Loving Love

A blog about my adventures in polyamory and my thoughts on the matter. Feel free to ask questions (after reading my FAQ), or really message me anything. I don't judge. <3 Submit posts here!

[lgbtqpi-au]

Gosh darn those polyamorous sluts. Cuddling and affectionately supporting each other. Practicing open communication and consent. Establishing their social and emotional wellbeing based on more than one romantic relationship. Existing in trusting, loving, safe relationships. Someone stop them.

[bipolyamorist]

Tracking the coverage of polyamory in the media since 2005, plus ongoing news of the poly movement. New material every few days!

So I’m kinda surprised that I couldn’t find a post on this on tumblr or a gif on google images, but I did find a good post on it. 

I was watching New Girl (great show, by the way), and polyamory came up. I was pretty psyched that it was even mentioned to begin with, but what made my day was that it was portrayed in a positive light. i’m pretty sure I let out a happy squeal as I was watching that scene.

Another great thing about this scene is that they mentioned pansexuality, and I don’t think I’ve seen that happen on TV.

New Girl is an overall win.

[bipolyamorist]

I need help. We talked before and I value your opinion. But I don't dare to come off anon right now. Please read on @coldasstone-darkasnight, there's only one post so far, it was too long for an ask...

I’m not quite sure where to reply to this, but I guess my only option is here.

It certainly wasn’t the best of ideas (as can happen when alcohol is involved), but at least you admitted it and understand it. Some people equate cheating with polyamory and that’s where the big problem is.

I think the best option is to be honest with your boyfriend. This might have some pretty bad consequences, but it can absolve any guilt you feel about hiding things. If you don’t say anything now, it would probably come up later and have even worse repercussions.

As for your friend, if you haven’t contacted him already, I think it would be a good idea. He’s your friend, after all, and the best way to keep that friendship is by talking things out.

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

your parents’ disapproval doesn’t make you a bad person. just so you know.

[beloved-child-of-the-house]

i know that kind of rejection is incredibly painful, but it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you.

[polylove-girls-blog-deactivated]

Even though they may be your parents, that doesn’t mean you have to share the same values. 

Their disapproval doesn’t make you a bad person, nor does it make your values wrong. Do what’s right for you, because it’s your life.

<3

[kapatts]

If you're in the closet...

If you’re in the closet about your polyamory, please consider putting in the time and effort to get stronger in that closet until it’s time to come out.

Gain life experience. Establish relationships that make you happy and more confident about yourself and your choices. Read all the books you can about nonmonogamy and human sexuality. Find or create a support circle of people that understand what you’re dealing with through first hand experience…both online and in real life.

I say all of that because it was a great help to me when I came out to my mother. She was unsupportive…but I spoke confidently to all of her fears. Concerns about the nature of my marriage, failure rates, child raising, realistic expectations, etc. She was actually kinda annoyed that I was quoting academic research back to her, sending her related videos and articles, and showing her pictures of myself with long time successful polyamorists.

A lot of people in our lives, out of concern, may view polyamory as a phase we can or should be talked out of. It changes the landscape if we speak from a position of first hand knowledge and researched information. It also decreases the ability to be bullied if you’re already prepared to leave unsupportive friends and family members behind. Basically, show them that you’re serious and you know your shit better than they think they do.

Good luck.

[bipolyamorist]

crowgift replied to your post “Polycule Update”

Does he also have other relationships?

Not romantic/sexual ones at the moment. 

cardinalsrules replied to your post “Polycule Update”

Is his being extremely busy beyond his control or does he have the ability to adjust it?

That’s the problem. For the most part it’s beyond it’s control, but we’ve spent so little time talking for an extended period of time that it makes me wonder if there’s not something he could do and I’m just not a priority. I’m not sure if it’s a legitimate concern or if it’s my own insecurity. It’s definitely something we need to talk about.

dr-dog replied to your post “Polycule Update”

What is he ridiculously busy with? Work? Then cut him some slack; he's trying to do well. His family? They're important to him, too. Other friends? That's a problem. You need to make time to communicate. Love each other and work it out.

It is mostly work/school and family, which is why I’ve been cutting him a lot of slack. But when he can usually only text me 1-2 times a week and video chatting is pretty nonexistent, it gets to be a bit too much. This has also been going on for a couple months, and I’ve been dealing with some other things and while he’s usually very supportive, I feel like he isn’t there for me as much as I need him to be.

Sorry this is a bit long winded; part of me just needs to get it out of my system.

[bipolyamorist]

Polycule Update

So N and I have hit a bit of a rough patch. The thing is, it's mainly due to circumstances outside of our control. He's been ridiculously busy the past couple months, and we barely get to talk at all anymore. We've talked about it quite a bit, but there's just not much time in his schedule for a social life. He's had busy times before, but never like this. And it makes me question how much of a priority I am to him. I'm not sure what to do about it. I love him a ton, but I sometimes feel like I put more effort into the relationship than he does. Any ideas?

[agenttim5o]

"You just want to date a bunch of people.”

You say that like it’s a bad thing. Seriously, that is literally the point, I literally- yes, do want. Yeah.

[polyfamsstuff]

Bwhahaha

[marycemetery-deactivated2018121]

Polyamory

A neat analogy I thought of and will start using from now on. People who have a hard time understanding and ask tired old questions about poly relationships could think of polyamory kind of as having pets; Would you ask a pet owner these questions?

“Isn’t one pet enough for you?”

“So… Which one of your cats is the dog?”

“But which one of these pet is the REAL pet you know THE Pet?”

“Which one of your pets you love the most?” (follow-up question ”it’s the one you have had the longest am I right”)

“Are you confused? I don’t understand why you have a rat and a lizard, can’t you just pick one?”

…or make these statements?

“SOME of us haven’t got even one.”

“And you have multiple; that’s greedy/selfish.”

“Some day you’ll realize which one is THE Pet and dump the other(s).”

Of course I don’t own my partners in a way one would own a pet, but maybe this analogy makes it easier to see how absurd some of those questions are.

[polyamory-resources]

Awesome :) This is a great analogy/tool!

[nightmarekite-deactivated201505]

Why do I want polyamorous representation?

Because when someone doesn’t want to date me because I’m poly it’s ‘understandable’ but when I don’t want to date someone because they are monogamous it’s ‘ridiculous.’

Because all relationship advice tells you that if you have feelings for someone else while you’re in a relationship you’re a bad person.

Because even feminists try to slut shame me.

Because when I tell people me and my partner have an open relationship they assume it’s because we’re going through a rough patch.

Because people equate ‘multiple partners’ with ‘predator’ and think everything I say is an attempt to get in their pants.

Because I am fed up of love triangles as easy plot devices in my media.

Because the LGBTQA+ movement are so desperate to show ‘allies’ they are ‘just like everyone else’ that they shit on everyone with a non-monogamous dynamic.

Because when a monogamous couple have sex with each other every night it’s having an active sex drive. When I have sex with a different partner every night I’m a nymphomaniac.

Because people think that monogamy = validity, always.

Because monogamous hetronormativity is so ingrained that I don’t even feel like I can dance with someone without telling them the complete logistics of my love life.

Because people genuinely believe that raising a child communally is damaging to development.

Because when I say ‘I could never be monogamous’ I get dirty looks.

Because too many people have tried to confide in me when they’re cheating because ‘I thought you, of all people, would understand.’

Because I can’t talk about my relationship troubles with my monogamous friends because ‘I always have something to fall back on.’ As if my relationships are meaningless.

(please reblog and add more if you like)

[my-poly-life-ramblings]

Let’s keep adding guys!

[wittingpolyamory]

I don’t know why, but the “I don’t even feel like I can dance with someone without telling them the complete logistics of my love life” one seemed to resonate the most with me, despite the fact that is has probably been years since I danced with someone who didn’t already know me well.

[the-science-of-me-deactivated20]

—->>> “Because people equate ‘multiple partners’ with ‘predator’ and think everything I say is an attempt to get in their pants. <<<—- SO. MUCH. THIS. T_T

[redvelevet]

just a psa about bisexuality

[thatdiabolicalfeminist]

Honestly I totally get the appeal of a lifelong romantic relationship. But like, I’d rather get that by having a relationship that’s so consistently good we never decide to end it, than by having one that’s so good at one time that we decide, in that moment, to never end it.

Does that make sense? One’s saying “yes” to something every day, the other’s saying “yes, every day” to something.

Making it hard to leave takes away a lot of uncertainty. But what if making it hard to leave devalues the staying?

I want anyone I date to know with total certainty that if they wanted to leave tomorrow, they could do it and it wouldn’t be the end of the world, it wouldn’t unleash demons. I don’t want anyone to feel chained to me.

It’s being not-chained that makes staying mean something. I want to make it easy to leave so I know we’re in this because we’re choosing to be, actively. And more than an eternal relationship? I want one where we’re in it 100%.

If we’re both/all completely on board because we keep choosing to be… that’s the kind of relationship I’d be happy to keep doing forever, if it keeps working that long. And if it doesn’t? The goal was to make it a good one, not a permanent one. 

[bipolyamorist]

I've been trying to find the words for this for so long!

[polybelle]

Poly Childhood

  You’re five years old and it’s the first day of school and you realize that everyone else only has two parents –– but it looks like you only have two because one of your moms is waiting in the car.   You’re eight years old and every movie has one mom and one dad. Every book has one mom and one dad.   You’re ten years old and you realize that your town of -1000 people looks at your family a little differently. That your family sits a little closer together at church. That your family doesn’t eat out very often.   You’re twelve years old and you love your family. You do. And you keep trying to breath and push back against the world but you know you won’t change how they look at you.   You’re fifteen years old and things are good. Finally really good. Until a new girl is recruited to your stable and her parents make a fuss about yours. She’s eventually asked to leave.   You’re sixteen years old and you like a boy! He’s sweet and he’s so good to you. You eventually bring him home. He’s accepting of your parents. You give him every part of you.   You’re sixteen years old and your boyfriend sleeps with someone else because, “You have three parents. I thought you’d be cool with it.”   You’re seventeen and you love your new boyfriend and girlfriend so much it hurts but they have to introduce you to their parents as their ‘friend’ and you watch it chip away at them.   You’re seventeen years old and your boyfriend gets cornered in town and told that he’s using you and your girlfriend. Told that you and your girlfriend are sluts.   You’re seventeen years old and you worry that everyone at your college will find out. You think that classes would be too hard if you were outed. Maybe you’d transfer.   You’re eighteen years old and you sit and you pray that you’re not wrong about your choices.   You’re eighteen years old and you watch your boyfriend and your girlfriend sleep in the middle of the night because you’re so blessed you worry you’ll wake up and they won’t be there.     You’re eighteen years old and you’re surrounded by love and you wonder why it’s still hard to breathe sometimes.

[i-see-polyamory]

All day, every day.

[waitforhightide]

I remember when, at some point in high school, I was attempting to explain some sort of friend drama to my mom and I used the phrase “they’re a Thing” as in, “Suchandsuch–you know them, they and Friend are a Thing…” and my mom was just like

“I know what that means, that means they’re sleeping together but they ren’t even dating!” in this rally… judgey… mom voice, you know?

And that has always frustrated me because sometimes you are not “dating” someone / who actually “dates” people these days / my mom had what she called a Friday boyfriend, Saturday boyfriend, and my eventual-dad as Sunday boyfriend aka who gives you the right to judge? / ???!?!?!!

why can’t there be a better word for “I am in an important and intimate relationship with this person, and that intimacy crosses over with the traditional and out-dated version of ‘dating’ in at least one way” because sheeeeeesh that is a mouthful

(tl;dr - I need to update my poly page & I am thinking about relationships, especially my relationships, and I have no idea what words to use for some of them)

[bipolyamorist]

I seriously need a word for that too.

[bipolyamorist]

Polyamory=Sex... Obviously.

Polyamory is not. Just. About. Sex. I swear, it’s one of the most difficult concepts for (close-minded) people to wrap their heads around. Sex might be a nice bonus, but I primarily just want to find some nice people to go on dates with and be close to. Is that really so hard to believe?