Johnsquared is so popular that I SHOULD be jealous of Childermass but like. He’s so much cooler than me. I stand no chance and I’m fine with that because LOOK at him 😭
Lowkey hadn’t read the book for a while when I wrote these so my bad if they’re painfully inaccurate…
🕊️ - Born and raised in London, moved to Yorkshire in his late 20s, and is now in his mid-thirties.
🕊️ - He began going grey very recently, so his dark hair has the occasional streak. This can be attributed to genetics and stress.
🕊️ - He’s very short (5’3) with no shoes and grows an inch or two taller (5’4-5’5) depending on the size of his shoes. His height is partially due to genetics and partially because his family often struggled to feed him nutritious foods.
🕊️ - Italian/English heritage. His parents live in England whist his grandparents live in Sicily, Italy. His father’s side is Italian and his mother’s side is English. He takes the most after her, but has his father’s dark features.
🕊️ - His parents were very mellow and sweet with him and always taught him to be the same with others. They weren’t very well financially off, but they tried their best to support his love for magic.
🕊️ - He was given a collection of tales about the Raven King when he was a little boy. It was one of his favorite books, and his mother read it to him often to help him fall asleep.
🕊️ - His father is rather loud and boisterous, but still very kind and very welcoming. His mother, on the other hand, is a sweet woman who prefers to speak and exist quietly. Segundus learned much of his behavior from her. His father often jokes about how meek and quiet Segundus is, but means little harm in the comments.
🕊️ - Since moving to Yorkshire, he hasn’t been able to see his family very often, but he writes and visits whenever he can.
🕊️ - He has a semi-strict morning routine he follows to help get him through the day. He must wake up from a little before to a little after dawn, then make himself tea in a very specific way, before taking a daily walk to the bookstore to check for any books of magic before going to work. If he doesn’t complete his morning ritual he’s very thrown off.
🕊️ - To make the money to move to York, he had a job in a print shop printing newspapers. A lot of his clothing has ink stains.
🕊️ - He has an awful time taking compliments, especially from people he admires. Compliments from Honeyfoot or Strange are often met with quick denial and a very meek smile.
🕊️ - Despite his nice upbringing, he’s always felt the need to live up to expectations he’s set for himself as a son, friend, etc. (even though his friends and family have no set expectations and will love and support him regardless). He feels as if he owes them for this unconditional support and as a result forces himself to remain excessively humble and kind.
🕊️ - Using modern terms, he suffers from GAD, low-self esteem, and experiences moderate imposter syndrome.
🕊️ - He feels as though he’s behind in life or not as good as his friends—who on the contrary find Segundus quite capable and a great person—because he views them as morally, intellectually, or socially superior to him (ie: Honeyfoot and Strange already being in long-time successful marriages, Strange being one of the greatest magicians in English history, etc.) He’s trying to get better at feeling himself though!
🕊️ - Trips over himself a lot and feels embarrassed of himself whenever he does it. Has fallen flat on his face twice.
🛸📔 - Will brag endlessly about the entries he’s written. If he sees a stray hitchhiker using the guide he’ll ask them about how they feel about whatever passage he’s most proud of or what they think about this or that detail. It boosts his ego.
🛸📔 - Incredibly easy to ragebait. Inconvenient stupidity is already one of his biggest pet peeves, and acting stupid on purpose makes him even angrier, since he KNOWS you’re capable of competent thought and you’re just choosing not to use it.
🛸📔 - The shortest of the Heart of Gold crew (apart from Marvin). Zaphod towers over him, as Zaphod does with everybody, he’s about a head shorter than Arthur and about nose height with Trillian. His size doesn’t bother him because it’s easier to get into hard to reach spaces.
🛸📔 - Can’t. Stop. Moving. Thinking? Pacing around in circles. Standing? He has to swing his arms around. Trying to fall asleep? Has to rub his legs together. Arthur has offered him tea to “calm his nerves” but it never works. He doesn’t like tea that much anyways.
🛸📔 - Great dancer, picked up various moves from various cultures in his travels and often combines them. Does it better when he’s drunk (which is often).
🛸📔 - Pulls pranks when he’s bored. It can be anything from putting those firework poppers under the toilet seat to messing with an entire planet’s broadcast systems—if he’s bored and creative enough he’ll do it.
🛸📔 - Watched a lot of sitcoms while he was on Earth and was very disappointed when he realized that he left his “M*A*S*H” special edition box set in his Earth property to blow up.
🛸📔 - Yearns for a wide open space to call his own. He likes hitchhiking because it makes him feel free and untethered—but there’s still laws to abide by and regulations to follow. His biggest fantasy is buying a huge couple hundred acres of land and building a small shack to live in and exploring every day.
🛸📔 - His first towel (the one he received on his 7th birthday) was a small yellow one with a bunch of little duck-like creatures scattered on it in a pattern. He lost it on a trip in his late 80s when his bag was destroyed and was one of the few times he’s ever let himself openly cry over something.
🛸📔 - He was pretty cool with his family before he decided to get a job hitchhiking for The Guide. They loved doing their own thing just like he did and didn’t harbor any hard feelings when he decided to go off by himself. They knew he’d be alright because he was always a resourceful kid.
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