MARS

tw : I've lost myself :

[1tsmars]

I went ice skating today and at some point I fell and a random guy I fell next to asked me if I was okay and he tried to pick me up. I think he struggled a bit to do so (maybe it's in my head idk), but that was a nice reminder of one of the reasons I am doing this

Be so light that people can pick you up so easily and they are surprised by how little you weigh

[1tsmars]

Literally no one asked (I view this as a journal entry type of thing) but

Today I cancelled plans with my friends bc of my f*cked up eating... I didn't eat much, but I still ate somethings (bc I was planning to party all night so I needed energy), but last minute I bailed. Thing is, if I didn't eat something more, I knew I'd get sick and I don't want to feel like sh*t on Christmas..

Why no one on ed Tumblr talks about being sick all the time bc of the lack of food and nutrients?

I got a fever twice in a month bc my immune system is a joke and it's so annoying

Take your vitamins I guess !¡!

[1tsmars]

~Feelings~

There is sound yet it is quiet

It is cold yet there is fire

There are people yet I am alone

I have feelings that are unknown

It is dark but it's not night

I am weak and I can't fight

It is frightening and scary

There are things I cannot carry

[1tsmars]

Sometimes I want to identify my feelings, but I just can't...

Is it a mixture of feelings

or just emptiness?

I can't really tell anymore...

[1tsmars]

I don't cry easily. In fact, I never cry. Not anymore at least. No emotion, no event, no movie has made cry the past few years.

However lately, I feel so stressed, so overwhelmed that i caught myself crying over one thought. One single thought...

Sometimes I just wish that all of my worries could go away for a little while. To remember how it feels to be free. Free from responsibilities, from my thoughts, free from myself.

But at the end of the day, all I can do is hope for a better tomorrow.

[1tsmars]

[1tsmars]

Hey

I feel f*cked up again

[1tsmars]

Numbing the pain for a while, will make it worse once you finally feel it

~ Albus Dumbledore

[1tsmars]

[1tsmars]

[1tsmars]

I have lost myself.

I don't know what I am doing. I don't know what I am feeling. I don't know if this is going to get any better. I don't know if I will be like this forever.

All I know is that it's two am and I am alone at my bed crying myself to sleep.

[1tsmars]

[1tsmars]

[1tsmars]

Eccedentesiast

(n.) Someone who hides pain behind a smile

[1tsmars]

Credits to the owner

[1tsmars]

Drapetomania

(n.) An overwhelming urge to run away

[1tsmars]