So I was asked to write about understanding yourself and controlling your emotions better and i’m going to be honest, this is a difficult one because it’s an ongoing continuous process. Here are a few ways you can try to start this journey, but I think that the key here is consistency, always trying to catch yourself and getting back up when you fall. I don’t think there’s a perfect formula here. But, here are a few ways to get started:
- Be kind to yourself. A lot of the time we tend to be harder on ourselves than we are on others. We tend to think that we’re faulty and that everyone else has their lives together. I promise you, people’s lives aren’t as perfect as they look from the outside. Be kind to yourself. Forgive yourself when you mess up and don’t expect perfection from yourself.
- Take time to be on your own. Try to be comfortable with yourself. Turn your phone off, or delete social media for a little while and just try to be content with yourself. This time can be used creatively, or to study or to just get your equilibrium and find inner peace. The point is, you don’t have to constantly be texting ppl or hanging out with friends to enjoy yourself. If you can, go a step further and do things that you’d normally do with others alone. Go shopping, eat a meal out(this might have to be saved for after covid restrictions lift), or even get drinks and make a fancy meal at home and ‘date yourself’.
- Try to be more aware of your thoughts. Do you tend to think negatively? One way to stop is to get off social media(I will advocate for this forever, especially sites like tiktok and twitter which can carry so much negativity), start a gratitude journal, meditate, actively tell yourself to think positive things. This also helps a lot if you tend to be judgmental about others. I promise you, once you start telling yourself to find a good thing about every person you come across and you start to appreciate them, you’ll feel more comfortable about yourself too. Negative thoughts take up a lot of space. I know we all love self-deprecating humor and the memes, but be honest with yourself about whether these thoughts are constructive or not. Sometimes you have to try to force yourself out of it because thinking that we can’t do stuff or that we’re just not that great can make us complacent and can eventually get us believing that. I promise you, that’s not the truth. Everyone is capable of amazing things.
- On that note, start hyping yourself. When you look cute don’t be afraid to say it. When you do something great whether it’s a great assignment or amazing art don’t be afraid to tell people or to tell yourself. Don’t let others dictate how you feel about things.
- Stop hanging out with those negative or shitty friends. The ones who make compliments sound like insults and the ones who talk shit about people they hang out with and make you feel like they might be doing the same about you. They are bringing you down and you don’t need that. Fill that space with positive friends( the ones who hype your ig photos and share them to their stories and who are proud of your successes) or fill that space with more me-time.
- Develop peaceful habits. Habits that ground you and that make you think. Journal(there are amazing prompts that will give you insight about yourself), read self-help and educational books, listen to podcasts, learn to read tarot, meditate, do yoga etc.
- This is a super hard one to do, but try to stop giving people power over you. We’re all in our own worlds and we’re all the main characters of our stories. Don’t let what you think that others may be thinking stop you from enjoying your life and from taking chances. A good exercise you can try to do is to push yourself a little out of your comfort zone every week. Ask a stranger for the time, laugh with your friend on the subway without lowering your voice, do a little dance at a crosswalk, wave at strangers. Try to think of new things every day that you can do to interact with the people you are afraid are judging you. The more you do this the more you’ll see them as people who will forget what happened by the end of the day. I saw a quote that said most men are just ‘some guy’ and you should honestly remind yourself that. Life becomes more fun when you’re not afraid of these invisible restrictions. This will take time but it’s so worth it. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-vZXgApsPCQ)
- Validate your feelings. Tell yourself your feelings are valid. Say no when you don’t want to do something, don’t apologize for it. Tell someone when they’ve upset you. Try to speak up when you feel you’ve been wronged. Defend yourself when someone is attacking you. Those are your rights. Own them.
- Every day tell yourself you love you. Do it until you believe it. Then keep doing it. Make decisions based on that love of yourself and not based off of self-loathing.
- You’re not always going to be right. Be willing to learn from these situations. Be willing to listen to others and then you can choose whether to accept or reject their input, but be willing to listen and grow when it’s needed. Life is a learning curve, we always have room for growth.
- Be kind to yourself but also be accountable to yourself. Sometimes we mess up and we procrastinate that project for too long etc. Don’t let this be the norm for you. Hold yourself accountable for when you mess up and then make a plan to fix that going forward. We all need to be able to have self discipline. That discipline will help us achieve our goals and succeed. (Just don’t push yourself too much). If you’re in quarantine and don’t have much to do for self- discipline try starting a morning and night routine, or reading for a few minutes each day, start a 30 day challenge and push yourself through it. Once you prove to yourself that you are capable of these things you’ll feel so much more confident for your other goals.
- Try to be understanding about where other people are coming from but don’t let them walk over you or take away your voice. Learn to draw the line between kindness and peace and being taken advantage of. (Fool me twice etc). Try to set boundaries with people and if you feel they’re encroaching on them either spend less time with them, let them know or even just cut them off. (This is harder for ppl living at home in toxic environments so I understand that this situation can be very volatile).
- Remember your true friends and those you care about too. Be happy for them when they succeed, congratulate them (even when sometimes it feels like they’re always winning while we’re always losing don’t let yourself think negatively about it, your blessings are coming), support them, remember to wish them a happy birthday and to check up on them etc. Create a loving environment with them.
- Cry. Sometimes we need a good cry.
- Laugh. Put on a good comedy, smoke weed if that’s your thing, call a friend etc. Do something you love that makes you laugh. if your classes seem to be taking your will to live away, try to take a night off and do something that brings that joy back to you. We aren’t robots, we need to reward ourselves. In this pandemic we need it even more.
- This is an ongoing process. Knowing yourself and being at peace with yourself requires continuous work. If you fall of the wagon and lose sight of your goals, when you realize this try to pick yourself back up and don’t punish yourself for lost time or for not being 100% perfect. We’re human. We’re not perfect. But it’s important to keep going once you realize you’ve fallen. Don’t stop.
- I think the goal here is to become your favorite person. You don’t have to wait to weigh a certain weight or to own this closet of clothes, live here, make this much money etc to love yourself. Don’t hold off on that self-love. Start now, start today by noticing your favorite features. Be aware of the fact that you’re alive and your body is keeping you alive. Your brain is amazing and you have immaculate taste in music and your interests are awesome. You don’t have to be this idealized future version of yourself to like yourself. You’re amazing now. Try to realize that and internalize it because it’s true. Positive things will come into your life if you have a more positive outlook.
And please stop believing social media and stop holding yourself to Instagram standards. You are on your own journey under your own circumstances. Life isn’t a race or competition. You don’t have to be anywhere you’re not in life.
If you start school later than others, or don’t have your license or took a semester off or work at a fast food place etc those are amazing things. They mean you’re getting educated, you’re self-sufficient and you live in a city where you don’t need a vehicle. They don’t mean you’re behind on anything. Social media will make you feel ugly and lazy and behind on life but you have to remember that a lot of what we see is a façade. And, we’re all on our own personal journeys with our own personal circumstances. Don’t be embarrassed about your situation, be proud of yourself always.
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