rambling about anything

I have no idea what I'll post here

[yuuripostaaja]

[yuuripostaaja]

Nowadays I run every single morning and I feel great.

I think this has finally cured me from depression and anxiety.

[yuuripostaaja]

Hehe, my game’s level editor is finally in a usable state. Just did some finishing touches for the first version of my GUI components. :-)

Now I can continue work on gameplay and graphics related stuff.

[yuuripostaaja]

I spent yesterday in bed. Just because of anxiety, I tried to sleep it off. I went for a walk to the nearby market, etc, but it just wouldn’t go away so the rest of the day I just tried to sleep and sleep.

Now I can’t sleep anymore so I’m forced to suffer on my PC. I went for a walk again and now I feel kinda okay. It’s stupid, like I feel like I’m not in control of my feelings, I just feel like complete shit and it paralyzes me so I just end up in the bed.

And I hate the fact that this shit paralyzes me so I can’t work on my game. When I’m anxious and depressed I feel like my game isn’t worth working on and I feel zero excitement about it. It’s ridiculous how often my mood changes.

[yuuripostaaja]

I think Blender is a tremendously amazing software. I’ve recently gotten into 3D modeling, rigging, animation, rendering and scripting (Blender has a Python API) because I wanted to make some characters for my game and I’ve done ALL that in Blender.

The next thing I want to learn is sculpting and I guess I should buy a tablet for that. And guess what: Blender does sculpting amazingly well too!!!

[yuuripostaaja]

Depression is a bitch.

[yuuripostaaja]

Here’s a small video showing progress about my game project. As you can see, I’ve created some magnificent isometric tile assets using Blender! And I added a test “enemy” entity that uses a sprite from Diablo 1 as a placeholder. It follows you around using the A* pathfinding algorithm and attacks when close.

Next step is to create my own character sprites for the player entity and few first mob entitys. Using Blender of course! The Python 3 API in Blender is very powerful, makes it easy to export 3D models as isometric tilesets or spritesheets with a click of a button!

[yuuripostaaja]

Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve had this constant urge to create something. It’s a feeling like thrist, I have to do something every once in a while, I have to actually do something and achieve things in order to extinguish the anxiety and whatnot that comes from procrastination. Themes I’ve gone through are things like music, modding games and creating maps for games, programming in various sectors and nowadays it’s gamedev.

I guess it’s a good thing, but sometimes I feel like I’d just want to rest and take it easy, sit on the sofa or something, but I just can’t, because being like that just increases my anxiety and anxiety is the exact thing I want to minimize in my own being. Constantly creating something is stressful, even though I like it and I like the feeling of achieving things.

[yuuripostaaja]

The dark snowless beginning of winter here in Finland is taking its toll on me. I suffer every day if I just mistakenly think how dark and cold and dull its outside. I’d like to go for a walk but I don’t want depression to take over so I stay inside. I’m just trying to survive, curled up in blankets on my sofa, feeling lonely and I feel like I’d almost want to cry it out. :-(

Tomorrow I’ll go swimming again, at least the pool hall is warm and cozy and lit up and bright.

[yuuripostaaja]

I can now create isometric tiles in Blender and export them to a ready-to-use tileset image resource with a click of a button!

Now I have to do the same for sprites, but this time I have to render each sprite model from 8 angles + different animation frames! I think it’ll be quite easy too, since the blender python API is so nice.

[yuuripostaaja]

Created a simple A* pathfinder for the Entity class.

As you can see, diagonal paths that should be blocked require some more work. I guess I have to double the resolution of the path traversal grid to catch those.

[yuuripostaaja]

My first gamedev tech demo is functioning! Simple level editor + possibility to start the game in selected level. Basic Entity and Tile systems and collisions, etc.

The graphics in the video are all placeholders and are not mine. Next step is to create my own graphics and the tooling/workflow for creating such graphics.

[yuuripostaaja]

I think my life is finally starting to turn to the positive side. I’m not feeling exhausted anymore so I can work on my hobby projects (gamedev) daily and that makes me very excited and happy.

This is absolutely amazing! I was simply burnt out because of my previous job and it took over 2 months to recover this much from it all!

[yuuripostaaja]

The sacher cake I posted an oven-pic here was a success! It’s delicious! I dampened the layers with rum+water.

Woke up today at 3AM after 4 hours of sleep. Okay I guess, I’ll probably take some melatonin later next evening to get a full night of sleep. Drank 1 cup of coffee already and been watching an Axiom Verge speedrun which is super crazy. Now I’ll watch some videos about ReactOS and don’t know what then, but I’m feeling great again!

I’ve been procrastinating the last 2 months quite actively and now that I’ve spent few evenings developing my game idea further I feel absolutely amazing! It’s being passive what affects my mental health status negatively, I understand that much now. From now on, I’ll try to work on my game at least a little bit every evening from monday to friday! Last evening it felt so good when I got the Entity animation system working and I I clicked a monster and my player entity walked up to it and swinged at it with a an attack (with a sword) animation!! I divided generic entity animations to 4 groups (idle, walk, melee, magic) for now and called it an evening!

[yuuripostaaja]

One chocolate cake base incoming!

[yuuripostaaja]

I finally fixed my sleeping cycle!! Got perfect amount of sleep last night from 23pm until 8am.

I’ve swam today 1km and I’ve bought ingredients to bake a chocolate cake this evening! I’m also gonna moisten the cake with rum so I bought 0.5l bottle of generic dark rum too! Gonna be a fun evening, haven’t taken alcohol in ages so I’m gonna sip just a few shots while baking!

Today I feel like my depression is gone. It’s amazing. No more chronic tiredness, no more depression. I don’t believe it lasts for long, but I’m gonna enjoy this while it lasts!

[yuuripostaaja]

Swam 1000m yesterday. Feeling slightly better and better every time. Took melatonin at 10PM yesterday and woke up at 2.30AM today. I wish I could sleep more but I am just unable to, I woke up feeling restless and woke, so now I’m just chugging morning coffee at 4.49AM after deciding that I’m unable to fall asleep anymore.