ZK

fuck it we ball

[badjokesbyjeff]

A elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests.

First she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Walmart.

"Walmart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Walmart?"

"Then I'll be sure my daughters will visit me twice a week."

[badjokesbyjeff]

Jokes aside, personally I only have two requests for when I die. I want my remains scattered around Disneyland, and I don't want to be cremated.

[wt-nv-quotes]

Apparently no one ever told him the deadly consequences of taking photos of cats.

[starsinmypocketpussy]

the violence inherent in cat photography

[hat-troll]

I feel like this photo I took of myself and my son today is relevant

[zakamo20]

Think he might be planning my murder

[anexperimentallife]

[therequisitewatson]

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

FUCK silverfish

[daystxlker]

if those are the little bug things that look like centipedes yeah fuck em omfg

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

I HATE THEM SO MUCH

[daystxlker]

OH IN MINECRAFT I THOUGHT YOU MEANT. REAL ONES SLDKJFLSKDJLFSDF

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

wait

WHAT DO YOU MEAN REAL ONES

[booty-clappin-deactivated201807]

where do you think the name came from

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

i don’t know, tumblr user plump9000. i sort of thought they weren’t real, like endermen. or creepers.

[timurmurtazin]

>implying endermen aren’t real

[banishedquasiroyal-deact]

really not liking what you’re implying buddy

[amosseleznev92]

The fresh adult dating site that makes it easy to find casual sex near you. Join free to someone new instantly, and hook up tonight

[pochowek]

[rainbowgod666]

I swear the multiverse is broken

[blakesreefium]

*sigh* again

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

[themurderscene-deactivated20140]

and if you turn to ur left you’ll see the emos

[rnyselfie]

is that my chemical romance?

[penceyprepster-deactivated20160]

OH MY GOD not every group of emos is my chemical romance stfu tumblr

[chxmical-rxmance]

but it actually is my chemical romance

[losered]

this is the funniest fuckibg thing I’ve ever seen

[gay-emo-quotes]

I’ve…. seen this everywhere except on Tumblr itself. It’s the blessed post.

[wafflesmcgeesus]

I reblog this everytime it comes on my dash and I’m unashamed

[zakamo20]

Why do we measure the thickness of paper by weight /mass instead of like, thickness?

[zakamo20]

If ya think about it, cheap wine is the warpig of alcohol.

[bludgeoner]

[goqmir]

when the polycule gets all their ashes dyed and layered on top of each other in a whimsically-shaped container

[i-am-a-snom]

I don't know what to post so I am just going to say hi.

Hi.

Okay that's it.

[cosmokrill]

You could be telling the funniest joke in the world and he'd do one of those semi-quiet, closed mouth laughs every single time

(yeah I know I heavily referenced that one really popular design of Cecil but I'm going to eventually make my own)

[zakamo20]

Hear me out

God is the writer, Christ is his self insert oc, and the holy Spirit is the in-story forth wall break for the writer to make the plot work.

[zakamo20]

Can we take some of the energy we put into Britishguy sillyname's name and redirect it to Alexander the pretty alright?

Like think of all the possibilities with Alexander the slightly murderous. Itd be amazing

[guerrillatech]

[wakingfromthewater]

OK the only people I have known who have a garage fridge are Korean and use it for kimchi because they make enough of it they need a Designated Kimchi Fridge, so I get that.

But can my fellow white Americans please explain what you put in the second fridge?

[luidilovins]

Beer mostly

[zakamo20]

Extra food. Mostly left overs or stuff or food we prepared for later in the week. Also alcohol

[camewiththeframe]

[resist-this-sir]

Accurate

[justpervingalong]

Inaccurate when I say I’m not very political it’s because I’m not. I’m a libertarian that leans conservative but politics bore me.

[losswin422-deactivated20201107]

The next post on this dudes blog is about how women are naturally inferior

[zakamo20]

Also willing to fight this. When I say I'm not political, I mean I think the current system is bullshit and that the majority of our leaders are incompetent at best.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

anyway who wants to see The Nightmare Salamander that slithers in through my ear every night to feast upon my dream and memories?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

I suspected as much! BEHOLD:

(and now that you have seen her, she has an open invitation to slither inbetwixt your ear canals whilst you are napping. with some small luck her appetite shall be sated and I might finally be allowed at last to rest)

[zakamo20]

Oh, that's who it was, thought it was just gaud

[zakamo20]

Crash

[prescription-cactus]

what is your eye color. what is your favorite color. what is the color that appears most frequently in your wardrobe. what color is your favorite blanket. what color is your water bottle.

[zakamo20]

Brown, blue or maroon, black, navy, and more black