#old self

[a-path-by-the-moon]

[mindinthevoid]

[gennsoup]

The old self does not like her displacement. She resents the new tenant sprucing up her disorderly house.

Erica Jong, Lullaby for a Dybbuk

[howifeltabouthim]

'I realized it wasn't myself anymore that I was being. It was a memory of myself. Like a pantomime.'

Lauren Rothery, from Television

[amanyxia]

"I don't think you have a drinking problem. I think you're just afraid of letting go and being yourself."

Those words were the tipping point to fall back into my old self. Immediately searching for the fun party girl but slipping into death's grip instead.

With a man offering more and more until he's on top of you, only to be leaving you on a doorstep barely breathing and slipping from lifes hands.

Oh what a broken piece you've become all to prove that you could again go back to who's been dead for years.

[sliverofglimmer]

Meeting myself from 10 years before

I was thinking back to when I was 13-14 and used to fall in love so hard that I would have hit my head upon a cliff and not noticed if that person was smiling at me. I used to feel everything so intensely, the peace brought by the chirping of the birds or the random poems I happened to read. I used to be obsessive about love, every interaction was rehersed a 100 times in my head and I was crazy enough to blush all those 100 times. As I grew older, my feelings numbed or did I deliberately condition myself to numb it, I used to delay feeling so that I could survive my brain. Overtime, the numbing continued, my nonchalance was my armour and there was a period when I was feeling nothing at all. I used to listen to songs and couldn't even get halfway and changed it, I spent 2 hours finding the kind of music I wanted to listen to until I completely abandoned the effort. I was unable to read books and feel the way I used to, shows were all bland. Sad part is that it still continues to a certain extent. I barely get goosebumps through songs or feel amazing reading a book. The shows don't hit me as hard and it makes me feel like this mediocre fool who has forgotten to take the intensity of life and emotions as it comes. I am 23 years old now and if I had to tell my 13 year old self what I envied the most about her life, I would say her ability to feel deeply. She was able to love so profoundly, her resilience and her ability to show the best of herself was just an undeniably best attribute. Her love for learning was another awesome thing that I love about her. People keep talking about how you should only care about the future and leave the past in the past but am I wrong for wanting to retrace my steps back to the version of me who was truly so inspiring? Not to say that I am not a good person now but sometimes I feel like my present would have been so much better if I had the traits I did in the past. I barely cared to close my heart after it was hurt a few times and maybe that is why I was surrounded by at least one good person at every phase of my life because I was so open. I was passionate and caring and I used to remember every little thing carefully. This is not a rant, this is a reminder that you have been and can be the person you desire if you slowly but steadily move towards that version. I think expressing my thoughts as and when they cross my mind like little clouds floating here and there will be the best thing I can do to validate the upcoming of these suppressed emotions. Now that I am strong enough to handle the tide of emotions, I should slowly reclaim my ocean-of thoughts. Maybe instead of going back to meet that girl aged 13, I can back her to meet this girl aged 23 and have her enjoy this life with her innocent heart. I just know I would make her proud. I just have to do that.

[kittiescat444]

i hate when people still have an old version of me in their mind. like what do you mean you still think i watch jojo siwa and miranda sings??

[loudlyhappycupcake]

Chely and the gang meets randall's old self in randall's mind @shironezuninja @evander2511 @miniaturejudgeturkeytree @diego-r-the-artist-2009 @homuncvlus @aamericanotaku @evaiskindaweird @collector-noceda-clawthorne @cartoonfan21 @wolfie245 @bitter-yet-civilized @billyjoelmutt @buy-some-motherfuckin-apples-iv @hkthatgffan @bloodmoon24 @bossbabyfan2 @twiliartsdreams2017 @untitled14360 @serentiydraw5678 @violetrose-art @punk-63 @jazzyrazzy157 @leo-x-u-raptor-fan @pinesonfire @pinkdiamondstar @broadwaygirl918 @princess-paige-place-of-fun @princessfandom812 @princessacelilith @princesshillaryellaworld25 @moonlighteclipse17 @helluvalover101 @goldenfiddle @torkmadox20 @wiltito @yaboirezzy @chaodeknoi @clairaquos @randall-simp-nadt88