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@zee-bruhh
Do remember this did not start on October 6th/7th that was a retaliatory attack after 74 YEARS of genocide. this has absolutely been the deadliest year but it is not the first year of genocide or occupation by any means and that attack never wouldāve happened if it werenāt for nearly a century of occupation and genocide
i wish i knew how to handle my toddler better. I have been having the hardest time with him because he either chooses not to listen or just doesnāt understand but i literally had a breakdown today in the car after i took him to the park. I feel so alienated from friends and family or even any other families at the park because no one understands. No one truly understands how much it hurts to watch your child struggle and have a meltdown at the park or just become boneless because theyāre not getting their way. And you canāt make them understand because their language hasnāt developed yet. Iāve met amazing teachers, therapists etc. who tell me that he will be just fine but how can I believe that when every day is so fucking hard? Everyday i push myself to do something that will help him and go to bed feeling like a terrible mother because i am!! I feel like one because in the moments when he needs me to be calm i lose my shit. I used to think i could handle everything maturely and this ordeal has taught me that that is very much not the case. I canāt even explain to anyone how i feel because in real life i canāt talk about it without my throat closing up and my chest caving in.
Saw this and i am currently having such a breakdown because all I wanted when I was younger was a nice cozy room to read in and my parents tried their hardest but I never did get my own room and it is an absolute DREAM of mine to get it in this lifetime. Just a beautiful room to be in, recharge, browse my phone, read my books, enjoy my tea. Iām so tired of wanting a certain type of life ughhh
There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.
Edit- I added the visualizer for this piece on my YT, check it out here
-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned
I want to give up because at this point I canāt go back in time and change things. I canāt have peace i only reside in regret.
Now and then you miss it
Sounds make you cry
Some nights you dance with
Tears in your eyes
Omg i can not STAND upper class desi families man
A little anxiety creeped up on me today and made me breathe weird but i just stopped Myself from thinking. How long until this doesnāt work anymore?
I get anxious thoughts especially at night and now Iām just pushing it to the back of my brain before it has a chance to take over my brain and ruin my night
My dr put me on anxiety medication but I strangely donāt want to take it. Iāll have to suck it up though because my mind has been through the wringer the past month
āNovembers are for softest sleep when skies are dark and grey. They do not mind the time you keep when night looks much like day. They do not mind the rain that falls so warmly down your cheek. āRest easy nowā is what theyād say if months knew how to speak.ā
ā Ellis Nightingale
Sad and cold october days have begun which means I am listening to this on repeat
Its so fun to just turn off my emotions because I just canāt be processing all this shit rn. Iāll cry eventually just not today
Our house in Pakistan had an amazing rooftop or āchhat.ā As a girl, i couldnāt really go out too much so going in the rooftop where it was so dark that no one could see us or object to us was amazing. The air would always be cool and wild and blow my hair out. Our house had 3 stories and was close to the main road so I would watch the lights of the cars passing by.
Even though I left that house 11 years ago, anytime I am having a hard time getting a grip on my emotions (which is often nowadays) I close my eyes and think about that fucking rooftop and I swear I can feel the air whipping through my hair, I am 14 and life is not so painful again. It always makes me go misty-eyed and I canāt believe a time in my life that was relatively constricted and devoid of bright, shiny things could have such a grip on me. Iām scared that as time passes I will forget and the rooftop memories wouldnāt bring back as much bitter joy as they do now.
Iām not ok. Havenāt been for a while
Some nights you dance with tears in your eyes
