Teenage advice

I am here to help YOU. This page is for advice and advice only, I will not judge you or the actions you choose. Feel free to message me whatever your age is as I do not mind and simply want to give advice as a close friend would. [email protected]

[youhavetospeakup]

Apologies,

This page has been inactive for so long however, I am still here.

If you have a question of some sort or would like to just converse/rant then please feel free to.

I may leave my old posts up however, please keep in mind that they were from a couple of years ago.

[youhavetospeakup]

genuinely what is the point in life?

I personally believe it’s whatever point you want it to be.

Many individuals believe that the point in life can be to; fulfil their hopes and dreams, make memories, help others, help the world and so on.

However, there is no right answer as we are all individuals.

How are you?Would you like to have a conversation via chat?

[youhavetospeakup]

So I'm "talking" to this guy like over text for the past few days (he's a friend over a friend I've met him irl dw) but the conversation recently has just been school oriented and I was wondering what could I do to start a new topic and what should I say to keep the conversation going like how to I keep it interesting and get to know him. Sorry that's a lot of messiness I know but I've crushed on him foreverrrr so I don't want to blow the opportunity at a potential relationship. Many thanks.

It’s not messy don’t worry! Depending on what school topic you talk about maybe try to put in a text about something you’re doing at that exact moment, like maybe you’re watching a film or around family? & they’re doing something a bit silly that you would normally tell a close friend? I personally think a film would probably be a good topic to go from, you would then ask him if he’s seen the film and what type of films he likes and so on. As you’re talking about the topic you choose don’t forget to add in more details in and pick out certain details from his reply so you can then bounce off that answer and reply.Also relax! Don’t put pressure on yourself to get the “perfect” text, It doesn’t exist! Let me know how it goes! 

[youhavetospeakup]

I'm a freshman and I hang out with Sophmores, juniors and sometimes seniors. I hang out with them because the freshman at my school are too immature for me. Okay so last night (Halloween) I was hanging out with my junior friends and they were talking about sex and I had nothing to contribute because I'm a virgin. I really want to loose my virginity, but I have my obstacles in the way.

“I just submitted the last one…. Continued: They didn’t peer pressure me or influence me or anything, I have wanted to loose it for a while now just to get it over with. It feels more like a burden then a treasury. Any suggestions or feedback ?”

My response:

You should never rush into sex. Yes it seems like a burden but that’s only because those around you have already done it and like you said you have nothing to contribute so you feel left out. Many people feel this way without having to be peer pressured into sex because you either do it yourself fully aware or subconsciously, your time will come. 

You know yourself better than anyone make sure you don’t just sleep with somebody because you do want it done and dusted. I am not saying wait for your prince charming but defiantly wait until you KNOW that you are ready AND that you are wanting to. Because there’s a huge difference, many people are ready to have sex because they are now comfortable in their own skin but many forget to think about their emotions and simply listen to their mind. 

Like I mentioned you know yourself better than anyone, don’t listen to just your body but also your emotions and mind, wait a little while until your 100% certain that you are ready. 

[youhavetospeakup]

HI :) haha, I have really bad social anxiety and I moved to where i'm living now, about a year ago. I've met people but i've always been to shy to develop a friendship with any of them, or just ask them to hangout. The thing is i really really really want to hangout haha and I don't want to be shy anymore. Would it be weird if i asked a group of people to the movies? Like I've chatted with them and stuff but never actually hung out. It sounds minor but it scares the heck out of me :')

Oh my goodness please do! I know you submitted this quite a while ago but if you see this let me know if you did ask them to the movies and tell me how it goes! It would not be weird at all! 

It’s amazing how you are really standing against this anxiety that you have and putting your foot forward saying this is what I want, I WANT to have friends, I WANT to be confident within myself and within the comfort of those around me. If you carry on with this mind set I know that you will be able to achieve what you have always longed for. 

[youhavetospeakup]

Positivity & negativity

There are always going to be people who dislike you, they'll try to discourage you and try to drag you down by spreading rumors or filling lies in your head, please do not let their negativity get in your way. Brush what they have said off your shoulders let it roll past your head as if they’ve said nothing to you. 

Aim for what you are gunning for and keep your eyes fixed on your goal, I don’t mean dispose of your friends or family or anything like that but negativity can not be a part of your life, it can’t take a hold on you because we can’t handle all the negativity that will stop us from achieving your full potential.  

You need positive people around you, you need positive vibes and people who will encourage you when you are down. You already know and have witnessed when somebody around you say and do positive things you feel uplifted and feel happy and joyful and you also know when you hear bad news, negative thins that you also feel down in the dumps.

So my message to you is, surround yourself with positive people and positive goals. You need people who will get you up in the morning and make you stand strong throughout the day. 

[youhavetospeakup]

INSECURE - ENVIOUS.

How many times have you scrolled through social media and seen a photo and simply felt that your self confidence has gone down the drain. How many times have you walked out of your door and judged the person walking past you because of their appearance?

It’s ok. 

It’s completely natural but it’s not at all healthy. We as human beings can not judge people simply because of their looks. We know nothing of the person we are seeing before us.

I personally feel the only way we can truly stop judging strangers because of their appearance is if we first look at ourselves and truthfully say “Hey, I don’t like this about myself and I’m going to change it“

Once you find out what makes you feel like this you can start to change it and make yourself into a better happy person. If you need anyone to talk to I am here to listen and advise you the best way I can.

[youhavetospeakup]

PART TWO I want her to know because I want to get better.. but i dont want to talk about it. I dont want the questions of why etc. I just want help. What do i do?

As well as reading your other message I know you can do this. One of the many steps to recovery is to at least acknowledge that you have a problem and wanting to get better is the next. I know it’s probably making you feel anxious but I do encourage you to go ahead and talk to your psychologist. It will benefit you so much just going in there your next appointment and speaking about anything on your mind, just saying everything you’ve been feeling the last few days weeks heck even months! The release you’ll have from your shoulders heart and mind knowing that the person sitting in front of you is willing to help you without judging you and making is seem like what you’re thinking or doing is wrong will help you in some many ways. I know I was a little late replying but I do hope you have seen and read the message and will tell me how your days are going. If you need somebody to talk to I’m here, I’ll be more frequent online to show you and others that I am here to listen and help you through anything that you’re going through. Please let me know how you’re doing and how your appointments are going.

[youhavetospeakup]

PART ONE I need to own up to my psychologist about how bad my depression is getting. Harming myself again, researching the possible ways to end my life…

As well as reading your other message I know you can do this. One of the many steps to recovery is to at least acknowledge that you have a problem and wanting to get better is the next. I know it’s probably making you feel anxious but I do encourage you to go ahead and talk to your psychologist. It will benefit you so much just going in there your next appointment and speaking about anything on your mind, just saying everything you’ve been feeling the last few days weeks heck even months! The release you’ll have from your shoulders heart and mind knowing that the person sitting in front of you is willing to help you without judging you and making is seem like what you’re thinking or doing is wrong will help you in some many ways. I know I was a little late replying but I do hope you have seen and read the message and will tell me how your days are going. If you need somebody to talk to I’m here, I’ll be more frequent online to show you and others that I am here to listen and help you through anything that you’re going through. Please let me know how you’re doing and how your appointments are going.

[youhavetospeakup]

INSECURE - BODY - BODY APPRECIATION.

Taken from my instagram. Being confident in our own skins is something that we lack and must work on. The hashtag #Bodyappreciation isn't suppose to be people showing off their cute bodies, it's suppose to show others that "Hey, I look like this. Maybe you do too?" & that you're not so different after all. That you're not "weird" or "strange" for having your body type. • "Why do people post their bodies all over instagram & Twitter"  It's suppose to show other people that it's ok to be different, it's suppose to show that they have confidence and believe it or not - it makes other people want to take a picture of their own bodies and post it for the world to see. It's a cycle that grows more and more everyday.  But don't get me wrong body appreciations isn't all about the bodies on the larger sides. I know people might think that "Oh she/he is so skinny they're just showing off" • You can't think like that.  People have lost weight and want to share their bodies of what they look now. They don't need to explain the reason why they have posted their photo. People don't need to write their back story of how&why they have lost weight.  How can you not judge a person on the larger side and applaud them for having such great confidence then shower other people with hate because they're skinny & you think they're "showing off" • Body appreciation can mean anything from gaining weight to loosing weight. Gaining muscles, keeping healthy, accepting the moles and spots you have. The same goes for having a scar, or having some burns on your body. A physical condition that has marked your body. Your thighs, your bum, your arms, your feet, ANYTHING ON YOUR BODY.  We all can't be the same. I hope you understand. 

[youhavetospeakup]

INSECURE - BODY - LOSING WEIGHT.

Part 2.

Ways to loose weight without wasting that much money.

4) Running & Jogging and then some. Something so simple it seems like nothing. You really do not need to join up for a gym, you really do not need to order in gym equipment into your house unless you really want to. You can just simple run or jog. You can do it in your back garden or outside around your area. You can use your bike or ask to borrow one from a close friend. Skipping/Jumping rope, Roller skating. Joining some kind of community club which involves a way to keep you fit and loosing weight.  5) Apps

iPhone, tablet android or whatever. We have apps at our fingers that have hundreds or exercising tips and ways to help us loose weight. There was one I saw quite a while ago and it was this zombie running one, so when you was outside and started running it would feel like zombies are chasing you if you slowed down. There are exercise apps that you can do at home, I;ve heard that the 7 & the 10 minute workout is pretty good.

6)Teas & Juices. I heard that you have to drink 3-5 cups of Green tea a day to help you loose weight. I'm going to take up that challenge myself and see how that goes. Another is prune juice, after eating, a cup of this will flush out your body into the toilet. This will eventually help you loose weight. 

7) Eating healthy.

We all know that eating healthy helps a ton and it can be done no matter how hard you think it is. You don’t have to stop eating completely as that doesn’t help. Dropping fast food helps a lot, if you pick one day out of the 7 days and only eat fast food then it will honestly help so much. If you are determined then you should defiantly go without-it for every two weeks.  Cutting down on greasy food helps. Salads and maybe some meat on the sides for some meals help. Keeping fit also while doing this helps a bunch. And do not skip many meals. 

[youhavetospeakup]

Insecure - Gaining weight.

Taken from my first post, gaining weight. 

Here.

-

I personally wish I could talk about gaining weight , but I can’t because I've never been through it. I could try to talk about it from what I've seen behind the fence but I can not talk about it like the way I would with trying to loose weight. So for that I am truly sorry , if some of you want to share your experiences then please do it can me anonymous or not just know that I will post it publicly (If you don’t want me to please let me know)

Always here <3

[youhavetospeakup]

INSECURE - BODY - LOSING WEIGHT.

PART 1 Read until the bottom. There are so many different types of ways to loose weight that maybe some of you didn't even know was possible. Now personally I am trying my best to loose weight, I'm so proud of myself that finally after years and years of being uncomfortable in my own skin I am finally able to do something about it. 

Let me tell you, it is not easy.

At first I had motivation and now I just can not be brothered at all but I will force myself to do the things I need to just so that one day I can wake up and see how much I have changed. 1) Going to the Gym I understand what it feels like not wanting to go to a gym. I mean who does? The people that you see going three times a week or just weekly are motivated and why can’t you be? I luckily had my sibling who was already a member of the gym and that helped me be a little more motivated knowing I don’t have to go alone, and still after many times trying to back out I told myself I should just go. I didn't have a problem with going to the gym it was more that I might see someone I know and that I would not be comfortable with at all. (turns out I know no one there) So my advice to you is that if you have that confidence and if you know inside your heart and mind that you do not have a problem with going to the gym then you should defiantly go and sign up. If you fear that you might see someone you know there and that’s what’s stopping you then you should trying looking for another gym in your range or even outside your range.  Everyone there is trying to do something that will benefit them whether it’s to loose weight, keep fit , get toned up and so on. I personally think that the gym is one place that people wouldn't judge you for your appearances.    Other ways to loose weight:

2) skipping/Jumping rope. I remember when I first brought my own jump rope for myself, I was told that I should try and loose weight for my mother’s wedding and one day I just brought a jump rope and started jumping at any given time I had a chance and I lost a bit of weight. Loosing weight isn't all that bad, it doesn't have to be a pain and a drag. It doesn't have to make you not want to go out and join a gym because it’s “effort” it can be simple and a fun time. I jump in my room or down stairs in my living room when everybody is out. You don’t necessarily need a rope to jump you can just put something on the tv/laptop/computer anything with the internet access, watch something and just jump. But I know that’s not really fun which brings me to my next bit of advice.

 3) Wii. Just dance. If you have a wii then great. There’s so many types of games you can get that help with loosing some weight. First there’s the wii fit which overall looks really fun, you can do it by yourself, you can do it with family with friends. You really don’t need to let people know you are wanting to loose some extra pounds if you don’t want to and you can do that also by playing on Just dance. just dance is one of the most fun things on the wii and plus you don’t even need a wii to play this. Playing on just dance is honestly good for your body and at the same time that you’re dancing you’re also loosing some weight. But like I said you don’t need a wii for just dance. Again have anything that will give you access to the internet you can just type in just dance and there, the dances are just there.

When writing this I didn't know how long they were turning out to be so I need to spilt it into parts.

Always here <3 

  I personally wish I could talk about gaining weight , but I can’t because I've never been through it. I could try to talk about it from what I've seen behind the fence but I can not talk about it like I would with trying to loose weight, so for that I am truly sorry , if some of you want to share your experiences then please do it can me anonymous or not just know that I will post it publicly (If you don’t want me to please let me know)

[youhavetospeakup]

I'm here because I need help... I don't have it as bad as some but right now I don't care... My mom is making my life painfully difficult, and my grades aren't straight A's so I'm apparently a bad kid and she's putting a lot of pressure on me to get them up and It's been messing with me a lot... She speaks of me like I'm a bad person for not being her idea of perfect... I don't know what to do anymore I can't take it though... I need help...

Sorry, I’m a bit late.All I can say to you is talk. Just simply put your mother down by your side and tell her that she’s pressuring you and that you can’t handle it anymore. Please know that in school you’re doing the best you can but obviously with your mother pressuring you that’s mainly all you can think about when in school and it shouldn’t be like that at all. I do hope you know that you’re not a bad person just because you don’t exceed in her standards. Do it your way. Study your way. Reach goals that you want to reach. Every parent wants the best for their child but pressuring them will do no good at all. <3

[youhavetospeakup]

LOVE, LUST & CRUSH

Question from my ask.fm

"I like this boy and he likes someone else. That person likes him back though. I don't wanna come between them but i just really like him and idk what to do"

- 

Best thing you can do is not get involved, that's my opinion. No drama no hassle, especially because you already know he likes someone else if you start to get talking to him you might be hurt later in future. There's no point putting yourself through that. 

[youhavetospeakup]

SCHOOL - FRIENDS - FAKE FRIENDS

Friends come and go. 

I personally think it's harder for anyone to spot a fake friend but when you do it's time to leave them behind. 

It's so upsetting when you realize the friend that you slept over with the one that was there for you most times and the one that would make you laugh and have a really really good time with turned out to be a whole different person but then you realize that that "new person" is actually them, their true self. 

Best thing to do is just let it slide no point having pointless arguments and getting nowhere. Accept it and try to move on from it. Hang out with some other friends and just...be you.

[youhavetospeakup]

PEER PRESSURE - SEX

This is so important as younger adults think having sex makes them more mature in a way and more cool or just grown up - YOU DO NOT NEED TO HAVE SEX IF YOU DON’T WANT TO.

This is so simply don’t do it if you don’t feel that you’re ready to. Being pressured to having sex by your partner is harassment and being forced to have sex is rape.

Partners

If you have a partner who is constantly encouraging you to have sex and you don’t want to - you need to tell them to lay off. It’s one thing to be joking around about having sex and making little jokes about it but if you feel as though your partner is constantly bringing it up and won’t let that subject go (I would personally say leave them) but others might not agree you defiantly need to tell them that you don’t want to.

A  partner who cares about you so much would probably ask you around 1 - 3 times and lay off you not bringing up the subject again until you probably make the first move.

Friends

This one is so important to me and to others our there. It does not make you “cool” doing stuff older teenagers and adults would do. If you are simply not ready for sex and all your friends are getting guys around the school bins it does not mean you have to copy them. 

Right so what you didn’t sleep with your boyfriend of three years that just shows that you have a strong relationship and you don’t need sex to keep your relationship alive. 

You should never follow in your friends footsteps, why do you want to copy them for? Being a tiny bit jealous of them is one thing but getting into something that you’re not comfortable to do is a completely other thing.

You don’t have to lie to people and say you have had sex even though you haven’t. Does being a virgin really matter to you that much? Say you’re waiting for the right time because you are. They may laugh at you for waiting but when you do it and you’re ready it’ll be perfect. I bet once you’re older that some of those friends will regret their first time and wished they waited too.

Bad relationships

What I mean by this is that if you have a partner who is forcing you do have sex you need to leave. A relationship is based on so many things like

Trust

Communication

Honesty

Kindness

Compassion

And understanding of the other

It defiantly does not mean you have to be controlled.

//

I am always here if you want to talk to anyone. <3