Eat You Alive

Zephyr Dresden 23. Entrap the devil into the fire I wanna see flow out in flames It's going down to wire I'm trapped, I'm in the game

[zephyr-dresden]

A BUDDY

September 23rd, 2018 ; Zephyr Dresden

It could have been something to be worried about, the fact that Zephyr decided another dog was exactly what she needed. Whether it was a distraction, or something that she needed, Zephyr didn’t know, but she as more than happy to have something else in her life. Perhaps she felt that she could care for the pet, that if there was something else she could focus on she wouldn’t have to worry about herself, but it was a lie. Distractions were never the answer, so it seemed, but Zephyr felt as though she could believe in it enough that she didn’t worry about herself. Quentin needed a partner, someone he could rely on considering Zephyr’s random schedule as of later, so another dog seemed to be the exact answer she needed.

That was where Ruto came into the equation. She was sweet, slightly energetic, and an absolutely perfect dog that Zephyr couldn’t ever say no to. Even Quentin had a hard time saying no to the darling that inserted herself into their lives, and that was phenomenal. Zephyr had found herself feeling slightly bad for the dog that watched as she spiraled down, and he deserved so much more than what she was capable of giving him in the moment. He needed a partner in crime, someone that was on his level, and Ruto seemed to be perfect. So, without so much as a slight hesitation, the large Pyrenees became a part of the two person family, and within only a day they became three.

It was impulsive, Zephyr knew that, but she couldn’t help it. Whether it was for her, or if it was because she didn’t want to deal with everything just yet, she didn’t know, but she didn’t care. Ruto felt right, felt like the perfect fit for the ragtag team Zephyr had created, and when something was right who was she to deny that? There was no way that Zephyr could ignore the connection she felt with the dog that peered up at her with the purest gaze, begging to be freed from the cage that held her captive. Five minutes was all it took for Zephyr to sign the papers and swipe her credit card, taking in another family member that she hoped would fill the gaping hole in her hear that throbbed against her chest. Two dogs was all it took, apparently, to fill in what it was that she was missing, and Zephyr couldn’t be more thankful for the things she let into her life.

[zephyr-dresden]

msemilywright‌:

I think the best thing for you to do is find something that you enjoy doing and do it. It’s got to be something that is unrelated to work and does not stress you out. Also, working out is good for anxiety so maybe sign up for a gym or something?  I’ve been boxing lately and I love it!

I know that I like singing, and I know that i like doing a lot of things, but is it weird to say that I don’t know what it is that’s going to make me feel better? There’s so many things that I like, but I don’t know what it is that I want to do to make myself feel better.

Boxing is pretty interesting, though! How did you get into that?

[zephyr-dresden]

marcie-pan‌:

I don’t know if it helps, but it’s okay to not be okay sometimes. Everyone has moments feeling anxious, angry, depressed, and any other emotion we’re often told to push of to the side and ignore. You’re not alone in your struggle. 

I live by the water because when I first moved back and felt so low, the ocean was so calming to me. Any time I felt overwhelmed by emotions, I listened to the sound of the waves. I know music might be a bit difficult for you still, but you can reclaim that! I pull out my guitar and just play whatever comes into my head and my heart sometimes… you could reclaim that. 

Aaaand you can always text your best friend Marcie. 

I know, but I feel like I should always have it together. I don’t know if it’s just because I’ve been in the public eye for so long that I need to live the facade, but I still feel like I need to just always be okay. It messes with you, you know?

Is it okay to say that I’m not ready for music? It sounds bad because I’ve been a singer for so long, but I genuinely feel like it’s not for me anymore. I know that’s a lie, but for right now it’s all I can feel.

[thane-watson]

[zephyr-dresden]

thane-watson‌:

Hello from England. It feels as though it’s been ages since I’ve said hello to everyone from another country, but here it is. I’ve been very glad to be back near home again, and things are gearing up for filming soon. How are things in Los Angeles? I know I’ve only been gone for a short while, but I know how things can change quickly in a short amount of time.

I got my ass back into yoga so that’s been nice. Lost my split, but I absolutely remember how to nap on my mat. I even went down to the beach to do it!

I’m happy you’re happy back in London, though! Are you excited?

[marcus-trilling-phd-blog]

Marcus & Zephyr

[zephyr-dresden]

marcus-trilling-phd‌:

There are things I’d rather stay awake for a year than miss. Napping and sleeping do not come easily these days.

Well, when you put it like that I can see the appeal of being a functioning being. I’m sorry to hear that, though, that it’s not being easy. Do you know what’s up or ... ?

[zephyr-dresden]

marcie-pan‌:

Yeah, I suppose you’re right in that. Axel and I have had some very interesting ups and downs over the years. After our first interaction, I wanted to shoot him in the face with my crossbow! 

SEE?! THIS IS WHY I HAD TO TELL YOU! I’ve been positively giddy but afraid I’ll somehow mess this up! You remember how I threw him his birthday party right? He kissed me afterwards… I don’t know that that’s where it all started, but it definitely stirred things up, for me anyway. After you and Connor left, I started spending more time with him. Movie nights, him showing off what he learned in cooking classes, me trying to teach him how to swim… It just kind of sped off from there. Very quickly. I think for so long I was torturing myself over Danny, I didn’t realize who was right in front of me, you know? 

But yes, like I said, no one else really knows. The sneaking around has been kind of fun, but it’s the hardest secret to keep! Everyone keeps asking why I’m so giddy, and I can only blame it on work things for so long! 

I love that you’re so in love and I love this sneaky relationship you two have. this is like a movie. We need to write a book about this, we’d make millions. I’m so glad you had him, I really am. I thought about you so much while I was in Florida and wanted to make sure you were okay, so I’m glad it was a guy like Axel that was keeping you safe.

Uuuuh, I’ll cover for you. I’ll give you things and excuses to be excited about

[zephyr-dresden]

sophie-gardener‌:

Was it that documentary that’s on Netflix? They have some good ones on there and I’ll sit there and watch the entire thing and my little heart wants to explode from all the cute. Panda cubs, lion cubs, and little bitty otters are all so adorable, they’re even cuter in person, believe me.

Fiiiine we can share that status, then!

WHAT?! NO! There’s a documentary on Netflix?! What’s it called, I need to watch it immediately. Wanna have a documentary sleepover?

Okay, okay. Deal.

[marcus-trilling-phd-blog]

[zephyr-dresden]

marcus-trilling-phd‌:

I did not sleep too well last night and as a result I have been nodding off in odd places today. Knocked over a nicely packed box because of my sleepiness. I think perhaps a cat nap is in order.

You will all be doing better than me at keeping awake I suppose?

Take the nap, you’ll never regret a single second. And I could say that I’m better at staying awake but that’d be a lie. The nap life is the true life, and I embrace it.

[zephyr-dresden]

river-morgan-peretz‌:

Mario and I are taking the evening to celebrate the good news. We have found a surrogate that we think is a wonderful match for our family. I think my worrying is now behind me and I can move on to excitement again. 

Any update on the adoption of me? In which I’m joking entirely, but I’m really happy for you guys! It’s all so exciting!

Do you guys have names picked out?

[genaya-salazar]

[zephyr-dresden]

genaya-salazar‌:

Disappeared for a little while. I had a few things I needed to clear my head, think some things over, and take some time to just be not doing anything. 

I think I’ve mostly got a grasp on things now. Who wants to hang out?

Me! Me, me, me, because I’d also like a grasp on things so teach me your ways.

I’m glad you had that time, though. Can I ask what you did?

[zephyr-dresden]

Now, I know that I don’t normally talk about my feels and all of that good business, but I guess that’s a bad thing? At least that’s what I’ve been told, so I guess I could give this a go in hopes of having an answer?

Ever since I came back I’ve been feeling really anxious about like, everything? I’m not even doing anything half the time and my entire being is just “Oh! Better panic!” and I don’t know what to do about that. Hints? Advice? I’ll take anything at this point.

[zephyr-dresden]

WELCOME BACK

September 15th, 2018; Zephyr Dresden & _____

There was something warm about being back in Los Angeles. Despite the struggles Zephyr had faced not only months prior, there was something refreshing about returning to the place. She couldn’t exactly pin down what it was that made her happy to be back, whether it was homesickness or the fact that she was proud of how far she had come, but it was something that made her feel a sense of relief. Perhaps it was the familiarity, the fact that she could practically expect every little thing that was going to come around every corner after never knowing where she was going to end up next. That was why Zephyr was more than happy to have a completely normal and plain day upon her return.

Yoga was also something familiar. It was something she had practiced for years, something that both her body and mind remembered. All that was necessary was the beach to really bring it home, and knowing that was only a few feet away pushed Zephyr to wake up and start her day at seven in the morning. The first obstacle was actually finding her mat she was sure she hadn’t seen in a long, long time. It used to live in a corner by the patio doors, always ready to go knowing that when the sun came up it was time to roll out. Of course that wasn’t the case after some time, and it was packed away once upon a time apparently behind some worn once dresses.

It was after that, that she found herself with the sand between her toes. Salt floated up to her nostrils, washing over her skin while the coolness stored under the first layer of dirt surrounded her feet. For a moment Zephyr stood in the single spot, relishing in the feeling that was embracing her. It was like it was June all over again, the time where things were just right. Nothing had changed, the tour was just starting, and all was totally okay in the best way possible. The only thing that was missing was the company she usually had, but that was an easy fix. All it took was a pull of her phone out of her bag, a quick text sent out into the world, and Zephyr was going to have the yoga partner she was craving.

[zephyr-dresden]

ayannahnolan‌:

Awww well we have nothing to worry about then. Unless the actual cops show up to tell me to put something else on.

I have lines? 

I love dogs. I would get one if I could!

Ha, I doubt it. Oh, do I ever doubt it.

Like muscles! you got some abs, girl, don’t deny it.

PERFECT! I’ll bring Quentin along.

[zephyr-dresden]

marcie-pan‌:

It’s like people forget we’ve been friends for four years. I know to a lot of people he seems brash, and he can say some outlandish things… but he’s very rational. I must be crazy, but aside from all of our banter over the years, he’s pretty… I don’t want to say calming? But he’s easy to be around. 

Okay but you know what else? Fuck it. Genaya and Lucas are the only two who know about it. I can’t not talk to you about it. I swear to God though, if you tell anyone…

We’re dating. We have been since July. No one knows. You know Axel’s dating history, you know all the drama that always come from it. We’re in our own little secret bubble and it’s been amazing. I’m both delighted and terrified. I want to tell the whole freaking world about it, but I know where he’s coming from. But uh…. yeah. Don’t tell anyone. Don’t even talk to him about it for now… I know he’ll probably understand, but I think he’s a little up in arms… But I had to tell you because I’m about to burst at the seams! 

It’s not that, I suppose it’s just something that I never really thought about. Axel and Marcie weren’t exactly PB&J in mind, ya feel? There isn’t anything to justify, my love.

YOU KNOW I WOULDN’T SAY ANYTHING ABOUT THE THINGS YOU DON’T WANT ME TO BUT AHHHHHHHHHHHH IT’S NOT GOING TO STOP ME FROM FREAKING OUT ON HERE WHEEEEEE. Marcie, oh my God. Can I like, ask how that happened? Like what were the events leading up to the status of being official.

I won’t say a word, I promise!

[zephyr-dresden]

lucas-peterson‌:

Me oh I’m fine. Another year older. It was my birthday on the 3rd. So I’m 32 now. Wednesday turned 4 the days after and then it was my wedding anniversary too a few days back. September is busy for us.

Can I give a big, ol’ “Happy Everything in September!” gift at a point? That’s a lot to celebrate! I mean, I don’t know what it is exactly that one would get someone for such an event, but I can try.

[zephyr-dresden]

connor--byrne‌:

Hey now, no point in denying the facts. You run with me, you’re likely to get off scot free. I’m still going to pretend that the most important factor in all of this is because you think I’d be the best partner in crime, and you could think of nobody better. I mean, once upon a time, you did tell me I was the only partner in crime you’d accept.

So far I only have solid plans for Friday afternoon until who knows however long. Soooo, if you need me any other time, I’m your man.

No. Don’t apologize. I’m not having any of it because it’s not even necessary. I was just worried about you, but that’s no cause for you to apologize. I’m the one over here apologizing to everyone for being the asshole. Eh, people can take their commentary and shove it. They’ll either understand, or they won’t, and the ones that don’t understand or don’t want to understand me aren’t worth my time anyway so I still don’t care. I know what I went through, I lived through it, I was the one who suffered, and for fucks sake if everyone thinks they would be able to function with a clear mind when they feel like their world is coming apart then they can go ahead and live in their bubble of lies and may it serve them well. I don’t need their shit, and they don’t need me. It’s a mutual “fuck off” feeling. I don’t need other people to justify or validate me. I appreciate understanding, I’d like it, but I don’t need it.

I mean, you’ll have to go first. I suck at this whole getting emotions out thing, especially when it’s the sort of shit that’ll make me cry.

And there isn’t a chance I’m taking that back, Mr. Connor! I know what I said, and I said what I mean! What do you think we should get up to first?

Noted!

You’re definitely right, and a lot of that I agree with, but I can’t help it. I don’t know, it wasn’t even the fact that I left but more about everything that built up to my leaving. I treated people in ways they didn’t deserve so that’s what I’m apologizing for mostly. I’m glad you’re seeing that side, though, and that, that is something you can keep in mind.

Yeah, no worries. And no crying either, I’ve done plenty of that.

[zephyr-dresden]

sophie-gardener‌:

So, don’t hold back on the cute?

Haha! Oh man, I certainly hope that you get to see a little panda cub. They’re so cute and clumsy and fluffy. Such adorable ones. What animals do you think you’d be most interested in seeing?

Awww, no way! That’s all you!

Absolutely not.

I do, too! Ever since I watched this documentary on baby animals I’ve wanted to hold a panda cub soooooo bad. That, a baby lion, an otter, and an armadillo.

Not a chance!