Let this post be a cautionary tale for anyone that stumbles upon it, so that your hubris won't bring defeat upon ye, as it almost did to me.
As I was taking a nice evening stroll back home from my weekly afternoon stretching activity, my legs and good weather led me to a nearby store for some frozen sweet treat. As my eyes leisurely scanned the shelves at the asian section, a whimsy thought struck my thoughts, and, as I was in a pleasant mood, I allowed myself to succumb to it and buy a cup of infamous Buldak noodles for the first time in my life.
Now, contrary as to what my introduction may lead you to believe in, I was not a complete fool and knew that my spice tolerance was less than adequate for this type of cuisine, so I decided to consult The Great Google. Seeing as the level of spiciness of this particular flavor was considered lower than most other flavors, I gleefully frolicked home. Oh how painfully naïve I was back then, but it was nothing compared to the pain I would feel later.
The preparation for the feast was smooth and uneventful, but I realize now it was naught but calm before the storm, as I, not knowing any better was obliviously preparing for my own destruction.
Poring most of the water out. Putting in the WHOLE bag of sauce, not even half, just to try the waters first. Preparing only a bottle of soda even knowing full well that the milk products would be way better to fight off the heat.
I see it in my memory's eye still as if it happened only just now, the world slowing down around me as the chopsticks were inching the noodles closer and closer to my mouth, still unsuspecting of the horrors that awaits it in the moment.
Then the moment passes, and realization dawns upon me, like a church upon sinner. Confusion, horror, betrayal - all of the surfacing emotions don't matter as I put the useless sweet bubbly liquid aside and make a run to the fridge so fast I barely remember the trek itself, being focused on locating any kind of relief to the flames decimating my tasting buds.
Thankfully Lady Fortune took pity on my poor soul and hurting flesh, and I could even brave though all of the noodles with the help of ice cream and crème fraiche. I won the battle.
I thank my lucky stars for getting out of this alive. You might not be as lucky.
SO have some goddamn milk in your fridge at the ready if you ever plan to try new stuff that you know is most likely going to be really spicy, even if you think that you can take the heat.
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romaincrisis
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