Brayden Baker

A blog showcasing my determined journey towards cultivating a new writing hobby :)

[old-world-paper]

Flood (1889) by Maxime Maufra

[zero-to-whoa]

Busy days always get me

Who wouldn't get tired without rest?

Unless you're Napoleon Bonaparte

My cats told me I was gonna have a rough day before I even knew it

At 2 in the morning.

The gears started turning after the pledge of allegiance

I heard the good news via Mr. Band Director

The game cancelled Friday was postponed to tonight; nobody has to play tonight!

Good news for everyone in the room but me

This was unexpected, I didn't know the game would be today, and I have to take pictures

God my mom's gonna be mad at me, but at least I get $10 from it, right?

I tumble into 3rd hour, ready to process photos from Saturday, when I check my inbox to find out that I'm taking bowling pictures too.

Don't people know I don't have the time for this?

3 coaches and 9 hours later, I finally sink into the seat on the way home

I'm gonna have to borrow someone's history notes

[zero-to-whoa]

I fall out of reality into a blur

bed isn't bedding, I don't sleep until it's too late

wake isn't waking, I never wake up

instead I tumble out the door and into the bus

into vaguely distant location

I've seen this all before

my muscles recognize everything

but I'm still 100 miles back home in bed

I hide behind my headphones, because my ears aren't earring

not even a tinnitus ring

I had a ring once

I gave it away

but I lost my consciousness

I think I'm physically here

that's what I was told

but it's all just a stir

I look at the chess pieces in front of me and sigh

I haven't played this bad in a long time

where have I gone?

[joycehasablog]

Just a girl pouring their heart out. Had to post it here in hopes that people would read it but I have been working on this poetry book for a while and will keep working on it. I would love it if you would follow along.

Blooming But Barely

Someday I will be an author of books and stories that people will pick off of a shelf. But today I share the words that I wrote when I was s

[zero-to-whoa]

year by year

day by day

realization slowly starts to creep inside

but it doesn't creep creepily

I welcome it with painful anticipation

the realization that perhaps this isn't me

it may have started with cute boys

but now it's an urge for crop tops

earrings and lipstick

and oh my God have you seen angel fangs??

I've always loved tight fitting shorts

the ones that are smooth to the touch

but when I put them on

I frown at the interference they receive

I want necklaces and paint on my nails

I want makeup and glitter

I've always been queer

but I've never been me.

[zero-to-whoa]

I walk out of a grueling school day to ecstatically find large snow flakes falling from the textured sky, and a lot of them. They're falling fast, and as I walk to the bus I acknowledge the snow building up on me alarmingly quickly with pure joy. I haven't seen actual snowfall in a year, and though the inches don't build, it's still a warm sight to see, despite the actual temperature. However, it did feel warmer than usual - definitely a lot colder than the morning, it would have made just as much sense if it wasn't cold enough for snow. It felt colder on Christmas Day, yet despite heavy mist, there wasn't an inch of snow in sight. It had been like that for weeks, mist eventually falling into fog, and after a plummet in temperature, ice. Frigid, slippery ice. This is partially the reason I was so happy to see snow, it would cover up the ice and allow for an easier commute home.

[zero-to-whoa]

10. 11. 12. 1. I count the hours go by as I struggle to achieve unconsciousness. I just want to have a good day tomorrow. But it's not myself I'm fighting, I nod off fatigue in the bed. No, my problem is the constant itches, on my neck, on my waist, and oh god I can feel them and smell them and see them and I just wish I could distract myself through sleep but they're the very things keeping me awake.

Bedbugs.

I love you too, dad.

[zero-to-whoa]

I like that photo you just posted

the one where you’re staring at me through the screen

but you’re not smiling to just me, are you

this photo looks better than the ones you send to me

for a while, you had me hooked

but it was never meant to be, was it?

[sharktopusnadozilla]

A new year to be excited about, so many passions to rekindle in the spirit of the renewing of myself

A monthly writing challenge, a boost in morale, and readiness for next semester, a fresh start from last semester’s dissapointing performance

Then, as if God himself has mocked me, I am struck with a sickness so unbearable I am confined to my bed for the weekend, barring me of my eager plans

Just another challenge for me to overcome, I guess

[zero-to-whoa]

meant to post this here lmao

[zero-to-whoa]

Explosive expression boiling at the top of my lungs faltered only by the resting of obliviously undisturbed souls, forcing proud exclamations into pained silence

[zero-to-whoa]

Monthly Challenge Day 1

Frustration eating away at my sanity

Feeling powerless in a suffocating environment

[zero-to-whoa]

Starting today I'm going to try to write every day. The word count will amount to the day of the month x 10, so we'll see how this goes

[zero-to-whoa]

I crave deep bonds

friendships that go beyond

an enthusiastic conversation

to have someone there

at your side as you watch stars

dreaming about the future

to have someone whose collar

you can straighten

without worry of judgement

it is not a soulmate I am asking for

though I would be eternally grateful for one

but a loving friend that will walk the ends of the earth with you

it is through this aching hole in my heart

that I feel the loss of something

I had never received to feel in the first place

[zero-to-whoa]

Family is a beautiful thing taken for granted not so beautifully.

While discomfort is shown within the family daily, contentment and pride is shown only ever so briefly.

To have an adult sister in a family of young brothers is an honor only received by me in the form of occasional greetings.

Discomfort is quickly shifted into astonishingly missed opportunities, that were not taken only due to neglect of the beauty of life.

I lay on this bed you once slept on, and discomfort is amplified for a different reason, but I will wear you with pride nonetheless.

For all harsh memories are left at the doors of death.

[zero-to-whoa]

There are few times excluding this that I have genuinely felt genuine sorrow. I may have gotten similar emotions such as anger towards my parents or empathy for something else, but this is undoubtedly sorrowful to my soul.

I've always wanted a sister. I grew up with two brother and at my dad's another. You were the only sister I had the pleasure of seeing every once in a while. I felt the gap widening when you did happen to come by, and if I would've known I was going to lose you I would've cherished every second of it.

Maybe then I wouldn't have lost you.

I'll never forget when you moved into Dad's RV in the lot by the house, I would come in and you would talk for hours about yourself and I would just sit there and listen and let your dad that took a liking to me.

I'll never forget the little things you left that gave off your presence, like the car parked in the back and the pit bull tied to the fence.

You were going to marry my future brother in law. I tried to pretend I didn't like him much but I was secretly rooting for you. Why am I so bottled up?

The last time I saw you last month you were talking to Mom and Dad, like always. When they went to their room for a bit you started going through the deep freezer looking for his cigarettes. You asked me where they were and I said I'm not sure I don't look for them and you laughed and said I knew where they were when I was your age.

I was annoyed with you when you came over and got so sick that you had to sleep on my bed. But today I would prefer that over wearing you on my neck.

I just

Wish we were closer

Now I'll never see you again

[zero-to-whoa]

when I throw a rock into a river

I see why it would make me angry

it can be hard to track with the harsh currents burying it under their haste

I would try to make a game about testing which area would carry the rock the farthest

throwing the rock near the shore won't take it very far because it's shallow and it'll stay on the ground

but if I throw it to the center it'll go farther because everything is moving so much faster, the product of the central pressure and the depth of the water

but what if you want the rock to get to a specific point

no farther

well then would it be a smart idea to toss it near the shore

where the outcome is more controlled

maybe going straight to the center is a foolish move if you're not prepared

what if the river is too big

and you go straight to the bottom

because you're too heavy

and it's too deep

is it anger I would feel

or fear I would begin to express

but the same level of progress would be reached if the river was too small

and too shallow

not enough strength

to move forward

would I want to travel during the day

where it's easier to see where the river takes me

or the night

when the true beauty of nature reveals itself

am I being dropped into the river

relying on nothing but the current of the river to take me where it wishes

or am I being tossed

skipped, even

with enough boost to ensure I make progress miniscule at the least

do I have company

are there other rocks coming with me

or staying with me, if that's the possibility

I did hear bigger rocks stay at the top

while the finer flow douth

what size am I

will I be small enough for the water to take me where I belong

or will I be so large its only hope is to slowly erode me

bit by bit

leaving me staring at the underbelly of the trout wandering by

wondering what my smaller counterparts are experiencing

I'm just a smaller counterpart of a bigger rock

everything used to be part of one big thing

until we break down so much

so indistinguishably

that we look unanimously connected

instead of individual

[zero-to-whoa]

dude how do I get passion equivalent to that of Nathan Feuerstein