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trying on a metaphor

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@darthveranda
trying to decide if i'd rather be a tortoise or a turtle. on the one hand I prefer dry land, on the other hand turtles can breathe out of their cloacae so. it's tricky
hmm have you considered something like a snapping turtle? can live on dry land if it wants to and just go to the water for a nice splash splash
that'll work
so we have these in North Carolina and they are Menaces (note the capital M) but not in the way that you would think. no. you don’t step into a pond and go “ouchie my foot, a snapping turtle bit me.” (they’re actually very friendly in water so long as you don’t bother them). no no, these fuckers LOVE scorching hot concrete. and they’re BIG.
Most commonly you’ll see one chilling in the middle of the road like a little goomba waiting to wreck your car tire. So you gotta stop and move them which involves awkwardly lugging this flailing, hissing turtle well off the road and into the forest where you pray it will stay.
Now, I know they’re called snapping turtles, and they do snap, WHICH IN ALL DUE FAIRNESS is BAD for the person moving the turtle out of the road.
BUT.
THEY HAVE CLAWS.
Remember when I said “flailing”?
Yeah, it’s easy to avoid the beak but it is NOT easy to avoid those feet. they will fuck you up with their sword-feet.
So, my advice, as a North Carolinian, on moving snapping turtles off roads: Let someone else do it :)
And hey! If i wanted to be a turtle, i’d pick this one! no one’s messing with me!
no one.
Beautiful.
@willowbane are these things of a size where a snow shovel might be a useful implement of hazard-removal? I assume it'd have to be a real heavy-duty one, not one of the flimsy little collapsible popsicle sticks that are what most people have stashed in the back seat footwell somewhere...
*ahem*
To answer your question, here is the following:
i did some research and the research says… maybe???
while this would probably work better from a safety standpoint…
…no one in North Carolina keeps a snow shovel in their vehicle (we're southern, please forgive us). also, snapping turtles are still kinda squishy, at least their legs are, so i would be concerned about cutting the turtle while scooping it since decent snow shovels are usually made of metal and are pretty sharp.
Instead, here is a helpful guide on how to pick up a snapping turtle:
So. You have encountered a turtle…
…and it is filled with the burning rage of a thousand suns because, dear god, you, mortal flesh pod, have decided to move it from its Sunny Spot™️
Question is, how does one go about doing this?
Well, friend, first you approach the turtle from BEHIND (to avoid the beak, chase after it, etc, etc)
You’ve made it this far so now you’re going to want to pick this bad boy up.
In order to avoid walking away from this looking like you just fought with a rotating sphere of knives, pick up the turtle towards the back of its shell but in front of the hind legs:
Then, you’re going to pick the turtle up and lug it across the road in the direction it was facing/walking. They know where they’re going, they have turtle instincts. Trust the turtle instincts.
Now, it is important that you’re only picking this turtle up a few inches off the ground because 1) they are very heavy and if you drop it, you only want it falling a few inches and 2) there’s just less flailing if they can see the ground.
after awkwardly shuffle-walking to the curb, set the turtle down (gently) and watch it waddle into the undergrowth!
You did it!
I think indeed dot com should have a comment section
"no salary listed hmmm....... 🤔🤔🤔"
"BACHELORS DEGREE TO WORK RETAIL PLEASE SAY SIKE"
"'fast-paced high-energy environment' just say it's toxic"
My toxic trait is that I fucking hate pathetic people if you're a sniveling little bitch trying to self-deprecate your way into getting compliments/reassurance/etc I'll probably agree with you. Sorry
"Uuuuu I'm such an asshole" yeah. Bye :/
I love when baby gays are clearly still unlearning a lot of biases and like every couple of months try to find a progressive reason to explain why men wearing dresses makes them uncomfortable. Like obviously transmisogynistic caricatures are Bad but if it's just a guy irl who wants to do drag or something that's literally fine. This has been a thing longer than you've been alive
Also like I need you all to understand that historically the line between gnc & trans people has always been way less distinctly defined than you want it to be. And for a lot of people that's kind of the point. Drag in particular is about radical self expression it's about taking gender performance and turning it into a literal show and it rules
To the people in my notes talking about "it's okay if gnc men make you uncomfortable as long as you don't police anyone <3" no it's not actually. You need to think about why that is and deconstruct it. Lol
Line cooks and the weed man do more for the human race every day than any CEO has ever done in their entire life
80% of the line cooks ARE the weed men
Carrying the weight of the whole world on their shoulders like Atlas
Atlas carries the sky, but point made
I carry your dad into the bedroom like a newlywed bride
catholic emperors would name themselves "pope innocent" "pope clement" "pope never did anything wrong" "pope tiny little baby" "pope good guy" and then commit atrocities
pope little meow meow
unexpected item in bagging area
my kink is when ppl actually care abt my feelings & what I have to say
My God they actually look like dogs now
Lord, the changes! DO PUGS NEXT!!!
ACTUALLY! A breeder in Germany started to breed healthier pugs called “retro mops” and currebtly ppl are trying to get AKC and UKC to recongnize them as the new standard.
heres the comparison:
Reblogging with updates! Healthy bulldogs AND healthy pugs! ❤️
The absurd breed standards are a recent thing, developed in the past 100-150 years. The healthier breeds are much closer to their 19th century ancestors.
A pair of French bulldogs painted by Carl Reichert (1836-1918)
“Sweet Temptation or Willpower”
Charles Van den Eycken, 1891.
“Sweet temptation or willpower” I love that painting so much
Could we crash tumblr if we all posted the word “crash” on the 1st of april 2022, 12:35 EST?
Everyone schedule
Pm
Doing it again since I accidentally put the wrong time zone
Event Time Announcer shows time for Tumblr - Crash in locations all over the world. In New York it happens on Friday, April 1, 2022 at 12:35
So everyone can find their time :3
You may ask, “Jenna, why do you want this? Isn’t there enough suffering in the world?” Well, you are right. But I want to scare the owners of this site. Not @staff, you know damn well they don’t actually call the shots. No, i want to scare the people who make decisions. I want them to know that we can act as a unit and wreck shit on our own accord, that this community can move mountains. I want them to hesitate next time they make an announcement. Popular sovereignty, motherfuckers.
I know most people know this but some people in the notes don’t, so reminder that you don’t have to wake up or anything to post it, just schedule the post like this:
now you just hit the blue schedule and forget about it until the day it happens 👍
oh hell yeah im doing this gamers join us
The Milt Kahl Head Swaggle (Source: Cartoon Brew)
I love it when you can pick up an animator’s quirks.
I’ve read in old interviews with Milt Khal’s fellow animators that he did the swaggle to purposefully show off. Moving the head in 3-d space is an exceptionally hard thing to do but Khal upped the level of difficulty to a place many animators wouldn’t go. Not only are they all doing the swaggle you’ll notice they are all TALKING while they are doing it. This is back in the days where you had to use a timing sheet to pace your animation and a head swaggle doesn’t work if its too slow or too fast so he had to figure out the right speed so it looked natural while the character finishes what they have to say while not interfering with the distinct mouth shapes. Not only did Khal do it without any shifting weight problems or timing issues he would often do it while moving the rest of the body. This isn’t his signature move just because he was good at it.This is his signature move because he was one of the only people skilled enough to DO IT AT ALL.
Milt Khal was a MASTER.
The weirdest instance of “getting my wires crossed” I’ve ever experienced: I had a piece of candy at my desk. My intention was to simultaneously eat the candy and start a brief work task. I put the candy in my mouth and felt a surge of alarm as I was convinced, for a fraction of a second, that I had somehow eaten the task I was about to start.