*bounces from fixation to fixation* parkour! (theme is messy but it's been years im too lazy to change it) pls note that any questionable content are from years ago and do not represent me today also im too lazy to clear them out so theyre just rotting at the bottom of my blog thank u for your time
just saw a post on twitter about how Olruggio, despite being inherently selfless, is still selfish in the sense that he's willing to prolong Qifrey's suffering to keep him alive/by his side and I think that's probably my favorite aspect of his character.
like, I cannot tell you how much I love seeing this specific characterization it's just soooo good. I think that's why chapter 93, and really these pages specifically hit so hard for me:
because despite how terrifying the whole situation was for both of them and how hard Olruggio was masking to try and reassure Qifrey here, he was probably speaking entirely truthfully right here.
I've seen people say that the main purpose of him saying this was to try to comfort Qifrey in a roundabout way so he would agree to the memory wipe -- and while I do think that might have been a very small part of it, I think this was more an instance of Olruggio letting Qifrey in on how selfish he was being (also comforting Qifrey here might have been a little counterproductive anyway so)
Because just as Olruggio says, it would be infinitely more painful for him to either let Qifrey turn into a tree or wipe his memories because either way, he would either lose Qifrey to the tree or lose their friendship. So, selfishly, he chooses the option that allows him and Qifrey to stay together for as long as they want, at the cost of Qifrey's constant anguish.
(and while this is the less painful for him, I do want to acknowledge that it still is a painful path for Olruggio specifically, not just because of how fucked up this whole situation is, but because this kid has The Savior Complex of All Time and this plan puts him in a position where he has to live constantly suspecting his best friend is in trouble but won't confide in him or let him help in any way)
And what takes this even further into my point that this is an essential part of Olruggio's character and not just a one-time, desperate measure to keep his friend alive, is the fact that Qifrey mentions that Olruggio offers him the same path every single time he finds out.
Meaning, apart from probably just the most recent memory wipe (ch. 40), Olruggio learned the full truth of what's been happening since that day at the tower, forgave Qifrey for keeping it a secret (though I doubt there was much to forgive since it was his idea in the first place) and then watched Qifrey get Treed from the sheer relief of confessing.
He had to have seen how much pain Qifrey had to keep himself in (even if Qifrey didn't say all that specifically, I assume he could infer it from just how easily the silverroot took over after he found out) and still asked him to keep the same promise over and over, so they wouldn't have to be apart.
And Qifrey, being the king of self-deprication, sees this as a mercy on Olruggio's part and a sin on his own, while Olruggio knows he is being selfish in asking Qifrey to stay despite what it costs him.
So yeah basically. I just love that bit of duality in his character that, despite being someone who's literally centered their magic around bringing people comfort, his first priority (and most definitely a product of his death-based trauma as a child) is to make sure that the people he cares about are alive, regardless of the pain they may be in.
Especially so for Qifrey probably because of whatever fucked up Trauma-Based Savior-Complex x Self-Destructive Codependent Secret Third Thing they've got going on. I love them so much can you tell.
I have a sinking feeling about Qifrey and where his story is headed.
MASSIVE spoilers and maybe slightly long-winded theorizing below the cut.
I believe quite certainly that Qifrey intends to reveal the complete truth to Olruggio very soon, and that while he seems to be accepting his fate, he is trying to maintain as much control over the terms of his inevitable end as possible.
Following the events of Chapter 88, after he reveals his nature as a Silverwood host to Coco, he asks to postpone his complete confession, wishing to be able to reveal the truth elsewhere, in a peaceful place beneath a wide open sky where his roots would have room to comfortably grow. He has described the land around the atelier in this way many times before.
Later, when the entire group is finally reunited and Olruggio tells Qifrey they’re going home. Qifrey’s expression looks pained for a moment, before he answers, “Alright then. Let's go home. Our atelier awaits."
His verbal recognition of the atelier as his home is a rather glaring signal that he is beginning to accept his imminent end and has chosen the atelier as his ideal final resting place. This is hinted at early on in a sequence during which Beldaruit spoke to Riliphin of the Silverwoods, and implied that he knew of Qifrey’s condition as he privately worried that his beginning to think of the atelier as his home could be dangerous for him.
At a point during their journey home, we return to the group to find the girls all asleep, while Qifrey has distanced himself from the rest, sitting on the bank of a lake to write in his book. Olruggio joins him and points out how far he’s sitting from the fire.
I think this was probably intentional in an effort to be closer to the lake to keep himself anxious, since it is my personal theory that here, Qifrey is actually writing a letter to Olruggio in which he tells him the entire truth, and that the narration through the next arc is comprised of excerpts from that letter. The lake is intended to be a failsafe of sorts, since of course, we know that vocalizing the truth to Olly is Qifrey’s greatest comfort trigger, while water touching his skin is his biggest anxiety trigger. Given this, it makes sense for him to choose this particular spot to begin to release the truth so he has a means of keeping the Silverwood at bay readily available should he need it, which he evidently does later on.
In the segments that follow, Qifrey reminisces on how he and Olruggio crossed paths at the Great Hall and became close.
Through the end of chapter 91, we watch the story unfold neutrally as though it is happening in real time, with no narration, but in chapter 92, something shifts. As soon as Qifrey’s recount reaches the part of the story that would have been lost to Olruggio’s memory, a past-tense narrator voice begins to cut in, and suddenly, it becomes clear this story is being told to someone, not merely recalled, and not just to anyone, but to Olruggio by Qifrey. This is the strongest evidence that what we’re reading is actually the contents of a letter to Olruggio.
All of this indicates to me that Qifrey is not just reminiscing, but is actively preparing for the end. The telling of the story, the physical and emotional distance Qifrey has put between himself and the others, and his now repeated framing of the atelier as both home and the kind of place where he would want to be forever, are all supportive of that.
As far as we know, Qifrey hasn’t been the one to initiate a full confession since they were kids at the Tower of Tomes. Spilling his guts in a letter written under duress is probably a new tactic, and it’s a smart one, as it ensures Qifrey can get the complete truth out on his terms without the usual interruption from the Silvertree.
We also know that Qifrey would rather die than have his transformation hurt the people he loves, so at this point, I wouldn't put it past him to leave the letter at home where the others will find it before going off to trigger his transformation alone, or waiting until the others are gone to trigger it.
This is what has me especially worried for him now, because Olruggio and the girls just left the atelier, leaving Qifrey there by himself. Maybe I'm projecting (probably), but the thought of Qifrey leaving a note and then going off to essentially kill himself makes my stomach hurt. Painfully though, it does feel in character, especially now that he's vocalized his trust in his students, particularly Coco, to carry on his mission. Olruggio, please go home now, your husband is an active danger to himself!!
Fortunately, Hiehart and Jujy pay the atelier a visit, but even upon greeting them, he does already seem on edge and uncharacteristically down.
Hopefully, whatever Hiehart has to say will get Qifrey out of his head and convince him to keep living for a little while longer. I'm guessing he's going to ask Qifrey to take on Jujy as his apprentice. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
Anyways. To conclude, here is Qifrey’s directed narration/possible excerpts from a letter to Olruggio compiled:
Every day I turned my gaze away from the encroaching dread, and for as long as I was in the dark, I was happy. I greeted each morning with excitement, for with the rise of the sun came another adventure with you. I thought if I could retrieve the past I lost, my joy would be as genuine as yours, and perhaps I would have a real chance to share in your happiness. A child can dream. Like ordinary boys, we would share our visions of tomorrow with each other and we would laugh at how far away it all seemed.
Little did I know that felicity came with forgetting. It was a bliss born of ignorance. If I knew what I was… If I knew that I was never meant to be saved, I would've stayed far away from you, the sky’s kindest, most radiant star.
I once read an old poem that likened stars to boats sailing through the sky. But as far as I know, boats don’t twinkle like stars. The light doesn’t come from the vessel itself, but its guiding torch. Like your pyreball, it burns at the bow. A beacon of light in the dark.
After that fateful day, you would uncover my secret again and again. Each time you would respond with disbelief. Then your face would twist and turn in anguish. And after biting back a few words, you would show me grace, and comfort me and forgive me for lying to you. And then, without fail, the Silverwood’s roots would grow. You would offer me the same path back every time, and I would take it, adding to my mess of sins.
I had often considered leaving your side. I thought that perhaps traveling alone would save me from taking away your memories. But even that minute solace was enough for the Silverwood. I knew then that distance would do nothing but break my promise to you.
So I had another thought: A master never wants for worry with apprentices to look after. The selfishness behind my reason for taking on pupils made me ill, but they’d never have to know that. So I decided to put every fiber of my being toward becoming a good educator. If only I had known then what a joy it truly is to watch your students grow with each passing day.
It’s somewhat rare for a Silverwood to take root in people. Unlike animals, they tend to hold onto too much anxiety. Which is why the tree planted in Custus that gave him his legs raises some questions. My right eye was the only one to sprout during the experiments. It must have some connection to the Silverwood in Custas. For so long, I thought I was the only host, but now I'm not so sure. There could be more victims out there than I ever imagined.
Did I make the right choice?
Would it have been better to throw everything aside and hunt down the brimmed caps?
Doubts like these turn in my head, but the moment I see my atelier, I remember.
This is where my heart is. This is where I want to be.
hey does anyone have that poem. about the author seeing two boys cuddling on a hotel lobby couch, where he refers to it as something like an island of safe anonymity or smth. its been 5000 years my college boyfriend had it written out and pinned to his wall
the "almost christmas" meme really captures the essence of ace attorney, which is funney hijinks that just get absolutely heartbreaking so fast. do the non ace attorneys know. do they think we're just going apeshit over a Funney Moment. do they know that "almost christmas means it wasn't christmas" is the turning point, the turnabout, the first moment of hope after the closest phoenix ever comes to horrible and painful failure, after he very nearly failed to save the man he'd been trying to save for 15 years? do they know? do they know?
before playing ace attorney: idk anything about ace attorney but everyone ships the red and blue rivals, ive heard aa is a comedy game that doesnt get too serious so i bet this is some klance bullshit
while playing ace attorney 1: man edgeworth sucks. haha this is a funny game with a few serious moments. wait. wait hang on. wait youre telling me WHAT happened in the elevator????? youre telling me THATS why phoenix became a lawyer—
after playing ace attorney: i am going to sob on the floor
imagine. imagine you knew a boy when you were young, unflinchingly good and idealistic, who'd stand up for you against, what was to you as a child, your entire world. imagine he was taken from you, suddenly and without warning, when your friendship had just begun to blossom and deepen. imagine you never stopped thinking about him. imagine that the goodness he showed you kept inspiring you, simmering in the back of your mind, inspiring your path. and then you saw him in the news — and they were saying that all the good in him was gone, that he was the worst of the system you'd one day be a part of, and you don't believe it, of course you dont believe it, so you double down, determined to see him again. and then you see him again, and he's everything they said he was, cold and ruthless and cruel. but you don't doubt, not for a moment, and in only your second confrontation he breaks, calls out the truth against his own best interest, and tells you he has feelings for you But Bad Ones Trust Me.
and then he's framed for murder, and you're facing off against a man who's been unbeaten for longer than you've been alive. and he's winning, he's got the trial down to a science.
imagine the boy you dreamed of saving for 15 years is declared guilty of a murder he didn't commit.
and then imagine the other man who stood up for you back then rushes in past the last moment, and mercifully is allowed to testify, but it doesn't seem like it'll do any good. too little, too late, and the boy who used to represent the best of the world to you is going to be branded a murderer
but the testimony has one little contradiction, one little thread to pull, and you're going to tug on it, wind it around your fingers till they bleed, shove it in the court's face like a shining sword as you return a favor for a debt that everyone else forgot
almost christmas means it wasn't christmas yet. happy 20 years, everyone
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