Akira Natsuko @zisuke94 - Tumblr Blog

Give me some Fyodor angst please

Just letting you know: this one is real painful, read at your own risk (it has a hopeful fluff-kinda ending though)

Leave Me Alone - Fyodor x Reader

Fyodor Dostoevsky x Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: A misunderstanding results in a fight between you and Fyodor.

Word count: 3120

Warning: mature subjects mentioned

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ♡ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙

Fyodor is a little bland emotionally. He never really shows any care or sympathy towards anything. He acts cold and harsh around everyone, as if he doesn’t have a heart. But you knew differently.

You knew that Fyodor did have a warm heart. It was buried deep within, but it was there and beating for you. Fyodor has shown you his love for the whole two years of your relationship, you never doubted him for a minute...well, actually...

You tried your best not to doubt him, because he really did show you his love and affection, but you tended to overthink things. Fyodor is a manipulator, a mind controlling genius, you would never really know if what you’re thinking are really your thoughts. Your mind would sometimes wander off to think of this...what if he didn’t actually love you and was merely making you believe so.

You knew this was stupid to think about, so you tried to not think of it, but recently it seemed as if this was all you could do.

No matter how many times he’s said ‘I love you’, his peculiar change in affection lately made you think differently.

Fyodor hasn’t been spending time with you as much. He hasn’t been talking to you as much or kissing you as much either. He’s been distant, and this has been getting progressively worse as the month progressed.

Yes, he’s been acting like this for about 2 months now, and it’s strange because he won’t even talk to you when you ask about it. You’ve tried to walk up to him in his office and ask him if everything’s alright, if he needed space or if he needed help, but he would always brush you off and tell you to go away because he’s ‘busy’.

It’s all he ever says nowadays.

“Fyodor, do you want tea?”

“No, I’m busy.”

“What did you do today?”

“Can’t talk, I’m busy.”

“Do you need anything?”

“No, go away.”

Fyodor was getting progressively colder and colder. You seemed to have lost the usual understanding you had in his behaviour. The Fyodor you knew and loved was slipping out of your reach.

It wasn’t until you found out that there was a new DOA member. Fyodor would work side-by-side this very attractive and talented newbie, and quite frankly he spent more time with them than with you.

He would either be locked in his office all day, or out doing work all day, in both cases you only see him come to bed at around 2 in the morning. Fyodor doesn’t even cuddle you to sleep like he used to.

This led you to believe he was losing interest in you if not already lost interest. The new member was very beautiful and so much better than you in so many ways, it only led you to believe that Fyodor was cheating on you.

It made perfect sense: he’s closed himself off to you because he no longer likes you, but someone else, aka this hot newbie.

You were currently sitting on the living room sofa, thinking about all this while forcing yourself not to cry. You had to talk to someone about this, someone who would actually listen and give you clarity or else you were going to loose your mind completely.

You grabbed your phone and dialed Nikolai.

“Y/N! What’s up!” His cheerful voice exclaimed through the phone.

“Hey Niko, how are you?” You asked politely.

“I’m doing the same as always, but woahh you sound disappointed, what happened?”

You sigh, “...That’s actually what I’m calling about...Uhm I need you to explain something about Fyodor to me.”

There was a short moment of silence, as if you just said something you weren’t supposed to. “I’m listening,” he finally says.

“So...Fyodor has been acting very distant the past two months, I was just wondering if you knew why. Does it have anything to do with the newbie he works with?”

You heard Nikolai chuckle, “I have no clue why he’s distant with you, but man, those two sure do get along...”

That was all you needed to hear to know.

“Ah...well, thank you Niko, that’s all I need. I’ll talk to you some other time then, goodbye.”

“NO WAI—“ You were already hanging up when you heard Niko yell, you couldn’t care less though. This was it, it was your last straw. You couldn’t tolerate your boyfriend’s behaviour anymore, you had to confront him no matter how much he pushes you off.

You made your way towards Fyodor’s office, barging in with no means of leaving without an answer.

“Fyodor...” you started strictly.

“Not now Y/N I’m b—“

“I don’t give a damn if you’re busy! Listen to me for once!” You yell out, finally making the man turn to look at you for the first time in a while. His eyes were filled with anger. “Fyodor, you’ve been neglecting me for the past 2 months. I try to talk to you, I try to help you by making you food and refreshments but you act as if I’m a nuisance and nothing more!”

“You are certainly being a nuisance now, leave me alone,” he says blandly and turns back to his monitors.

You huffed out in disbelief, “Really? As your goddamn girlfriend I deserve better. If you don’t want to explain yourself it’s fine, go to your side chick now, would you?” You spat out angrily and leave the room.

That’s it, you were done with everything. You hated being so unreasonable but you knew that Fyodor was being just as, if not more unreasonable. Once you were out in the living room, a hand grabbed your wrist and turned you around, it was Fyodor, he followed you.

“What did you just say?” He asked menacingly. You couldn’t even understand the expression on his face.

You tried to get out of his grasp but he held you tight. “Let me go!” You yell.

“Not until you explain yourself.”

“Me?! Explain myself?! Fyodor you’re the one who needs to explain things here. You spend more time with that Decay of Angels newbie than you do with me. Nikolai said you two get along really well, and everything just aligns perfectly then, doesn’t it?”

Fyodor lets go of your arm, looking slightly shocked.

“It’s obvious you’re cheating on me, and—“

“How dare you think so lowly of me as to cheat on you,” he starts angrily, taking a step forward only for you to take a step back. “I told you I’m busy, you should trust me and respect me.”

You scoff, “You expect me to trust you after being pushed away for two whole months?? Fyodor, I understand you have a lot of responsibilities but you act completely different around me now, it’s not like before.”

“Clearly you’re too ignorant to listen to what I’m saying here, Y/N. I have a lot to do nowadays,” He says, this time raising his voice a bit.

“Yeahhh you’re so busy with that new bitch that you forgot about me,” You smile sarcastically, “Fyodor if you don’t tell me the truth—”

“Oh? What if I don’t tell you the truth, hm? What will your weak and bothersome self do?” Your eyes went wide, you’ve never heard him speak to you like this. “You can’t even stand your own ground, Y/N. This is exactly why I never wanted a relationship, because people like you exist and they beg for attention as if they can’t live without it. You’re so infuriating sometimes, just let me be.”

He stared at you and you stared back angrily. He said all that with his usual calm voice, but the words were very harsh on your soul. It felt like it’s been so long since he’s said anything kind to you...and here he was...saying everything you never wanted to hear from him.

You took a deep breath at what you were about to say, “Get out.”

Fyodor’s eyes widened ever so slightly, his expression changed a bit, almost as if he wasn’t expecting that from you.

He stayed silent, so you spoke up again, “Get out of the house, we’re done.”

“Milaya—”

“You have no right to call me that! Get the fuck out now and don’t EVER come back! Dostoevsky, you cheating manipulative bastard, I HATE YOU!” You yell, letting your emotions get the best of you as you harshly shove him back.

His glare turns cold and his eye flinches. But Fyodor does what you said and calmly leaves your home.

When he left you stare at the door in shock. You really ended things with him...and now he’s gone. You knew it was for the better, you knew you couldn’t let yourself get undervalued, but it was still so painful to do. You locked the front door, and slid down to the floor. The love of your life is gone...

Oh how you wished for him to have never done this. You wished he never stopped loving you, you wished he never cheated on you and treated you better, but there was no way to change any of that. It happened and everything is now over.

You started crying on the floor. It hurt too much, but you had to break up with him, it had to happen, sadly even if it’s the only man you’ve ever loved.

You were drowning in misery, you hated what he did to you and how he probably couldn’t even care less about you. You tried to tell yourself you hated him, but it was no use...you couldn’t truly hate him...

You couldn’t bare feeling all these emotions emerge at once, so you did the only thing you could possibly do to help: alcohol.

Yes, you were going to drink away your problems, and you couldn’t even care less about how pathetic it may be. So you grabbed the vodka bottle you had in your house and drank it straight from the bottle as you wept.

You managed to drink the remainder of the bottle, and boy were you drunk out of your mind. That was a good thing though, since you could finally have some kind of comfort in your life. Heck, the vodka helped you more than Fyodor has in the past 2 months. With your now insanely drunk self, you flopped onto the couch and cried until you couldn’t anymore.

You knew that he didn’t care about you, so he was probably feeling just fine right now. And that was your final miserable thought before passing out.

The next day you woke up with the most sufferable headache, you called your boss to tell them you were sick and needed a few days off before falling back asleep, not wanting to face the world.

This marks day one of being without Fyodor, and it was already horrible. You didn’t know what to do with yourself at the moment except for drink more to help with this hangover, but you had no more alcohol. With an annoyed grunt, you forced yourself up to change and go to the store, I mean you really had nothing else to do.

You went to the store, bought a ton of vodka and boxed wine, then got back home to drink your problems away some more. This was what your life was going to be for the next week. Honestly, if the alcohol kills you it would be doing you a favor.

Drinking, weeping, blacking out, throwing up, then drinking some more...That was your routine, and you weren’t planning on stopping. At this point, you hated yourself more than you hated Fyodor. You were just so pathetic.

It wasn’t until the third day that there was a change in your cycle of misery. You were laying passed out on the living room floor with an empty bottle of liquor in your hand when the doorbell rang. You couldn’t care less about who it was, so you simply continued to sleep.

Meanwhile, Fyodor was standing at the door, knowing well you probably wouldn’t answer it. He felt so guilty for unintentionally neglecting you.

Truth is, he wasn’t cheating on you, he just happened to have to work along side the newbie very often. For the past 2 months Fyodor had a lot to do with the Rats in the House of the Dead and the Decay of Angels all at once. He was all over the place with plans and having to take care of literally everything.

Fyodor really was just too focused on his work to notice how cold, distant and rude he was with you, and hearing you accuse him of cheating hit a nerve and he got mad at you for nothing. When you told him to leave, he understood his faults. He actually spend the past 3 days thinking about what he’s done, remembering the broken look in your eyes, replaying your painful words.

He stayed at Nikolai’s place, and Niko told him about the phone call saying he didn’t mean to make it sound like he was cheating on you. In all honesty, Niko was going to explain to you that Fyodor had a lot of responsibilities to get around to nowadays, but he didn’t get the chance.

But this wasn’t Nikolai’s fault, this was Fyodor’s, and he knew that loud and clear.

After a few minutes of you not answering the door, Fyodor lost his patience and let himself in. Fear overcame him when he saw your unconscious body on the ground surrounded by empty bottles and boxes.

The guilt he felt was overwhelming. He instantly rushed over to your side, lifting you up gently and placing your head on his lap.

You stir from the movement, starting to feel your head pound again. You groan.

“I can’t believe you’d do this to yourself,” Fyodor says and your eyes shot open at the sound of your lovers voice.

You look at him and jump, trying to get away from him but he held you. He was definitely a lot stronger than you in this state.

You suddenly smack him across the face, “GO AWAY!” You yell, loosening his grip and stumbling up to your feet.

Fyodor stayed silent and stood up himself. You couldn’t handle his presence, it’s the last thing you wanted. Your drunk and sensitive self felt even more overwhelmed than before, so you rushed to pick up some of the wine you had. Fyodor took it away from you right away.

You tried getting it back from him but it was no use. You collapsed back down on the floor in panic, letting yourself cry for like the sixth time today.

“Fyodor I hate you so much...”

“That’s not true,” He says, looking at you worriedly as you had your head in your knees and hands covering your ears.

“Go away...”

“I’m not leaving.”

“Go the fuck away...”

“No.”

“Leave me alone...” your voice broke, “...p-please...just leave me alone...”

Fyodor had never felt so guilty and sick with himself in his life. He’s really messed up this time. He understood just how much of a hell he put you through.

He kneels down on the floor beside you cautiously, watching sadly as you kept whimpering and sniffling into your knees.

“Fyodor, leave me alone...”

He put his arm on your back lightly, “My dearest...let me explain, please.” You were shaking under his touch, Fyodor just felt obligated to bring you into a hug. You surprisingly didn’t push him away. “I didn’t mean to ignore and neglect you, I didn’t mean to say any of the rude things that hurt you, and I also didn’t mean for it to seem like I’m cheating on you...”

His voice was so sincere it made you look up at him in shock.

“...I’m sorry. I should of explained how much work has been piled up on me recently, I promise I didn’t mean to neglect you, I just had a lot to deal with and it stressed me out. I was not in a good mood for the past 2 months, and I’m sorry for letting it out on you...it’s just, I wasn’t expecting you to accuse me of cheating, It really came as a shock to me and I got mad because of how absurd it seemed to me. I now understand where you were coming from...”

You continued to listen intently.

“...But all those cruel things I said...they are not true...I’m sorry, milaya(dear), you did not deserve that at all.”

You only started crying more, and Fyodor continued to look at you with the absolute saddest expression. He rubbed your back gently as you wept.

“I really mean it all, my dearest. I only love you, and you’re going to be the only one I will ever love. I don’t want to hurt you anymore, I’m going to make sure I always explain myself to you and always listen to what you have to say. I’m sorry...I don’t want to leave you.”

The last sentence made your heart ache and you couldn’t help but cling onto him. Fyodor cradles you in his arms and brushes some of your hair behind your ear.

“Please don’t leave me Fyo...I can’t bare it anymore...” You say in between sobs.

Fyodor tries to wipe your tear stained cheeks, only to have fresh tears roll over them again. He looked around the living room, seeing it all in such a mess with so many empty alcohol bottles made him worry so much. Did he really affect you so much?

You were not going to have an easy time for the next few days, the comedown hangover from all this was going to be awful. But he was wanting to stay by your side to help you as much as he could. After all, this is all his doing.

“I-I’m sorry too f-for jumping to conclusions,” You sniffle out.

“Nonsense, don’t apologize. I’m at fault here.”

You wrap your drunk and miserable self around him more comfortably, sitting on his lap and nuzzling your face into his warm neck.

“Thank you...for coming back...”

Fyodor presses a kiss onto your head, humming as he calmed down under your touch.

“My dearest, I’m so relieved...” He says softly, “Please don’t ever forget how much I love you.”

“I love you too, Fyo,” You mumble tiredly into his shoulder.

No matter what happens, Fyodor just can’t live without you. He’s your boyfriend and no one else could ever replace him. In that moment he vowed to never let anything like this happen ever again and to always treat you like the Goddess he sees you as.

And just like that, things were looking up once again.

‧͙⁺˚*･༓☾　｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆ ♡ ｡･:*:･ﾟ★,｡･:*:･ﾟ☆　☽༓･*˚⁺‧͙