Zhanel Dela Cruz

[zandreaaa]

𝘾𝙖𝙣’𝙩 𝙃𝙚𝙡𝙥 𝙁𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙣 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚

When I heard my alarm I get up immediately and fixed my things quickly. It's the first day of the second semester. I'm so excited to meet my best friends again. We're graduating this school year and not to brag but I am the top 1 role model in our school, the one, and only Ethereal Academy. 

As I arrived at the academy, so much noise and people welcomed me. it's no wonder since all the students are excited for the new school year. I started to walk around, and I immediately saw my best friends gathered around, probably waiting for me. I smiled as I saw the three of them.

Ethan Lee, the first one, he's the top two in our school. Dark Vasquez, the second one, he's the top three. Lastly, there's Zion Fierro, the top four. I'd say that we're quite a famous clique. We're known as the "Ethereal Gods", or at least that's what they call us. We hung out at a cafeteria first before we agreed to go to class. We didn't want to be late because we were among the top 10 students in the whole academy. 

The class has already begun, while our professor is teaching the classroom became noisy. Our dean entered and she had someone with her, a new student. "Good morning, Ms. We have a new student, please take good care of him." the dean said. "Sure, Dean. Thank you." my professor said and the Dean left. 

"Please do introduce yourself." said my professor to the new student. "Good morning, everyone! I'm Felix Nicholas and I'm looking forward to making beautiful memories with you guys." He said with a big smile on his face. Of course, the girls love it. They're are starting to shout and asking random questions to him. Well, he's quite good-looking but I'm still more handsome than him. 

"I love your energy, Mr. Nicholas! and the girls seem to like it too. Anyway, you can sit behind Mr. Sim.” my professor said with a grinning face while pointing at a blank chair. "Thank you, Ms!" he said joyfully as he walked to his seat. Argh, just by looking at him makes me feel irritated what more if I sit next to him? He looks like the type of man who always wants to be noticed by girls. He greeted me joyfully "Hey! nice to meet you." and I replied, "Yeah, whatever." and my best friends in the back started laughing. I looked at him and he was just... smiling? I thought he would be embarrassed. I didn’t pay attention to that and I listened to my professor instead. 

Our class is finally over. It's time for practice, I went to the studio first because I am the leader and the vocalist of our band. After an hour of waiting, my team is already complete but our manager is still not here so I decided to start the practice since I am the team leader. We were about to finish when our manager suddenly came and announced something. He said we have a new bandmate and it turns out that it's Felix. The news spread throughout the academy and Felix was even more noticed by the students. 

The next day, there are many people outside the classroom. I thought it was because of me but they're watching for Felix while reading. Even in practice, they watch Felix. The outside of the studio was full of girls and they're shouting every time Felix sings and it looks like Felix likes it. He even talks to the girls joyfully. Such an attention seeker. 

———————————

The practice ended early today so I went to the dorm to rest. While I was resting there was a sudden knock. "I'm pretty beat up today! I'll go next time, dude!” I said aloud. “Ehem... this is your dean, Mr. Sim.” I was very shocked, I stood up quickly and ran to open the door. “Sorry, dean. I thought Ethan was the one who knocked.” I said shyly. The dean laugh at me and said “It’s okay Mr. Sim.” I smiled back but I gradually lost my smile when I saw that Felix Nicholas was behind her. “May I know the reason why you are with him, Dean?” I politely asked. “He’s going to share a dorm with you since this room is the only one available.” My jaw dropped. “Is there a problem, Mr. sim?” the dean asked me. “Nothing, Dean. I was just surprised, that’s all.” I replied with a fake smile. “We’re good then. Be good to Mr. Nicholas, alright?” Dean said. “Alright, Dean.” I replied. 

As soon as the dean left, I glared at Felix. “Before you enter, you need to know my 3 rules. First, don't mess up, Second, don't make noise, Lastly, don't you dare touch my stuff. Understood?” I said indignantly. “Noted!” he joyfully replied. He’s started arranging his belongings and cleaning… the whole room. I think he’s just trying to impress me, but sadly it’s not working. He’s making me more annoyed. I told my best friends that Felix is my roommate and those crazy boys just laughed and teased me “Maybe you guys will fall for each other that way.”  which is never going to happen.

A few weeks passed, I can say that Felix is ​​a good roommate. He’s always cleaning but sometimes he was blabbering on. I'm not surprised though, that's his personality. In those past few weeks, we have been practicing hard because of the upcoming competition. Due to almost daily practice, I didn't feel well. It’s Saturday and we do have a practice today, I can't help but go since I'm the leader and the main vocalist and the competition is near. Our manager noticed that I wasn't okay so he told me to go back to the dorm. “I will take you to our room.” Felix said worriedly. I chuckled and replied, “I don’t need your help, you’re just making me feel sicker.” The room became quiet, and for a few seconds he apologized shyly “I’m sorry.” then he smiled.

When I got to the dorm I rested immediately and Felix was in the dorm as well. He was sitting next to me but he was asleep…  He seemed to fall asleep while taking care of me and waiting for me to wake up. I tried to get up and I woke him up. “Oh you're awake, what do you want to eat? I will cook for you.” he said confidently. “You can cook?” I asked. “Of course! My mother taught me how to cook.” he said proudly. “Oh I see, I don’t have an appetite actually, I think porridge will do.” I replied. “Sure.” he replied and went to the kitchen.

After a few minutes of waiting, the porridge is already done. I hope he didn't put any poison in my food. Kidding. “Here’s your porridge, Jakey!” he said joyfully. “You said what?” I asked confusedly. “I said, here’s your porridge, Jakey.” I don’t know why but I feel like I’m blushing. “O-oh-h, thank you for the porridge.” I murmured. He’s the first-ever person who took care of me, cooked for me, and lastly, calls me by my nickname. I felt bad for doubting him, I think starting today I will treat him nicely. He took care of me until I was feel well and during those times we became close. 

———————————

Today is the day, competition day. Felix and I went to our group room together. Ever since Felix and I became close, our bandmates have always teased us. Even my best friends are teasing us. Felix and I could do nothing but laugh. It makes me wonder sometimes, we’re just friends but we act like we have a relationship. I really don’t understand myself because it’s impossible for both of us to like each other. After all, we are both man and I am straight. I won't think about it for a while as long as Felix and I are both happy, I’m good. 

We’re getting ready at the backstage because we are the next to perform. “Are you nervous?” I asked Felix, “Yeah” he replied while breathing deeply. I hold his hand and said “Don’t be, if our bandmates see that you’re nervous, they will also get nervous.”, “Thank you, Jakey” he replied and smiled. “Ooooohhhh love birds!” shouts of one of our bandmates, because of that we all laughed. After the performance of the previous group we were introduced by the host, “The next group to perform is the SVT! Give them a round of applause!”

——————————— 

“Are you ready, Carats?” I asked aloud. “We will play “Can’t Help Falling in Love” by Elvis Presley. Hope you guys like it!”. The audience shouted cheerfully. I closed my eyes and sing wholeheartedly. I feel like this song describes my feelings towards Felix, I can’t help it but fall in love with him. I opened my eyes and looked at Felix and he looked at me too, we both smiled. Would it be a sin, If I can't help falling in love with you? You're the only sin I’m willing to take for, Felix. 

Our performance went well and we’re just waiting for the results. The band groups who compete are on stage, waiting for the host to announce who the winner is. The host already holds the result. The 3rd and 2nd runner-up winners have already been announced but our band is still not called…There are only 2 groups left, my group and Shawn Mercadajes' group (TXT). “And the winner is… TXT! Congratulations, TXT! Congratulations also to our 1st runner-up, SVT!” the host said. We lose, we are not the winner. I can't accept it, knowing it’s Shawn who defeated me, us. He likes Felix, he told me while I’m waiting for Felix to come back from the restroom.

*flasback*

It’ Friday and our class ended early so Felix and I agreed to go to the mall to refresh because our schedule was so hectic in recent weeks due to practicing with the band. We were in the middle of the window shopping when Felix suddenly felt the call of nature so we immediately went to the nearest restroom to us, while I was waiting for Felix suddenly someone approached me, it’s Shawn Mercadajes. “Sup, I’m Shawn Mercadajes and we are in the same school actually.” he said friendly, I didn't answer him, I just looked at him. “Right, I forgot you're Jake Sim, the coldest among the ethereal gods.” he chuckled. "Back off." I coldly replied. "Chill dude, I just want to ask you something if it's okay with you?" He said. "Ask away." I said. "Does Felix have a lover? I just want to know because I’m interested in him.” he said blushingly. I was too stunned to speak at first, I didn't expect Shawn to like Felix. “Back off, he’s mine.” I said authoritatively. He laughed and said “May the best man win. See you at the competition.” and as he walked away was exactly as Felix came out of the restroom. “Who's that?” Felix asked “Just a random guy.” I replied. I got bothered because of what Shawn said that's why I asked Felix if we could go home. Luckily, Felix agreed.

*end of flashback*

(AT THE BACKSTAGE)

felix noticed that I was quiet so he asked me, “What’s wrong?”, “We’re not the winner.” I replied, “It’s okay, we're the 1st runner-up.” he said and hugged me, I thanked him and hugged him back. Suddenly someone spoke “Ehem.” that's why we looked at who it was, it’s Shawn. “Sorry for bothering you guys, I just want to congratulate you and invite you to our party. Ethan, Dark, and Zion will go by the way.” he said nicely. “Nice to meet you, Shawn. I’m Felix!” said Felix and he extend his arm to make a handshake with Shawn. Tsk. Why is felix so friendly? Shawn replied in a flirty tone, “Yeah, I already know you, Felix Nicholas and it’s really nice to meet you.” and shook hands with Felix. “Tsk. We are not interested in going to your party, you can go now.” I coldly said. Felix was surprised by what I said so he said "I apologize on behalf of Jakey.", “It’s okay, there's no need to apologize for.” Shawn’s replied. “We'd love to go to your party, may I know when and where will it be held?” Felix asked, “Cool, the day after tomorrow at my beach house in Bataan.” Shawn replied, “Noted, see you there!” Felix said happily. “Yeah, see you! I’ll go now.” Shawn replied and walked away.

———————————

(AT THE BEACH HOUSE OF SHAWN IN BATAAN)

We arrived safely by 5 PM, my bandmates and my best friends are with me and Felix. Shawn welcomed us. He showed us our rooms where we would stay and he told us to just go to the dining area by 8 PM and 10 PM is the start of the party. We decided who we will be our roommate, of course, me and Felix are in the same room since we are really roommates. Felix and I arranged our things first and rested for a while then we got ready for dinner.

At exactly 8 PM we went down to the dining area. While we were eating, the rest of us chatted and suddenly Shawn asked Felix, “Felix, Can I ask you something?”, “Sure, what is it?” Felix replied. “Are you in a relationship?” Shawn asked, “Oh, I’m single.” said Felix shyly. “Nice, so I have a chance with you.” Shawn said cheerfully. The people in the dining area giggled and shouted. Felix  laughed shyly and replied “I’m single but I already like someone.” The dining area became deafening silent. After what Felix said no one spoke, even me. Because of the silence and awkwardness, the others went to the party early and I was one of them. I ignored Felix because I was also surprised by his sudden confession, he didn't say anything that he already liked someone.

It’s already midnight and some of us are already tipsy as well as my best friends and Felix. Dark suggested playing spin the bottle. “Let’s play spin the bottle! Who’s up?” He asked, almost everyone is up for it so I had no choice but to join as well. It was okay at first, the questions and dare they were asking the selected player were just pure nonsense. Until it Felix's turn, “Truth or Dare?” Zion asked, “Truth.” Felix replied. “Who do you like?” Zion playfully asked. Felix didn't answer right away and he suddenly replied "Secret!" that's why the rest of us called him kill joy. I can’t stand it so I got up and sat outside. Minutes later, Felix sat beside me. “Why are you here? Are you okay?” Felix asked, “I’m good, just need some fresh air.” I said coldly. “Oh I see. Anyway,  would like to tell you something about what I said earlier in the dining area.” Felix said nervously. “What is it?” I replied, “The thing is I really like someone and I don’t know how I will confess to him. If I were to ask you, in what way would you want someone to confess to you?” Felix asked. Is he serious? I feel like I’m about to cry but I still manage to answer him, “Well, if you ask me, I want him to say directly to me that he like me and kiss me on the forehead.” After I answered him he suddenly asked me to stand up and when I was already standing up, he said “I like you, Jake Sim.” and he kissed my forehead. I couldn't stop myself but cried and hug him. ”You’re really annoying, I thought you liked someone else but you know even though you're annoying, I still like you.” I confessed. Now, he’s crying too. After that moment, we talked about whether we will date or not. The funny thing is, we both agreed not to date anymore since we had already known each other for a long time. 

———————————

And now, we are getting married. little by little we are fulfilling our dreams together. I’m willing to take his hand and I’m willing to give my whole life too. Falling in love with him is not a sin, it’s a blessing.

[zandreaaa]

𝐑𝐢𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞

Some risk their lives each day, Even their hands are cracked and sore, They are still fighting all day, Exhausted they carry on once more, Watching you suffering is destroying their heart, Your lungs are struggling for air, The healthcare workers are falling apart, Because some people didn't care, Every patient's frightened gaze, They had to deal with several dangers, To find other ways, How to save the lives of other strangers, The patients need support and care, Luckily, your friend who is wearing a mask all day is there.

[zandreaaa]

𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑰𝒎𝒑𝒐𝒓𝒕𝒂𝒏𝒄𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑴𝒆𝒏𝒕𝒂𝒍 𝑯𝒆𝒂𝒍𝒕𝒉 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝑻𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒐𝒇 𝑷𝒂𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒎𝒊𝒄.

I know that we're lowkey having a hard time trying to cope with all the new things that came up recently. All of us seem to be down in the dumps because we've all been holding up for almost two years now, and we've been forced to continue living our lives virtually. We don't know what everyone's been going through behind their screens. Some people are finding it hard to adapt to the "new normal" society that the pandemic brought upon us. That is why we should not pass judgment on others, especially if they have made a mistake.

We don't know what they've been going through and why they did what they did, so I think it's just fair to spare extra kindness and understanding to those who need it. We may not exactly know who those people are. That's why we should be extra kind to everyone. It will help those people who are struggling. We should be more careful with our words because there are situations in which we run our mouths recklessly without thinking about how it could affect other people.

I'm just saying that we should be mindful and kind with our words. It might not be a lot, but it certainly would help some people out there. Extra kindness and understanding won't bring us any harm, and I'm sure it would be really helpful to those who are silently struggling.

Most of us are suffering, I know depression is something. We are trapped at home, feeling empty and alone.

If you feel you can't cope, Always remember that there's hope.

It's okay not to be okay, Maybe it feels tiring and heavy. But at the end of the day, You'll say, "I survived today." 

ctto.

[zandreaaa]

𝑭𝒊𝒓𝒔𝒕 𝑺𝒕𝒆𝒑𝒔 𝒐𝒏 𝒂𝒏 𝑼𝒏𝒌𝒏𝒐𝒘𝒏 𝑷𝒍𝒂𝒏𝒆𝒕.

Elena looks around. It’s dark and the sky has a black color without any stars. She thinks about his boyfriend. “There is no chance that he died! I know him for twelve years and he is strong enough. I will see him again. I’m sure about that. She hears nothing but the silence. Never before has she heard absolutely nothing. And suddenly she realizes that she is alone. There are no creatures on this planet. Everything is destroyed. A teardrop rolls over her pale face. And she takes the first step on this unknown planet. She kept crying while questioning herself “Now what will I do? How will I go back and see my boyfriend again?”. She fell asleep while crying, and when she woke up she started walking around... hoping there was someone else aside from her. Months have passed, but she still didn’t see anyone else. She started feeling lonely and sad when she thought she's the only one left in the unknown planet, but then her spirits got lifted when she suddenly heard someone walking. She turned back and saw him, her boyfriend. Elena got very shocked and happy at the same time, to the point she cried tears of joy. “I knew it! You’re still alive!” she said while hugging her boyfriend tightly. Her boyfriend said “I would never leave you… I can’t leave without you.” he hugged and kissed Elena. After that scene, she opened her eyes and start crying while whispering “I dreamt of him again… those lines; he promised me that.”. She realized that her head is a dark place and her boyfriend itself is not dead but their love is.

[zandreaaa]

Good Day! Today, our teacher discussed “Holistic Development”, She also told us about the two wolves and she gave us an activity. The story of the two wolves is telling me that both wolves will always be there and It based to my emotions, behaviors, and every other aspect of my life. Sometimes I’m questioning my self and worth because I’m envious to my little sister, all of the attention of my mom and dad has always with her. If I keep feeding the first wolf my life will be nothing and I can lose the chance to move forward to my next journey.

However the second wolf is hard to feed because I need a time to do things like learning and sharing, etc.I need to put an effort to the second wolf but feeding the second wolf is a way to my accomplishment and success at the end of the day. When I found out that my father was proud of me I feel that I’m the happiest person in the world. All I want to hear is my dad saying that he’s proud of me because everything that I do is dedicated to him.

But if  I feed the two wolves right, I will win because life is not full of good and evil, its up to me to feed my mind to achieve success and contentment in life.  

[zandreaaa]

Knowing Onself

The topic that struck me the most is about the Ideal Self because I want to be strong enough to face my own problems in the future because right now I’m kinda weak and I feel anxious about it.  I don’t want to rely on others and I also don’t want to be burden to them that’s why I want to be strong enough to stand on my own.

My core strengths are being friendly and kind, I really like making new friends because I want to create a memories with them and I want them to be part of my life. I’m kind to people because not all of us are treated right of our love ones, I want to make them feel that there is always one person that will treat them right.

The quality that I want to improve on is my mental health because I always suffering from Depression, It really hurts from my part because I always feel that I’m weak and no one will be there for me. But I’m trying my best to have a positive mental health for the sake of my self and future