Let’s discuss perfectionism.
Is anyone on our planet perfect?
Are the women we see on social media the closest thing to it? Madison Beer, Kylie Jenner, Bella Hadid?
No matter how hard you try, cry, and scream to be perfect, you never will be. And this will never be a bad thing. If you are perfect, your life can never become better. You could never grow as an individual. You would be stuck in one place, in one time.
Focusing too much time on becoming perfect can drain you. I had to learn this the hard way. As I became determined to reconnect with my femininity, I poured my heart and soul into research. I browsed through various clothing styles, brands of makeup, self help books, and spiritual practices. At first these things helped, however, I slowly became obsessed. A reason why the topic of perfectionism is 21 O’Clock Blog’s first official post is to help those interested in improvement not develop toxic behavior.
When focusing your attention too much on becoming “perfect”, you may begin to habitually find negative things about yourself. You do not find peace in who you currently are or what you currently possess. Over time, you may fall into a pattern of self doubt and hate. As a result of your dissatisfaction, you may continue to find new resources that would briefly make you feel better… until you find something to fix again.
Although a trend, I believe that the “that girl” aesthetic can be used as an example. Those girls wake up early in the morning, hit the gym, prepare a whole breakfast by 8 AM, shower, put on makeup, go to work or study, come home, relax, etc. Having a day full of tasks and successfully completing each one. A lot of women have been trying to achieve this lifestyle. It has been deemed the “perfect” one at that. But what if you have two kids? What if you live far away from the gym? What if you work multiple jobs and can’t balance this perfect lifestyle? You may feel inadequate compared to the women on social media showcasing this lifestyle. You may feel like perfection is far from your reach and that the lifestyle is not meant for you. Money may continuously be poured down the drain as you want the high end products they have. You may purchase items such as planners, gym items, etc, that you will only touch once. Comparing yourself is ineffective and can be draining. To attempt to fit a lifestyle that is not necessarily attainable at that particular moment is a waste of time.
If your idea of perfection is beauty, who is to say that you are far from that? Society has constructed the idea of beauty. A small nose, skinny legs, tiny waist, etc. Unfortunately, the beauty standard has revolved around certain ethnic groups thus casting out others. In 2022, aesthetic procedures are now socially accepted. I am not against procedures and I would endorse them so long as they make the person getting them feel better, however, identifying the reason as to why some would get them is important. Along with the medical errors that could happen and illegal operations for a quick buck. If you research other ethnic groups, you will find what their idea of perfection is which may be entirely different than that of western culture. Understanding that beauty is in the eye of the beholder is beyond critical to connecting to your femininity.
As briefly mentioned at the beginning of the first topic, I want to help you all establish safe and rational ways to strive for a better you. Becoming obsessed is the last thing you would want to do, I promise.
To begin, let’s talk about discipline. What is discipline?
Being able to carefully control the way that you work, live, or behave, especially to achieve a goal.
When working towards becoming a better you, it is important to identify goals and rationales. Understand your current limits and healthy/safe ways you would push past them. An example list is provided below:
1. Goal: Go to the gym 2x a week | Rationale: I am off two days a week and would have free time I could use to attend the gym
2. Goal: Wake up earlier | Rationale: I would be able to complete a set of tasks earlier than expected | Method: Wake up 15 minutes earlier each day until I reach the time I would like to wake up
3. Goal: Change my style/have a new wardrobe | Rationale: Wearing clothes that fit my body will make me feel sexier and more confident | Method: Purchase a new clothing piece every two weeks on pay day
Besides listing goals, identifying why you want to change or what is making you unhappy is critical. Ask yourself questions: What am I unhappy about? What happened previously that made me want to change? Different events in our lives can make us want to pull a 180 and become a different person. Not all change is healthy and unfortunately, at times, it can be used as a coping mechanism. For example, a person experiencing a terrible break up may change their appearance to feign happiness, either to convince themselves or the world. I would suggest asking the questions to yourself as listed above or possibly speaking with a therapist or close friend/family member.
Lastly, stick to a routine. This may prove to be difficult at first, but the results are amazing. It takes 21 days for a task to become a habit. Habitually, you will be striving to become a better you. Habitually, you will do things everyday that makes you feel more confident and powerful. Possibly set alarms or reminders. Try to achieve your goals to your fullest. If you fail, it’s okay. Everyone will at some point. But the hardest yet most fulfilling thing to do is get back up a try again.
In terms of hygiene and fashion items, I will share it here on 21 O’Clock! You will never miss out on the latest products and must hear advice.
“A woman who masters the energetics of DESIRE can have anything she wants.”
