XxwickedSIN

Read my thoughts please :)

[xxwickedsin]

Angel Tony🌹

We can bring flowers back to life,

But when you withered away,

We knew that most days,

You stood how you grew strong,

You went with a goodbye,

So we couldn’t relive those times,

Or revive you.

You are now with God standing,

For life took your last breath,

and your strength,

I will look up everyday and kiss the sun on my skin,

All that reminds me of how things grow,

God planted your feet firm and you’re whole again,

Amen, love you so.

[xxwickedsin]

prayer books

We wrote to God our two years together, Prayers that we knew could be answered, Humble pleading,

Before we lived to get through the pain, Like life taught us, A little prayer would get us through the day, so we thought, Look where He brought us,

Together, We wrote to God, And he gave us a new life, In simple worship, A pen for less speaking, How could our vows to God weaken, Right after He delivered our son Deacon,

Through prayer I can help erase what was done, but only if you pray too, Together we will pray and write them down, We wont save lies but the truth.

[xxwickedsin]

You

Three locs left in my hand,

As we fell onto the floor,

Added to my box of momentos,

Remember,

You keep things too,

On some You,

Were suppose to be the perfect soulmate,

Some days it was true,

Wake up to laughter,

Instead of that awkward silence,

Thoughts of you not addressing,

Why you've been undressing,

Other women with your

eyes,

Could be in person,

While you are gone,

I never stopped you from going,

anywhere,

I'd tip toe as if walking on glass around You,

Afraid to ask you anything,

Involving those memories You held,

You kept,

With other women,

You hate explaining what you think I should know,

Like,

Me, being the love of your life,

Like your wife,

So I play the role,

and you play with my mind,

As we pretend you're right,

I shouldn't question,

anything,

I should just know,

You'd see so much,

You'd do what you do,

Come home on time,

But I knew,

We can't pretend I never,

yanked your hair in passion,

On the floor,

Where we fell,

As you held me,

I cant think,

I can't take care of you,

me and them,

Without asking you,

Why hurt me, then do me,

But not see me cry.

You said I took good care of all of your hearts,

But what about mine,

I held onto my hurt,

And tip toed on the glass that fell onto the floor,

You walked away, and I asked nothing more.

[xxwickedsin]

I Saw Her

She twirled her dress in the door,

I thought I'd close my eyes,

Instead I watched her dress,

covered her arms down to her knees,

spinned her even ruffles,

colored in ruby or rose,

I stared as I laid in bed,

pinned to her as she turned,

Her dress around in a coil,

Enclosing my room at my door,

Her band made plain,

Alternating in a purl of shimmer,

Some slumber and drowse, but I can remember.

[xxwickedsin]

Again.

It would be you,

To come out of pocket for a key,

Give me your last before you leave,

Did I find you or did you find me ?

Because you weren't here one day and then you were,

Laughing in love with me after all of our hurt,

Giving good love to me in different ways,

Falling more in love each day,

If I ever lost my love, I'd open your heart

As I did from the start,

Learning to love again.

[xxwickedsin]

For Dennis

She never saw eyes that saw so many lives come and go,

Or held the hand of a man that's carried more than he could,

Until she came to know him,

He only does what he needs to survive and provide,

He sleeps with his father's ashes at the foot of his bed,

Would rather work instead of resting his head,

His room is filled with other keep sakes and what's important,

To any man that knows how to live,

Or thats lived to know what not to leave,

She sat on his bed and looked up at the pictures of his children on the wall,

She wore his father's robe that he held close after they made love,

And when she looked again into the eyes of her love,

She saw a new life in them.

[xxwickedsin]

guardian

I walked in the store and didn't know why,

There was a woman waiting in the aisle,

She had then passed me a herb,

But didn't wear a smile,

She wore thick glasses,

Her hair pulled back and out of her face,

That she made me read,

Before checking out to leave,

I didn't look back,

I just held the item tight,

Didn't bother to question her but learned what was right,

To carry forth and out each door,

To resist the need for something more.

[xxwickedsin]

mr. thomas

When he's down and needs some work,

He waits on his front porch for a ride,

Just to come back with four 40's at his side,

He keeps his toilet clean,

But his floor is covered in hen's soil,

You can come across the ashes in the corners that he leaned,

Upright and protected from the souther,

His home stands rigid in the shade,

His water lillies sprout every summer,

Kept in secret, where his dog was laid,

After hanging itself on the same gate that surrounded the other,

His boa caged too,

With the bachelor who smothers his doom to death.

5.19.18

[xxwickedsin]

burrows

I lived across the street from a baseball field,

Right around the corner from the projects,

I woke up every morning and saw green grass,

Between Courtlandt and Melrose Ave,

Cut through the Jackson Houses some days after school,

Except on Halloween,

That's when those young Bloods would chase young girls,

Sliced their faces to make them bleed,

For the flag,

I'd look out my window and toss some of my pins and clasps when I was mad,

Unto the concrete,

That carried the weight of the South Bronx,

I'd walk from Third Ave and forget to watch the street,

Just listened to tunes and end up home,

But before I opened the door to my building,

I'd turned to the field that pictured my city safe to roam.

[xxwickedsin]

Anna Lucasta

Anna was home again,

Her mother Teresa said so like a saint,

To be given away once more,

By her father,

To a man that could really love her,

Maybe they could dance like they use to,

It would be her wedding day,

That her old man drank until he dropped his bottle,

Anna cried, then picked up his Gin and read his hymns,

" Noah's Double Shots and Bottles ",

One she could recite just like him,

She'd dance and hum in a tune he taught her,

To remember what they shared,

How he put her on a bus, then a cab,

Drivers took her to hell with the fare,

Instead of a father daughter dance,

His demons chased his little angel,

Into burning bays with fleets from afar,

Praising an Ancient sea god called "Papa",

With just the clothes on her back,

Blameless and facing the flood,

Her fire to signal she was left stranded on shore,

Waiting to be found,

When the thought of it killed him,

He finally gave her away,

To a man that really loved her,

He died just like Noah,

But with a sip of water,

And with his daughter, he decided to pray.

[xxwickedsin]

poor unfortunate souls

I put my smiley face on, They knew I had to be there for the money, I could have been a “nigga” and stole it and much more, But I wanted to earn it,

When I interviewed, they said my smile had won them over, When I came in my first day, the IT guy said I had to: “1. kiss some ass,  2. get rid of the VP’s trash,      and  3. give up some ass”

I sighed and thought, I left some details out about myself too.

He said, “ you should consider at least one and you’ll fit right in ”, It had become clear that when I accepted the offer, I had become 3/5 of a person, Each office grew dark as they began to brag about their guest houses and trips to Santorini … knowing that they never earned it.

I smirked, extremely smug as I walked down the hallway, I said to myself, “Ursula Honey, be sure to keep it short and sweet”, I said to them, “Good Morning” and “Good Afternoon”, And soon the entire building became cold, I noted to cover my legs the next day and the day after that, They would forget what they looked like and only remember that they were black.

I sniggered, as they waited for me to oblige, They focused in on me and studied the curve of my lip, The phone rang and I answered it, They gathered around to listen to me speak, I checked the time and waited for them to ask something else of me,

I laughed, in the most wicked way, As one by one ganged up on me, like their forefathers did Dorothy Counts, I didnt budge either, The next day they decided to let me go, With two months severance pay and a collection of poor unfortunate souls.

12.12.17

[xxwickedsin]

yellow mary

She wears the veil of a bride to cover her eyes, To blind her or the others, Of all her mistakes she so-calls lovers, She dresses one of many in a yellow gown, A high reflectance of light, Damned are all her sources, that waste away in darkness, She would rather lose her soul than to have it hidden in a case, Or lying underneath her white dress exposed, Formal yet flared, she returned home on a boat, To cast her freedom away on shore, Ridding herself of the hue that resembles the sun, Giving the tide and the sky’s dust value, Feeling the sea salt breeze, With the strength to walk in the midst of her sin, Never to greave.

[xxwickedsin]

Ever thought about taking a walk with Yellow Mary ?

She's the one dressed up like a bride.

[xxwickedsin]

Celie

I watched a freed woman shake her breasts,

Glittered in red with a hoodoo rhythmn,

In the deep south,

Men are buried alive to sleep with her,

She askes her father for forgiveness,

By conjuring spirits like Mister's,

I lay beneath them, frozen in grief,

Holding a basket to gather my senses,

Hiding my web of deceit in a corn field,

Luring a brain to pick to escape this maze,

There's a knife in my hand to free me,

To kill Mister or slaughter my troubled mind,

To bring back the echoing innocence of my sister,

I'll be as hideous as the beast that chained me,

One last time.

2.6.2018

[xxwickedsin]

momma

Sleeping on the bleachers, Full of pride, Wood against my spine, You taught me how to read, Not to tell time, Feels like punishment, Never getting to play, Having you show up to my games, Hiding from me, Pretending to be, A mother.

2.5.2018

[xxwickedsin]

green eggs

I refuse to knock on your door, Or let you welcome me inside, I left eggs on your porch, as green as the plant I laid it beside, It only takes one but I delivered a dozen, Except it wasn’t in your hand, Anything can slip up, a hex or spell, even someone given a chance, Just who do you trust in? Why not rely on favor? You’ve done plenty for me, There’s power in the one that saved you, Not the magic, but who you’ve accepted from me.

2.2.2018

[xxwickedsin]

mary

I talk to you about my day first and then somehow you take over, Expressing my limits is never any fun, I’m always sure to never hold you too close, To tell you, “I never want out of this”, And to never mention where I’ve been. My mind is gone, three minutes into solace, but when we unite you always know a place, Suggest something sweet, nothing stiff, Remind me just how it tastes, Just do what you do every time we meet, Take me any direction that leads me back to where I’m from, Exactly where you don’t exist, I promise I’ll be back to hold you, you help me remember what I miss. 

2.2.2018