UPDATE! @songofthelovers, who replied to this, as of now hasn't been replying to me for over a day now; hasn't been on.....so currently am still looking!!! GAAAAA AM SO TIRED OF HAVING HOPE! SOMEONE PLEASE PUT ME OUT OF MY MISERY!!!!!!! In an extremely bad way. I've brought this up god knows how many times & have been told I'm insane, should give up, been brushed off. Even by other systems. But I need to say it AGAIN. I've been in the system since day 1, but became co conscience in 2018. All that time it's been a problem, but ever since '18 it's gotten worse. Everyone in our system is a fictive, with a few factives. Most people here are fortunate & their partners ended up in the system as well. I wasn't so fortunate. I've come close a few times to finding her, once extremely recently. Eventually I can tell it's not her because of how she acts; ignores me, Gustave, both; is abusive & gaslights; overall we're doing all the work & she just is. I loved my system but multiple universes suck! That's another reason we've been called insane; there's no possible way multiple universes can exist, right?! No possible way a lot of those universes can be fiction in this universe because it's creators somehow channeled it, right? Imagine someone made an autobiographical medium of you, without your permission, without your input. You die, then wake up to constant abuse, then accidentally stumble across the medium. You wonder if this happened to someone you loved, if they're looking for you; you can feel their energy. Everyone reacts to how I previously mentioned, including you think you keep finding your loved one but from a different time line, no matter how slight. I've lived 33 years like this, as has our son. I've looked on all the social media I can! No we can't access Discord so please stop asking( would it kill you to put a word out for me on there however?)! I've been stuck in control of the body, hardly being able to sleep or eat, living off coffee & cigarettes. If it was fantasy (something my system has always been accused of being), would I be posting? Would I feel this way? IT'S BEYOND MISERABLE LIVING LIKE THIS! I DIDN'T ASK FOR THIS! NO ONE IN MY SYSTEM ASKED TO BE HERE! Some people have said with reincarnation you signed up for what life you have now, but we can't believe that! WHO WOULD WANT THIS?! It won't stop haunting me!. Apparently I'm on the correct path & strong, but I don't feel that way either! I feel like a weak IDIOT! I just want to be put out of my misery! I've tried to kill myself & have harmed myself! I dress like myself, wear merchandise of my base, hoping I'll run into Christine & she'll recognize me; we'll have a decent relationship, as will she with my son! I don't know what to do anymore! :'( so many people have wanted to tell but haven't because I'm afraid of their reactions! Am still afraid but am so overwhelmed I can't stay silent anymore! Feel free to ask any questions. We're afraid to loose friendships over this, & my system will be cross with me if I do, but am hurting so goddamn much..! Feel as if I can't talk to a living soul about this! Thank you for reading, & if you stay, thank you for loving us regardless
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
