Satomi @xsayuriix - Tumblr Blog

What they say:

"Narcissistic parents are skilled manipulators who can trick society into seeing them as the victims when they abuse their children."

What's actually happening:

"Parents don't have to be skilled manipulators because we live in a society that treats children like property, treats abuse like normal parenting, and sees parents as the victims by default."

shatteredmirror-sys

people need to talk about socially acceptable abuse more. it's literally why we're a system. the spanking that people refuse to believe is physical abuse when there are multiple studies showing it affects kids just as much as any other type of physical abuse. the way a parent might talk down to their kid their entire life and make them feel like they cant make any choices themself or be independent that they only notice when someone else points out how their parent(s) talk too and about them. the parentification of the oldest kid(s) when they have a single parent. the unnoticeable praise towards the "easy" child that all the other children pick up on. the neglect the "easy" child has to go through. a kid being punished for going to their parent(s) when they mess up and need help. not being taught how to clean or cook or do laundry or even how to wash certain parts. it all destroys a kid and it was all socially acceptable in my family and in the communities i grew up in.

- 🐰

advicefromsurvivors

Being abused can seriously affect your ability to distinguish between “not obviously pleased” and “obviously displeased” because abusers go from Neutral to Hostile for absolutely no discernible reason, and eventually you start worrying that everyone is going to be like that and you start feeling this urge to make absolutely sure that the people you actually care about aren’t mad or upset, because to you, “there’s no evidence that they’re not angry” is the same as “there’s evidence that they are angry”

deathbylesbianwitches

Can confirm.

It makes texting even harder, too.

hellhoundzzz

You are allowed to be scared of your parents even if they've "gotten better" or "changed"

Them trying to be a better parent doesn't erase the years of abuse they did to you

3liza

the "feeling like something is wrong with you that you have to hide" background noise is often a result of childhood trauma because an abused or neglected child who doesn't rationalize their mistreatment runs the risk of alienating themselves from what little shelter and care is actually being provided. it's theorized that blaming yourself at that age is a way to survive by coming up with a justification for why you're being abused so you don't blame your caregivers for your own suffering, thereby alienating them to the point that you are fed or sheltered or protected even less than you are currently. believing you may be able to "change" so that you're worthy of love also prevents despair/giving up. it's of utmost importance to the survival of very small children to develop a worldview that keeps them alive, even if it's by totally magical thinking and at the cost of their ability to perceive reality or navigate normal human relationships. the same thing can happen to adults in abusive domestic situations.

anyway once you're out of that situation it's time to get really pissed off

transfaguette

learning that constantly thinking about and analyzing and interpreting my traumas isn’t actually healing . and don’t get me wrong its made me a very effective communicator and emotionally intelligent person. but actually im supposed to be moving on and experiencing new things and happiness and stuff and not just compulsively reliving and recontextualizing the past. oops!

sunshinejojo

"Why is it that every time I learn something about your past, it's always something terrible?"

"I'm sorry."

"No, YOU don't get to he sorry. THEY need to be sorry for what they did to you."

biblicallyaccuratemoth

No you’re not being ‘the only adult’ in the situation you’re fawning and people pleasing trying to end the conflict while seeing yourself as a necessary sacrifice because you would rather poison yourself one sip at a time for years than ever daring to think that your needs are just as important as theirs

furiousgoldfish

abused kids reaching late teenage years: it seems I have trauma symptoms, which is odd because nothing traumatic had ever happened to me... sure I don't have many memories of my childhood but I am sure that everything that happened was 100% my fault and also normal and I am supposed to be strong enough to be over that and it was a long time ago so. That's all good. Now. I need to hide these trauma symptoms or my parents will kill me.