Untitled

[shitty-check-please-aus]

AU suggestion

Bitty only bakes wedding cakes. He won’t bake anything for any other occasion. 

[zim-tits]

But does he still have his baking addiction

Does he have to actively try to make weddings happen around him so he can bake

[shitty-check-please-aus]

he went to his cousin’s wedding when he was five, saw the cake, and refused to bake any cake that wasn’t either a practice wedding cake or a wedding cake

he’s had a questionably legal business since he was seven where he finds couples about to get married, offers them a sample of a practice wedding cake, and convinces them to hire him

so absolutely he still bakes exactly as much as in canon

[zim-tits]

This is how chaotic bitty should be at all times

[shitty-check-please-aus]

Frankly he should be a little more chaotic

[dereknursey]

bitty is literally a jock like ….. he doesn’t know shit he just bakes pies and plays hockey and looks cute for his rich boyfriend he lives the gay american dream

[fightmekentparson]

what i’m getting from the update is that Suzanne loves Bitty so much and wants him to feel safe no mater what, BUT that she sees his sexuality as a problem that she has to deal with. she’s concerned about what Bitty’s sexuality means for her family’s place in the community. 

idk, maybe i’m Projecting™ but i have a feeling that Bitty’s home life has always been him moderating his own behavior to preserve his family’s social status. it was always “what will the neighbors think” or “this is for Daddy’s job.” Bitty’s not just apologizing for keeping this a secret, he’s apologizing for being a problem. which is a direct parallel to his and Jack’s relationship last year.

OR maybe i’m going off the deep end w\e i just know this coming out journey isn’t over yet

[tiny-potatos]

and the fact that she kept saying “we’ll figure this out” like Bitty being gay is something to fix.

i KNOW that coming out is a process both for the person coming out and the person they come out to, so what she means by “figure it out” isn’t clear/could mean a lot of things. But I agreed with you here, Bitty apologizing was never about Bitty keeping a part of himself secret from his parents. This was about Bitty feeling like his being gay would embarass his parents or disappoint them.

[violacakes]

Jack was not included in the invite home.

Neither Suzanne nor Bitty suggested a visit to Providence.

Things are not okay yet.

(they will be, in time, I think)

I think what’s so brilliant about this particular update is that there are two different conversations going on – there’s what Suzanne is saying and how Bitty is reacting. Clearly this is not the worst case scenario but it’s a long way from a happy, supportive “dream” response. 

Keep in mind also this is what Suzanne says after having a whole 24 hours or so to THINK about what she was going to say.

On the one hand it would be lovely to see Bitty surrounded with as much unconditional support in his family as he has with his friends, found family and even Jack’s team, but… if that happened now I think it would break the story. He’s always known that this is something his parents would struggle with, and let’s face it, he’s probably always known that the best case scenario was them being Really Nice About it and never properly talking about it.

Bitty’s story has been about moving away from a loving family because he can’t be himself around them, and he doesn’t believe that their love will extend fully to him once they know everything about him. If he was 100% right, that would be a tragedy, but if he was 100% wrong that would be a tragedy too, it would be all about how his lack of trust created an unnecessary gulf between him and his totes-fine-with-gay-son family. This is not a four year story arc of Bitty overreacting and imagining problems that aren’t there.

(HIS EYEBROWS SO EXPRESSIVE SO PAINFUL)

Suzanne is clearly trying to say the right thing. She’s not there yet, but I think part of her wants to be, and this is the first day of a very long process. 

Bitty has always known that even in a best case scenario where he doesn’t lose his family over this, it will be a long, awkward process full of a lot of fake smiles and fake happiness. It’s why he put it off until the absolute last minute.

BUT the good news is – Jack has been through exactly this situation in his post-rehab relationship with his parents. He spent his teen years keeping secrets too – more about anxiety than about his sexuality, I am guessing, though the fear of that being known publicly was also an issue. Jack’s relationship with his parents is pretty great now, though there’s still an awkwardness there, hanging over from the time when there was clearly a huge gulf between them.

(I think Bitty has helped with this too, Jack maintained quite a chilly distance with his parents during college and still didn’t trust in his Dad’s pride in him or that he deserved it – since he and Bitty have been together his conversations with his parents have been more personal, loving, warm. Bitty loving him back gave him the confidence to let his parents back in)

Jack is further along the road of Negotiating Parental Tension, and is therefore a really great partner for Bitty to have in this difficult time. And we KNOW that Bad Bob & Alicia are gonna swoop in and do some serious modelling of “actually accepting parents”.

Everything’s gonna be fine. And Bitty has the best support network in the world since clearly Ransom, Holster and the others have moved into Jack’s living room for the summer.

[fooiinneeee]

[aestheticallyshitposting]

[flannelizard]

I had this really vivid dream last night where jack was the product of a one night stand between bob and Alicia and Alicia never told bob about it and just raised jack on her own and then married Georgia Martin when Jack was five.

So.

[flannelizard]

I kinda really wanna write this???

Because jack would still totally have Hockey Pressure because of his Olympic medalist mom

George obviously adopts him and both he and Alicia take her name

Jack meeting Bad Bob Zimmermann and being like “oh it’s such an honor to meet you sir” and Bob being like 🤔 “this child looks like me what a weird coincidence”

Alicia sweatin over the fact that jack and bob literally look almost identical and NEITHER OF THEM KNOW

[zimbittlies]

Nursey: Am I right, Dex?

Dex: I'm almost certain you're not, but to be fair, I wasn't listening.

[that-redacted]

[jackzimmermemes]

Eric Richard “this extra long twin bed is totally narrow enough for stair sledding” Bittle

[acesontheice]

I’m certain that at some point the SMH team make a game out of doing random stuff in the background of Bitty’s vlogs without him noticing. They leave him alone when he’s filming in his bedroom, but whenever he’s cooking all bets are off as long as they can carry out their plan without interrupting the video.

Some highlights include:

Ransom walking past the kitchen balancing a tower of hockey pucks on his head.

Holster miming a dramatic battle with an invisible enemy, complete with an over the top, drawn out “death”.

Dex walking into frame, lying face down on the floor and just staying there unmoving for a full minute.

Shitty doing a handstand and walking past on his hands. He’s also wearing a shirt for once, not that it makes much of a difference because it ends up falling down over his face.

Nursey walking backwards and forwards past the kitchen every 30 seconds on the dot, each time wearing a slightly different but equally bizarre outfit.

Lardo throwing paper planes across the kitchen behind Bitty, trying to land them in the rubbish bin.

Tango likes to peek around the doorway and hold up pieces of paper saying hello to Bitty’s viewers.

The team learns that Whiskey can moonwalk when he casually does so down the hallway.

At first Jack doesn’t join in much, but there was a great moment when he realised that Bitty was filming as he was walking past, froze like a deer in headlights, then tried to sneak off-camera in the most awkward way possible.

As time goes on Jack starts to participate more and more in small, simple ways like moving stuff behind Bitty. He’s also the most likely to lose by interrupting the video because he can’t resist chirping Bitty, that boy is hopeless.

But once, during a Valentine’s day video at some stage after they come out, he does manage to sneak a whole heap of roses into the kitchen one by one.

Chowder is the undeniable winner with the time he stood in the background for an entire video, acting out all of Bitty’s instructions as if he were in an infomercial, and Bitty never once noticed he was there.

I’m pretty sure in canon they still haven’t seen any of Bitty’s videos so they never know how often their antics make it onto his channel, but sometimes they can hear Bitty editing and he’ll suddenly burst into laughter and that’s enough.

[chrisfranklinchow]

« they're my boys »

[zimbittlies]

Jack, 6 months after Bitty's Graduation: You know my boyfriend--

Falconers, in unison: Couldn't take a check his freshman year and by senior year he got the C

[dumouwin]

dex’s favorite book when he was a kid was “Farmer Duck” (if you’ve never read it - basically this duck does all the work for a farmer and the farmer always asks “how goes the work?” and the duck always responds “quack”) so instead of saying “how are you” or “how’s it going,” his mom has always said “how goes the work?” and dex always responds “quack.”

now let’s imagine the pure joy that chowder and nursey experience when they learn of this, and how many times they ask dex “how goes the work?” bc dex still instinctually responds “quack”

[ngoziu]

[omgcheckplease]

Short and sweet. Holster & Bitty & Ransom.

[halfabreath]

when eric bittle is 8 years old his aunt judy marries a Northeasterner named jacob birkholtz and suddenly he’s not the weirdest cousin anymore, it’s this gangly 12 year old named adam who Did Not Want to move to georgia and now they’re stuck in the same town together

yeah, aunt judy is holster’s step mom 

this is random but holster’s dad is a pilot and aunt judy is a flight attendant and they have like the cutest dating stories ever

their first date was in paris (at the charles de gaulle airport which is actually hell but they tell people it was at a little cafe and don’t mention it happened to be in in terminal 3)

so holster and his dad move down to georgia and it’s Awkward because everyone is welcoming but distant because they’re so clearly Different (northern accents, don’t know the family history, Jewish, really don’t care that much about jam [but they learn. oh, do they learn]).

suzanne is like so heckin jazzed to have her sister back in the same city so she and judy get together all the time and holster and bitty are forced to hang

bitty thinks holster is snarky and obnoxious and holster thinks bitty is too peppy and weird and they’re sitting at the kids table together at thanksgiving and holster is grumpily shoving mashed potatoes in his mouth and bitty can’t believe he’s not even putting GRAVY on them like WHAT is WRONG WITH HIM 

meanwhile holster’s just trying to figure out why everyone keeps saying “bless your pea-pickin heart” 

coach and holster form a football-based bond where they just sit on the couch next to each other and mumble stats back and forth while they watch the game

bitty is jealous because it’s not fair that this stranger relates to his dad better than he does but holster is jealous because bitty’s dad is home every night while his dad is off flying around the world

do they bond over their daddy issues?? you fuckin bet

holster joins a hockey team and he sees the tail end of bitty’s training with katya because there’s like one ice rink in their town and he’s like so impressed that his tiny strange cousin does ice magic

holster becomes peak Team Bitty. he begs to be taught jumps and ice skating moves, he starts doing the mixes for bitty’s routines, they go skating together and race even though bitty always wins 

bitty starts doing drills with holster and that’s how he initially gets into hockey

he uses holster’s old gear and stick and stuff and it’s all way too big but so so so cute

like, tiny baby bitty with his loud cousin watching hockey for the first time and holster’s actually like patiently taking the time to explain everything because bitty is so impressed by the game

holster refers to them a brousins (bruh - sinz, brother cousins)

they’re the bittle-birkholtz-brousins there’s a lot of alliteration ok 

they’re both outsiders in their family and they end up spending half their family gatherings eating a secret pie bitty stashed, listening to one of holster’s playlists on his first generation ipod, gossiping about their entire town

bitty is one of the few people holster likes

holster is one of the few people who like bitty

BITTY AT HOLSTER’S BAR MITZVAH 

i have a billion more ideas for this verse so if you’re interested i’ll keep going with Bittle-Birkholtz-Brousins Part 2: puberty and beyond

[pieandpucks]

Headcanon that Bitty really liked the Bunnicula book series as a child.

[bshittyknights]

okay but nursey secretly recording on snapchat and then saying something he knows dex has Opinions about like “mint and chocolate don’t taste good” because dex immediately starting to rant only to realize two seconds later he’s being recorded is the funniest thing ever

[bshittyknights]

literally tho dex just stopping mid sentence when he sees the camera and going “oh fuck you” and derek just like bursting out laughing and saying like “every time!!! u always fall for it!” and dex reluctantly smiling cause it’s true