D-D-D-DUEL

shitposting is my trap card

[youmustbecarmilla]

[tibby]

also yeah the best feature tumblr has (or lacks, i guess) is the inability to see other people’s follower count. not knowing how many followers anyone has makes this site more fun it’s easier to pretend we’re all just like, hanging out in a cave together.

[jumex]

Some days I’m like..fashion doesn’t matter….some days I’m like. Fashion is all we have

[lesbianredpanda]

Tumblr is gonna die without me knowing a single fucking thing about Homestuck and honestly I think that’s pretty sexy of me

[hugcollector]

me on my deathbed

[thebootydiaries]

husband: *sniff* Oh, what will I do without you? How will I cope?

me: *croaks* Come closer

husband: *comes closer*

me: ｈｉｒｅ ａ ｓａｍｕｒａｉ

[corvidprompts]

“Jesus christ eat the goddamn mac and cheese.” scowls the hero “I can hear your stomach growling through your armor, you know.”

The villain blinks “You-”

“Are feeding you, yes. If all I wanted to do was punch people and throw criminals in jail, I would’ve become a vigilante. Heroism involves kindness, dipshit.”

[lectorel]

“Heroism involves kindness, dipshit” is the most amazing phrase I’ve ever read. I need to incorporate it into all my work.

[khadij-al-kubra]

This straight up sounds like something Spider-Man would say

[jehovahhthickness]

[pigonaphone]

The biggest dick energy

[booksfunquotes]

[thefingerfuckingfemalefury]

i have suspicions

[warpsbyherself]

I’m not saying it’s aliens… but it’s probably aliens.

“Hello fellow earth-spawn”

[orapronobispeccatoribus4-18-201]

[taysanimaladventures]

I go to take Mac (Asian water monitor) out for a tour and since he’s sopping wet I want to towel him off. My boss gave me a towel with the Minions on it for this task.

So when I’m first taking him out he freezes. I’m thinking, “okay, is he stuck?” and help him down. Then I see he’s clamped onto the towel.

Eh??? Did someone wipe up rat juice with that towel? I thought it was clean. He won’t let go. I holler for my boss. “Oh sorry I forgot.” Forgot what?

“He hates the Minions. He always does that to this towel.”

So I’m explaining to the tour trying not to keel over laughing the reason we can’t take Mac out is because of his hatred for the Minions.

He eventually let go for a cockroach but that was a good 10 minutes of latching and whipping the towel. I feel you, man. I hate them too.

[themomerath-archived]

Can we talk about how on point this tweet is

[trevenanl-deactivated20200913]

Am I hallucinating or are these ads for tinder advocating for the consumer to stay off tinder

[trevenanl-deactivated20200913]

Tinder, it seems, is embracing its status as a hookup app

[trevenanl-deactivated20200913]

Tinder in 2015: look at all these cute, successful couples that #metontinder

Tinder in 2018:

[thebootydiaries]

oh hey didn’t see you there sorry I was too busy gaming😂 I’m just an average girl who likes fortnite 😂 I be at home on a friday night with pizza, gaming on my PlayStation 360 while hoes are out getting drunk. they watch makeup tutorials I watch minecraft tutorials 😂 I’m a girl

[different-kindof-girl]

These hoes bruh tryin so hard 😂

[thebootydiaries]

sorry different-kindof-girl , maybe if u games u would understand what it’s like to be different . while u talk to boys at the club , i get fort-killstrike-one-shot-AK-47 on fortnight on my PSP 4 . While u were busy partying , i drank hotdog water . but whatever stay jealous i guess sweetie 😂

[thebootydiaries]

hi tumblr community . genuine question from a concerned mother , my toddler son is 2 ft tall that boy is getting NO hoes fr fr what do i do ? any other mothers with similar experiences ? Please reach out

[thebootydiaries]

[thebootydiaries]

Please don’t appropriate uwu culture if you can’t even “h-hewwo…? is anybody thewe? I’m…scawwed…OwO” properly, it’s really insensitive and we’re already experiencing enough intolerance and oppression as it is

[help-me-stepbro]

pwease dont appwopwiate uwu culture if you can’t even “h-hewwo…? is anybody thewe? I’m…scawwed…OwO” pwopely, it’s weally insensitive and we’re alweady expewiencing enough intolewance and oppwes-

[thebootydiaries]

hmm……..much to think about………

[asobaroryuu]

Hummf……mush twowo tink ahbowt……

[thebootydiaries]

hmmm……………………

[memeroidsworld]

Kowalski get the 44 magnum

[i-am-a-fish]

[beetlecirice]

WHAT THE FUCK?! GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!

[i-am-a-fish]