Living with Type 1

[youngandtype1]

A few thoughts on diabetes and faith.

[youngandtype1]

Et voila - my pizzancreas! 2 years has gone so quickly. It was my second diaversary this week, and I enjoyed making more diabetes-shaped food to celebrate! But why do I celebrate my diagnosis every April? Why would I be joyful in remembering the malfunctioning of an organ, loss of freedom and the start of daily blood tests and injections? Why do I celebrate the death of an innocent man every April? Why would I be joyful in remembering the corruption of justice, loss of life and torturous bloodshed? I celebrate because this Easter could have marked the two year anniversary of my death. But it didn't. I celebrate because this Easter could have marked the end of Jesus Christ's life. But it didn't. This Easter Sunday, I celebrated my earthly survival through insulin and my eternal life through Christ. I celebrate LIFE conquering death, the hope of resurrection and renewal. I celebrate because my pain allows me to understand the full extent of God's joy, my weakness his strength and my survival his 'life to the full'. (The pizza was delicious, by the way.) Happy Easter!

[youngandtype1]

Daphne Who?

D.A.F.N.E – Dose Adjustment For Normal Eating. If you have Type 1 Diabetes and haven’t yet done this course, get your butt in gear and sign up!

DAFNE is 5 days of learning important details; asking every question imaginable; analysing your blood glucose; meeting awesome, like-minded people; transforming your diabetes management and pretty much saving your life.

I won’t lie to you, the first day was kind of awkward. 9 experienced diabetics sit around a table in a small hospital conference room, thinking “why have I given up a week of my life to listen to a patronising non-diabetic tell me I’m wrong for 8 hours a day?” But Friday comes, and we realise that we’ve learnt so much, become more confident in managing our condition, grown really close as a group and seen such a change in our blood glucose readings. The ‘patronising non-diabetics’ were right, after all.

In the past, my diabetes nurses have always been vague about lots of things, “it’s not an exact science,” “well, everyone’s different,” “it’s okay, your HbA1c isn’t really that bad.” But DAFNE totally changed that. I learnt that diabetes is precise, mathematical, has universal effects, and that HbA1c’s are flipping important. I can now understand and closely predict my BG readings, and –dare I say it- actually look forward to my next HbA1c test. My glucometer screen is no longer my enemy!

Freedom is found in surrender – a lesson God has taught me time and time again. By accepting my diabetes and allowing it importance and attention, I gain good health and ‘normal eating’. By accepting Jesus as Lord and allowing him my whole focus, I gain salvation, eternal freedom and life to the full. (Mental, right?) An odd comparison, but a fascinating paradox.

(p.s. I promise I was not paid to say all that nice stuff about DAFNE….!)

[youngandtype1]

Happy World Diabetes Day (for the 14th November)! I decided to do a "day in the life of a Type 1" food diary to raise awareness of what we have to consider and calculate each mealtime. It was a bit of a yoyo day as far as bloods are concerned! So here are my pictures... Breakfast BG: 11.0mmol/L Carbs: 75g Insulin: 5 units Midday Hypo (almost) BG: 4.1mmol/L Carbs: 20g Lunch BG: 5.4mmol/L Carbs: 75g Insulin: 2 units (reduced by 50% for exercise in afternoon) Dinner BG: 10.3mmol/L (didn't do as much exercise as predicted) Carbs: 120g Insulin: 7 units This all so normal to me now, it surprises me when I realise most of my friends seeing these pictures on Facebook/Twitter don't have to consider any of this. They see a bowl of pasta, I see 70g of carbohydrate. They see a glass of healthy orange juice, I see a substance so sugary it requires an injection. Hopefully now, they will read "Type 1 Diabetes" and see from the same perspective as me.

[youngandtype1]

Seeing my consultant this week... can you tell?

[youngandtype1]

I’ve done it. I can’t believe I’ve actually done it. One whole year since Friday, 5th April 2013 brought me the life changing label of ‘Type 1 Diabetes’. 365 days since a relaxed Twilight movie marathon was interrupted by the doctor’s call and my first hospital visit. 1,460 injections since a non-diabetic Naomi learnt how dramatically health affects everything, and how fragile life really is. 2,190 blood glucose tests since being classed ‘disabled’, ticking ‘long term medical condition’ boxes and having ‘special arrangements’ in school. And here I am; healthy, happy and hopeful. I’m more grateful than ever for our NHS, my supportive family and my faithful saviour. By God’s grace and strength, a year has passed without resenting my condition or grieving over my lost health, but learning and growing and being shaped through the experience of living with a chronic disease. Happy 1 Year Diaversary!

[youngandtype1]

This time last year, I was living with undiagnosed diabetes. Just days away from slipping into a coma, my mum recognised the symptoms. All it takes is a quick doctor's appointment; I was diagnosed in A&E a few hours later. If you, or someone you know, is experiencing any of these symptoms, please please please just get it checked out. Awareness is key!

[youngandtype1]

Day 301

Today is a good diabetes day. Not because my endo actually helped yesterday and my blood sugars have improved. Not because my weight is back to where it was, and I'm injecting only once a day. And definitely not because my Christmas diet showed up in my HbA1c.. Today is a good diabetes day because in scrolling through tumblr, I see inspiring stories, funny gifs, relatable pictures, real advice, and a whole world of young type 1 diabetics, reminding me that I'm not alone. So thanks to my diabetes family for making me feel I'm more than a defect. Who needs an active pancreas anyway?

[youngandtype1]

Those ruddy carbs...

I'm still new to it all, my insulin requirement hasn't yet settled, I've just changed my insulin pens, and for some reason I thought it would be a good idea to start counting and monitoring my carbohydrate intake.

'Carb counting' involves weighing your meals, checking all the labels, and calculating the carb content in everything you eat before plugging the value into a clever little machine that uses your insulin:carb ratio to tell you how much to inject. In principle, a great idea. In practise, a frustrating chore.

It's not all bad; I'm starting to get a better feel for how much to inject, I'm excited about my new little gadget and I'm getting good at estimations. But to be honest, it's encouraged me to cut out carbs completely. Less hassle, less time wasting, more healthy meals. And lots of salads.

Ten months ago I hated the idea of diets, swore I would never be a salad person - a plate covered with leaves wasn't even a snack let alone a meal - and thought it a crime to refuse food offered to you. By my own standards I am now a hated, oath-breaking criminal.

I KNOW you need carbs, I KNOW I don't need to diet, I KNOW chocolate tastes good, but when faced with a choice between a salad or an injection, I KNOW most people would choose the painless option.  

[youngandtype1]

Abroad and Angry

Spent an incredible week on a youth mission trip to Albania, and took double my supplies and lots of snacks in preparation! We helped the homeless, ran a kids club for Roma children in poverty, volunteered in a school and church, and I had annoyingly high blood sugars throughout. More annoyingly, my next check up has been rescheduled from December to this week, meaning I have no time to clean up my glucose record before the consultant analyses it! My excuse is that I'd rather be high than low when abroad, but I know the real reason is because I'm getting lazy. 7 months (happy diaversary to me..!) and I'm getting kind of sick of it all. What if I want an extra snack? Or go to dance class without nearly collapsing mid-dance? There's too much going on and thoughts swimming around my head to worry about staying between 4 and 8. Surely as long as I'm awake and alive it's fine? And then I remember the long term implications of being careless. Amputations. Blindness. Heart Disease. Kidney Damage. And I get freaked out and angry and wish everyone else had a chronic disease to understand what it's like to have health threats like that. It angers me that I'm so used to injecting and testing while others might have to get one jab a year, or cut their finger occasionally. Still, I'm alive, and I wouldn't have been 100 years ago. And life is the greatest thing, whatever Terms & Conditions you have to tick to experience it.

[youngandtype1]

Warning: God at work

I believe in healing. Though I often doubt that something as big as diabetes can go, or that an organ like the pancreas can suddenly start working again, I also trust in an all-powerful God that wants me whole and well.

If i'm honest, I didn't really believe that before. Not until I really started praying and fully trusting, and coincidentally have seen my insulin levels gradually decrease...

At first, I put it down to me exercising more than usual, but I haven't done any form of exercise in the past 2 weeks!

I don't want to get my hopes up or start shouting it from the rooftops, but recently the amount of insulin I've had to take has dropped from 5/6 units to 1/0. Today I needed no mealtime injections.

Watch this space!

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UPDATE: Three years on, and I’m still living with Type 1. But that doesn’t diminish God’s power or desire to heal. I’ve experienced and learnt so much through having this diagnosis, and still firmly believe that God will heal me - whether that’s in this life or the next. 

[youngandtype1]

I eat, I inject, I put on weight. Thanks, diabetes. I've never noticed my weight before, but recently I've watched my thighs and stomach gradually expand! It's not loads, probably not even noticeable to anyone else, but enough to make me think twice about dessert. But here's the thing that bugs me: others exercise to use up what they eat, while I have to eat in order to exercise. Others can control their amount of food, but often I have to eat when I don't feel like it. The worst thing is having to snack when I'm already full. There's a diabetic eating disorder called 'diabulimia', where you use your insulin (or lack of it) to lose weight quickly. It's incredibly dangerous and I'm very wary of it, so I guess that's why I'm trying not to fuss about losing weight really fast. Instead, I'll try to exercise more and be careful with my insulin and snacking.. I'll see how that goes over summer! It's a superficial thing, and not a big worry but I do want to stay thin! I'm sure I'll figure it out someday, just another side effect of being a new diabetic...

[youngandtype1]

Hypo

Tired, drained, a bit shaky, yeah a lie down will cure this... Then I realise it's not normal for a 17 year old to need a nap in the middle of the day. And so the search for jelly babies and coke begins...

[youngandtype1]

Two months!

05/06/13 – My two month diabirthday/diaversary! I remember looking to this day and thinking ‘I can’t imagine having this for two months, let alone 60 years!’ But I’ve made it this far and learnt that it’s much more manageable than I’d thought. Injections are becoming routine, and sensing hypos like second nature.

I still find it strange that I have a ‘condition’. I thought you didn’t have to worry about serious health till your 60s. Ha. I think part of me also thought you bring these things on yourself. You have lung cancer and smoke? Well, that was inevitable. You have heart disease and are obese? Why didn’t you cut down the cholesterol? I recon I’m the type of person that needs a reason, or something to blame; it makes things more manageable, easier to understand. The physicist in me likes action and reaction, not a random ‘here’s some diabetes’!

But what if this is the action? What if the resultant is coming later? What if this opens doors or career paths I’d never imagined? Could this lead to friendships and experiences I wouldn’t have had otherwise?

This week I found a note I hid myself in March, a month before my diagnosis: ‘For I know the plans I have for you… plans to prosper and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future’ – Jeremiah 29:11

Yeah, God’s got it sussed.

[youngandtype1]

"Insulin dependant"

Health is a funny thing. There's nothing else that cuts through your plans and daily routine as sharply as a sudden accident or diagnosis. I never had any health problems or broken bones or accidents, so I guess I always took my hospital-free life for granted. I liked to trust in myself- I never took paracetamol or tablets when I should have, and always believed my body could deal with illness without help. Its a little different when you have a failing organ. Relying on the NHS, routinely checking my health, depending on something that isn't me. It's not the injections that are difficult to get used to, it's the complete change of mind. Water, food, shelter, insulin. Twice yesterday I was late to inject as I completely forgot, which reminded me that I'm still a baby in the Diabetes world. A month old on Sunday, in fact! It also made me realise how easy it was to go back to trusting myself and forget my insulin dependence. Similarly, how easy it is to forget our God dependence! To go back to trusting ourselves and believing we can get through life without Him. Forgetting to listen and pray then wondering why things go pear-shaped. You're still a baby in the spiritual world too, Naomi, and you need God more than any synthetic hormone.

[youngandtype1]

My New Label

Naomi, 17, British, Christian, Geek, Dancer, Single, Type 1.

Everybody has labels. Some we choose to burden ourselves with, some are names spoken over us, others link us to a reputation or simply relationship status. A label easily becomes the one thing we associate with someone. Nerd. Married. Blonde. Gay.

These are adjectives, not definitions.

We are defined by our personalities, our beliefs, our talents. We may not be able to choose our labels, but we can decide how much we allow them to overshadow our characters.

I’ve made a concious decision not to let Naomi = Diabetic. Yes, I have diabetes - a permanent medical label - but diabetes doesn’t have me. I control it, not the other way round.

[youngandtype1]

First 'hypo' today, shaking and a temperature cured with jelly babies and a cereal bar!