The 100 best singles of the '80s

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Certainly better than Taco: Slow Hand - The Pointer Sisters

I’m not sure, but think this might be about sex.

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Certainly better than Taco: Hey DJ I Can’t Dance (To That Music You’re Playing) - Beatmasters feat. Betty Boo

Is Betty Boo Britain’s greatest ever MC?

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Kicking myself: You Can Call Me Al - Paul Simon

Watching this video again it turns out it’s one of the best, and funniest, music videos EVER.

Chevy Chase at peak-charisma and Paul Simon showcasing a hitherto unsuspected talent for deadpan comedy.

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Kicking myself: Don’t Get Me Wrong - The Pretenders

Used over the opening of 80s race comedy Gung Ho, once my favourite film. 

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Kicking myself: Guitar Town - Steve Earle

Right from the beginning I knew this was going to have to be in the 100, and near the top.

Forgot all about it.

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Kicking myself: Love in an Elevator - Aerosmith

This was supposed to be top 10 but forgot all about it. There’s a case that Aerosmith are the best singles band of the ‘80s.

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But...

There are loads I’m kicking myself to have left out. Should never have had Deco at #99. And did I really need two Tina Turner songs? (Yes.)

We’ll keep going with honourable mentions. 

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#1: Rat in Mi Kitchen - UB40

Best thing about this song? 

No, not the footage in the video of UB40 in the Soviet Union (first western band to play there). 

The best thing about this song is... it’s BASED ON A TRUE STORY.

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#2: Edge of Seventeen - Stevie Nicks

Chuggachuggachuggachugga...

Guaranteed to get the right sort of woman dancing on tables. 

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#3: Funky Town - Lipps Inc

In which music’s past, present and future meet and get on famously. 

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#4: Never Too Much - Luther Vandross

We haven’t mourned Luther nearly enough. 

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#5: Stop! - Erasure

If it was just the first 20 seconds it’d still be up there.  

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#6: Going Back to My Roots - Odyssey

The guy presenting this just can’t help himself. And who can blame him?

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#7: Boys of Summer - Don Henley

It’s easier to take opinions from the Big Lebowski than risk looking foolish but, truth is, the Eagles are fine. 

Nevertheless, this, from their singer, is better than anything the Eagles did.

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#8: Teardrops - Womack & Womack

Absolute classic of the “at first listen sounds happy: actually really sad” genre.

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#9: Losing My Mind - Liza Minnelli / Pet Shop Boys

I know I should like the Pet Shop Boys but something about Neil Tennant’s voice annoys. Sticking Liza on vocals gets round the problem perfectly.

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#10: Cuddly Toy - Roachford

TOP 10!

This song’s association with Alan Partridge might make people think they are enjoying it ironically. 

They are not. They are enjoying it sincerely. As they should.