Heart Throb Romantics

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[aphobephobe]

QPRs: Terminology Expansion and Other Assorted Tidbits

Introduction

For a while now, I’ve been planning on doing a post about QPRs. Y’all requested this for a long time, so here it is: my thoughts and opinions on QPR terminology. Included inside: a history lesson, discourse opinions, and a call to action. Also, minimal salt (this time).

TL: DR;

The phrase “more than friends, but less than a romantic relationship” and similar phrases need to stop coming anywhere close to QPRs. Because of coinage and other historical factors, QPRs cannot be defined as simply a romantic friendship nor should they be. The aromantic community as well as alloromantics should be careful about how they define QPRs, as defining them incorrectly causes division in the aromantic community as well as isolation for some aromantics. Education about aromantic issues and history and strong community ties can lead to prevention of terminology issues and create a more unified and strong community.

Keep reading

[1nfamous-cvpidz]

This is really good information and an excellent read.

~Cupid King 👑

[nonbinarypastels]

[Image Description: A pastel rainbow pride flag with text that reads “happy pride month 2018”]

[venus-star13]

Reblog if you’re polyamorous, support polyamorous people, or think polyamorous people and relationships are valid

[psych2go]

❤ More Self-Care Articles Here ❤ Share This With Your Friends Or Reblog This So You Can Read It Later

5 Ways to Achieve Your Dreams

5 Ways to Deal with an Inferiority Complex

5 Habits of Highly Successful People

5 Effective Ways You Can Self-Actualize

7 Signs You May Be Self-Actualized

7 Habits to Nurture a Positive Mindset

5 Things to Give Up to Live the Life You Want

7 Ways You Can Start Over

8 Ways to Counteract Negative Self-Talk

Make Yourself Happy

8 Ways to Take Care of Your Mental Health

7 Signs You May Be a People Pleaser

7 Ways to Stop Being a People Pleaser

10 Ways to Spot a Toxic Person in Your Life

10 Ways to Deal with Toxic People

7 Habits of Highly Successful Introverts

5 Ways Mindfulness Can Improve Your Life

5 Ways to Stop Apologizing for Everything that You Do

10 Steps for Overcoming the Need for Approval

10 Ways to Build Your Emotional Resilience

Love Yourself: Recognizing When It’s Time to Give Up

6 Ways to Deal with Inferiority Complex

5 Helpful Self Care Tips for Empaths

Healing from Repressed Anger

How Channeling Your Pain Leads to Happiness

11 Tips To Cope With Negative Thoughts

If you like to read topics about Self-Love, visit our website psych2go.net

Ψ Follow @psych2go​ for more Ψ

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

7 Key Insights on Self Love

1. I need to affirm and to validate myself as it’s hard to accept validation from others if, deep down inside, I don’t believe it’s true.

2. My time is valuable as anybody else’s so I need to prioritise what I need to do.

3. I can’t give to others, and help to build them up, if I’m not taking care of my own self first.

4. I need to remember that I’m worthy of love, of success, opportunities, and knowing happiness.

5. My opinions are as valuable as anybody else’s. It’s up to me to decide and to choose my own beliefs.

6. I don’t have to explain why I do what I do (unless you’re the police or have some authority!)

7. My past does not define me - I’m free to change and grow, to try on different “me”s, and to set inspiring goals.

[depressionhope]

Yep.

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

If you love somebody, actually love them, that active process of loving them has to involve respecting their autonomy and treating them accordingly.

Coveting someone like an object is a totally different process to loving, and the actions that make up that process will be different.

Loving requires seeing someone as separate from yourself; a complete and whole person with goals and motivations and needs equally valid and significant to your own. Love requires making active choices to be supportive of another person’s journey. It requires a desire to understand the unique individual you love, not so you can get things you want from them, but because you want to celebrate who they are as a person.

Caring about someone only until their boundaries inconvenience you isn’t love. Seeing people purely as more or less interchangeable props to be used to get certain things you need or want – sex, companionship, emotional or household work, a legacy, etc. – isn’t love. Prioritizing your own comfort over someone else’s autonomy isn’t love.

If you actually love someone, you do not want to control them. You aren’t interested in forcing, manipulating, or bullying them into submission. You are eager to understand them and support them in their own choices and goals, and even if you hope those goals will align with your own, if they don’t you are not interested in forcing that person to do as you say instead.

If someone actually loves you, they do not want to control you. They aren’t interested in forcing, manipulating, or bullying you into submission. They are eager to understand you and support you in your own choices and goals, and even if they hope your goals will align with their own, if they don’t align, that person is not interested in forcing you to do as they say instead.

Never believe that somebody wanting to have another person regardless of what the other person wants is the same kind of passion as love. Treating a person like a much-desired object is still treating a person like a thing to own and control, and that behaviour is incompatible with the actions involved in actually loving someone.

[nonbinarypastels]

wanting to regularly talk to the person you’re dating while also respecting that they still have a life outside of your relationship and understanding they can’t be ‘on call’ for your 24/7? good! 👍😄

demanding constant contact from the person you’re dating, sending them floods of texts and calls, demanding they immediately answer the second you contact them every time you contact them, and snapping at them, guilting them, and accusing them of wrongdoing if they ever let a message go unanswered or need some time away from you? not good!  👎😩

[1nfamous-cvpidz]

This is good advice.

~Cupid King

[skiplo-wave]

If didn’t see staff post, basically you can now officially blacklist tags within the app. Since many are mobile users here’s how to find the filter. Above is showing that it indeed works. (tagging in anti tag only for information purpose that’s it) Staff didn’t provide visual so here’s one

[the-salt]

I didn’t realise you can now blacklist on mobile so there’s now literally no excuse now. If there’s something people don’t want to see specifically they should utilise this system. People can’t use the excuse now that they use mobile

[spoonofconsciousness]

#NoFearFriday

How To Be More Assertive

1. Stop people pleasing. Many of us aren’t assertive because we’re concerned with how others will feel if we express our true desires - when we act in the interest of others we become their prisoner and this can create resentment toward ourselves and them.

2. Be authentic. Prioritising our needs is the way we become assertive, doing what we want, when we want with who we want and being totally unapologetic about it - as long as it’s not hurting anyone else.

3. Decide what you want. Being assertive requires us to first know what we want out of our lives and then we can shape our daily actions and decisions around this goal. If our primary goal is to be happy, we must be assertive in our decision making process and ensure we don’t make room for negativity.

4. Find your tribe. Often times we find it difficult to be assertive because we’re surrounded by people we don’t resonate with - to overcome this we must find our tribe. We do this by being ourselves and not settling for people, places and things we don’t resonate with which is often the case when we fear being “alone”.

5. Self-love. We have to love ourselves enough to say no more - no more unfulfilling relationships, no more boring conversations and no more fake friends. Our joy, peace & fulfilment are the highest priorities in our lives and nothing else will ever come close to topping that. 

We must be willing to walk away from everything that no longer serves us.

Peace & positive vibes.

[truegate]

Hey um we’re really close to 1,500,009 signatures for this net neutrality petition, please sign it doesn’t take long at all.

https://www.change.org/p/save-net-neutrality-netneutrality

[1nfamous-cvpidz]

Hi everyone,

I know we don't post much anymore but this is important!! This petition is meant to show your support for Net Neutrality. Please sign it abd share it with your friends while you still can!!

Thank you,

Cupid King 👑

[peanutbutterbananasmoothie-deac]

What it’s Like to be Genderflux

About the Flag

The pinks represent the spectrum of femininity, the grey represents a lack of gender, the blues represent the spectrum of masculinity, and the yellow represents non-binary genders.

What does Genderflux mean?

Genderflux means that the intensity of your gender changes. Genderflux is a very broad label and includes all kinds of different people. Many of us will use a more specific label, like girlflux, boyflux, agenderflux etc. Some people describe it as feeling like 100% a girl sometimes, a demigirl other times and agender at other times. Other people experience it as fluctuating between two distinct genders, such as boy and maverique, so sometimes they’re 100% boy, sometimes 50% maverique and 50% boy, sometimes 100% maverique (for instance).

Genderflux means having a gender that varies in intensity, from genderless to the full intensity of a particular gender - so from genderless to male, genderless to female, or genderless to another nonbinary gender.

Myths and Misconceptions

AFAB girlflux people and AMAB boyflux people are not cis! Being agender sometimes doesn’t sound like a very cis thing to be. Genderflux teenagers are also rad and not just experiencing fluctuating hormones!

People will claim that genderflux is a ‘special snowflake’ gender; I guess they don’t understand or don’t believe that it’s possible to be genderless, or for a person’s gender to change over time. But really both these things can and do happen. Also I’ve been told I should just call myself a tomboy. Well I’m AFAB and female aligned but I’m not into tomboy stuff, so, no! I guess enbyphobes don’t realise that gender is about who you feel you are, not what your interests are.

What is it like to be Genderflux?

At first, it was a little bit confusing and I first called myself genderfluid. I experience genderflux a little bit differently, where I mostly feel neutral but sometimes shift to having a little bit of intensity in another gender. I call this neutroisflux. 

We genderflux people have some similarities with genderfluid people, where sometimes we’re comfortable presenting as one gender but other times want to be read as a different gender (or lack thereof). But this doesn’t make us confused or attention-seeking or whatever, but people experiencing gender a different way.

I often find my gender hard to explain to people, so I mostly tell people that I’m genderqueer/nonbinary and leave it at that, and other genderflux people will just say they’re one gender for simplicity. But other people do tell people they’re genderflux, and kudos to them!

So I don’t have a whole ton to say about being genderflux, but it’s been a confusing two years. I’m afab, so at the times where I feel female, I feel like I’m lying to myself; have I been making it up the entire time? No, because I sometimes get feelings where my gender fluctuates. When I was figuring out my identity, nothing really clicked and I had a hard time trying to figure it out. so when I found out what genderflux was, it made sense! It’s a relatively new coined term, So there’s hardly any rep/resources about it. And because of that, my parents didn’t quite believe me (they’re relatively supportive), and some people thought it was the same thing as being genderfluid. I don’t really have any advice as to any of this, but I wish the best of luck to people desperately trying to find a gender that really speaks to them! 

I’m AFAB and my tastes are quite feminine, but I’m usually more towards the genderless end of the scale. I feel better in unisex clothes: bootcut or skinny fit jeans, hipsters only, and close-fitting but not revealing t-shirts. And tie-dye. Tie-dye knows no gender ;) I learned not to buy anything frilly or dainty, no matter how much I like it at the time, because I know I’ll seldom feel like wearing it. If I have to wear makeup for social functions I go for a dramatic look or vibrant colour. Occasionally I get dysphoric about my body but I know it’ll pass so I try to ignore it. The thought of being pregnant or breastfeeding usually makes me feel ill. But social dysphoria bothers me more, usually in the shop where I work. Customers often comment that various items of ladies wear would look good on me, and I don’t know how they miss the fact that I’m not that feminine. Awareness of NB genders seems so low, so coming out would take far more explaining than I have time for at work.  I spent many years wondering if my dysphoria was due to some sort of mental illness until I heard of NB genders. It might have been less stressful and easier to figure out what was going on if I never felt like my assigned gender, and if there were no fluctuations. So for anyone who’s in a similar situation, I just want to say, don’t worry, there’s nothing wrong with you and you’re not alone!

Tips for being Genderflux

Even if a different word technically fits you better, you’re allowed to use genderflux if it helps you feel more comfy. We’re such a diverse group of gender experiences that we’ll welcome you, no questions asked.

Sometimes, dysphoria is confusing. It’ll be worse some days than others, not just based on days being different but because your gender is different. It’s ok, take it easy and do what you need to. I’ve found it helpful to carry my binder around for if I need it later, so I suggest doing something like that if you’re able.

Genderflux people are rad! You’re doing just fine as a genderflux person and there are people that support you, even if you don’t know them yet.

Contributions By: @genderfluxsupport @theravenfliesagain @eldritch-squirrel

[beauty-is-self-explantory]

This video was so eye opening to me and everyone should watch it!

Isabelle’s main focus is on what we tolerate and how we worry about it. “What we tolerate, we worry about.” Having zero tolerance to unimportant things that worry you will you open you up to live life more and do more.

I really recommend everyone watch this. Tag the people who really need to see this or you think would enjoy it! @meritaten @shvpe-sh1fter @herchaosbeliever @grace-facing @jinkohathstolenthecoffee @zombiesvomit @tirnshel @ifangirledandicantgetup @starlightmagika @vixianna @lelainx @pan-network

[plannedparenthood]

Thanksgiving: How to Deal With Difficult People

Visiting family for Thanksgiving can be challenging. Your dinner companions may say hurtful, offensive things about race, gender identity, sexual harassment and assault, birth control coverage, abortion, or any number of topics — which can feel stressful, isolating, or enraging.

So this Thanksgiving, we’re giving you some tips on how to deal with your family when things get hard:

Self care: Make decisions about what to do around Thanksgiving so you feel safe, whether that means not going home at all, going home with a friend or partner by your side, or only visiting for dinner.

Build allyship with family members who love and respect you: The more people in your family who can call people out (or even better, call people in) on their problematic behavior, the less acceptable it will be.

Engage people in conversation: If you feel safe doing so, start with a mutual value (like freedom, respect, or love). For example, if someone says they don’t think businesses should have to cover birth control, ask why from a place of curiosity. Maybe they think business owners are people who should be free to make decisions based on their religion. You can agree that people should be free to make decisions based on their beliefs — whether you’re a CEO or an employee, you should have the ability to make your own personal health care decisions. So you explain (calmly) how that mutual value informs your stance. Practice asking questions, finding a value in their sentiment you can agree on, and starting from there. This is hard work, but you only get better at it if you keep trying.

Take a stand: It’s totally ok to tell someone that their language or behavior is hurtful and unacceptable to you. Tell them about the impact it has on you and why, and what the consequences of their actions are to the larger community. Tell them you expect better, and what the consequences are if they don’t change (like cutting off contact with them or leaving). And you’re allowed to end the conversation, leave the room, and set whatever boundaries you need to feel safe.

There are lots of great resources out there to help guide you in tough conversations, here are a few to get you started:

How to Talk to Your Family About Abortion During the Holidays

Standing Up for Racial Justice (SURJ) Thanksgiving Toolkit for white people

15 Tips For Surviving Election Talk Over The Holidays

In support and solidarity,

-Julia at Planned Parenthood

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

Lee says:

Thanksgiving can be hard if your family doesn’t accept you, or if you’re not out to them. Hearing your deadname and getting misgendered can suck, but you’ll get through it! Below are some more resources to help cope with the holiday.

Eating disorders:

Thanksgiving with an Eating Disorder

Thanksgiving, eating disorders and why we should stop obsessing about food on the holidays

Eating disorder treatment and recovery

Eating disorder relapse prevention

The first step to self-care

Vicious cycle and alternatives

Self-soothing techniques

The principles of intuitive eating

Recovery meal plans

What to do after a binge

Slips, lapses and relapses

Setting reasonable goals for eating disorder recovery

A declaration of independence

Overcoming eating disorders part A

Overcoming eating disorders part B

5 ways to work through your fear of a relapse

6 things you can do if you think you have an eating disorder

5 ways to deal with stressors in eating disorder recovery

Ways to cope with eating disordered behaviors

6 steps you can take if you start slipping into old unhealthy patterns

Self-care:

You feel like sh*t: An interactive self-care guide

How to make a comfort box

Self-care masterpost

BRACE method

How to practice self-care

What will help?

3 steps to create a better self-care routine

5 ways to take care of yourself today

Pleasant events scheduling

Self care can mean different things

Masculine self-care

Self care when you hit rock bottom

Little self-care things

Guided meditation

15 meditation tips

How to do progressive muscle relaxation

Body scan relaxation exercise

Mindfulness skills and worksheets masterpost

Imagery

Imagery self-help

Relaxation

Relaxation audio

Safe-place visualization

Dealing with family:

DBT skills

Assertive communication

Passive, aggressive, and assertive communication

List of interpersonal skills

Interpersonal effectiveness handouts

Interpersonal effectiveness skills

I statements

What are personal boundaries?

How to set boundaries after abuse

10 ways to build and preserve better boundaries

Healthy personal boundaries

Emotional boundaries in relationships

Create emotional freedom by setting emotional boundaries

Boundary exploration

Why it can be hard to say no and how to do it anyway

Self-validation if you’re not accepted or not out:

Make your own affirmations

6 affirmations for trans folks who don’t feel trans enough

Personal affirmations

Positive affirmations

Daily affirmations

Positive coping statements

How to self-validate

Positive self-talk

Self-Validation

Self-validation skills

5 Ways to Validate Yourself

Negative thinking

10 growth-minded statements

Unhelpful thinking habits

Awareness of unhealthy thinking styles

Maladaptive beliefs

Automatic thoughts

Core beliefs

Self-esteem

Our Dysphoria Tips Masterpost

More helpful things:

Anxiety

Breathing

Distress tolerance

Emotion

Grounding

Panic attacks

[kimreesesdaughter]

The year is 2018. Your bills are on autopay. You just got paid and you still have $1200 from the last check. When you want something, you buy it without moving money around. Your credit cards are paid off. You and your friends have 2 international trips planned and paid for this year. Your parents are in great health and you’re able to help if they need anything. You love your job. Your desired creative career is falling into place and you get to take your little cousins to Six Flags and Universal Studios over the Summer. Your relationships are healthy and supportive. All of the toxic energy from the past 6 years is gone. You going to concerts, eating good across the states and your crib has art and warmth throughout. 2018 is going to be so good to you.

[1nfamous-cvpidz]

Just some good vibes for y'all.

~Cupid King 👑

[chokkilissa-nahollos]

i understand that my friends don’t wanna talk every day. i understand that my s/o doesn’t wanna be lovey dovey and super indulgent every day. lots of people need rest from performative emotions. all people need rest in general! it’s okay!! it doesn’t mean they don’t love me!! it’s not a judgement or punishment!! they deserve to take their rest, and they deserve for me to treat their needs with respect!

[carrramell]

Vice Versa, understand.

[bipolyamorist]

An open relationship? You mean cheating?

No, not cheating. This is a question I’ve gotten when I tell people I’m in an open relationship. Cheating involves going behind a partner/partners’ back. If everyone is informed and consenting, it’s perfectly healthy.

There can still be cheating in a polyamorous relationship. If there are predefined boundaries (like if it is decided beforehand that you can only go to 2nd base with secondary partners) and you break these boundaries, that’s still cheating. Or if you agree that you have to tell your primary partner about any secondary partners and you don’t, that’s cheating too.

Cheating involves hurting someone by breaking a boundary. Anyone I’m romantically involved with knows about any other people I’m involved with. There wasn’t a monogamous boundary to begin with. You can’t break a nonexistent boundary. So no, polyamory =/= cheating.