I Like to Think I'm Badass

A+ Mess | Slytherin | Writer | 25+ | Cat Mom | ADHD | General Anxiety Nonsense | Shitposter Extrordinarre [Occasionally this is an indie RP blog, as this was originally this blog's intent. Delphini Black, daughter of Bellatrix and Voldemort, and two OC's; Cera and Cassie. Mun/muses 21+]

[theveryworstthing]

over on patreon Tama asked for: ‘Selkies who live in a lake rather than an ocean, like irl Baikal seals’ so here are some fresh water friends. a jolly trader stepping out for the day, a dancer trying on an algae-dyed skirt, a cocky wrestler in pre-match ceremonial garb, and a bab.

General Selkie Facts:

Selkies in the Small Guide universe are somewhere between mermaids and werewolves. Except it would be more accurate to call them were-humanoids. They’re born in seal form and their skin doesn’t loosen until their first molt approaches. After this molt they can usually  remove their seal-skin at will, though many go their whole lives without completely removing it and just vibe in their half transformed forms by loosening their skins (seen here). They keep them attached as faux clothing since they’re able to split and mold the loose skin as they please. Also, trying to find somewhere to to keep clothes when you live in or near the water your whole life is a pain. This does not hurt, as seal-skin is strangely gelatinous  when loose and its tactile sense is kinda garbage. Like, if you stomp on someone’s skin with all your might they will certainly feel it, but it’d probably take them a while to figure out that you’re gently pinching one of their weird flesh tentacles.

Also don’t do that. That’s weird. 

A seal-skin is a real living part of a selkie’s body and it doesn’t stop living when they completely take it off. It’s an organ, and it acts like one. All skins look kind of creepy without a person inside them, but some are worse than others. It’s just as likely that a skin will look like a deflated, gently pulsating, seal-shaped jelly monster as it will a roiling pile of random fur and flesh. When there’s no one to control its structure, anything goes baybeeeeee.

Keep reading

[tmvoldemort]

"You should really hear some of the rumors about you. Comedic gold" - delphi

@youseemewheniwant

"Which one? That rumor that my inferi army are made up of the bodies of my ancestors? Or that I have fathered the Malfoy's heir?"

The last one caused him a shiver, "You would think a heir of mine would be more-"

Voldemort paused to considered the right word for the nervous Scorpius Malfoy, "-competent."

He considered Delphi, the peek of what he considered a proper heir. Cunning, loyal, ruthless and talented with a flare for danger.

"'Tis a shame not to announce you. Yet, better to leave the mass guessing. Truth is wasted on the simple minded."

[youseemewheniwant]

"I was actually talking about the one where you made a sofa from the skins of your enemies," Delphi said, smirking. "And I like my dear cousin. Oh, he leaves much to be desired sometimes in his dueling, but he's smart." She paused, frowning. "Will you never announce my parentage?" She tried to control the question, to toss it out casually, but she felt the slight waver at the end, the way her tone emphasixed the word "never," and cursed her voice's betrayal. In truth, Delphini longed for the day her Father told the world who she was. But her Father was not exactly one you can wear down, or exhibit impatience with. If pleading worked, her mother would have ensured it be public knowledge years ago.

"My apologies, Father, I am sure you will do it when the timing is best." If at all.

[dog-girl-fag]

If I do something good because it makes me feel like a good person, is that technically selfish?

no, only if you're choosing to make others suffer to make yourself feel good

enjoying making other people happy is a great thing

[oudenonoma]

There is a Jewish story about a wealthy man who came to his rabbi and said “I have decided to build an orphanage, can you put me in touch with the relevant people”  

The rabbi was delighted to do it, and introduced the man to some charities.  After a few weeks, the man came back to the rabbi.

“I have decided not to build the orphanage,” he said.  “I realised that I was only doing it because I wanted to be admired as a philanthropist, my motives were selfish.”

The rabbi answered, “do you think the orphans will care what your motives were?  Build the orphanage!”

[mikkeneko]

I think there was a similar anecdote about Abraham Lincoln and a pig, but from the other direction

The Fable of Abraham Lincoln and the Pigs

Once Lincoln was traveling in a mud-wagon coach along a swampy, rural area. His fellow passenger was his good friend and US Senator Edward Dickinson Baker, who later lost his life in the Battle of Ball’s Bluff at the onset of the American Civil War.

While they were conversing in the mud-wagon coach, Lincoln remarked to Baker that in doing good and evil, all people are motivated by selfishness. Just as Baker challenged Lincoln’s assertion, their coach crossed a rickety bridge over a slough (a large swampy marsh.)

Abruptly, Lincoln and Baker glimpsed a mother pig making a terrible squeal because her piglets were stuck in the swamp, couldn’t get out, and were in danger of drowning.

As their coach started to head away, Lincoln yelled, “Driver, can’t you stop just a moment?” The driver replied, “If the other fellow don’t object.”

With Baker’s approval, Lincoln jumped out of the wagon, ran to the slough, lifted the piglets one by one out of the swamp, and carried them to the dry bank of the swamp.

When Lincoln returned to the coach, Baker remarked, “Now, Abe, where does selfishness come in this little episode?”

Lincoln replied, “Why, bless your soul, Ed, that was the very essence of selfishness. I would have had no peace of mind all day had I gone on and left that suffering old sow worrying over those pigs. I did it to get peace of mind, don’t you see?”

anyway I think the idea that good needs  to be externally motivated and that the giver isn’t allowed to benefit from it, even inside their own head, is extremely puritanical and nature and can be discarded

[a-method-in-it]

Listen! The fact that other people's suffering affects us and makes us feel bad is a sign that we as a species ARE pretty good actually. Your good deeds are not "selfishly motivated"; they are motivated by 5-6 million years of evolutionary pressure towards caring for our fellow humans. Doing good things for others because it makes you feel happy and not doing cruel or neglectful things to others because that would make you feel sad is not a sign you are selfish. Its a sign you are a good person, because those structures that do those things still exist in your brain, like they are supposed to.

[heavyweightheart]

“Healthy eating” is context-specific and not accessible to everyone, but in general and roughly in order of priority, it entails

eating enough food

eating consistently

eating a variety of foods

eating foods you enjoy

That’s it! You don’t need to buy my book or come to my seminar or sign up for my program!

[airframeextender]

you know what really gets my goat?

[aglaja-deactivated20131222]

el chupacabra

[valtsv]

idk who needs to hear this but you deserve as many knives as you can carry

[youseemewheniwant]

Messages sent over the course of the hour to @redxluna: a DND story in 4 parts

just tried to roofie a mimic - did not succeed

THIS MIMIC HAS BABIES

THERE IS A LITTLE TREASURE CHEST GNAWING ON ME

I ADOPTED A BABY MIMIC

[youseemewheniwant]

Questionable Study Tip:

Draw a pentagram, step inside, and hope whatever demon possesses your body knows excel.

[gearlic]

90% of my writing experience is doing this

[nobodyfamousposts]

Hey, everyone has their vices.

Mine happen to be tormenting my readers.

[asktheheirofslytherin]

I like your shoelaces

Thank you. I stole them from the Minister of Magic. 

[mapsontheweb]

Guide to Figuring out the Age of an Undated World Map.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

No but take the time to actually read it because I lost like 15 minutes.

[dare-to-dm]

I have a friend who is really good at this type of thing.  He once found an old globe at a garage sale and he was able to pin the date of it’s making down to like a 6 month window, because it only would’ve been correct during a specific point in WWII.  

I was mad impressed, because I have no mind for geography.  I can barely remember my own state’s capitol.

[tinystark616-backup]

THIS IS GOLD 😂😂😂

[littlethingwithfeathers]

This is amazing. Take the time to actually read it.

[peredurthefool-deactivated20200]

Holy shit the super specific things towards the end

[mapsrgreat]

Oh wow!

[chavisory]

I didn’t know anything about the giant lake in California being created by accident?!

[jelloapocalypse]

[ceiye]

[lastoneout]

I love how it differentiates the maps of Narnia based on which book you’re looking at

[galaxybrownies]

I almost scrolled past this

[sleepymccoy]

A lot going on right there

[rainy-autumn-day]

[rebelrollerqueen]

trying to find something out so please rb and give your opinion on these cookies specifically in the tags

[troposphera]

A boy holds a sack of cabbages at a vegetable wholesale market in Jinan, Shandong province, China, on July 13, 2014. (Reuters/Stringer)

[superunfriendlyreminder]

[guidetodreaming]

One of the most important things I learned in my Language and the Law class is that law enforcement will intentionally misinterpret every type of statement asking for a lawyer as not asking for a lawyer. Even directly saying it like this “I will not speak to you without a lawyer” can be taken as a simple statement of fact rather than a request for a lawyer. You literally have to state “I am now invoking my right to a lawyer” and every time they try to proceed with an interrogation you have to answer every question with “I am invoking my right to have a lawyer present”. You can’t just tell them you won’t talk without a lawyer or that you want a lawyer. You have to state that you are invoking your rights. Otherwise they could just say “well they just said they wouldn’t speak without a lawyer present. That’s not invoking their rights to a lawyer. It’s just stating a fact.” even just stating your right to a lawyer doesn’t count!

[penrosesun]

PLEASE share this addition. I am a lawyer who works in criminal defense, and this is one of the most avoidable things that people consistently get wrong about the Miranda rights.

Here are some more “ambiguous” phrases which courts have found DO NOT invoke your right to a lawyer:

“Maybe I should speak to my lawyer first.”

“I might like a lawyer.”

“I think I should have a lawyer present for this.”

“Could I speak to my lawyer first?”

“How long until my lawyer gets here?”

And perhaps most egregiously – “Get me a lawyer, dawg – ‘cause this is not what’s up.”

Here are the magic phrases which you need to know if you want to invoke your Miranda rights:

1) “Am I free to leave?”

It’s worth asking this even if the answer is obvious. Even if the officer does not let you leave, by forcing them to admit that you are not free to leave, you are creating a record which your attorney can use to prove that you were in custody. Miranda rights only apply if the interrogation is custodial, meaning that police officers will frequently claim that their suspects were “not in custody” to get around their Miranda rights.

2) “I am invoking my right to remain silent.”

Simply staying silent will not invoke your right to remain silent. As absurd as this is, you must explicitly say that you are invoking your right to remain silent in order to invoke that right.

3) “I am invoking my right to an attorney.”

As stated above, you must be not only clear and unambiguous, but clear and legally unambiguous. Don’t get cute. Don’t get sassy. And on the flip side, don’t get intimidated and use verbal ticks to minimize your request. Say the line with those words exactly – say it clearly, and say it once, and then say nothing else.

Because even after you’ve done all this, the police can still try to get you to talk. They’re not supposed to interrogate you, but they’re allowed to make casual conversation, and if that conversation just happens to circle back around to the thing they wanted to question you about, well, that’s really your fault for talking after you said you wouldn’t, isn’t it? Can’t possibly fault the poor officers when you initiated – if you really wanted to have your rights respected, you wouldn’t have talked to them in the first place.

The police know this, and they will mercilessly exploit this loophole. So, once you’ve successfully invoked your Miranda rights, any and all conversation you have with police officers will put those rights back into jeopardy. 

Putting it all together:

Ask: “Am I free to leave?”

If they say no, say: “I am invoking my right to remain silent and I am invoking my right to an attorney.”

And then shut up and do not say a single thing to them for any reason whatsoever until you have actually spoken to an attorney. Yes, even if it takes hours. Yes, even if they start talking to you about something else.

Finally, a very important disclaimer:

I may be a lawyer, but I’m not your lawyer, and I cannot guarantee that what I’ve just laid out here will always work for every situation. We didn’t get to this bizarre and absurd place overnight – we built this ridiculous system piecemeal, by deciding on a case-by-case basis that certain phrases were “too ambiguous” or certain types of questioning weren’t actually questioning at all. The law is still in flux, and is still fundamentally out to get you, and willing to bend plain meaning beyond all recognition to do it. Even if you invoke your rights perfectly, exactly as I have specified above, there’s a chance that your invocation of rights will be disqualified on some new technicality that no one’s even thought of yet – and that’s precisely the problem.

[lemonsharks]

Watch this video: “Don’t Talk To The Police”

[jumpedoverthemoon]

I can smell these pictures

[ethicalmemes]

An alien abduction #EthicalMemes

[ladyofparchments]

Good way to solve two problems. 👌