Screaming into the void where I know now one will answer
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Mike Driver

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@zedtheamirghouluser
Screaming into the void where I know now one will answer
I am looking for a very specific ao3 work and it’s been DAYS of me looking for it.
The list of things I remember about this work are:
Forward roll…
The abyss, it roll, it go.
ok so like…. you know how in miraculous ladybug marinette says she adds rice flour to her french baguette recipe? i actually added rice flour to my baguette dough and the end result is fucking. ethereal. im still thinking about it a solid 12 hours later. I want to make more but then I would be eating bread all fucking day!!!! it’s so good!!!! I’m trying to isolate the other things I did differently but the only major difference is the rice flour so that must be the difference!!!!!!
r…resippy??
UPDATE ON THE BREAD RECIPE: I made it again and this time wrote down what I was doing and used ACTUAL MEASURING EQUIPMENT AND A TIMER OMG so it’s slightly different from the half-remembered one I posted earlier!
anyway in a big measuring cup or small bowl you need
2 cups warm water 2 tsp white sugar 1 tsp honey 2 tsp dry yeast 2 tsp whole milk ½ tsp flour
mix this together gently and let it sit for about five minutes or until it is nice and foamy!
While you’re waiting for it to foam up, in a separate bigger bowl, mix together
4 cups bread flour ½ cup sweet white rice flour 3tsp salt Now pour your yeast concoction into the flour mixture, I used a spatula to mix it all together. the dough is VERY sticky.
Let the bowl sit in a warm room, covered with wet towel, for 2 hours. it should have doubled in size. knead it with your hands until you’re satisfied (unfortunately no exact measurement for satisfaction has been discovered).
This makes enough for two loaves! I immediately plopped one unshaped onto parchment paper-lined baking sheets and baked at 365 for an hour.
I left the other to sit out in a warm room overnight to see how it differed and just finished baking it. It looks pretty good!
they were both nice and crunchy-crusted, fluffy and chewy on the inside, and overall super delicious. but I slightly preferred the one that I immediately threw into the oven over the one I let sit out overnight.
Ah, le donne... sempre impareggiabili!!!
Ah, women ... always unmatched !!!
So, let me guess– you just started a new book, right? And you’re stumped. You have no idea how much an AK47 goes for nowadays. I get ya, cousin. Tough world we live in. A writer’s gotta know, but them NSA hounds are after ya 24/7. I know, cousin, I know. If there was only a way to find out all of this rather edgy information without getting yourself in trouble…
You’re in luck, cousin. I have just the thing for ya.
It’s called Havocscope. It’s got information and prices for all sorts of edgy information. Ever wondered how much cocaine costs by the gram, or how much a kidney sells for, or (worst of all) how much it costs to hire an assassin?
I got your back, cousin. Just head over to Havocscope.
((PS: In case you’re wondering, Havocscope is a database full of information regarding the criminal underworld. The information you will find there has been taken from newspapers and police reports. It’s perfectly legal, no need to worry about the NSA hounds, cousin ;p))
Want more writerly content? Follow maxkirin.tumblr.com!
Assassins
“Below are selected prices that are paid to professional assassins by criminal organizations and drug cartels for a contract hit.
In Australia, the median price to hire a hit man is $13,610 (9,800 Euros), with the price going up to $83,000 (60,000 Euros) based on the task.
In Mexico, the cost for a low level assassin is $208 (150 Euros), and up to $20,832 (15,000 Euros) for a higher profile target like a police chief.
The prices paid in Argentina are between $3,749 (2,700 Euros) to $5,555 (4,000 Euros) per hit.
Government statistics in Spain state that 40 assassinations take place each year, with prices for the hit ranging between $27 (20 Euros) to $69,000 (50,000 Euros).”
So cheap! I always thought things like this would cost more than $1 million…
This is super useful to know!
and not just for writing!!
@katherine-rose
HOLY FUCK
HOW MANY HOURS HAVE I WASTED TRYING TO FIND HEROIN PRICES ON THE INTERNET WHAT A GREAT DATABASE
@im-god-now-fight-me thought this might be useful
@a-fools-lore @lil-dane @martemisss
Weird thoughts I had as a kid...
I used to think Hooters was a bookstore because all the tv shoes I watched depicted owls as the ones to read books and eat lollipops.
Why is it?? That I can go through the whole day feeling fine and dandy but the second I lay down for bed impending doom settles on me?
🤔 a compelling model
I can’t believe I’m reblogging this from a friend and not the two horse people who started it
You make a compelling argument
orange juice is the superior beverage bc it makes ur tongue feel like u ate a bunch of ants which reminds me of my childhood when I would put ants in my mouth and eat em except this time it tastes good too
Hey op I think you’re probably allergic to citrus?
is. this not what oj is supposed to make ur tongue feel like
Did you know that if your mouth itches when you eat kiwis, it is not from hairs left over on the fruit after you peel it? I didn’t until I was about 26 or so!
Confusingly, pineapple is supposed to feel like that, the damn thing is attempting to digest you right back.
Numb lips are not part of the intended experience of peanut butter, apparently
yALL
My cousin: What do you mean watermelon isn’t supposed to burn when you eat it?
Every person in a position of political power should have their daily needs matched to the lowest class of their country.
You make $6 an hour now, Mr. Congressman, and you’re not allowed to sit down or take breaks during your 7.5 hour daily shift. If you don’t like that, then you’re welcome to make some changes
This.
i’ve never understood being able to enact laws that will never impact you
It legitimately works. When politicians chose to live on the food stamp budget for their state they worked to increase the allotment after only a week of living that way.
And honestly? It should include having to spend time living on disability, navigating their district in a wheelchair, and taking public transit.
These people should have to live with their choices the same way they force us to live with them.
dire-sloth
you should have offered them four 12x12 squares and a bottle of glue
As hilarious as that is…
… we’re out of glue.
Completely out of glue. The glue slime trend that has swept the middle schools in our area has maxed out all outlets of glue from December 18th to today’s date- February 6th. We keep getting shipments of glue, but they only come in 20-bottle boxes and they are completely gone by the time the weekend is out. Children are buying them by the armful.
And I would find this cute and honestly amazing that these kiddos are getting their first taste of entrepreneurship (mine was in high school, where I made novelty school ID’s) if it weren’t for the involvement of the parents.
Because the kids are like ‘aw, you don’t have any? Ok. We’ll try somewhere else- thank you! Where’s your glitter?’
The parents… oh gods the parents.
Calling us up at 9am- “What do you MEAN you don’t have any glue!? ITS A BASIC CRAFT ITEM! YOU HAVE TO HAVE GLUE!”
“You’re telling me that you DON’T CARRY GLUE?”
“I’m calling your corporate office to tell them just how wholly unprepared you all are because this is the fourth store I’ve called and NONE of you have any glue.”
“Can I pre-order? What do you MEAN I have to order from the website?”
“When will you be getting more? You don’t KNOW! HOW CAN YOU NOT KNOW!? Two weeks at the EARLIEST!?”
“Can you call me when you get some? YOU CAN’T EVEN CALL ME WHEN YOU GET IT IN?”
I once caught one of our framers taking a call like these and I saw her re-inact Winona Ryder’s entire range of facial expressions a la SAG awards, eventually ending in her left eye going slightly wall when the angry parent finally hung up.
And there are some that call every single day, asking the same questions and hoping that they’ll get a different answer. But no. I’m sorry. The Glue Fairy didn’t make a surprise visit last night. We did not plant the glue seeds in time for the harvest and now there is a glue famine. The small child that we sent to fetch more glue has been captured by witches- who are now intent on raising her as their own and we wish them luck.
One day, my brother will have children and they will ask me about the Glue Famine of 2017 and I will recall a very specific instance wherein I could feel flecks of spittle coming through the end of the phone.
One day I shall die and a team of necromancers will raise me from my crumbling sarcophagus and the very first words from my revived, husk of a maw will be ‘WE ARE STILL OUT OF GLUE, CRETINOUS FILTH!’
And this is how I knew that 2017 was going to be a bad year. Retail-mancy: I divine the fall of our nation by the fact that we are perpetually out of basic adhesives. And its not the children that buy them that make it a problem, but the parents who imagine that we somehow have control over the entire damn glue industry.
Here. Buy that shit online and teach your children the benefits of buying bulk, because apparently it’s too late for the fucking adults, if my previous encounters with adult entrepreneurs is any indication.
Why you want to yell at me for telling you the truth is beyond me when you could be putting all that energy towards not sucking. GIT GUD.
I just learned today that tomorrow our store will be hopping on the glue slime trend and making an end cap to make easy access to our stock of glues, glitters, and I suppose we might be adding borax to our inventory.
Need I remind you that this is what our glue stock has looked like for the past two months:
We just got some in two days ago and its already gone.
So you have to imagine the position we’re in here- where we’re advertising glue that does not exist for more than three days every two to four weeks because of these tots are hell-bent on selling slime to their sandbox buddies.
We’re not selling glue. We’re selling the concept of glue. We are selling the desire for glue. We are inspiring others to covet the glue we do not have. The glue is unknowable. It is invisible, intangible, ineffable. One day the glue uprising shall be upon us, and none shall speak its name.
So like just in case you didn’t get the message-
We are out of glue.
Glue we are out of.
Out of glue we are.
We glue of are out.
Because the dozen or so rows where we used to stock our glue is now a gaping cavity of woe, our heathen customers have decided that this is the perfect space to lazily put things that they just suddenly decide they don’t want anymore. And for some ridiculous reason, the most popular thing to leave where an associate can find it is fake flowers.
Not even the first time this has happened, people. People are attempting to build a memorial to the glue that was, and will never be again. The time of glue has passed, we shall remember it fondly. Ashes to ashes, goop to goop.
Rest in Particulate, Glue Aisle.
Its about to get…
…significantly worse.
I’ve had several people contact me about an email that went out from our company, advertising Glue Slime and giving out a recipe (instead of borax, using baking soda and contact lens solution… I weep for our local optometrists). Luckily, we were sent a large ration of glue on Thursday in preparation for the endcap that we just put up.
And for a moment, the balance was restored. We could rebuild! There was enough glue to fill the dozen or so places in its home and have a good amount for the display. Sadly, we were only given a few bottles of clear glue- which is the one that people really want because…. clear slime. But things were looking better!
But little did we know…
… President’s Day was coming.
And the children… needed something to do…
Here is a photo of the display on Saturday morning.
And here it is on Monday morning:
They have ravaged our glue surplus to 1/10th. The glue that filled its home space is completely gone. I am honestly surprised that the meager 40 bottles we have left are still there, and by the time I finish writing this- they may not be.
Why would you do this to us, Mr President?
So while we have those 40 bottles, we can at least fend off the screaming parents, but I anticipate that a considerable amount of screaming will have already started by the time I start my shift this afternoon.
I shall scream as well.
I scream, they scream- we all scream into the yawning void of the glue section in hopes that the Elmer, God of Cheap Adhesives, will hear our cries and grant us the glue we so desperately yearn for. We shall be united in our despair.
We have reached a place in our glue stock where we are consistently keeping up with demand, more or less. We get it in on Wednesday, they all come in on the weekend and we’re out by Monday- giving people one day to bitch and moan because what would these people do if they weren’t allowed to scream at us for a whole thirty seconds?
Well, I came in to work on Wednesday and I found this at our customer service desk:
Look out world- we have the gallons!
People asked for the gallons of glue, they got the gallons of glue.
There were 20 of them on that endcap. I saw a woman buy three of them at once (and of course she wanted to use a coupon on each and every one of them because ‘gosh- who knew that glue would be so expensive!’ Like… lady- you’re getting this at 20 cents an ounce if you get it without a coupon. It’s not expensive, you’re just a cheapskate.)
By the end of Wednesday, they were all gone. We sold 20 gallons of glue in four hours. People were laying down $60 for glue. I could feel my Great Depression-raised grandpa shaking his head from…. I dunno, probably Purgatory.
Now the entire area knows that we have the glue gallons- the word has spread. But we don’t have them in stock and guess what emotions they have over it! If you guessed ‘anger’ then you’re right! So they do what they’ve always done when they need a literal gallon of glue and there are no gallons of glue to be had: they buy a ton of individual bottles.
But now knowing that there is an easier way to do this that is yet inaccessible to them fills them with ennui, and as they walk through the store their excitement over their hoard wanes and they put some of it back.
Now, any person of the retail-worker persuasion will tell you that a customer never puts an item back where they’re supposed to. That would be, frankly, preposterous. So instead, as they lose their grip on their desire for glue, they leave a single bottle where it is most convenient to them- a symbol of their defeat.
This is a fancy way of saying that I found a bottle of glue in every aisle one night because someone got pissy about not being able to buy it by the gallon and forgot to get a basket.
THE EPIC SAGA CONTINUES
how the fuck did we get from 12x12 squares of paper the the glue famine
Embrace the absurdity or be doomed by it.
@jdkaplonski
Ravenclaw: Hey you cold?
Hufflepuff: No I’m fine, why do you ask?
Ravenclaw: Well you’re all curled up?
Hufflepuff: Oh that’s just a comfort thing
Ravenclaw: And your hoods up?
Hufflepuff: Sometimes you just want to be a angsty bean
Ravenclaw: And you’re like shivering?
Hufflepuff: Oh no, see when you have ADD and anxiety sometimes you just fucking vibrate!!
100 Sentence Prompts
(thank you too @inqusitor-sane for a few of these) 1. ‘Stop being such a stick in the mud!’ 2. ‘Come dance with me.’ 3. ‘They are just like you.’ 4. ‘Just hold on, you’ll be alright.’ 5. ‘I won’t leave you, never.’ 6. ‘I’m sorry.’ 7. ‘This is so not the time or place for this.’ 8. ‘Jackpot!’ 9. ‘You’re blushing.’ 10. ‘You got something on your face. Let me clean it off.’ 11. ‘What did you say?’ 12. ‘Before sunrise, they are your child/children’ 13. ‘How did we get in this mess?’ 14. ‘Are you okay?’ 15. ‘Who are you?’ 16. ‘What was that?’ 17. ‘Will you marry me?’ 18. ‘That’s not what I meant!’ 19. ‘Liar!’ 20. ‘I wish I could stay in this moment forever.’ 21. ‘This isn’t like you.’ 22. ‘What’s in it for me?’ 23. ‘I hate you.’ 24. ‘Tickle fight!’ 25. ‘You’re my one and only.’ 26. ‘It’s been a while.’ 27. ‘Let me walk you home.’ 28. ‘It’s just you and me tonight. We can do whatever we want.’ 29. ‘When was the last time you slept?!?’ 30. ‘Make a wish’ 31. ‘I’ll never forgive you.’ 32. ‘You know me too well.’ 33. ‘Just hold my hand.’ 34. ‘Wake up, please.’ 35. ‘This wasn’t supposed to happen.’ 36. ‘I never wanted to hurt you.’ 37. ‘What are you hiding?’ 38. ‘It’s a beautiful night.’ 39. ‘They are so your child/children.’ 40. ‘I’ll miss you.’ 41. ‘Remember when [event]’ 42. ‘It’s so hot out!’ 43. ‘But I thought you liked this?’ 44. ‘What have you’ve done?” 45. ‘No one can know.’ 46. ‘Everything will be okay.’ 47. ‘You’re sick.’ 48. ‘I’m never letting go.’ 49. ‘There is only one bed.’ 50. ‘You look lovely today’ 51. ‘There is so much blood.’ 52. ‘I can’t!’ 53. ‘I’m not afraid.’ 54. ‘Tell me something I don’t know about you.’ 55. ‘Let’s ditch this place and do something fun!’ 56. ‘How did you talk me into this?” 57. ‘Today is a new day.’ 58. ‘My clothes look good on you.’ 59. ‘Where am I?’ 60. ‘We are going to have the cutest babies ever!’ 61. ‘I think we’re lost.’ 62. ‘How did you know?” 63. ‘It’s not what it looks like.’ 64. ‘Keep your eyes open.’ 65. ‘Do as I do.’ 66. ‘You’re cold.’ 67. ‘You think it will lighten up soon?’ 68. ‘I can’t see anything.’ 69. ‘What did I do to get you again?’ 70. ‘Look what I found!’ 71. ‘Just breath.’ 72. ‘Let’s go to bed.’ 73. ‘You believe me, right?’ 74. ‘Let’s go exploring!’ 75. ‘That’s so sweet of you.’ 76. ‘I think we’re stuck.’ 77. ‘I need to leave.’ 78. ‘You look beautiful, no matter what.’ 79. ‘Stop!’ 80. ‘You’re hurt, let me help.’ 81. ‘I dare you!’ 82. ‘What happened here?” 83. ‘Just this once.’ 84. ‘We should go home.’ 85. ‘Let’s go for a swim!’ 86. ‘For science!’ 87. ‘Move over.’ 88. ‘We have to help!’ 89. ‘This must be the happiest moment of my life.’ 90. ‘It’s just a cut.’ 91. ‘I feel stupid.’ 92. ‘This is one heck of a storm.’ 93. ‘Hit the deck!’ 94. ‘A kiss for good luck?’ 95. ‘I didn’t know you could sing.’ 96. ‘You’re so cute when your sleeping.’ 97. ‘I will always protect you.’ 98. ‘Forever.’ 99. ‘Run!’ 100. ‘Sit, relax, I won’t bite.’
This neural net makes my sketches real
There’s a kind of neural net that will convert block drawings into its best attempt at a photorealistic scene. As of this week, there are now online demo versions that anyone can use, without any coding or fancy computing equipment needed. NVIDIA has a demo they call GauGAN, and runwayml includes TWO versions of SPADE with their latest free beta. Here’s an example of what you can do with them: I used SPADE-COCO from runwayml to turn this landscape:
into this fully-shaded scene. Notice how generous the neural net was in converting my simple boat and cloud shapes into something more realistic. It even decided where to add reflections.
With some of these demos, you can do only landscapes, but with the SPADE-COCO in runwayml, there are categories such as:
It is surprisingly good at adding in giraffes where requested.
It also turned my terrible car drawing into something way cooler than I had any right to expect. (I forgot to color in sky, so it appears to have interpreted void as nighttime).
It didn’t help me out so much with this one, though. It was supposed to be a person standing in front of a brick wall holding a knife. Less gritty than I had imagined.
But the more improbable my requests, the more unpredictable my results. It will fudge my sketched lines more and more to try to have things make sense.
The clock in the sky tries to anchor itself to the ground. The table has blotches of room beneath it. The toothbrush perched on the potted plant seems to blaze with light. Is the giraffe really wearing boots? The neural net hedges its bets by going a bit blurry.
Here I have clearly requested spheres of giraffe, zebra, and sheep floating above a featureless grassy plain.
It tries to stretch the grass upward toward the spheres, and tries to roughen the tops of the spheres into heads and ears. The whole image is noticeably blocky.
But with careful choice of materials, I can build scenes like this. Here, um, the clouds are banana, the mountain is cake, the hills are blanket, the grass is teddy bear, the lake is zebra, the house is made of carrot, and the trees are made of wine glasses. It tried its best.
Here I drew a mountain and some water, and then switched water and sky. This neural net actually manages it.
But when I ask NVIDIA’s GauGAN for the same thing, it decides to just submerge the entire scene. I guess this is literally what you’d get. GauGAN is less of a sport about extreme weirdness.
You can play with the runwayml versions of SPADE for free. There are a bunch of other neural nets you can play with as well - runwayml is really an extraordinary tool for people who want to use machine learning creatively without needing to code. An even easier neural net to play with is the NVIDIA GauGAN (and a couple of other neat online demos).
Bonus material: more neural net-assisted sketches!
villain recruitment