[xxdreamer]

I am insecure, I’ve told you that. Yet, you ignored it.  I am sad, I’ve told you that.  Yet, you ignored it.  I want to feel needed, I’ve told you that. Yet again, you ignored it.  I think there’ll be a time where you’ll just completely ignore me…..

I might just be fine with it. 

[xxdreamer]

Now, I don’t seem to care anymore. :)

[ninthsea]

Never apologize for choosing yourself over him for the first time. You love him, I know. Straighten up. Wipe away the tears on your cheeks. Do not regret the things you did. Do not blame yourself if he breaks. For once, worry about yourself. Worry about the cracks on your skin, or the lines on your wrist. Worry about the teary nights or the unforgiving days. Worry about the memory rush through sunsets and the emptiness you feel inside despite its beauty. You have done enough. You have stretched yourself far too much to the point that there’s no turning back. You have understood him far more than what anyone could do. You have memorized his demons and comforted them in his sleep. You have arranged his fragments and became his lamp post in the darkness. You have loved him deeply. You have done well. It’s okay that you chose to leave him. He would not understand. He would never. Never at all. He would blame himself. He would blame you. You and your selfishness. You and your closed doors. You and your unloving heart. You and your immature ways. But I understand you, because I know. I know, you are tired of holding your head up high. Only to find out in the end that when you rest, there is no shoulder to hold on to, but only yours. I know, you are tired of spilling your heart open, only then it ends up not returned in the right way. Sometimes, when returned, pieces are missing, and you would have to find it all by yourself. I know about your inner sadness and how easily he could overlook it. You can make everything seem so fine and he wouldn’t notice. That is why sometimes, you choose to close your doors, and he tries to open them with the wrong keys. He jams the lock sometimes, and you welcome him with a crooked smile, but worry not, he can never tell the difference. Hush, love. I know. I know of the listless days, the days when you’re not in the mood for anything. Everything gets annoying and you try your best, but your emotions get ahead of you. I know about the insomniac nights and the never ending thoughts of what ifs. What if I leave him? What if I fall out of love? What if I run away? What if I find another man? What if I do not stay? What happens then? What if he breaks? And yet you have never asked yourself, “What if I break?” What happens then? You leave. You say goodbye. And then, finally, for once in the longest time… You breathe. Deeply. Freely.

[xxdreamer]

Out of habit?

For the past two years, out of habit lang pala lahat. Thanks for making things clear.

[xxdreamer]

“I don’t like this version of you.”

He said disapprovingly

My cold gaze met his

“you should,

you created it.”

[xxdreamer]

Ang sakit diba pag narealize mong yung taong gusto mong alagaan, yun pa yung hindi mo naalagaan ng tama. Ang sakit diba? Haha.

[xxdreamer]

Uukit ako ng rebulto para sa sarili kong pagsuko.

[ninthsea]

Crying out months worth of bottled-up feelings

[buhaybabae]

I’m scared that maybe you’re okay with the fact that you could lose me anytime and you won’t do anything about it.

[tomhiddletson]

she’s beauty she’s grace she’s in love with aliens and space

[40screamingfrogs]

she’s gorgeous, she’s seductive; she wants to be abducted

[1st-1]

she’s intelligent - she’s priceless, she’s having an extraterrestrial crisis

[futureperfectjohn]

she’s brilliant, she’s wise; she’s an alien in disguise

[latinaballerina27]

She’s mischievous and smart, that alien has my heart

[mrmadhatter]

She’s wild, she’s free, she’s the only alien for me

[amazing-ghost-cookie]

She’s the moon, she’s the stars, all she wants is to live on Mars

[1st-1]

She’s bold, she’s hip, she wants to ride in a rocket ship

[zenxenophilia]

She’s cool, she’s hot, she’s a genuine, bonafide astronaut

[lilkittynellie-deactivated20240]

She’s near, she’s far, she shines brighter than the stars

[warios-worl]

she’s here, she’s there, she’s a galactic extraordinaire

[1st-1]

she’s smart, she’s kind, she’s the alien on my mind

[nyyxbby]

she’s a blessing, she’s a curse, but damn she’s my universe

[xxdreamer]

Crushy Part 2 Kahapon nag-talk samin si James Deakin. Sabi niya “Someone told me that this room is full of Engineers: Software Engineer, Threat Response Team, Anti-Virus Engineers. And I really don’t have any idea on what you guys do. And honestly, I don’t find it sexy. Do you guys find your workmates sexy because they do programming?” And ako naman si gaga, “Ang sexy kaya nun. Nakaka-attract kaya yung pagmatalino yung tao” then tingin kay crush. Si crush naman tumango “Totoo yung sinabi mo.”, and ngumiti. And I’m like “Wag ka ngang ngumiti!” HAHAHA. Ang landi ko. Puta.

[xxdreamer]

Pagod na pagod ang katawang tao ko, pero masaya ang puso ko.

Minsan talaga need mo lang maglet-go kapag di ka masaya. 

Kaya ikaw, magresign ka na dyan sa trabaho mong inaalipin ka na nga, unti-unti ka pang sinisira. 

[xxdreamer]

Crushy Part1

Nung sinabi sakin to ng crush ko nung nakaraan, gusto ko magpakain sa lupa ng mga 5 seconds. Gusto ko tumalon sa saya. Gusto ko tumili kasi kilig na kilig ako. Pero dahil realistic tayo, sinagot ko siya ng “Ikaw rin naman” (Kinilig  kaya siya dun?)

Feeling ko pag siya kausap/kasama ko, bumabalik ako sa pagiging highschool student. Yung pure, yung walang pakealam sa paligid, yung wala pang alam sa mga magiging consequences ng mga actions. Yung hindi natatakot sa pain at judgments.

Right now, sobrang thankful ko lang talaga sa existence niya, kasi ngayon aware akong pwede pa pala ako makaramdam ng ganun. Kaya pa palang maglabas ng kilig hormones ng hypothalamus ko.

Pwede pa. Hindi pa galit sakin si kupido. 

Huwag niyo muna akong sampalin ng katotohanan. Ayoko munang kusang lumayo.

Like a highschool student, I just want to enjoy the moment and if given a chance, take a grasp of it. 

[xxdreamer]

Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa.

[xxdreamer]

[xxdreamer]

[youcanflybutterfly]

“Make it happen. Shock everyone.”

— (via bon-za)

[coldblizzardsxx-deactivated2018]

Mas okay nang malungkot dahil mag-isa, kesa nasa relasyon kang hindi ka masaya.