Bitch-Kitty On Wheels

Sam/she/her/Failing at adulting so I shitpost (:

[neenarchive]

they're hiring me at the extra virgin olive oil factory as the oathsworn knight who protects the chastity of the olives

[neenarchive]

many dishonourable knaves in the notes of this post

[psychotic-gerard]

listening to a man break up with his partner on the train and the first sentence I heard was "I just don't appreciate you cheating on me six different times, once with my own father."

[noah-wyles]

[etirabys]

oh my goodness, one of dian fossey’s first close up observations with gorillas happened when she was trying to climb a tree to see them better, but so badly that by the time she’d gotten up the entire group had come out of hiding to look at her: “Nearly all members of the group had totally exposed themselves, forgetting about hiding coyly behind foliage screens because it was obvious to them that the observer had been distracted by tree-climbing problems, an activity they could understand.”

[argumate]

hello, fellow apes

[spitoutthedaisyhoratio]

The lead up to that sentence is gold:

[consistantly-changing]

[Image transcript: porch. The group had been day-nesting and sunbathing when I contacted them, but upon my approach they nervously retreated to obscure themselves behind thick foliage. Frustrated but determined to see them better, I decided to climb a tree, not one of my better talents. The tree was particularly slithery and, try as I might, no amount of puffing, pulling, gripping, or clawing succeeded in getting me more than a few feet aboveground. Disgustedly, I was about to give up when Sanwekwe came to my aid by giving one mighty boost to my protruding rump; tears were running from his eyes as he was convulsed in silent laughter. I felt as inept as a baby taking its first step. Finally able to grab on to a conveniently placed branch, I hauled myself up into a respectful semislouch position in the tree about twenty feet from the ground. By this time I naturally assumed that the combined noises of panting, cursing, and branch-breaking made during the initial climbing attempts must have frightened the group on to the next mountain. I was amazed to look around and find that the entire group had returned and were sitting like front row spectators at a sideshow. All that was needed to make the image complete were a few gorilla-sized bags of popcorn and some cotton candy! This was the first live audience I had ever had in my life and certainly the least expected.]

[roach-works]

imagine some freakish not-a-human alien THING has shown up out of nowhere and is trying to get into your office building to study you. but it has no idea how to get past a revolving door. it tries for three hours. by the time it finally understands the concept of a revolving door and squeeze into the building everyone in the office is crowded into the lobby to watch and call helpful suggestions. it’s conclusively determined that the alien is definitely not a threat, except maybe to itself.

[obeliskthetormentorsfeetpics]

Addition approved

[cookie-kat777]

Atla nation, come get y'all's juice

[argumate]

this fucking guy I swear to god

[everythingfox]

Why does he need a- … oh

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

Could yall stop shooting each other outside my window im trying to masturbate

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

So this was actually the sound of my car getting stolen

[marlinspirkhall]

investing at 10 notes

[copperbadge]

You can't leave this in the notes, guys.

[sadclowncentral]

weird how no one ever comments on the absence of smells unprompted. the nose just isn't a topic of conversation unless it's urgent huh

[sadclowncentral]

"it's dark in here" normal regular observation

"finally some quiet" relatable exclamation

"doesn't smell like anything in here" absolutely deranged sentence

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#why is the animorphs here#I mean id reblog it by itself#2 for 1 post#idk I never read animorphs#fear has a new name… yeerk#yeeeeerk#laugh rule

In this book, two child soldiers discover the existence of alien androids who have been hiding among humans for thousands of years using hologram technology, and nearly die working to keep the androids' sophisticated technology our of the hands of the invading body snatcher aliens.

They discover this because they turn into dogs to sneak into an outdoor concert for free and run into a "normal teenager" who doesn't smell like anything.

[toca144]

What the hell is happening in Animorphs.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

Intergalactic war, severe PTSD and missing homework deadlines mostly.

[space-stalagmite]

????

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

... what did you guys think it was about?

[kactusnz]

Thermals.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

How could I forget. It is indeed mostly about thermals.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#i didnt know it was a book#i thought they just made these fucked pictures for no reason and never thought about it

Funniest possible response. Dude in the nineties got his hands on some image editing software and just decided to create children-animal hybrid images labelled ANIMORPHS for no reason.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

In fairness he also does stuff like this

So that would check out.

[derinthescarletpescatarian]

#dude with the space blaster looks like he's about to get railed by those aliens

Oh good so it's not just me then

[necromancelena]

There is a child next to me at the clinic I'm doing bloodwork at that is watching ai generated videos of Spiderman farting, without headphones. And I'm trying to keep a straight face but i thought about someone being like oh no it's stealing jobs from real farting spidermen and my composure is breaking

[neige-leblanche]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

y'all wanna see a photo of my shrimp I'm pretty sure I just caught speaking directly to god

[dragon-in-a-fez]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

why tf do y’all keep tagging this “shrimp heaven now”

[dungeonlust]

[sca-nerd]

I took my nephew and niece to their first event when they were… five and seven? They each picked out a heavy and a rapier fighter to cheer on (we made favors for them to give as part of the Plan to Keep Little Kids Entertained™). They interpreted this to mean that they were to LOOK AFTER these fighters and spent the remainder of the day taking them water and sharing goldfish crackers with them.

You don’t know happiness until you see a little kid hand a Knight an Uncrustable and have him devour it gratefully.

[ruffboi-mags]

#congrats your children reinvented squires (via @roach-works​)

[transgenderer]

it's gotten to the point of winter where the notion of summertime feels like a distant dream. "you will be warm, not just cold-and-also-sweaty, AND it doesnt cost any money to get warm. and all you have to do is wait". sure, and after we die we go to the land of gumdrops and honeydew. tell me somehting more plausible. i know i will be cold forever

[eirianerisdar]

POLITICALLY AMBITIOUS ELVEN LEADER??

ELROND??? POLITICALLY AMBITIOUS???

HE WHO REFUSED THE CROWN OVER THE NOLDOR AFTER GIL-GALAD DIED DESPITE BEING HEIR TO ALL THREE HOUSES OF THE SONS OF FINWË BY BIRTH, ADOPTION, AND LATER MARRIAGE????? SPENT AN AGE AS GIL-GALAD’S SECOND WHILE HIS BROTHER’S LINE WERE KINGS??? WHO RAISED A HOMELY HOUSE INSTEAD OF A CITADEL??? WHO CHOSE THE PATH OF HEALING DESPITE GROWING UP IN A SERIES OF WAR CAMPS??? WISE AS A WIZARD?? KIND AS SUMMER????

[rollerskate2theface]

Sooo this happened on tiktok

And the comments are gold

(+Extra)

[bee-dot-exe]

I'm crying

[1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1o1]

laughing and crying at the same time because gaara literally tells his dad “yea i died but nbd my friends saved me” and his dads response is “YOU HAVE FRIENDS”

[tendercherie]

forgive me lord for I have imagined a life far more soft and tender than the one you created for me

[tendercherie]

[sacred-portal]

[gravityjunior]

[dragon-in-a-fez]

a few days ago I started my college class with "goldfish have long memories, Einstein never failed math in school, and the brain does not stop developing at 25, these are all things people just repeated until they sounded true, so let's talk about media literacy" and I could tell I had broken every brain in the room

[cultofthewyrm]

This is the only day you can reblog this