she sat down.

But they still avoid the family members that forced them to interact even when they were uncomfortable. I still hear those complaints, hundreds of miles away, and the jealousy that I've only met the kids a few times but they talk incessantly about me. If I call one of my family members and the kids are over, I can hear them in the background trying to talk to me if they figure out it's me on the other line.

Anyway. Long story short I didn't have to advocate for my nephew the way I did my niece, but advocating for my niece in front of the both of them dramatically changed the way both of them were taught to manage social interaction. Consent isn't just about teaching the boy. It's also making sure he sees that consent being practiced with everyone.

[butch-king-frankenstein]

message to all leftists: understand that landlords are bad because they are extorting you in exchange for a basic necessity of survival, not because they are "lazy" or "don't have real jobs"

[mushroomcaphat]

if you're learning how to cook or branching out or feel like you just are not a very good cook or can't cook at all it is so important to know that when experienced cooks say they're measuring with their heart they are lying to you. They are measuring with their intuition, instinct, and experience, all of which are built by following recipes (written or taught by family), experimenting a lot, or some combination of the two: no matter how they learned, they learned it through cooking way more than you have. If you're trying to cook based on instinct or the assumption that you should just be able to figure it out and you don't like how your food comes out or you don't know where to start, find recipes and follow them to the letter. There is nothing wrong with looking up how to scramble eggs or make a stir fry. It will make your cooking better and easier, I promise.

[afterword]

idk who needs to hear this rn but suffering is not noble. take the tylenol

[wahoo-shem]

One time when I was younger I was refusing to take headache medicine and my mom said “the person who invented that medicine is probably so sad you won’t let them help you” and now every time I find myself denying medicine I just imagine the saddest scientist making those big wet eyes like “why won’t you let me help” and whoop then I take the medicine

[nonbinary-witch-sam]

scientist when you don't take the medicine they developed to help your pain

[fandomsandfeminism]

As long as you are taking a SAFE dose of it, then it's *good* for you. Pain is bad for the body. The inflammation from prolonged pain can worsen chronic issues and make it harder to heal.

Ibuprofen is best for pain that has inflammation, while acetaminophen doesn't help with inflammation but is more broadly effective on other types of pain. As long as you are taking the recommended dose, you can even take them TOGETHER, since they have different mechanisms of action.

You do need to be aware of how much and how often you are taking any pain medication. Overdoses can be very painful (even lethal.) And if you are in chronic pain often enough that you need more than the safe dose, then you need to look into other medications to manage that pain.

(Also, if you are specifically taking Acetaminophen/Tylenol for your go-to pain management, getting some NAC and taking that with it reduces the risk of overdose AND may strengthen the effect.)

[bemusedlybespectacled]

One other thing: NSAIDS (ibuprofen, aspirin, and naproxen being the three big ones) can cause digestive issues with chronic use, including stomach ulcers. That doesn't mean "don't take them," it means "if you're at the point where you're on them all the time, every day, constantly, you should talk to a doctor about either reducing that risk or switching to another medication that doesn't have those side effects."

[solarianvoidthearoace]

I don’t have the source for this table anymore but I felt it should be added to this post.

[peskytimepirate]

Also please please please consult your doctor if you are on any other type of medication that put large strains on your liver or kidneys before taking any kind of NSAIDs as they can recommend alternatives.

[turtleneckshiv]

today the first person in the united states will be executed using a gas mask containing 100% nitrogen gas, meaning he will suffer and die of sudden hypoxia. although the state of alabama claims to predict that the nitrogen gas will "cause unconsciousness within seconds, and cause death within minutes,” medical experts have pointed out that there are risks that a person subjected to this form of execution could suffer from seizures, choking on their own vomit, and prolonged suffering, and claim that “alabama has refused to be forthcoming with the fine details of execution by forced nitrogen gas inhalation” affecting the defendant’s ability to “adequately make a legal defence.”

the UN has warned that this plan could constitute torture. the American Veterinary Association has advised again the use of nitrogen hypoxia for euthanasia of almost all mammals. experts also warn that safety issues for those in the vicinity of the execution could block prisoners right to have a spiritual advisor in the execution chamber as established by the supreme court in 2022, as well as the right to healthcare as established by the supreme court in 1976 should they not die immediately.

Kenneth Smith, who will be the the guinea pig for this inhumane punishment, could not be sentenced with the death penalty if his case was tried today as this sentence was imposed by a judge overruling the decision of a jury, which is no longer permitted.

the use of nitrogen hypoxia to kill prisoners has been approved in alabama, mississippi, and oklahoma, and is a risk in arizona, oklahoma, and nebraska.

you can sign this petition to several of these states’ governors and legislators here. if you’re a jewish community leader wanting to join the jewish community statement opposing the gas chamber you can sign here. you can also reach out directly to your reps, especially alabama governor Kay Ivey, who has the authority to stop this execution (although time is running very short) and other executions of this type in the future.

if you’re in “canada” like me, the canadian company walter surface companies, owned by a canadian private equity firm called onex corp is complicit in this execution as one of its subsidiaries is producing the gas masks that will be used in these executions. you can sign a petition here and do anything else you can to put pressure on these groups.

i’m horrified that any country still uses the death penalty. i’m horrified at the precedent that this particular execution sets. nobody should be okay with this.